At Jennifer’s apartment, we learn that her husband has a very charming, yet completely unintelligible Italian accent. Alicia and Lori show up and fawn over Marco just a little, and Jennifer goes on a tirade to the camera about being used to it because everyone would non-stop f*** Marco. She’s excited for girl time though, because being a Professional Poker Player (ugh, again, I should keep a tally) she’s surrounded by men. All. The. Time.
Alicia awkwardly segues into a story about Amy gossiping about Lana’s dislike for Alicia, due to her slutting around with married men. Lori doesn’t have much to offer, but Jennifer wants Alicia to immediately confront Lana. Lori and Jennifer say they have Alicia’s back. The look Jennifer gives Lori foreshadows to me that it’s gonna be more complicated than that.
Lori, in an effort to not be an awful person, suggests that it might just be a misunderstanding, and maybe we should have a cocktail party just to solidify the sister bond. Alicia’s all over that idea, because it’s the perfect venue to confront Lana, and tell her all the salacious details she knows about Lana boning her personal trainer. Jennifer and Lori seem to think this is in poor taste.
Sigh. Jennifer is complaining again about her life as a Professional Poker Player. It takes its toll, blah blah blah. Moving on…
Amy explains that her job is “making people’s problems go away.” Which kind of sounds like a cover for the mob. Which I kinda think she wanted us to think. She complains to some lady with maroon hair that she’s bothered by the spooky-wookies downstairs. It’s an old prison, and she thinks ghosts are down there. She actually called the cops once, because she’s clearly an attention whore, and they told her to lay off the red bull. (ha!) Maroon suggests a seance. Oh Christ.
Lana’s at home, walking around in a green see-through shirt that isn’t supposed to be see-through, except it’s way too small. The dog pees on the couch right before Amy shows up. Amy LOVES that she’s got dirt on Alicia to share with Lana, and you can tell because she does that thing where she makes it sound like every sentence has a question mark at the end? Lana serves up a delicious-looking platter of sweets, but won’t eat any herself because there’s physical pain at the end for her. That’s called Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Lana, and you’re rich enough to get a doctor to help you with that.
Amy gossips that Alicia is pissed Lana is talking about her, and that Alicia is now spreading the word that Lana is a slutty-slut-slut too. At first, we see a human side of Lana, because she realizes that Amy is a gossipy beeyotch. But then. Oh, yes, then. What angers Lana the most is the suggestion that she would ever sleep with a personal trainer. The horror! That would be below her class, you see. Only a duke or prince that is a personal trainer on the side, thank you very much. I wonder what her stance is on Professional Poker Players.