Auditiongasm: Sin City Rules: Fighter Four

Alicia preps for Confrontation 2012 by rehashing events with her friend Emily. The segment is really boring, until Emily wins huge catty points by suggesting that Alicia should f*** Lana’s husband! Someone’s angling for a permanent role on this show!

At Lana’s house, she talks into her pink, bedazzled Uggs (and I vocally make the sound “UGG”) and she quite literally snaps at a guy to get her coffee refilled. She takes her turn to rehash with her girls what the beef with Alicia is all about. 

Lori is putting finishing touches on her cosmetic-company-whoring wine-tasting party, waxing poetic about how all the negativity is going to go away and everyone will be friends. Yeah, Lori, because a lack of drama definitely pays the bills on a reality show. This woman is trying way too hard to be the nice one. I vote for her to be replaced by Emily. Jennifer arrives, unfortunately not wearing a bra. Lana arrives, unfortunately wearing cheetah print and too many bras. Lori jokes about how the ugly horizontal-striped halter top she’s wearing is her referee outfit. 

Alicia arrives and it’s awwwkwaaard! Lana complains to us about it, and my BS meter goes off the charts because she’s wearing the same too-tight green outfit she was wearing on the day Amy came over to talk about the rumors in the first place. Amy finally gets her ass to the party, and she’s wearing jeans. Bootcut jeans. With sneakers. It occurs to me that she’s that obnoxious LA-type who always underdresses because she thinks that makes her look too cool for school. 

No one is talking, and everyone is tense, and Lori suggests everyone sits outside. Not really sure why that’s supposed to change things. How great would it be if we saw this group of women awkwardly alternate between patio and living room in an unending loop because there’s no conversation? At Lori’s urging, Lana is the first to go: she apologizes for passing judgement before getting to know Alicia. And Alicia’s great, until Lana tells her straight out that she looks like a lizard. Sheesh. 

Then Alicia gets pissed at Amy for telling Lana about the personal trainer gossip. She continues to yell at Lana though. This tells Lana that her first impression was right, and she makes a strange analogy about lizards and panthers and lions. And takes back her apology. Jennifer tells us that she thinks this whole thing is stupid. Well, she’s right about that!

Next time: Lana and some lady that’s way too tan have a face-off in the desert; Jennifer loses $12K in a poker game; and Lana and Alicia have a confrontation at a police station lineup. Can’t wait. 

What do you think Gasmii? Is Lana in denial about her clothing size? Is Lori in a little over her head? Is Amy buying into her own dramatic mob-daughter hype? (Yes.) Can’t wait to hear what you guys have to say!