Auditiongasm: Sin City Rules: Fighter One

Here we are with Jennifer, the poker player. In case you forget, Jennifer plays poker. You won’t forget. Ever.

So, she plays poker, is a wife and mother, and has won a couple of World Series of Pokers-es. She says that she “separates herself from everybody else because she “plays by her own rules”.

Wouldn’t that be cheating? Poker has a pretty strict set of rules, so playing by your own can’t really be fair. I’m guessing her “World Series” wins were more like “participation trophies”.

Also note that the above paragraphs are the most interesting thing you’ll read about Jennifer the rest of this recap.

Now to Lori, the CEO of Rain Cosmetics. She holds a photo shoot on top of a moving double-decker bus, and she’s “always driven to have more and be better”. That’s it. I’ve got to say that she got kind of ripped off in the intro department.

Finally, we have Amy, the skeletal-looking daughter of the mob assassin Tom Hanley.

They start off with dramatic music, and her walking across a graveyard with a black umbrella and black jacket to place flowers on (presumably) her father’s grave. The effect is ruined by her mom, Wendy, showing up in a flower print shirt. 

They talk about their late dad/husband, and Amy makes sure to say that she doesn’t deal in the same business as her family. She just reaps the rewards – it’s a fine line, but you gotta look for it.

We finally open the “real” show at Lori’s house, where she’s getting makeup done with her twin sister Lisa. They’ll be going the Black and White Party for AFAN (an AIDS organization in Vegas). A good cause, made better by the fact that “everyone who’s anyone will be there”.

A few minutes in, Jennifer shows up, and then Alicia, who have both been invited to get their makeup done, too. According to Alicia, she interviewed Jennifer at some point, but Jennifer doesn’t recall. The up side is, we get to hear them talk about how Jennifer plays poker, and how awesome it is.

We now switch to Lana’s house, where her and her sister Natalya are getting dressed for the party. Natalya is dressed in what I can best describe as “a furry’s dream” as she’s getting painted up to look like a slutty zebra.

Lana makes some sort of comment about “hunting for lizard meat”, which I first take to be some sort of new-fangled (and disgusting, given how much Lana looks like Cassandra from Dr. Who) sex slang, but it seems to be her way of saying that she doesn’t like Alicia. Finally, Lana’s dressed, and seems to be going as a vulture.

And we’re at the party. They show us lots of scantily-clad women and men. Then, they show the girls all making small-talk until Lana walks in.

With a bunch of midgets.

Apparently, she never goes anywhere without her entourage. This one includes half a dozen dwarfs. After suitable talking-head bitching by the other girls, we learn that Lana “collects people”. She’s apparently never heard of slavery, and the fact that it was abolished a good 3-4 years before she was born.