The party continues. Alicia goes and talks to Ace Young from American Idol Season 5. (I totally don’t know who this is. It must have been after I quit watching AI). Then she goes on to talk about the large number of celebrities she’s boinked dated, including Nigel Lithgow.
Up on stage, we see a familiar face – James (or Jaymes – the blonde one) from Amazing Race is giving Lori a mention for giving a huge donation. Not to be outdone, Lana then goes up on stage with her entourage and a large Publisher’s Clearing House style (but far more bedazzled) check for $10,000. And then she proceeds to call herself God again. On stage. What… a… twat.
In a talking-head, Lori says she wishes she had thought to bring a bedazzled check. Don’t feel bad, Lori, you aren’t God, so you couldn’t have known.
Still at the party, Lana and Amy are talking about Alicia with a lot of bleeping (of the “names” variety, not the “swearing” variety). After some decoding, it turns out that the gist of the conversation seems to be that “she gets around”, apparently with married men. This is why Lana says she doesn’t like her, because it goes against that book she wrote – the Bible.
They head downstairs, where Jennifer and Lana introduce themselves to each other. Hey, did you know that Jennifer plays poker? Because they are seriously trying to make that interesting. While they’re there, they’re all sitting on a long bench. Alicia is trying to get a feel for Lana, while Lana continues to shoot bitch-rays with her eyes.
Lana invites everyone to a “shooting party in Lana-land”, where they’ll be going to shoot guns and eat gourmet food.
The next day, Amy shows up for lunch at Lana’s house, where a bodyguard answers the door before Lana strolls down the stairs, probably imagining she looks like Audrey Hepburn. They sit outside, eating raw lamb and talking about Alicia. At some point, Lana also mentions that she eats raw bacon. I’ve never cheered for Trichinosis before, but…
So, we finally find out what the “lizard” crap is all about. Apparently, Lana calls Alicia that because Alicia has had “lots of plastic surgery”. I paused for a few hours then, in uncontrollable fits of “pot-kettle” laughter, just to hear Lana opine “I’m not being mean, just real,” when I unpaused it. Considering she’s 70% Silicone and Botox, I don’t think “real” means what she thinks it means.
We then head to Square Colour Salon (Color with a ‘u’ – that’s class!), where Alicia is talking with the stylist about a bunch of crap we already know. Did you know that Jennifer plays poker? They didn’t talk about that, but anything to make this paragraph longer.
One more stop before the shooting range. We go to Lana’s house, where her and her sister are posing with guns. Natalya makes a joke about being a “hot terrorist” (she’s neither), and Lana gets all PSA-ey and says never to joke about terrorism. They’re shortly back to talking about Alicia, who accepted the invite to the shooting party.