Over to Lana’s house! Her computer has a sticker that says “Women that behave rarely make history” so I am going to keep my eye out for some feminist backstory. Sugar Shane Mosely arrives! I love boxing, and he was great. And apparently in need of some quick filthy filthy cash if he is appearing on this show. He has a friend with him, named Bella, soo pretty! Just like him. Oh Shane. Bella has the weirdest ass! Really, if I had a bum-bum (sorry, I spend most of my time with under-four-year-olds) like that, I would keep that sucker under wraps, not accentuate it with skin tight pre-distressed denim. Lana says Sugar Shane is also a client, so now I’m wondering what’s happening with the monkey?? What are they going to do to the monkey???? Mikey is called their perpetual toddler, but he speaks three languages. I call moneyshit on that, it sounds like a cab driver I had once. He figured he was a great mimic of dialects, demonstrating Afrikaans, Pakistani and Indian accents. Guess what they all sounded like to me? Drunk cab driver. Anyway, Mikey also has to be fed all of his food, as he doesn’t like to get his hands dirty, and that I can identify with. All of my boys do not like dirty hands while eating. They will happily sit outside in a mud puddle in their diapers, but god forbid they get peanut butter on their tiny fingers, oh no!
Wait, Sugar Shane has his own monkey?? Is this a thing now? That’s not going to end well for the monkeys. Remember Paris Hilton and all of her dogs? Poor little pink-bowed bastards didn’t stand a chance.
In an awkward segue, Lana asks if Shane’s monkey Tito has a trust fund. Because that’s what we need, more idiotic rich trust fund babies out there. Like the Brant brothers need a reason to step up the stupid. And Lana, whatever you think, monkeys are not people. No. It went from somewhat cute to delusional in one sentence.
On to Nose’s apartment, wait, I thought these chicks were rich? This looks like the Real Housewives of Vancouver, where they went and visited everyone’s condo. Except for the drinky one who owned most of Vancouver’s waterfront, which is insane. I cannot even imagine how much money that would take; how many hours that would be on one’s knees. Anyway! Wonky and Horse show up and smell everyone. I would also smell Marco, he’s all hot with an accent and looks like he did his hair in a wind tunnel with a can of Aqua Net. Nose says that she is constantly surrounded by males and it is nice to be around some strong women. Ohhhh, I get it, this is a show about feminist empowerment! Let’s see how long until someone calls someone a whore or makes fun of someone’s appearance! Annnd we clock in at under a minute. Silly ladies, that’s my job. You just drink a lot and have plastic surgery.