Auditiongasm: Sin City Rules: Fighter Three

Lana Oddbody is freaking out because the monkey peed on her couch, but I can’t get past the blinding lime-green skin-tight see-through shirt she has on. That is a hella lot of hyphens for just one horrendous piece of clothing. When you have an unusual body shape, is it customary to stretch tight things across it? Tight green things? Ick. Chesty comes over to tell on Alicia, and I love how she gets all Canadian teenager in her pronunciation, where every sentence ends in a question mark? You know? Chesty can’t wait to spill the beans and I adore how Lana immediately sees her for the bored little gossipmonger she is. Don’t make me like you, Lana! You and your “We are now officially a circus”! Self-awareness and low tolerance for bullshit will not win me over. Then she says she would never sleep with lower class people and I’m back. These women’s faces are like optical illusions, look from one side, all shiny and young looking, then  turn 5 degrees and it’s all bad. 

Nose comes over to see Lana and she still has not washed her hair! Seriously! Someone throw some Prell at this beeyotch stat! They have a totally normal conversation about how to keep a marriage afloat while balancing kids and work and blah blah blah. Lana says she has sex for three or four hours and Nose says with twins, maybe 20 or 30 minutes. Are they doing it twice? All I’m gonna say is that after an hour, no-one’s having any fun. No. One. 

The medium shows up so that Chesty can talk to her dad, and of course she invites Wonky Eye, who is almost happy to be there to support everyone. Looks like Nate Berkus has a new job, good for him! He tells them there was a body here, and it was definitely taken away. Wasn’t this a jail before?? I would hope they wouldn’t just leave bodies lying around. Chesty is crying already, good lord. Is that necessary? Gay Medium  goes through the usual generalities about how Chesty’s dad felt bad, didn’t have a heart, wants to make amends, blah blah blah. I don’t think Wonky has drunk the kool-aid, she’s giving GM the side eye. However, Chesty feels relieved and some comfort and some solitude, which makes me think she doesn’t know what that word means.

Nose decided to reward dishy Marco with a date night, and he is even wearing his good pre-distressed jeans as a reward. Wait, is that what valets look like these days? 40-year-olds in ill-fitting polo shirts? They don’t have those at Denny’s , so I don’t know what I’m making fun of. Is Marco giving the twelve year old waiter the eye??  Nose goes on and on about only wanting to spend time with her kids and really, I don’t get it. I love my kids and I have problems leaving them for long periods of time, but I dream of when they will go to school. Plus, I have two little boys that might as well be twins and when I spend too much time with just them I get a little stabby. Marco is gorrrrgeous, girl, get on that!