Auditiongasm: Sin City Rules: Fighter Five

Apparently a lot of CuntLana’s friends have monkeys so Mikey has monkey play dates fairly frequently.  When Sugar Shane takes out his monkey, CuntLana is horrified…that the monkey is clad only in a diaper.  After rummaging up an appropriately-sized onesie (which I’m guessing has an opening for a tail?), they leave the monkeys to play in Mikey’s giant cage that’s bigger than my entire apartment (aka “the penthouse”) while discussing the importance of establishing a monkey trust fund given their 40-45 year lifespan.  Even though I know I’m missing out on as many monkey jokes as there are dollars in Mikey’s trust fund, I am momentarily powerless to do anything other than stew in my innate loathing and utter lack of understanding of rich people who prefer shelling out boku bucks for a pet monkey over helping with social ills like poverty and starvation.  Although, quick props to TLC for getting Sugar Shane to show us his monkey.

Cut to Jennifer’s high-rise.  We meet her super hot, awesomely-accented Italian husband Marco.  Cosmetic company founder-Lori, who we haven’t seen at all yet this episode, drops by with Alicia and Jennifer interviews that since she’s always surrounded by men – poker players, her two boys, her husband – it’s really nice to have girl time.  Alicia tells the ladies about her lunch with Amy and the drama with CuntLana, while interviewing that she’s been separated from her husband for seven years.  Seven years?  Seems like there’s an interesting story there but we don’t get to hear about it now.  Lori decides to get all the ladies together for a wine tasting to try and ease the tension between CuntLana and Alicia and it’s already pretty clear that even if there are monkeys involved, this is not going to go well.

After the commercial, we spend some time getting to know Jennifer.  She interviews that the high-end poker games in which she earns her living generally last until the wee hours of the morning, making it exceedingly difficult to drag herself out of bed in the morning.  We see Marco getting their twin boys ready for school as Jennifer pops in to hang out with everyone for a few minutes before climbing back into bed.  She interviews that her priorities in life are the boys, poker and Marco, in that order, and I can’t even think of anything snarky to say because they’re just a really cute couple and a really cute family and I hope they learn to strike the right balance to stay together.  Chicks who play poker can really do no wrong in my book.

Cut to Amy’s office.  She’s pretty sure the place is haunted, and she’s learned that the building used to be the old Sheriff’s jail where her father was incarcerated a time or two back in the day.  Her mother drops by and they decide to hold a seance to get the haunting spirits to “buzz the fuck off.”  Tee hee.  Curious about Amy’s line of work?   Apparently she works with a lawyer to make problems go away for a financial business she has an interest in.  That sounds like some pretty shady shit for someone who claims not to have followed in daddy’s mobster footsteps.