A whole lot could be changin’ with the Emmys this year. According to an AP article, the Academy is thinking of reintroducing the Outstanding New Television Series award and offloading several of the miniseries categories to the less impressive and thankfully untelevised creative arts Emmy ceremony. I personally am for all the changes, but some critics of the reshuffling have accused the broadcasters of simply pulling the rug out from under HBO which normally dominates the “made-for” categories. Could it be that such ulterior motives are at play here? Luckily, TVgasm has an exclusive list of other award categories the networks are pushing for…Outstanding Omission of Punchlines to Depict Middle America: Rumor has it ABC and CBS are vying for this new category. With Yes, Dear, Still Standing, and Listen Up on its roster, CBS makes a very compelling case to sweep this category, but let’s not overlook ABC’s Wisconsin-friendly mix of According to Jim, My Wife and Kids, and Hope and Faith.
Outstanding Omission of Punchlines to Depict Urban America: This is mostly NBC’s specialty. With Joey, Committed, and Will & Grace holding down the network’s comedy fort, don’t be surprised to see Jeff Zucker pushing for this new Emmy addition.
Outstanding Use of “This is How a White Guy Does Things. Now This is How A Latino Does Things” Humor: ABC is lobbying hard for this category, if only to give George Lopez a little more exposure.
Outstanding Performance By A Sex And The City Castmember on TV or Elsewhere in the Universe: HBO really wants its gals up on the award stage again. I personally have forgotten what an Emmy ceremony is like without Sarah Jessica parker squealing “You guys! I can’t believe this!”
Outstanding Use of Staged Reality Shows for Uninspired Television: Fox has most likely already kicked off a letter-writing campaign on this front. Look for Who’s Your Daddy?, My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss, and anything by Rocket Science Laboratories to vie for this title.
Outstanding Show Most LIkely Being Shunned for Less Outstanding Offering Elsewhere On Wednesday Nights: UPN. Kevin Hill. That’s all.
Outstanding Exploitation of Various Handicaps Including but Not Limited to Blind, Deaf, and Autistic People To Further Network Brand: ABC is all over that one. Rumor has it that if this category doesn’t make the cut, next season’s Extreme Makeover: Home Edition will solely feature mute orphans without arms or legs.
Outstanding Writing By Writers Who Think They’re Outstanding: Fox is receiving a lot of pressure from The OC staffers to lobby for this category. Apparently they’ve already penned an episode where “The Valley” wins the “Gemmy” for Coolest Show on the Planet.
Outstanding Tropical Show That’s Fun To Watch But Sort of Isn’t Going Anywhere: ABC will most likely try to placate J.J. Abrams with this petition. We’re pretty sure Lost would sweep the competition.
Outstanding Guest Appearances That Suck: Fox and NBC have joined forces to promote the never dying parade of distracting guest stars on The OC and Will & Grace. Hopefully Jennifer Lopez and Rooney will be enough to tip the scales on this one.
Outstanding Proliferation of a Primetime Event: Apparently Beyoncé is lobbying hard for this, if only to sing thirty five different songs during the ceremony.
Outstanding Marg Helgenberger Performance: Oddly enough, PBS is the mastermind behind this category. We’re still trying to figure it out. Rumor has it Marg once bought a tote bag from them. They’re very appreciative.
Outstanding Sentimental Performance That Doesn’t Deserve A Real Emmy: All the networks have surprisingly jumped behind this one. Now their aging stars (Ray Romano, Martin Sheen, Dennis Franz, etc.) and over-the-hill shows (Everybody Loves Raymond, Law & Order, Will & Grace) can get the Emmys everyone feels obligated to give them without stealing the glory from more, how do you say, deserving nominees. As a rule though, UPN and WB will still be banned from all categories. If however there is a flaw in the system, any nominations will be immediately relinquished to The West Wing.
That’s all for now. If we learn of other categories, we’ll be sure to post them…