This Sunday was the Emmy’s which of course means Emmy parties!
You may remember last year during my hiatus from TVgasm, I took some photos with a terrible camera phone at the TVGUIDE Emmy party, to send to J-Unit & B-Side, that year my big “get” was Johnny Fairplay. But this year, I am back with TVgasm, and I felt an obligation, nay a duty, to get good story and good photos for you our loyal readers. Well I am here to tell you I sorta failed. I mean I got some great photos, and incredible video which we will be sharing on here in the next day or so, but the more drunk I got the more shameful asskissy I became. I apologize in advance for the PerezHiltian photos..that is to say, there is way too much “me” but I think you’ll still like.Before I begin with the photos, I have a very random story from last night that I didn’t photographically document, but was fun enough to share nonetheless.
I was at the TVGUIDE party and I noticed a chick there who looked oddly familiar to me. I walked up to her and said, “Did you go to U of A?” Her eyes immediately lit up and she recognized me from our brief stint together in college. We chat about life back in ol’ Tucson and the obligatory “What are you doing?” line came up. I gave her my brief reply and then asked her “What have you been up to since college?” To the shock of few, I’m an idiot. You see, this friend of mine from college apparently has become quite famous but from a show I never watch so I had no clue she’s become an A or B lister. Anyway, I felt rather dumb. But for those of you who watch the O.C. you may be interested to know my friend is still incredibly sweet and was a hell of a costumer back in the day.
Last night taught me a few things. One, there is no such thing as too much ass kissery when it comes to celebs. It’s like oxygen to them. Two, I shouldn’t drink tequila that can be lit on fire. And three, I think I like Pink.
You see. my good friend and TVgasm reader Kelly is obsessed in a borderline unhealthy way with Pink. So when I heard who was performing at TVGUIDE’s Emmy party, it was a no brainer who to take. We got right up to the front of the stage to watch Pink play, and I didn’t hate her music. In fact, her song PRESIDENT, which is an emotionally charged ballad to the president, political proclivities aside, is quite moving. But that’s not why I liked her.
While she was singing, I tried taking a bunch of photos which would feature both Kelly and Pink in the same shot, but it was hard to do on account of distance and movement. But when Pink saw what I was trying to do, in the middle of her song, she came up right to Kelly knelt down, and sang to her just long enough for me to snap this photo. .
It wasn’t a moment where she happened to sing to an audience member, she was looked at me and got down just for the photo. That’s why I like her. It was a clear decision she made to hook me up with a photo op for my friend, and I thought that was mighty decent.
After I got my camera warmed up with Pink and security didn’t seem to mind, I thought I would test the waters some more with Kevin Nealon from Weeds. I mean, its not like I’m harassing small screen royalty like Debra Messing for a pic. It’s the dude from SNL 20 years ago. Hardly a big risk. I think I said something like “I’d be much obliged if you would be so kind as to grant me a photo.” That’s how I roll. I’m so old school, I speak like a bad supporting role in Martin Lawrence’s BLACK KNIGHT. But, alas, it worked.
After I got a photo with Kevin Nealon, I was debating who to try to get next when one of the stars of the short lived ONE OCEAN VIEW saw a flash bulb go off, quickly ran to it screaming “ME NEXT! ME NEXT!! I WAS IN PLAYBOY!!! PLEASE GOD SOMEONE LOVE ME!!!!” It was either that, or me saying something like, “Hey can I get a picture?” I’ll let you decide which makes for a better story.
A few Vodka drinks later, and I was reunited with funny man and star of Where My Dawgs At? Jeffery Ross.
You may remember when last I saw Jeffery Ross we shared an awkward moment on the red carpet, but all has since been forgiven and forgotten right around the time I called him my generations Don Rickles. This is where my shameless and unnecessary flattery of the night began. (though I do think he’s one talented insult comic. Getting insulted by him is like getting a blowjob from Jenna Jameson, its the best by the best.)
This was a bit strange. I saw THE star of the night just sitting there all alone. No, not Debra Messing, Emmy! This statue was just abandoned. Like the moth to a flame I gravitated towards it and just as I was about to claim it as my own, a rather large disheveled guy asked me if I wanted “to touch it.” After a momentary flashback to my boy scout troupe leader, I realized I was being addressed by none other than……
…this guy. I think he said he was Michael Noval one of the producers of the Amazing Race. I thought I may offend him when I asked, “you didn’t win for family edition did you?” I told him my new term for “jumping the shark” is now “racing the family” But he actually opened up about how they realized they fucked up and “broke the promise to the audience.” According to him, it was a network decision that caused a lot of extra work for them blah blah blah….I kinda zoned out as I gazed at the awesomeness of being so close to an Amazing Race Emmy Award. It felt…Mmm. I have nearly had my Amazing Race fill.
Oh, this reminds me. I have to do the ROCKSTAR: SUPERNOVA live blog with Dava exclusively on TVgasm every Tuesday night 9EST. Of course its only one in a series of incredible live blogs that can only be found here at TVgasm.
As I’ve mentioned in the past, I think Trees is an amazing song and Marty Casey should have won based solely on the merit of that kick ass song. So I was somewhat disheartened when he said he was getting sick of singing it. Though he still enjoys the acoustic version. Yes, Trees is a beautiful song, much like his absolutely smokin hot PR gal got my card, which has my number, which she should call. I mean if she were a good PR gal, she would find this hugely popular website mentioning her client and promoting his song TREES and band Marty Casey and Lovehammers. So she would also find my shameless attempt to get her to call me. But I digress….Marty Casey, Hot PR chicks….This night couldn’t get any better…
Holy Thit!! I thpoke too thoon! It’th Edgar Thtylth!! I was tho exthited to meet Edgar, who for thome reathon kept athking I call him Louith Lombardi.That’th tho Nugget! It theemth Edgar juth’t wrote, directed and thtarred in a movie that ith currently theeking dithtribution. I hope good thingth for Nugget. He wath very nithe and inredibly genuine. I wath gushing over how thad I wath to thee him leave 24, and he acted ath though he never heard that before. Very cordial and cool. I thuggethted he take a gander at hith obituary at TVgathm.com. I hope he thwingth by.
After chillin with Nugget, I needed to cool down with some hotties….so first I found Amy Smart, star of the new fall show, Smith. Again with my lame needless asskissery, after we took the photo, I said “For what its worth,” which is always an awesome way to start a convo with cute chick, “for what its worth, as much as I hated Butterfly Effect it was a great role for you and an awesome place for you to showcase your talent as an actress.” Though I think the last half of it sounded more like “mwamwamwammwmwmaawwmmwawma” on account of my lips being so firmly planted up her rectum. I have no clue why I said that. I didn’t need to, I got the photo already…needless senseless asskissery. What’s happening to me!? It felt like the Paris interview all over again!
This time I decided, be simple. Walk up to a hot chick. Take a photo, walk away. But dammit if she didn’t smell go…yeah, I was fairly buzzin’ at this point, but I am pretty sure I sniffed My Name Is Earl star Jamie Pressley right after this photo was taken. uggg…this night is losing its awesomeness.
As I miserably strolled through the part trying to get over the sniff heard round the world, I came across true misery….the cast of Scrubs. They looked like a flock of Smigols huddled in a corner of misery wishing they had their golden “precious.” Even Zach Braff, who seems to always glow with arroga– confidence, seemed down over their loss. For the few minutes I saw (read: stalked) them, he didn’t talk to anyone and just gazed off into the distance focusing only when security made an announcement over the PA system for people to be weary of someone sniffing celebrities. I captured the moment where he nonchalantly brushed away a tear. So sad, so sad.
You’re so brave to mock up that fake smile. You’re a brave little soldier!
I asked John C. McGinley, since he and I were standing side by side not talking to anyone, just aimlessly bobbing our heads to DJ AM, if he wouldn’t mind a quick photo, he pursed his lips and said “I’ll sign whatever you want. But I don’t do photos.” I quickly replied “How about a blank check?” He saw no humor and rolled his eyes to chat with someone who doesn’t sniff Jamie Pressly. It became my mission to rape a photo off of John McGinley. It didn’t take long before I got what he held so dear, a photograph!! Wow, that feels like quite the hollow and empty victory. Well at least it also features a less than sober Sarah Chalke. Overheard as the photo was taken “CNYU B’LEE WE LUST!? AHMEEN SERIRIROUSLY.” This corner depressed me greatly. Nothing’s could have cheered me up.
Is it just me, or is John McGinley this years Fairplay!?
As I walked through the main room, I noticed the music was actually a great house band….hang on a second. Who is that dude on the keyboard?!
HOLY HOUSE BAND! This is literally a “HOUSE” band! The photo really doesn’t do the whole event justice…If only there was someplace on the internet where I could find a video to better show you what this band was like. . . stay tuned my pretties! After 60 plus minutes of HOUSE band, and one stage dive that went….well, poorly. The band I want to play at my wake left the stage but my HOUSE night was not over just yet…..
That’s right, Co-Star of House M.D., and celebrity who felt comfortable enough to clean the dirt from under his ring fingernail over my Armani jacket, Omar Epps was on hand to nicely round out my House M.D.-themed portion of the night!
This was very exciting. Debra Messing taking a photo with a moderately effeminate, sarcastic skinny guy who could quote all the lyrics to WICKED and RENT…lighting in a bottle!! This night is taking a turn for the better. I’ve almost had my fill.
NOW I’VE HAD MY PHIL!! Note: This is not my constipated face. I was pretty sure I was doing the Phil eye… I guess I can’t do it, but in the moment, it reaaaally felt like i could.
On our way to the exit we caught a glimpse of one of those pathetic “fake TV Guide cover” photo booths. I don’t want to pass judgment, but whomever actually took the time to take those photos are total dorks!
Sadly, the night has come to an end as documented so well by our indicating to the exit sign.
While waiting for our limo (read: cab), I couldn’t help but take one last chance to sail my soul down the River Asskissery when I saw Family Guy creator, Seth Macfarlane. Whatever, the guys stuff is great so I’m completely OK with my pathetic attempt to get him to be my friend. We talked about the episode of South Park that mocked Family Guy and he made some sort of “…it was funny for a series that’s eight years past it’s prime” comment. I was so conflicted. It was like mom and dad were fighting. So I did my best James Dean and screamed through tears “You’re tearing me apart!!!” before running away in dramatic fashion.
All in all it was an amazing night that began with Pink, and for now, shall end there too. There was so much that I wasn’t able to capture throughout the night that added to the experience…but the Hugh Laurie house band (video coming soon), the Phil, the Pink, the EDGAR STYLES!! Man…it was one hell of a TVgasm night. I’m sorry I couldn’t get you all in with me, but hopefully this was a close second to actually being there.
If only I had gotten Sumaire’s number! I think this is gonna bug me for a while.