Bachelor Pad: A Ho’s Welcome

Hey guys!!! Welcome to the first ever season of ‘Bachelor Pad’!!!

It seems like it was only yesterday BBitz (who did a totally awesome job btw) was recapping ‘The Bachelorette’ and Ali’s journey to find sexy hunk Roberto; however, ABC doesn’t want to waste a single moment before the next season of ‘The Bachelor’ so it’s launching ‘Bachelor Pad.’ So what is ‘Bachelor Pad’? According to ABC:

‘Bachelor Pad’ will feature 19 “all-stars” from the Bachelor and Bachelorette who will battle it out for a second chance of LOVE and a QUARTER OF A MILLION DOLLARS!!! ‘squee’

Each week these “unforgettable characters from seasons past” (what is this a Dickens novel?) will

• Square off in head-to-head challenges to compete for immunity (ah like Survivor) and the opportunity to go on a date with the contestant of their choice.
• The winner of the challenge will then grant immunity to one of his or her dates via the presentation of a rose.
• At the end of each episode, the contestants will vote amongst themselves to determine which cast members will be eliminated from the competition.

Ready to check out ‘Bachelor Pad?” Let’s get started!

SERIES INTRO…

Like a lovely fairy tale Chris Harrison narrates that “once upon a time there were bachelors and bachelorettes who found love on television.”

Trista and Ryan

and “then there was everybody else”.

Montage of hysterical crying in limos and breakdowns in front of the camera.

Why?????? Wahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

This isn’t a Disney movie ending. I’M PRINCESS TENLEY!!!

Chris Harrison tells us our most memorable bachelors and bachelorettes are back for a second chance at love.

They are all living in one house and sleeping in one room…bunk bed style.

Think Anawanna! Speak Anawanna! Live Anawanna! Ug… did anyone bring condoms?

Chris Harrison promises us love, hook-ups, betrayal, backstabbing, scandal and a whole lot of crying.

Montage of fighting, hook-ups and crying.

Harrison gleefully tells us “Will Craig M. and Weatherman Jonathan come to blows? Nikki and Juan had a scandalous one-night stand at a Bachelor reunion, what will happen when they face each other for the first time? Will Tenley and Kiptyn finally realize the love affair everyone is waiting for? Will Crazy Eyes Michelle lose her mind…again?”

AT THE BACHELOR PAD…

Chris Harrison walks out and welcomes us. Harrison gives us the usual spiel and informs us to expect the sexiest and craziest bachelors/bachelorettes. Now for our first arrival. It’s PRINCESS TENLEY!!!

She’s wearing some hot pink one-shoulder outfit.

Chris – “Haha oh Tenley, trying to dress like Vienna won’t help you get Jake back. Maybe you should try dressing like the police officer from the Village People.”

Tenley tells us after being cheated on by her husband and dumped by Jake, she is ready for a new beginning.

A Flashdance beginning!

Next out of the car is Ali’s Jessie B. followed by Natalie from Jason Mesnick’s season.

When Natalie goes inside and sees Princess Tenley, she and Princess Tenley erupt into screams. Apparently they met at a Bachelor reunion before and took a field trip to the Disney Store.

Jessie B. did anyone ever tell you, you look just like Prince Eric?

Back outside Jillian’s David steps out of the car. Apparently he’s good friends with Natalie.

Next is Gwen from season 2 of The Bachelor. If you don’t remember Gwen, which most of you won’t, she was in the running to date Aaron Buerge, owner of the now bankrupt restaurant Trolleys.

I love how they have ?? for Gwen’s age. I’ll help you. It’s 39.

Is this the set for The Real Housewives of Orange County? What? It’s Bachelor Pad! OMG am I trapped in a time loop like Bill Murray in ‘Groundhog Day’?

When Gwen goes inside the guys are like huh? Who is Gwen? David even makes the comment “isn’t she a little older?”

Dude we’ve got Stifler’s mom in the house!

Gwen realizes that most people won’t recognize her. Jesse B. tells us he doesn’t know when the Bachelor started, but he definitely views Gwen as somebody’s mom. Ouch!

Jessie S. comes bouncing into the room. Jessie S. has been getting a lot of airtime ‘cough Rated R Jason Rego scandal’.

Back outside Chris Harrison says, “What are you doing here, Weatherman?”

Seeking sanctuary from Craig M.

Priest Chris Harrison grants Quasimodo Weatherman sanctuary and he immediately flees for cover into the Bachelor Pad. Inside everyone cheers it’s QuasiWeatherman!

QuasiWeatherman tells us he does not want to see Craig M. It’s fine if Craig M.’s hair shows up, but not Craig M. because Craig M. is a category 6 asshole.

Then Nikki from Jason Mesnick’s season enters the room. Earlier Chris Harrison mentioned that Nikki had a scandalous one-night stand with Juan. Wondering if there will be tension? Yes.

While Nikki rants about Juan, Juan pulls up outside. Of course Chris Harrison takes this opportunity to taunt Juan by telling him one of his ex-girlfriends is inside. Harrison asks Juan if he would like to take a guess. Juan is like oh no I hope it’s not Nikki.

Check out Nikki’s face when Juan enters the room.

This better be a screwdriver in my hand.

Natalie explains to us what went down between Nikki and Juan. Juan wanted to visit Chicago because he had never been. He needed a place to stay and slept with Nikki because that comes with the territory.

It happens all the time. How do you think Bert and Ernie got together? Ernie needed a place to stay; it’s why he puts up with Bert’s abuse.

Bert, you’re shouting again, Bert!

QuasiWeatherman bitches about Craig M. some more. Tenley says QuasiWeatherman needs a hug.

Back outside Evil Wes shows up. Is it just me or does Wes remind you of a character from ‘Deadwood’?

Got it! A young Ian MacShane a.k.a. Al Swearengen (imo one of my all-time favorite series characters).

Welcome to fucking Deadwood!!!!

Chris Harrison asks Wes if he left the guitar behind. Wes replies yes but Harrison doesn’t believe him. Harrison asks Wes if he’s single. Wes hesitates before saying yes.

Inside everyone is excited to see Wes. Natalie, who is turning into the keeper of all things Bachelor/Bachelorette related gossip, tells us Wes is the most famous villain in Bachelor/Bachelorette history. Natalie tells us Wes is an asshole but that’s why she loves him; she loves assholes and giving rusty trombones.

Krisily enters the room. At first I vaguely remember her from Charlie “Muppet” O’Connell’s season. Ugghh her voice. Ah now I remember. She is like Rachel/Boob City on Big Brother, she always yells. Indoor voice Krisily, indoor voice.

I have been kicked out of so many libraries…like you don’t even know.

QuasiWeatherman has no idea who Krisily is. Krisily tells us at the end of the day she can totally be a bitch.

Outside Elizabeth “You Can’t Kiss Me” from Jake Pavelka’s season pulls up. Ohh how ironic. Jake didn’t want to kiss Vienna. He should have picked Elizabeth.

Elizabeth is now blonde and still just as crazy. She sorta looks like Crazy Nanny Carrie on “One Tree Hill” who pretended to be a nanny, kidnapped James Lucas Scott and attempted to kill Dan Scott.

Just keepin’ it real.

Elizabeth goes inside, sees Princess Tenley and the two start screaming. I guess she is part of the Disney Princess Brigade too?

QuasiWeatherman tells us Elizabeth is hot. He would be attracted to an unstable woman. QuasiWeatherman tells us unfortunately Elizabeth is off the market: she’s dating Jessie Kovacs.

Speak of Kovacs, here he comes. Kovacs says he’s known Elizabeth for about three months. They’ve hooked up, but they’re just friends. It’s nothing serious. Uh oh. Hey, Kovacs you better tell that to Elizabeth before you got a Glenn Close on your hands. Oops. Too late.

Back outside Kiptyn from Jillian’s season arrives.

O.M.G. IT’S KIPTYN!!!! LIKE O.M.G.

Aww shucks.

Chris Harrison asks how are Kiptyn’s abs.

Inside Tenley is SUPER excited to see Kiptyn. She does a spastic Peanuts dance and tells us she is interested in Kiptyn but doesn’t know how he feels about her.

Next to arrive is Ashley which causes another shriek from Tenley. Ouch my ears. Seriously, Helen Hunt could have used Tenley as a storm siren for her “Dorothy” contraption.

Helen Hunt – “Hey Tenley, it’s Princess Jasmine.”

Tenley (shrieks) – “Ahhhhhhhhhhhh OMG”

Helen Hunt – “Thank you.” ‘click’ turns off tape recorder.

Next to arrive is Peyton from Andy’s season. Don’t really remember her.

And then enters Crazy Eyes Michelle.

‘Psycho’ shower scene music plays Eee eeee eeeee

Elizabeth tells us Michelle is all kinds of drama. Evil Wes tells us Michelle is hot but if you hook up with her you kinda got to worry about her chopping your thing off in the middle of the night.

So if you see Michelle, run for your fucking life!!!

QuasiWeatherman tells us he is hoping Gia from Jake’s season is the next to walk through the door because there’s hot and then there’s (castrated voice) HOT!!!!!!

And of course thanks to the magic of editing Gia is the next to walk through the door.

All of the guys’ eyes bug out, and they immediately zone in on Gia.

I’ve often been compared to Jessica Rabbit.

Hmm is it because she can make a Sprite can disappear in her mouth? Oh wait that’s Lil’ Kim. Nevermind.

Back outside a storm approaches it’s CRAIG M.!!!!!!!!!

Did someone call for some…GREASED LIGHTNING? ‘wink’

Chris Harrison looks like a cat that swallowed the canary. Grinning, Harrison asks Craig M. “what’s with the hair?”

Craig M. – “It’s my version of the ‘ There’s Something About Mary.’” Chris Harrison – “Really. What did you use?” Craig M. – “My own product.”

Inside QuasiWeatherman says it looks like he’s in the clear until a pop-up thunderstorm named Craig M. walks into the room.

Hello, Weatherman!!! Mwhahahaa

Fuck!!!!!!

QuasiWeatherman tells us he wants Craig M. out of the house.

The bachelors/bachelorettes gossip among themselves. Krisily says she likes tall guys so QuasiWeatherman is out. Peyton tells us competition is going to be fierce. Uh oh Crazy Eyes Michelle opens her mouth. She wants to know if these ladies are looking for love because remember she’s on a deadline and wants to be married RIGHT NOW!

Ashley replies she is open to love but she just wants to have fun and be herself which includes dressing up in stewardess costumes.

Ding! Ding! Ding! It’s Chris Harrison clicking his champagne glass. He gets such a thrill out of it, but I would like just once to see him yell “SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!” You know he’s got to be at least thinking it.

The guys and girls gather into the familyroom. Chris Harrison tells them it’s a little strange seeing them altogether in one room.

I have to admit I contemplated wearing a bullet proof vest after seeing some of the names on this list.

Chris Harrison explains the rules to the bachelors/bachelorettes (see rules on page 1 of this recap).

The most exciting part is that the guys will vote off the girls and vice versa. Also there are more women because there have been more seasons of The Bachelor than The Bachelorette. Harrison promises though that at some point the numbers will even up. Snap!

Harrison tells us this is a big job so he’s bringing in a co-host ABC told him he needed a sexy sidekick so he would like to introduce Melissa Rycroft. Melissa corrects Harrison and tells him it is Rycroft-Strickland; she’s married. Wes is disappointed.

Chris Harrison tells the gang to go explore the place so the bachelorettes/bachelors run like they’re on their way to the Chocolate Factory…. R. Kelly’s Chocolate Factory.

Natalie tells us she isn’t worried about being voted off because she’s friends with most of the guys. QuasiWeatherman tells us he’s confused because if he starts hooking up with girls it could affect his chances of making it to the next round. He starts coming up with scenarios until finally QuasiWeatherman tells us his brain just ate itself.

My brain ate the part that controls my hands and arms. Now my hands and arms are stuck like this.

Everyone is wondering where the bedrooms are. Aha! Everyone is sharing one room filled with bunk beds.

Perfect set-up for playing hot lava.

Nikki frets about being seen without make-up in the morning. Juan warns that he snores like a chainsaw. Michelle can’t wait to see who is going to hook up with who.

And I brought a night vision video camera to tape it.

The guys tease Kovacs that he should be sharing a bed with Elizabeth. Haha. Eek we can assume that Natalie flashes the camera because she yells she has no underwear on and the camera blurs out her crotch.

OUT AT THE POOL…

Time for a mother fucking pool montage.

The girls gather together and discuss who to eliminate. Elizabeth gets the girls to agree to vote off Craig M. which naturally causes Craig M. to gravitate to the girls.

Craig M. – “Good afternoon, ladies! Would you like a frosty beverage? I have Coors Light with the cold-activated technology.” Natalie – “You mean the piece of paper where the mountains turn blue when it gets cold? My little Miss Make-up Doll did the same thing.”

Melissa Rycroft-Strickland tells the bachelors/bachelorettes that it’s time for the first competition.

COMPETITION TIME…

The first competition is TWISTER!

Bachelors/Bachelorettes – “Ooo are those giant candy dots? I like dots.” Chris Harrison – “No, it’s Twister you idiots!”

Wes tells us he isn’t sure about Twister. He says “you know how a 2×4 doesn’t bend? Well, he feels like that a lot of times.”

“My name is Wes ’2×4 That Doesn’t Bend’, you killed my father. Prepare to die.”

Tenley demonstrates her flexibility and shows off her foot.

See? It has the Walt Disney Princess seal of approval and tracking device.

Elizabeth tells us the plan is to get Craig M. out so they can vote him out.

Tenley can’t tell right from left so she’s out. People start dropping like flies. Chris Harrison gets bored so he stirs up some shit. He asks the girls who would you like to see win? Elizabeth says anyone except for Craig M. Burn! Chris Harrison tells Craig M. that should give him some motivation to mess up things for Elizabeth.

So what you’re saying is I can put Ex-lax in the bitch’s drink, and I won’t get in trouble?

Finally it is down to Jessie S., Craig M. , Juan and Jessie B., and the little Twister board comes out.

Now it’s down to Jessie S. and Craig M. The two make a deal that whoever wins takes the other one on a date. Craig M. wins!!! QuasiWeatherman faints j/k. No QuasiWeatherman just tells us that when Craig M. won he knew there was no God.

“Craig M. has made me what I am today: an atheist who eats Post Shredded Wheat.”

Chris Harrison tells Craig M. to choose three women to take on a group date and choose one of them to give a rose to.

Elizabeth tells us she doesn’t want to go on a date with Craig M. and that she would be missing Jessie Kovacs.

LATER THAT EVENING…

Craig M. is feeling pretty awesome and is prancing around. Hmm must be cold in there.

See ladies these are my cold-activated nipples.

Craig M. decides to chat with Elizabeth and pulls her aside. He wants to know what her problem is. Elizabeth tells Craig M. she gets bad vibes from him and that he should win her over.

As Elizabeth and Craig M. are talking, everyone else is talking about the two of them.

LATER THAT NIGHT…

Not all of the bachelorettes/bachelors are sleeping. Sounds of hooking up can be heard.

Kovacs – “Remember I don’t bend like a 2×4.”

THE NEXT MORNING…

The guys say their heard someone hooking up last night. Jessie B. denies it was him. Princess Tenley swears it was Michelle and Craig M.!!! The juicy tidbit of gossip quickly spreads through the house.

Crazy Eyes Michelle tells us she basically woke up to a rumor about her and Craig….

And now apparently she’s also Tilda Swinton.

There’s a knock on the door and Jessie S. runs to get the date card. Everyone squeals and gather around Craig M.

Craig M. selects Jessie S., Gwen and Elizabeth to go on a date with him.

CRAIG M.’S DATE…

The women, wearing bathing suits, climb into the limo. Their date trip is to the beach.

Montage of frolicking in the ocean and on the beach.

Jessie S. and Elizabeth discuss Craig M. Elizabeth says would you kiss him for the rose, and Jessie S. replies no, I’m not like that. She isn’t a whore, she just likes exposing them. ‘wink’

Craig M. calls out Elizabeth for her “kiss me, don’t kiss me” escapade on Jake’s season. Elizabeth says it isn’t the same thing as Craig M. making fun of QuasiWeatherman.

Later Jessie S. and Craig M. reaffirm that they got each other’s backs. Looks like we have our first legitimate alliance.

BACK AT THE BACHELOR PAD…

Kovacs is being grilled about his non-relationship with Elizabeth. He says he doesn’t want her calling dibbs on him. He’s single and ready to mingle.

LATER THAT NIGHT IN THE POOL…

Everyone is congregating in the pool. Krisily tells us she’s here to win, not to make friends like the other girls. Ugh I can’t stand people who say “I’m here to win.” Of course you are, Captain Obvious, otherwise why would you be here?

Juan tells us if he had to choose between the love of his life or the money: he’d take the money and run.

And then I could go to Chicago and get a deep dish pizza anytime I pleased without having to whore myself out for shelter.

Meanwhile Natalie and Jessie B. are discussing finding love. Both say they’re not chasing it but if love finds them they would be open to it. Jessie B. tells us he’s off the market so it’s official: Natalie and Jessie B. are couple…for at least this episode anyway.

While Natalie and Jessie B. are hooking up, Juan is telling Gia he wouldn’t hesitate to break up Natalie and Jessie B.

Juan – “I’m going to be in Florida for two weeks and Natalie has a sweet condo in Daytona. I need her to be single so I can have sex with her in exchange for housing.” Gia – “OMG Juan, haven’t you ever heard of a hostel?”

Camera pans back to Natalie and Jessie B. dry humping.

AT THE GREEK THEATRE…

Craig M.’s date continues as the group arrives at the Greek Theatre. Waiting inside is Melissa. She tells Craig M. that the time has come for him to give one of the girls a rose. That girl will continue on the date. The other two will go back to the Bachelor Pad.

Craig M. gives the rose to Jessie S. because they have a mutual deal. That was a smart move Craig M. Together these two seem level-headed. They might make it far.

Jessie S. and Craig M. sit down in the front row as a singer comes out on stage. Hmm what random musician has ABC dragged out this time? Why, it’s ALEX BAND!!!

He’s ditched the Ellen DeGeneres haircut and is now sporting tattoos and a lot of angst.

Yes, I sang with Santana. No I’m not Chad Kroeger! Do I go around fucking singing ‘look at this fucking photograph’? No.

Alex Band transports Craig M. and Jessie B. back to 2004 with his melodic “Wherever You Will Go.”

In the limo, Elizabeth is bitching that Craig M. had an opportunity to win her over but he didn’t because he didn’t give her a rose.

BACK AT THE BACHELOR PAD…

Gwen and Elizabeth arrive home. The bachelorettes/bachelors are excited to see them.

Hey girls, heyyyy!!! Can you help us out. What was Steve Urkel’s alter ego’s name? Stephan or Stefon???

Elizabeth tells them Jessie S. got the rose. Jessie Kovacs tells us he needs to talk to Elizabeth and straighten the bitch out.

Kovacs lays it on the line and tells her it wasn’t right for her to call dibbs on him. Elizabeth tells him that she told the girls that she is completely in love with Jessie Kovacs and that he doesn’t feel the same way. ‘crickets’

Elizabeth threatens Kovacs by telling him she has the girls on her side and that she can sway the votes to get rid of him.

‘stutters’ I have the power (and spray tan) just like that He-Man guy.

Bitch, you don’t even know what Castle Grayskull is.

Looks like Kovacs is in deeper than he thought.

How was I supposed to know that she knows what the power of Grayskull is?

Kovacs heads back inside, manages to avoid the ‘hot lava’ and settles into a bunk bed so he can chat with David. Kovacs doesn’t understand why Elizabeth is pissed that he didn’t ask her about her date. He tells David ‘I just saw her four hours ago.’

David just nervously glances from side-to-side (he does that a lot) and asks “what are you going to do?” Kovacs doesn’t know.

‘stretches’ Oh well, you wanna go tea-bag QuasiWeatherman’s guitar?

Out in the living room Elizabeth is crying. She tells us her heart is broken but she’s still rooting for Kovacs because when she kisses him she gets all tingly and feels LOVE.

Or maybe that’s just my Lip Venom. That shit burns and I don’t think it works. Do my lips look bigger?

She tells us “Gawd, I’m so emotional.”

Jessie S. and Craig M. arrive back. Gia tells us Craig M. giving Jessie S. the rose means she is safe.

Crazy Eyes Michelle is pissed that Craig M. didn’t invite her on the date and she’s doubly pissed because Princess Tenley started a rumor that Crazy Eyes Michelle and Craig M. hooked up. Correct me if I’m wrong but has Crazy Eyes stated “No, I did not hook up with Craig M” because to me she keeps say rumor, she hasn’t yet said no I didn’t do it. Anyway, looks like it’s time for Crazy Eyes Michelle to get revenge on Princess Tenley.

THE BATHROOM INCIDENT…

Princess Tenley heads into the bathroom, taking with her, her toothbrush and Crest Sparkle bubble gum flavored toothpaste.

Approved by 1 out of 5 Disney Princesses.

Princess Tenley whistles why she works on her dental hygiene when Crazy Eyes Michelle comes into the bathroom and slams the door. Princess Tenley tells us Crazy Eyes barricaded her in the bathroom by keeping her foot on the door.

ABC provides us with the following captions.

Princess Tenley tells us she was stuck in there and feared for her life.

It’s true what they say…gingers have no souls.

Elizabeth finds Princess Tenley crying. Princess Tenley tells Elizabeth that Crazy Eyes trapped her in the bathroom and ‘gasp’ yelled at her. She’s scared.

“She told me ‘one, two, I’ll be coming for you.”

Elizabeth tells Princess Tenley “Don’t worry we’ll tell the guys that Crazy Eyes Michelle has to go.”

THE NEXT DAY…

Jessie S. tells us Crazy Eyes Michelle needs to go for threatening Princess Tenley. Natalie and Jessie B. are spooning in bed.

Juan attempts to apologize to Nikki for being a dick and using her. Nikki tells us she doesn’t accept Juan’s apology because it sounds insincere.

Out at the pool Krisily tells us her plan is to get rid of the big, strong guys. Natalie is like

Ohhh nooo!!!

Natalie runs to Dave and tells him Krisily’s plan. Dave is like

Ohhh nooo!!!

Dave says if Krisily is gunning for Kovacs and him then they should consider getting rid of Krisily.

Over in a lounge chair Elizabeth is telling Nikki about Kovacs rejecting her LOVE.

What a tool. How could he reject your lovely bleached brillo hair and vapid grin?

I know, right?

Elizabeth tells us a lot of the girls are upset with how Kovacs treated her. Elizabeth goes to Kovacs and tells him he needs to act like he cares about her if he doesn’t want the girls to vote him out.

Kovacs – “You mean I get to play the role of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman?”

Kovacs says “But what if the girls see through him?” Elizabeth is like it will work. This is like a horrible episode of ‘Pinky and the Brain’ only I’m not sure which one is the Brain.

Ugggh Elizabeth professes she is LOVE with him again. Please tell me this is an act for T.V. otherwise Kovacs you might find a boiling rabbit on the stove later.

Kovacs tells us he thought he had a strategy but now realizes it is a terrible idea.

Elizabeth is a terrible Richard Gere.

ROSE CEREMONY…

Montage of beautifying. Everyone’s nerves are on edge. Chris Harrison beckons the bachelorettes/bachelors into the main room.

So I hear someone put Baby in a corner, eh Michelle?

Harrison tells everyone it is time for voting. The guys will individually vote a girl out and vice versa for the girls.

The woman and the man with the most votes will immediately be kicked out on their ass.

Montage of bachelors and bachelorettes voting.

QuasiWeatherman tells Tenley he has heard Krisily talking behind his back. Guess Krisily is on his shit storm list with Craig M.

Crazy Eyes Michelle tells us she is confident she is going to stay, especially with Craig M. Hah! Craig M. votes out Michelle. Crazy Eyes Michelle asks Craig M. if he voted for her. Craig M. deftly lies, “No.”

What Michelle doesn’t know is today is opposite day and no means yes.

Natalie and Nikki vote out Juan because he’s fake and a user.

Juan tells us Nikki is a great little housewife and would never vote him out. Yeah, a great little housewife who cuts the corners off of your pb&j sandwich and puts a dash of arsenic in your OJ.

ELIMINATION…

Kovacs and Krisily are nervous. Chris Harrison explains he will call out the names of those who are safe and Melissa will hand out the roses. The last guy and last girl without a rose will be eliminated.

Crazy Eyes Michelle and Juan are the last two standing without roses.

QuasiWeatherman says Juan dug his own grave with Nikki and exclaims “Adios Juanitos!”

And look I got ahold of some stem cells and regenerated part of my brain. I can partially lower my one arm now.

Customary hugs and then the two are pushed into a limo for their limo ride of shame.

Juan tells us he’s shocked and disappointed. He didn’t deal with the Nikki situation quickly enough.

I’ll be moving onto Scranton, Pa. next. Guess I’ll have to sleep with Old Lady Edna afterall. ‘shudder’

QuasiWeatherman tells us there just wasn’t enough roses for all of Crazy Eyes Michelle’s personalities. Besides it’s hard to put a rose on a straight jacket. LOLZ. QuasiWeatherman is on fire tonight.

Princess Tenley tells us she’s relieved Crazy Eyes Michelle is gone.

Crazy Eyes Michelle says she thinks Princess Tenley’s rumor about her and Craig M. turned the guys against her and the fact that she pointed out Michelle’s ginger-ness.

I was so passing for a daywalker. Damn Princess Tenley!!!

The previews for this season look awesome. See you guys next week!