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Wednesday, August 29, 2012
10:35 am
12 Comments
Tagged: automobiles, hogwarts, man whores, pinky swear, planes, roses, spelling bee, teams, trains, weepy women
Jaclyn: I don’t want to look like a whore.
Ed: I don’t want to look like an asshole.
Jaclyn: I don’t want to look like a whore.
Well boys and girls. It seems whore trumps asshole because Jaclyn decides she likes waking up next to him so screw it…. BTW they both look like whores and assholes so this argument was moot.
Back at the house Tony surprises Blakeley with a mini private date. This mini date reminds us surprisingly of the Michael/Rachel mini date and the Kalon/ Lindzi mini dates… a blanket, some pillows, and some wine seems to melt the heart of all these women. We stop listening to these 2 when Blakeley speaks baby talk to Tony. Gross.
Ed and Jaclyn arrive back home and have 2 roses to hand out. They are truly a power couple now. Let the ass kissing and Godfather music commence. Kalon and Lindzi are a bit pissed that they actually have to talk to other people in this game. Blakeley and Tony are laughing a little too hard at Ed’s jokes, but that seems to work because Ed and Jaclyn save Blakeley and Tony. So the choice to go home for the couples are Nick/Rachel or Kalon/Lindzi.
It’s a tense night in the house, although it seems it’s unanimous that Kalon and Lindzi are going home. BUT nothing is ever for sure in this house. Kalon decides to create an idea in everyone’s head, a last ditch effort to save his partnership. It seems to be working…Kalon is enjoying the show and tries for an evil laugh…and fails.
Rachel is falling apart because she can’t trust her partner and she misses Michael and wonders what Michael is doing and what Michael is thinking and needs to talk to Michael. Magically she has an iPhone and talking to Michael. Isn’t this against the rules? Doesn’t Chris Harrison tell us every week that once you leave the Bachelor Pad house you can NEVER return? This enrages Nick and we hoped he would do something really stupid. Nick loses his shit and SHOCKS the house with his anger. The house thinks he should just be appreciative that he’s still around. We think he needs to lay of the roids.
It’s time to hand out roses, and it’s time for Kalon and Lindzi to go home. They start off in their own limos but Kalon decides that he can’t drive away alone. He stops his limo and climbs into Lindzi’s limo. the group of saps, we mean women, all fall apart with ooooohhhhhs and ahhhhssss.
Love conquers all…Or until next season.
So ends another week of Bachelor Pad. What’d ya’ll think? Does anyone believe Ed has a girlfriend back home? Do you think Nick has anger management issues? Will Rachel pull her shit together and stay? See everyone next week!
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12 Comments
Great review..I read that Kalon and Lindzi are still together..I’m surprised are you?? As for Chris and Rebound Girl..who can’t compare in looks to Emily…how stupid are you???!!! Chris is a horses ass (my mothers’ favorite term ..) does she really think that he could fall for her..he is a 25 year old guy who is shinning in the “glow” of his 5min. of fame light…he will drop your stupid ass the min. the show is over….Chris is anything but sincere..hell I even like Kalon better..and I couldn’t stand Kalon..but Lindzi has shown us his softer side…
This show is full of surprises and I an loving it!!!
PS .. I hope Chris will get thrown off next week …
Jaclyn is a complete moron. Seriously.
Ed had already been with Sarah, and somehow Jaclyn thinks that getting him next makes her better. Than Ed openly bitch-slaps her with a case of the thruths i.e. “I like you but not like that”. She is hurt and humiliated…and then goes back for seconds. He tells her again, this time in a way maybe she will hear it “there is someone else”. She accepts this for a while. Than at dinner decides to tell Ed he has made her look like a whole on TV because he slept with her. It was okay when she thought that he had feelings for her, but now that she knows he doesn’t she thinks she looks like a whore (btw, that is her word). He, now acutely aware that she has just called him out and most likely this will air on national TV decides that in an effort to not look like a total douche bag tells her; he likes her MOST in the house and would like to continue to sleep with her while they are on TV. However he is not ready to commit to a relationship with her. He also goes on to tell her that she is juvenile for wanting to “label” their non-existent relationship.
So in summary, he doesn’t like you enough to date you in the house or the real world. He likes someone else…but would like to still have sex with you as long as long as we remain here. Because of all the girls here I like you best…k? Her response…well I like sleeping with him…and I don’t like being alone…and I don’t want to look like a whore on TV…but he said he likes be best here…but I don’t want to get hurt…YEAH A FWB DEAL IS TOTALLY AN AWESOME IDEA! I am so not going to regret this decision later.
I am totally embarrassed to admit I watch this crap. But I do.
How many inches of fondation does Lyindzeyi (my favorite spelling bee word) wear and what shade of orange is it?
Chris ranting about heartbreak and how he and Emily were just 3 other guys away from living happily ever after was so dillusional. Did you see the cast Chris? – Shady Hills Assited Living Facility and a Pagan Bike Rallies have waaay hotter men. You were 4th because of pity or maybe a rock paper scissors game the producers played but romance of the century gone awry was not the case.
Edd is a dick and Jacklyn has a big honkin nose but with enough booze and lack of light anything can happen.
btw… Ed and Jaclyn had to go on the date together because they are playing as couples now and they were runner up in the spelling bee.
Did anyone catch why Jaclyn and Ed got to give the second roses and not Chris and Sara? I was confused about that.
Since when does the runner up get a date? I guess it was good timing to get one-on-one drama convo with those two. Whatever.
“Sarah’s Katie Holmes, stroke victim, mouth thing is really starting to irritate us”
Bwhahahahaha!!! Love that.
Hate Ed. Always have. He’s such an idiot and gets away with so much from these stupid girls with major self esteem issues. Remember in Jillian’s season, on the overnight date, when he couldn’t get it up??? I’ll never forget it!!
Oh, and I hate when people say they’re scared or have a phobia of flying on this show. Jacyln barely twitched getting into that helicopter. I would have been sobbing, shaking, digging my nails into someone’s leg…the works. And that’s AFTER the Xanax!!!
I thought the runner up getting the date but then being told they will not get to keep the roses was just dumb. I am pretty sure any one of the couples would have said no to the date in order to keep the rose.
Kalon’s teeth are so annoying. They remind me of the fake teeth in “There’s Something About Mary”. I don’t know how I found this site (http://nealhamilagency.com/print_profile.aspx?profileCategory=1&profileType=1&Division=&id_profile=1974) but I did. It just makes me laugh.
While watching this show, I actually timed it, not including the ads or the previously on and coming up. There is no reason why this show is 2 hours. It could be edited to fit one hour and would be a better show. I really dislike the ‘coming up’ part. It’s not like it is preview for next week, it is a preview for something that they will show in 3 MINUTES. Maybe ABC thinks the general viewers of this show are as dumb as the contestants. I personally think the smartest viewers of this show are the readers/bloggers on this site, we take what ABC gives us and serves it with a large hunk of snark.
@carol – yes! I like to watch this show online because I can just skip right past all the coming up pieces and cut way down on the showtime.
Also did they have to show SO MUCH spelling bee? Is there a more boring thing to watch a back and forth of? Editing that down could have saved us four hours!
I like Ed, and think Jaclyn and anyone who sleeps with him is insane. He is an entertaining chimp of a fella and if you hook up with him you did it knowing you are fornicating with a monkey.
Total highlight was the end reel where ed and sarah were pretending to be Tony and Blakely!
I’m not going to lie, I LOVE spelling bees on reality shows. Most of these couples don’t have two brain cells to share between them, and it amuses me to no end watching them try to something intellectual! They did one on the RW/RR challenge where they dropped them from planks into water when they got words wrong. They should have done that here too, it would have made it even better
When Chris/Sarah were bragging about their win and being the “smartest in the house” all I could think was “congratulations you won the special olympics of spelling bees
”
Jerseyj- “the special olympics of spelling bees” !!! I wish we’d thought of that- hilarious!!!!
We don’t understand the 2 hour thing either- our other show, Hollywood Exes is a 1 hour show but we timed it without commercials or the “coming up’s” and it was 35 minutes long so it’s obviously a new TV trend. Past seasons of Bachelor Pad had 3 hour finale’s but this year it’s just listed as 2 hours so at least they threw us a bone there.
Honeybee- TVgasm is like our support group for TV addicts, where we can all come and be embarrassed that we watch this crap together
LOL, Danielle, remind us not to fly with you!
We think most of the ladies are wearing tons of make-up to better hide their age.
Our hearts were warmed to hear Lindzi and Kalon were still together at first but we’re starting to hear rumors on the Twitter-verse to the contrary. Although Kalon tweets pics of them together and talks about her she NEVER tweets anything about him and now we here he went out with friends and was hitting on other women. So who knows what is really going on…
People partner up early because it’s strategically an advantage. You inherit your partner’s alliances, which means you’re less likely to be voted off. A partner’s required to win the endgame, so finding a good one early is smart.
The genders take different approaches to this. The men first form alliances with each other, then create a network out of ‘their’ women. (I’m friends with/sleeping with/flirty with so-and-so, I’m sure she’ll vote with us).
Some men create partnerships, others just fuck around and cycle through women interchangeably , as long as it doesn’t disrupt the male alliance. (No poaching your ally’s girl).
Meanwhile, the women scramble around and fight over the ‘best’ alpha males, trying to secure firm partnerships right away with power players. Women that align with the fuckarounds end up in tears/drama.
People that aren’t coupled at all either get voted off first, become swing votes, or are “spare parts” of alliances that become early casualties when the other team gets immunity. See: Erica Rose.
This show runs long because they know their core audience (obese middle-aged born-again women in trailer parks) need that much time in order to get off.
The “sudden twist” was surely designed to eliminate Kalon and whatsherface — in order to get that money-shot of a limo kiss. I could feel the tidal wave of the above audience’s you-know-what all the way over here in France.
As for Hatchet Face, she clearly decided that a dick in the hand was worth two in the bush.
But mostly, I think Sarah’s the hottest girl on the show. Seriously. But I also think Miley Cyrus is pretty. Guess I just like that snaggle-tooth look. But she’s definitely hotter than Emily the Ice Queen.
I am enjoying seeing that Chris douchebag dig a deeper and deeper hole for himself. What a capital ass.
And I’m almost caught up with the rest of you…