Bachelor Pad Recap- Fill’er Up

Recaps

By Jane and Blanche | Wednesday, September 5, 2012 | 6:00 am | 8 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Bachelor Pad, Recaps

Hola, Gasmi! We’re back at the pad, ready for a giant mess of an episode. there is A LOT of filler in this episode, we have never heard Chris Harrison speak so slowly and use the same words over and over. Why does ABC insist on 2 hours?

We start right after the last rose ceremony and all the contestants can only talk about Rachel and her desire to leave. Rachel answers them, “I don’t want y’all to think I don’t want to be here.” Ok, well maybe if you stop telling people you want to leave, people might believe you. Nick speaks! And he wants to take charge of the partnership.  Where has this Nick been all this time?

The next morning, Chris Harrison explains that the winners of today’s challenge will NOT get roses but they do get to send one couple home immediately. Tony tells us that this is a total “game changer.” Thank you, Captain Obvious.

The challenge? 1 team member sits on a plank above a pool while the other team member sits and answers Bachelor Pad trivia. Every wrong answer gets a rope cut; 3 wrong answers and their partner is hanging from a bar with their arms.  Each team has a quick convo about who is doing what. Rachel decides that Nick should answer the questions…foreshadowing to later bad decisions?

A new take on planking

And speaking of bad decisions, WHAT is Ed wearing? Shorts from a 1970′s gym class?

Sarah rocks the contest, she is apparently some sort of Bachelor Pad trivia savant…we couldn’t be more sad for her.  But she and Chris ar very happy that they have won again. Tony and Blakeley are terrified that they are about to be sent home. We can’t understand why…Blakeley only takes every opportunity to call Chris every name in the book.

The producers made Chris and Sarah act like they were contemplating their decision. They all get lined up and Chris gets to unload his frustrations on each couple, this is really all he wanted to do. Forget the $250,000, he just wanted to tell everyone off.

Chris announces that although, everyone sucks, Tony and Blakeley are going home. SHOCKER!

Blakeley bursts into tears- DOUBLE SHOCKER!

It’s ok, Blakeley- we’re happy you’re leaving…

It’s time to say good-bye and Blakeley is now heaving the ugly cries. They get in the same limo and drive away together. Now we get to hear all the icky sweet sentiment about how love means more than money, blah, blah, blah. Drive away, please.

The house is in emotional turmoil now.

Oh, wait, that’s just Ed in turmoil. He’s a big girl, folks.

Ed stops crying and says ” I hope we get some down time now.” He should know not to say things out loud in the Bachelor Pad because Chris walks in and says “the next challenge starts now!”

The contestants all are driving around Hollywood and end up at the Hollywood Palladium. They are immediately met by a band playing. What song you may ask? Why it’s Sister Christian by Night Ranger!!! LIVE!!! Well, semi- live because it sounds really good. Digitally remastered good. No way Night Ranger sounds the same 30 years later. Ed says he runs to this song, and the rest say they LOVE it as well. Ummhmmm and they are all how old again? Chris tells them the challenge is to sing Sister Christian in front of a live audience with the band and the judges will be Night Ranger themselves.  Each team does get a vocal coach, how nice of ABC. Don’t get too excited though, all 3 are from GLEE so how good can they be?

MOTORING La la la la la!!!!! 

They all arrive the next day to their GLEE coaches hoping for a miracle. Frankly, we do too. Sarah brags to the camera how great a singer she is in the shower and car. We notice these are both places nobody can hear her. Probably a good idea. Chris admits that Sarah can’t sing “there’s bad and then there’s Sarah.” Rachel and Nick are trying to figure out what the hell this song is about. We have been asking that question for years now! Usually after a night of drinking and trying to be philosophical. 

The night of the performance arrives and the contestants are all very nervous. They attempt to get dressed in their 80′s gear to look legit.

I hope this is waterproof!

First up is Rachel and Nick. Rachel looks awesome! Totally sounds horrible but looks awesome!

Stevie Nicks?!

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We grew up on the prairie; Blanche is older and became blind by her teenage years... Jane is the adorable younger sister, known as "half -pint." Ok, so that's not true but we were raised in Texas, so kinda close.

We're all grown up now and are official card-carrying members of the Asshole Social Society, it's kinda like an exclusive country club, but for snarky  people who have no money, and would rather stay home talking to the tv than to other people.

Growing up we fought like crazy but only during the commercials... Now we're sisters that love and respect each other, only on the 8's tho (kinda like the weather channel...)

We love all reality tv and meat products.

We will try to make you laugh but a majority of the time we just make ourselves laugh so you may get a raw deal.

People love us! At least to our face they do, which is proper southern etiquette .

8 Comments

  1. 1
    kristen
    Posted September 5, 2012 at 6:25 am

    I can’t believe Ed is still wearing those stupid mankinis. Actually, I totally can. I wonder how blackout he and Jaclyn were during their performance.

  2. 2
    Pikey578
    Posted September 5, 2012 at 6:35 am

    It is a sad commentary that I don’t want any of the final four to win… It would be great if each member of the final couple chooses something different – then I think neither gets the money and it is divided amongst the entire group. It would serve them right! Looking forward to the final recap of this. Thanks, J&B.

  3. 3
    considerthis
    Posted September 5, 2012 at 9:31 am

    Ed is a dick. He could not have been any less of a gentleman to Jacklyn if he tried. Whether you want to have sex with her or not should be inconsequential when she is upset and bawling. Lend her a shoulder ass munch.

    Jacklyn wins the Road Kill award for this season as she got run over by everybody.

  4. 4
    Danielle
    Posted September 5, 2012 at 11:55 am

    Jaclyn gives new meaning to the UGLY cry. Man oh man!

  5. 5
    carol
    Posted September 5, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    Blakeley’s fake crying was almost painful to watch. It was like watching a school play at an elementary school.

    Those shiny blue pants on Sarah were awful. They made her butt look flat and like she had a belly. How much did they have to pay those people in the ‘audience’? I wonder if it was one of those events that they hand out flyers for in the touristy areas, telling people it will only take an hour of your time and you might get to be on national tv. They couldn’t have been any hardcore fans because there were no spoilers online about the final three couples.

    Maybe it is because we have seen what these guys are like, but not a single one is actually attractive. It is a sad day when Ed is the best looking one.

    My guess about the finale, one team wins and they both or just one of them decide to keep the money. You remember how after the team wins, they have to go to separate rooms and decide to either share the money with each other or keep the money. If I remember correctly, if both choose share, they split it evenly. If one of them keeps and the other shares, the one that picked keep gets the money. If they both pick keep, they don’t get any money and it gets divided among the previous players. So, either one or both picked keep. There is not much else that would get that reaction (happy, stunned, shocked, etc) from all of the house guests.

  6. 6
    itchy itchy
    Posted September 5, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    I think the most shocking and disturbing thing will be that Kalon asks Whatsherface to marry him — and she’ll say yes.

    This show has single-handedly destroyed any hope of suppressing the “him and I” construction.

    Also, this show clocks in at 1:22:48 with all of the commercials stripped away. Mind-boggling. Which means people sit through nearly FORTY FUCKING MINUTES of commercials to watch this shit? Not to mention that, once you strip away the multiple “coming ups” and other repeated footage, and you’re left with about 40 minutes of actual show. Crazy.

    I kind of liked Rachel’s voice — she could do a great Marianne Faithful with a bit of vocal training.

  7. 7
    melange
    Posted September 6, 2012 at 11:30 am

    I’m semi-surprised that Chris turned out to be such a douchenozzle. Near miss, Emily.
    In retrospect, Jillian got robbed for her final 3 – yuck, Ed the wishy-washy drunken man-whore and two-faced Reid. She should have picked Kiptyn, but then, he never seemed very into her.

    I can’t find anything redeemable about any of the men on Bachelor Pad this season.

    I did love the singing competition in this episode, even if the contestants were difficult to watch. I have newfound respect for the American Idol kids. Sarah seemed surprised that Night Ranger poked fun at her antics on stage. Ha! She doesn’t even want to know what they said about her off-camera.

  8. 8
    Polk8dot
    Posted September 6, 2012 at 11:22 pm

    @Carol – I agree that the twist in the finale will be that a SINGLE person gets all the money.
    From the previews of Rachel’s freakout in the hallway behind the stage, I guess that:
    1. Rachel and Nick win the voting
    2. Rachel elects the ‘share’ option
    3. Nick elects the ‘take all’ option
    4. Rachel ends up with NO MONEY at all, and that’s why she’s screaming with rage ‘Bring that piece of shit to me!!!’ – she wants to confront Nick, who appears to have no plans of letting her pulverize his face.
    Her disaster with Stagliano is just an icing on the cake for ABC and BP producers.

    I read that the show brings in, on average, around 4.5 million viewers each week. With such numbers ABC surely cannot be so stupid as to renew it for another season. I hope this is the last one.
    Bachelor Pad – may you die as you were conceived, a vile, delusional, narcissistic cesspoll of hate, jealousy, greed, backstabbing and lies. Go away and don’t come back. You will not be missed.

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