Bachelor Pad Recap- Fill’er Up

Recaps

By Jane and Blanche | Wednesday, September 5, 2012 | 6:00 am | 8 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Bachelor Pad, Recaps

They get through the song with relatively no problem. Rachel carries Nick, again. Second to sing are Ed and Jaclyn. THEY TOTALLY FUCK THIS SONG UP! Jaclyn misses her intro and can’t remember the lyrics. Ed said he runs to this song, apparently he doesn’t run often. They both ask the band to start over. The band keeps playing, they would stop if it hadn’t been previously recorded. Ed and Jaclyn just end up gyrating all over each other to the crowd’s horror.

You may be a sister, but you ain’t no Christian.

Finally, Chris and Sarah take the stage. After all the crap Sarah has talked we are expecting a Grammy performance. Shockingly we didn’t get one. Christ! Sarah is a FREAK on stage! Add libbing to the song and dancing around like her hot pants are on fire. WTF?! Chris had the lyrics written on his arm, clever, but that should be automatic disqualification. We think Sarah was just hoping her striptease and “monkey electrocution” would divert the attention from the horrible noises coming out of their mouths. Sarah then tells the camera how much she think the judges looked like they were enjoying it, and thinks “they really have a good chance of winning this.” OK she’s fucking delusional. 

THANK YOU PHOENIX!

Night Ranger gives their opinion of the performances. Here’s the thing. They were all bad. While we like this song, this part of the show was TORTURE for us. We honestly think they should play this to the terrorists. Rachel and Nick are the least of the 3 that sucked, so they get to choose who goes home. Nick and Rachel sit down to talk it out. Nick says “it’ll be easier to win against Chris and Sarah than Ed and Jaclyn.” That is sound logic, coming from a roid head. Rachel is upset because Jaclyn has been nothing but loyal to her. She’s BFF’s with Jaclyn and doesn’t want to betray her. Unfortunately she does, cuz “money is ugly.” Rachel and Nick kick off Ed and Jaclyn which leads to the ugly cries from Jaclyn. Jaclyn is PISSED! “She’s Dead to Me!” 

The look of money shame

F that! that F’ing C*nt!

In coming on the show or in life general?

So that leads us to the final 4 and the final episode next week. Chris Harrison says it’s the most “shocking and the most disturbing finale ever!!” Dear Sweet Baby Jesus, please please please let the Wonder Twins return! So what did y’all think? Who’s gonna win? See ya in a few!

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We grew up on the prairie; Blanche is older and became blind by her teenage years... Jane is the adorable younger sister, known as "half -pint." Ok, so that's not true but we were raised in Texas, so kinda close.

We're all grown up now and are official card-carrying members of the Asshole Social Society, it's kinda like an exclusive country club, but for snarky  people who have no money, and would rather stay home talking to the tv than to other people.

Growing up we fought like crazy but only during the commercials... Now we're sisters that love and respect each other, only on the 8's tho (kinda like the weather channel...)

We love all reality tv and meat products.

We will try to make you laugh but a majority of the time we just make ourselves laugh so you may get a raw deal.

People love us! At least to our face they do, which is proper southern etiquette .

8 Comments

  1. 1
    kristen
    Posted September 5, 2012 at 6:25 am

    I can’t believe Ed is still wearing those stupid mankinis. Actually, I totally can. I wonder how blackout he and Jaclyn were during their performance.

  2. 2
    Pikey578
    Posted September 5, 2012 at 6:35 am

    It is a sad commentary that I don’t want any of the final four to win… It would be great if each member of the final couple chooses something different – then I think neither gets the money and it is divided amongst the entire group. It would serve them right! Looking forward to the final recap of this. Thanks, J&B.

  3. 3
    considerthis
    Posted September 5, 2012 at 9:31 am

    Ed is a dick. He could not have been any less of a gentleman to Jacklyn if he tried. Whether you want to have sex with her or not should be inconsequential when she is upset and bawling. Lend her a shoulder ass munch.

    Jacklyn wins the Road Kill award for this season as she got run over by everybody.

  4. 4
    Danielle
    Posted September 5, 2012 at 11:55 am

    Jaclyn gives new meaning to the UGLY cry. Man oh man!

  5. 5
    carol
    Posted September 5, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    Blakeley’s fake crying was almost painful to watch. It was like watching a school play at an elementary school.

    Those shiny blue pants on Sarah were awful. They made her butt look flat and like she had a belly. How much did they have to pay those people in the ‘audience’? I wonder if it was one of those events that they hand out flyers for in the touristy areas, telling people it will only take an hour of your time and you might get to be on national tv. They couldn’t have been any hardcore fans because there were no spoilers online about the final three couples.

    Maybe it is because we have seen what these guys are like, but not a single one is actually attractive. It is a sad day when Ed is the best looking one.

    My guess about the finale, one team wins and they both or just one of them decide to keep the money. You remember how after the team wins, they have to go to separate rooms and decide to either share the money with each other or keep the money. If I remember correctly, if both choose share, they split it evenly. If one of them keeps and the other shares, the one that picked keep gets the money. If they both pick keep, they don’t get any money and it gets divided among the previous players. So, either one or both picked keep. There is not much else that would get that reaction (happy, stunned, shocked, etc) from all of the house guests.

  6. 6
    itchy itchy
    Posted September 5, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    I think the most shocking and disturbing thing will be that Kalon asks Whatsherface to marry him — and she’ll say yes.

    This show has single-handedly destroyed any hope of suppressing the “him and I” construction.

    Also, this show clocks in at 1:22:48 with all of the commercials stripped away. Mind-boggling. Which means people sit through nearly FORTY FUCKING MINUTES of commercials to watch this shit? Not to mention that, once you strip away the multiple “coming ups” and other repeated footage, and you’re left with about 40 minutes of actual show. Crazy.

    I kind of liked Rachel’s voice — she could do a great Marianne Faithful with a bit of vocal training.

  7. 7
    melange
    Posted September 6, 2012 at 11:30 am

    I’m semi-surprised that Chris turned out to be such a douchenozzle. Near miss, Emily.
    In retrospect, Jillian got robbed for her final 3 – yuck, Ed the wishy-washy drunken man-whore and two-faced Reid. She should have picked Kiptyn, but then, he never seemed very into her.

    I can’t find anything redeemable about any of the men on Bachelor Pad this season.

    I did love the singing competition in this episode, even if the contestants were difficult to watch. I have newfound respect for the American Idol kids. Sarah seemed surprised that Night Ranger poked fun at her antics on stage. Ha! She doesn’t even want to know what they said about her off-camera.

  8. 8
    Polk8dot
    Posted September 6, 2012 at 11:22 pm

    @Carol – I agree that the twist in the finale will be that a SINGLE person gets all the money.
    From the previews of Rachel’s freakout in the hallway behind the stage, I guess that:
    1. Rachel and Nick win the voting
    2. Rachel elects the ‘share’ option
    3. Nick elects the ‘take all’ option
    4. Rachel ends up with NO MONEY at all, and that’s why she’s screaming with rage ‘Bring that piece of shit to me!!!’ – she wants to confront Nick, who appears to have no plans of letting her pulverize his face.
    Her disaster with Stagliano is just an icing on the cake for ABC and BP producers.

    I read that the show brings in, on average, around 4.5 million viewers each week. With such numbers ABC surely cannot be so stupid as to renew it for another season. I hope this is the last one.
    Bachelor Pad – may you die as you were conceived, a vile, delusional, narcissistic cesspoll of hate, jealousy, greed, backstabbing and lies. Go away and don’t come back. You will not be missed.

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