PREVIOUSLY ON BACHELOR PAD…
Wes fought a losing battle to break up the couples. He ended up getting eliminated along with Krisily.
POST ROSE CEREMONY….
Kovacs tells us he’s not sad to see Krisily go. He tells “The only downside is she was the last annoying person we had left to vote off.”
Kovacs – “Oh well. We still got some ‘Holla Back Spinsters’ left to choose from.”
Peyton says she’s sad Krisily went out the way that she did, caught off guard. Princess Tenley says you can’t get mad at these things. Nikki thinks Krisily had every right to be upset.
Outside the Male Plastics are discussing Krisily’s ‘Reject Rose Rant.’ Kovacs doesn’t understand who she meant was lying to her.
David explains to the guys that earlier in the night he told Krisily that she wasn’t on the chopping block and at that time she wasn’t.
David – “I wasn’t lying to her. We made a decision last minute. It’s like Bella deciding at the last minute to jump on a motorcycle with Jacob so Alice wouldn’t see.”
Kiptyn – “Seriously David, ‘Twilight’ references again?” Kovacs – “That Rosalie is hot. “
David tells the guys “Don’t hate the player, hate the game.” Jessie B. replies “Exactly.”
THE NEXT MORNING….
In the kitchen Ashley tells Gwen that her shirt is really cute. Gwen replies “Thanks. It’s the only rose I have.”
Gwen – “My Bedazzler would make a great husband.”
Gwen tells us she never expected to be an Outsider. Now she is literally by herself surrounded by couples.
Lumberjack Chris Harrison summons everyone to the living room.
Chris Harrison – “I’m ready to cut some spindly spinsters.”
He congratulations them on being the 11 remaining contestants but the time has come for the numbers to even up. Harrison tells them “three women will be leaving this morning.”
Chris Harrison – “Eenie-Meenie-Miney-Moe Three of You Have Got to Go.”
Chris Harrison tells them they will have to wait a couple of hours to find out which spinsters are doomed to a life of cats and Dr. Phil, so in the meantime he instructs the women to head upstairs and pack.
Nikki tells us her heart is pounding so hard that she feels it in her bones. This demonstrates to her how much she wants to be here.
Nikki – “Unless my body is turning against me.”
Elizabeth doesn’t want to leave without knowing how Kovacs feels about her. Wait, didn’t he profess his feelings last episode?
Elizabeth – “Every moment with Kovacs is like ’50 First Dates.’ My brain has been like a sieve ever since that bull-riding accident. Wait it’s not 1982? What Sammy Jo and Steven got divorced? “
Natalie says it’s really survival of the fittest at this point.
Natalie – “Good luck to anyone here that has a Darwin Award.”
Princess Tenley tells us she is going to have a heart attack.
The girls head upstairs and begin to pack up their belongings. Natalie tells us this is the most intense moment she’s felt in the game so far. She’s concerned because she hasn’t won a challenge yet and she has no idea what Harrison has in store for them.
David, still downstairs, tells us he’s glad three women are going home, but he hopes it’s the right ones.
Back upstairs Princess Tenley says her heart is beating fast. She is terrified because she just started a romantic relationship with Kiptyn. What if she is one of the girls to go?
Kiptyn tells us “This is going to be the biggest elimination to date.”
Kiptyn – “The most dramatic rose ceremony ever…without roses?”
The girls head outside to face potential elimination.
Waiting outside is a Chris Harrison and a bottle.
Bottle – “Pucker up bitches.”
Natalie is like “Spin the bottle? Are you kidding me?”
Natalie – “Seven minutes in heaven was way better.”
Chris Harrison tells them “I can tell by your somber mood that you realize this could be the most difficult moment you’ve had at bachelor pad.”
Chris Harrison – “Take what you’re feeling and that’s how I feel about having to share this show with her.” Melissa – “Right back at ya.”
Chris Harrison tells the group that three of you women will be leaving us immediately. Nikki and Princess Tenley clasp hands for support.
Dramatic hand clasping.
Chris Harrison – “Nice hand holding. Great dramatic shot for the cameras ladies. Good job.” Melissa – “Yes, excellent.”
Harrison tells them here is how it’s going to work. It’s going to be up to the guys.
Chris Harrison – “Guys, in this case feel free to think with your dick.” Melissa – “Yeah, this show isn’t about smarts.”
You will choose the woman that will make the best partner for you to get you to the end of the competition.
Chris Harrison – “And if you get laid along the way, good for you.” Melissa – “Yeah, this is a numbers game.”
Gwen tells us she is in big, big, big trouble. She is completely alone.
Melissa explains to the guys that they will each choose a woman and ask her for a kiss. It will then be up to the woman to decide if she wants to accept that kiss.
Melissa – “Do not offer her a thimble. That is not a kiss. Peter Pan was an inexperienced jackass.”
Chris Harrison adds those of you that don’t receive a kiss will head over to a limo and leave.
Chris Harrison – “Did Peter Pan really offer Wendy a thimble?” Melissa – “Yes.” Chris Harrison – “God he really was a Lost Boy.” Melissa – “Yep.”
Ashley tells us there are a lot of strategic reasons for the guys to keep her in the game. She’s strong, tough and…
Ashley – “And I’m a member of the Jelly of the Month club.”
Chris Harrison instructs the guys to line up around the table. Melissa leans over and spins the bottle.
“You spin me right round, baby; right round like a record, baby; right round, round, round.”
The bottle selects Kiptyn. Kiptyn paces back and forth. Nikki thinks she’s safe because Kiptyn owes her. Princess Tenley hopes she’s safe because Kiptyn likes her. Finally Kiptyn picks Princess Tenley.
Melissa spins the bottle again.
Bottle – “You look like you’re lots of fun…Kovacs!”
The bottle picks Kovacs.
Ashley tells us Kovacs and Elizabeth have been dating for six months. Obviously he is going to pick Elizabeth. Kovacs tells us that he isn’t sure if he should bring Elizabeth along. She clearly has a screw loose.
And Kovacs picks Elizabeth.
Kovacs – “Chris Harrison told me to think with my dick.” Elizabeth – “Nice.”
Elizabeth tells us this is exactly what she wanted coming into the house.
Melissa spins the bottle again.
Bottle – “I set my sights on you….Jesse B.!”
The bottle picks Jesse B., and he picks Peyton.
Chris Harrison turns to David and tells him “Obviously you are the final gentleman.”
David – “You’re not going to spin the bottle one more time for me?” Chris Harrison and Melissa – “No.”
David picks Natalie.
Ashley, Nikki and Gwen are the last ones standing.
Chris Harrison – “Alright spinsters it’s time for you to leave.” Melissa – “Have fun watching Dr. Phil. We included a parting gift bag in your limo. It includes cans of Fancy Feast for your cats.”
Tears flow. Hugs are exchanged. Natalie comments that Gwen, Nikki and Ashley didn’t get the concept that this game is about relationship building.
The three ladies get into their separate limos and leave.
Elizabeth tells us it’s so sad to see the girls leave especially Gwen. Elizabeth says she could find herself in Gwen’s shoes someday, alone and in her 40s.
AFTER THE SPINSTER ELIMINATION….
The bachelors and bachelorettes head back inside. They discuss how now they have to depend on someone else. David says this rose competition is really important today.
Natalie thinks this next competition might be athletic. Princess Tenley mimics doggy paddling. Elizabeth hopes it’s a ‘who knows their partner best competition” because she majors in Kovacs 101.
Kovacs and Elizabeth head outside and quiz each other on miscellaneous stuff like hometowns, color of eyes, natural hair color, etc.
Kovacs tells us he has a steel trap for a memory and will remember anything Elizabeth tells him.
Kovacs – “Except for that we’re in a relationship. That’s where my selective memory comes into play.”
Kovacs tells Elizabeth they talk a lot so they should be good. Elizabeth warns Kovacs not to rely on random conversations they’ve had because she doesn’t remember everything they’ve discussed. Kovacs is like oh shit that’s right you do have a terrible memory.
Elizabeth – “Bull-riding accident, remember?” Kovacs – “What happened with that exactly?” Elizabeth – “I don’t remember.”
Kovacs say this is probably a bad plan. He’ll remember everything about Elizabeth, and she won’t remember anything about him.
Kovacs asks Elizabeth if she took her Ginko pill this morning. He’s like what is it called? Elizabeth can’t even remember. (It’s Ginkgo Biloba).
Elizabeth – “Every morning I take a pill to help me remember. Only problem is I forget to take the pill, and then I can’t remember.”
Over by the pool Natalie and David are talking. Natalie can’t believe they made it this far. She’s also really excited because David is the real deal, and she hopes to see where their relationship can go.
David looks over at Princess Tenley and Kiptyn. He asks Natalie “What do you think they’re talking about?”
Natalie laughs and says “How glad they are to be a couple.” David starts laughing and adds “Ooo we’re so in love.” Natalie “Wee now we can make out it public.”
Princess Tenley and Kiptyn ‘strategizing’
Princess Tenley tells us it is so awesome to now be free in the house. She loves kissing Kiptyn. She loves kissing.
Princess Tenley – “I was named best chaste kisser in my high school yearbook.”
Princess Tenley says kissing is fun and so is Kiptyn. And here it comes…
Princess Tenley – “Because we’re KIP-TEN.”
And now we have our first official ‘Bennifer’ of the house. KIP-TEN will don matching Juicy Couture sweatsuits, write and sing songs to each other and star in bad made for TV Lifetime movies.
Inside Peyton and Jesse B. are sitting on the couch. Peyton asks Jesse B. “What are you picking at?” Jesse B. replies “An ingrown hair on his knee.” Also he is picking at it with a screw.
To get MRSA. Step 1: pick up a drywall screw. Step 2: pick at skin with screw.
Peyton is horrified. She tells us everyone else is excited about their partnership except for her.
Jesse B. picks up a banana. He tells Peyton he wants her to eat a banana too.
Jesse B. “Come on. Well, at least pretend to be the Man in the Yellow Hat to my ‘Curious George’.”
Peyton – “How about I’ll be Dr. Zaius and you be Taylor.”
Jesse B. -”Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius. Troy McClure is awesome.”
Peyton says the next competition is going to be a disaster. She would rather do it on her own.
The couples head outside for their first couples competition. They are greeted by Chris Harrison and Melissa.
Chris Harrison tells them obviously things have changed dramatically around here.
Chris Harrison – “Like our outfits. I’ve switched into a bright blue shirt, Melissa, here, into a Flashdance number. Where’d you get that, Forever 21?” Melissa – “Actually I borrowed it from your mom.”
Chris tells the contestants that now they’re down to eight and from here on out will be playing as couples.
Chris Harrison – “You know my mother doesn’t wear a size small shirt. ” Melissa – “I never said it was actually a shirt.” Chris Harrison – “Oh. Ohhh, why I outta…” Melissa – “Don’t make me bust out the your momma jokes, Harrison.”
Chris Harrison tells them now only one couple can win each competition. That winning couple will get the date and safety from elimination.
Chris Harrison continues “And Melissa will be explaining today’s competition.”
Chris Harrison – “Are you capable of doing that maniac, maniac on the floor?” Melissa – “And Harrison’s mom is dancing like she’s never danced before…in a Muumuu.”
Melissa “Today you will be playing catch with condom water balloons.”
Ultra ribbed for his and her pleasure.
Couples must toss the balloons and catch them without breaking. Each couple will have three chances to drop the balloons. After that they will be eliminated.
Chris Harrison – “I’m an excellent catcher.” Melissa – “So George Michael tells me.”
Chris Harrison (clap clap) – “You had to go there didn’t you.” Melissa – “You walked right into it.”
Melissa asks “Any questions?” Chris Harrison tells the contestants to get into position.
Most dramatic balloon toss ever.
Everyone makes it through round one. The guys are instructed to take a step backwards.
Everyone makes it through round two. The guys take another step backwards.
Jesse B. tosses the balloon to Peyton and it breaks making it the first broken balloon. They try again and their second balloon breaks. They try for a third time and that balloon breaks too. Peyton and Jesse B. are officially out of the competition.
The couple to break a balloon is KIP-TEN. They break their second balloon and third. They’re the next couple out.
It’s down to Elizabeth and Kovacs and David and Natalie.
Kovacs and Elizabeth break their first balloon. Chris Harrison yells “Ooo right through the legs.” They manage to recover with their second balloon.
The guys keep taking steps back.
Elizabeth and Kovacs lose their second balloon and their third. Now David and Natalie just need to complete one successful pass.
David and Natalie lose their first balloon. They’re successful with their second and win the competition.
David and Natalie – “Best balloon tossers ever!”
Poor Peyton is still upset over the competition.
Chris Harrison and Melissa give David and Natalie their roses.
Peyton apologizes to Jesse B. again. He says don’t worry about it.
Princess Tenley tells Natalie she’s happy for her and David. Natalie tells Princess Tenley that she and Kiptyn have nothing to worry about. She does think that Peyton has a right to be worried because she and Jesse B. are a physical threat. Princess Tenley warns that Elizabeth and Kovacs have been together the longest and that could be bad in a “who knows their partner the best’ competition.
Peyton catches up with Natalie and expresses her concerns that she and Jesse B. will be up on the chopping block. Natalie tells Peyton not to worry. David is a strategic player, and she plans on talking to him about the benefits of getting rid of Kovacs and Elizabeth.
Back inside everyone is waiting for the date box/card to arrive. There’s a knock at the door. David runs outside to get it. Natalie reads the card out loud. It says “Spend the night under the stars.” David has no idea what it means.
Princess Tenley is convinced they’re going somewhere in a rocket ship.
Princess Tenley – “See they’re going to launch off into outer space like this!!”
David and Natalie get ready for their date.
David – “No wrinkles. Wait, can you get wrinkles when you’re in a rocket with zero gravity?”
Elizabeth tells us it sucks that she and Kovacs didn’t win the couples challenge. She wants some alone time with Kovacs and not in a bathtub.
Kovacs and Elizabeth go outside to chat and spot a yellow Lamborghini in the driveway. The two climb in. They realize this must be for David and Natalie’s date. Elizabeth decides screw those guys, let’s be the first ones to make out in this car.
Lamborghini – “No!!!”
Lamborghini – “Aww man watch my paint!!!”
Lamborghini – “Help me!!!”
Kovacs tells us he can’t help if a girl catches a bad case of Kovacs.
DAVID AND PEYTON’S DATE…
Elizabeth and Kovacs go inside and tells the gang that they spotted a surprise for Natalie and David’s date. Kovacs tells them they broke it in for them.
Everyone goes outside. David is stoked. He tells us he grew up working on cars and this is a once in a lifetime chance to drive a Lamborghini.
David and Natalie get in the car. The engine purrs and David screams “It’s alive, it’s alive!!”
David – “Now, who’s hot, who not?” Natalie – “Be flossin’, Jig on the cover of Fortune.”
The two pull away from the house.
Natalie tells us David is a hot, hot specimen and he just got hotter in the driver’s seat of that Lamborghini.
David grins from ear to ear and tests out all of the gears and floors it. Natalie takes pictures.
BACK AT BACHELOR PAD…
The Lamborghini-less people are consoling themselves with alcohol.
Champagne will make the pain go away.
Elizabeth asks the group if they think that Natalie and David will seal the deal on this date. Princess Tenley scrunches up her face like “yeah.” Princess Tenley says it must feel so awesome to know you’re in the top three. Jesse B. says “Yeah, tell us it must feel awesome.” Uh oh. Jesse B.’s claws or should I say drywall screws are coming out.
Kovacs says “Hey now, they’re the only two that’s safe. All of us are still up on the chopping block.”
Peyton tells Jesse B. what Natalie told her about playing strategically.
BACK ON DAVID AND NATALIE’S DATE…
They pull up along the side of a cliff to see the sunset over the ocean. David runs back to the car like a muppet to grab the camera.
He instructs Natalie to pose with the Lamborghini.
Lamborghini – “Jesus Christ! Would you people stop mounting me? There better be Plan B in my glove compartment.”
Natalie tells David to get his ass over there and pose with the car too.
Lamborghini – “Sigh.”
Natalie and David pull up to the same mansion where Jason and Molly fell in love.
Natalie tells David that Jason and Molly did an overnight camping trip here and now they’re married. David says cheers to a house of good relationships.
Natalie asks David what are his plans for the money. He wants to start up a business in Tampa like his father’s. David asks Natalie what are her plans. She wants to get rid of her student loan debt and send her parents on a trip around the world.
David opens up about his parents’ divorce when he was 9 yrs old. He reveals how his relationship with his father isn’t good right now. They aren’t talking. David gets teary-eyed. Natalie comforts him.
David tells us he can see himself having a real relationship with Natalie.
The two head out to the hot tub and make out.
BACK AT BACHELOR PAD…
KIP-TEN are in the pool making out. Kiptyn tells us he’s going to go for it with Princess Tenley outside of the house.
BACK AT NATALIE AND DAVID’S DATE…
David wants to know what Natalie is thinking. He thinks it’s time for them to discuss some strategy. Natalie shares her concerns about Kovacs and Elizabeth.
BACK AT BACHELOR PAD…
Elizabeth asks Kovacs if he remembers the night that they met.
Kovacs – “Yeah you were riding a bull.” Elizabeth – “Was that the night of the accident?”
Elizabeth tells Kovacs she was nervous because she realized she wanted something real with him.
She asks Kovacs if he thinks they’d be able to sneak into the fantasy suite. The two head inside.
They sneak into the fantasy suite and set-up a bubble bath.
Perfect ambiance for a Mr. Bubbles Sacrifice Hostel Style.
Downstairs the other couples are getting ready for bed. Also the bunk beds have been dismantled and now they have full size beds.
Back upstairs Kovacs asks Elizabeth if she wants to get naked. She says sure if it’s making love but if it’s just railing than no.
Princess Tenley sneaks upstairs and listens outside the door.
Princess Tenley – “Yup. Definitely salad tossing going on.”
Princess Tenley goes back into the former bunk bed room. She tells everyone since she got in trouble for this before this time this is not a rumor, just an observation. She saw candles and smelled something good. Jesse B. goes oh they’re definitely banging.
Back upstairs Elizabeth and Kovacs are arguing. She feels like he doesn’t put forth any effort. Kovacs asks what do you want me to do when we’re competing.
THE NEXT MORNING…
Elizabeth asks Kovacs if he’s mad at her.
Kovacs – “Nope. I just have extremely blue balls and now I’m going to be uncomfortable during the entire rose ceremony.”
Natalie and David arrive home. The two piggyback into the house. Awww.
Natalie – “Good idea. Practice piggybacking. This could be a potential physical couples challenge.” David – “Always strategizing Natalie, I’m always strategizing.
Natalie and David go upstairs and ask where are Kovacs and Elizabeth. The gang tells them those two took over the fantasy suite.
The two head upstairs. David gives Kovacs props and calls him awesome.
Natalie is like their bromance can’t get in the way of the game. Kovacs says how much fun he has with David.
The two tell us how their plan has been successful from the very beginning. The plan was not to have a plan.
Natalie tells Peyton to go talk to Princess Tenley and work her for a vote. Peyton goes and talks to Princess Tenley in an effort to keep her and Jesse B. Then Princess Tenley goes to Kiptyn and tells him the merits of keeping Jesse B. and Peyton.
PREPPING FOR ROSE CEREMONY & VOTING…
Everyone preps for the rose ceremony.
Natalie catches up with David and tells him she thinks Kovacs needs to go. David says he can’t do that.
Clink! Clink! Chris Harrison tells everyone to gather round.
Chris Harrison – “So I hear someone snuck into the fantasy suite and broke the bed.”
Chris Harrison tells them you played as a couple and tonight will be voted off as a couple.
Chris Harrison – “Think of it as a Dancing with the Stars elimination without the annoying judges.”
And you will be voting separately. Ooo this could get interesting.
Chris Harrison – “And no hand signaling how you’re going to vote. Btw this hand signal is for Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto.”
Chris Harrison leaves them to go and vote.
Princess Tenley and Natalie realize that they can control the votes now. Natalie says screw the pact. We’ve got women code.
Fist bump. Explosion!
People start voting.
Jesse B. goes to Kiptyn and tries to persuade him to vote out Kovacs and Elizabeth. Kovacs notices this and realizes that he could be going home.
ROSE CEREMONY ELIMINATION…
Chris Harrison welcomes everyone to another rose ceremony.
Chris Harrison – “Morticia and I would like to welcome you to another rose ceremony.” Melissa – “Yes, Uncle Fester.”
Harrison explains that tonight will be a little different. A couple will be voted out of the Bachelor Pad.
Chris Harrison – “Don’t make me get Lurch on your ass.” Melissa – “Don’t make me bitch slap you with Thing.”
Elizabeth – “What are they talking about?” Kovacs – “I think they’re insulting each other with Addams Family characters.”
Chris Harrison – “Okay Cousin It, back the fuck off before I crimp your hair and make you look like an extra in a Poison video.” Melissa – “You know a lot about hair crimping don’t ya Dee Schneider.”
Chris Harrison explains that Melissa will call out each couples’ name and give them both a rose. The couple left standing without roses will be eliminated.
Princess Tenley and Kiptyn each receive a rose. Then Elizabeth and Kovacs receive their roses.
Jesse B. and Peyton have been eliminated. Looks like Natalie and Princess Tenley’s plan failed.
Jesse B. thanks Peyton for being his partner.
Natalie reveals that she didn’t go against David. It was her vote that sent Jesse B. and Peyton home.
In the limos, Jesse B. calls out everyone for being fakes and stabbing him in the back. Peyton reveals how hurt she is that she left still an Outsider.
Back at the house as everyone walks inside Princess Tenley says lets have a pajama party. Natalie agrees.
On Monday’s season finale of Bachelor Pad, the contestants will face a ballroom dancing competition, and all of the contestants from this season will come back to face a large studio audience.
Until next time!