Bad Girls Club: Beach Blanket Bad Girls

This week on Bad Girls Club, we get to rehash the fight between Esther and Dani. The words. “low blow” keep being yelled out and as someone in the comments mentioned, Dani threw some low blows herself. What did she expect Crazy Esther to do?

Esther admits that she threw a low blow at Dani but excuses it by saying Dani shouldn’t have given her the info to start with. Dani keeps screaming about how she doesn’t care what Esther thinks of her. THEN GET UP OFF THE FLOOR AND STOP FUCKING WHINING!

Kristin tells us she isn’t sure she believes Dani was ever addicted to heroin. She thinks maybe it’s a way for her to get attention. I’m sick of the whole story so can we move along please?

No such luck. Esther keeps mumbling to herself and since Dani has now moved out to the balcony, Esther follows her and gets in her face.

Why hasn’t someone thrown this bitch off the balcony yet?

Dani tells her to get out of her face and she calls her a heroin addict again. Now Lea is pissed and grabs Esther and slings her towards the door. Dani tells her she’s acting stupid so Esther throws the puke bucket at her. Dani knocks it away but still. That bitch would be a splat on the cement below. Esther finally takes her nasty ass back in the house and says “Toodles whore.”

Finally the next day arrives and the girls are getting ready to go to the everglades to a gator park. Poor lil gators. Kristin doesn’t know how they should dress for this and she thinks they may be killed by hillbillies. No, hillbillies have higher standards. She then tells Cat that a gator is probably going to eat her because he will know that her shoes are made from his cousin. Good one.

In the car Cat tries to give Dani some good advice and tells her to basically toughen up and when someone low blows you, you low blow them right back. In other words, don’t fall in the floor screaming like you just found out your entire family was killed in a plane crash. This is the Bad Girls Club not the Boo Hoo Girls Club.

Finally they get to the park. This poor dude will be their tour guide. I hope he’s had all his shots.

Hi Ty. Can I see your gator?

Seriously Kristin walks up to the dude like she’s gonna rape him. He escorts them to the boat and tells them to feel free to stand up if they want. Then he shows them a gator names Fisher laying nearby. Kayleigh thinks he’d make a great pair of shoes. I don’t think Fisher would bite one of them if they shoved their leg in his mouth.

He’s thinking,”Man I have better skin than Erica.”

Off we go. The boat takes off after Ty makes some crack about how an alligators age is determined by size, that size matters. He knows his crowd.

Now just speed up and sling that boat sideways quick!

At some point Ty stops the boat in a shallow area so the girls can get out. Kristin screams that this is not like a mud bath. And the girls take a pic for prosperity. All except for Esther who took the pic. Besides nobody wants to see that bony ass mess.

Say Cheesy Whores!

Those poor gators are going to be blind. Luckily all gross things must come to an end and this one does without anyone fighting.

Back at home Kristin sees a boat and runs to the deck and shouts, “Straight or gay?” Kayleigh is right behind her as usual. The guy says straight so Kristin asks if she can see his penis. I can’t hear what the guys in the boat say but as a way of saying welcome Kristin does this.

I’m about tired of seeing this girls ass.

The dudes weren’t much impressed either because they kept going lol.

Meanwhile Esther and Lea are talking about how Kayleigh is Kristin’s shadow and follows her everywhere. Which she does. Kinda like how Esther follows Lea.

Later the dingbats are getting ready to go out. Lea decides to wear one of Esther’s bras and adds a little padding for full effect. Meanwhile Esther starts drooling.

At the club Esther and Lea go outside. Esther tells Lea she is the hottest girl there and she needs to go ahead and give her what she wants and then they can just be BFF’s.  Lea tells her no. I would have barfed first and then said no. Lea is trying to be polite.

There isn’t enough booze or imagination or shrinks alive to make me have sex with you. No offense.

All of the sudden from inside the club we hear yelling. Esther and Lea run inside where we see Kristin slapping a guy. He touched her ear with a dildo and she lost it. She slapped him. He threw ice at her.  Now all the girls are pissed and take off after this stupid dude. Except for Erica who couldn’t give a smaller shit.

Slap!

Throw!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz………

They chase his ass out to the parking lot but he is gone. Esther again yells, “Go fuck your Dad!” Kayleigh wants to know what kind of guy runs from 7 girls. Uhhhh, a smart one?

Dani and Erica take one of the cars and leave and they both make comments about drama and blah blah blah and Erica says it’s always the dumb ones who get drinks thrown on them and she herself has never had a drink thrown on her. Yippie. Good for you. It could be because no one can tell you are there because you never move!

Oh jeez, in the other car Esther yells out some shit about wanting to have bi sexual sex right now. With Lea.

I’d rather shove a porcupine in my cooter.

Kayleigh informs us that Esther has a thang for Lea and has all these pics of her in her camera. She says at the end of the day she thinks Esther wants to fuck Lea. Thanks for sharing brain trust. Now the next time it rains, can you go out side and see if there is any moisture. Dipshit.

Esther tells us she doesn’t know what’s wrong with Lea but she does know that tonight is the night and she is getting some. Cut to Esther the Molester trying to “get some” from Lea.

Get off me!

No means no ho!

The other girls decide it’s swim suit time and Esther the Molester decides its sulking time.

Oh hell, she has the crazy rag on her head.

Meanwhile the other girls are in the pool and some of them decide it’s nekkid time! Esther sulks and then goes to bed.

From the balcony Erica and Dani notice the nekkid party going on in the pool. Things are getting loud and I sure hope they don’t wake Esther……….

Naked bitches everywhere and not a single one wants Esther!

Inside the naked bitches go and they find cat and decide to “rape” her.

Enjoy it while you can, the Esther Monster is sure to start growling soon.

Told ya. Here she comes. All full of evil and nastiness. Haven’t these bitches learned to let sleeping dogs lie?

I’m about to kill me some bitches!

Esther starts beating her chest and screaming over and over “I’m sleep! I’m sleep! Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sleeeeeeeeeep I’m sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!”

Of course she starts throwing shit. Dani cracks up. Kristin goes out to the balcony and asks Esther whats wrong and Esther yet again keeps screaming, “I’m sleep! I’m sleep!”Don’t wake me up. I been sleep. Shut up when I’m sleep!”

She expects that if she is out of sight then her roommates should know she’s sleep. Lea tells her that’s why they wear earplugs and dingbat says her ears are too dainty for such contraptions.

With a mouth that huge how small could your ears be?

Lea and Kristin’s cooter decide to do a confessional. Lea says her roommate is acting a fool and it’s not like she’s the only one to ever be awakened in this house.

Kristin’s cooter would speak but it’s afraid of Esther.

Outside the confessional they hear giggling and realize Kayleigh is out there. And it’s not the first time. Kristin tells us they have noticed this several times and it makes things awkward and uncomfortable. Meanwhile I notice Erica doing the same thing.

The next morning Kristin is still talking about Kayleigh snooping around the confessional while upstairs Esther is explaining herself and Kayleigh is apologizing for waking her. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The girls head out for the day and on the way home the snooping incident comes up. Kayleigh is all “Who would do such a thing?” and Lea tells her “You do.” Kayleigh denies this and doesn’t get any backup from bestie Kristin and finally just starts to cry and says she doesn’t want to discuss this anymore.

Later she confronts Kristin and says that she feels betrayed by her because all she ever says is good things and now she can’t trust her.

 

Wah wah wah I’m a Bad Girl y’all!

Kristin listens but basically just walks away. That girl better get some thicker skin and fast. Nope, she calls a friend and tells them she was attacked by haters and wah wah wah.

Meanwhile Cat is cleaning everything in sight because she lives with a bunch of pigs. There is food sitting out, garbage everywhere, dirty clothes and dishes. She is not happy. And the worst offender is….Kayleigh.

Upstairs the Kayleigh bashing continues. It seems she leaves her nasty skid marked thongs laying around as well as this.

For a second I thought it was just Esther but nope, it’s Kayleigh’s nasty hair.

On a brighter note, the girls are going to the beach. All except for Erica and Dani. Seriously what the fuck does Erica do? As the girls are getting ready, Kayleigh calls a cab and it arrives before Cat is ready to go which pisses her off. They finally leave and get to the beach. I am so sure all will be pleasant and happy there.

The girls finally get to the beach and here is their first victim. Or is it the other way around?

There are some things that NO ONE should ever have to see.

Lea and Kristin flirt with this delusional old geezer. Don’t encourage that shit. And please God, don’t let him turn around! Oh man, he turned around. He has hair, curly fuzzy hair on his belly! Help meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Out in the water, after molesting Old Furry Belly, Kristin and Kayleigh have a chat. Or rather Kayleigh whines some more. She thinks people should approach each other with tenderness and manners and ???????????????????. This is The Bad Girls Club NOT The Mickey Mouse Club you ignorant twit!

I just think we should use our indoor voices even when outside, sniff sniff.

 

Oh shit here we go.

Pretty sure you aren’t either skank.

They start to ignore the twit but she is walking towards them and so Cat jumps up laughing and puts on her shirt and says this has been a boring ass day until now. The girl walks by Cat and says some shit and Cat tells her she’s flabby and a raggity ass bitch lol.

In the meantime, Bad Girl Kayleigh is doing this.

Today the part of Erica will be played by Kayleigh.

Lea, Kristin and Cat walk up to the “cholo looking bitch” as Kristin calls her. Names are called back and forth and finally Cat slings sand on the twit and the twit attempts to punch her and all hell breaks loose.

As usual production steps in and puts a stop to it. A large crowd has gathered so the girls are escorted away. One of them keeps yelling at the chubby girl who started it “Gastro! Gastro!” LOL.

The girls end up at an outdoor cafe where they are still all riled up. Kayleigh is tired of all the drama and thinks these girls fight for no good reason most of the time.

Cat tells us that Kayleigh is going to be in a fight one day and she will not help her. I don’t blame her.

Later Kristin and Kayleigh make up and get ready to go out. Lea finds some “horny juice” and decides they should all drink it. Horny Juice + Bad Girls is an oxymoron right?

Notice is says For Men.

They all drink it except for Esther. That girl is horny enough all by herself. Erica who is actually awake, wonders what’s going to happen if they get too horny and Lea explains that there is always masturbation.

I think they must have drank some Whore Juice before picking out their clothes.

At the club it’s the same as usual. They are happy and drinking and crazy. Esther tells us she doesn’t know whats going on but they are all over each other. Then Lea makes the mistake of giving Esther some false hope. Lea sits on Esther’s lap and is grinding but when Esther’s hand goes for the boob…

Denied!

Insert snort sound here.

The more Lea dances with the others and flirts with them the madder Esther gets. Now we are in the limo and everyone is laughing except sour puss.

I smell trouble.

Then the other girls start making out. Esther wants no part of it.

Suddenly she’s…shy?

Don’t worry she’s just checking for cavities.

Uhhhh, she lost a shoe?

Esther claims that just because she is a lesbian doesn’t mean she will kiss anyone. Really? What was that nasty thing you drug home last weak? Huh? Huh? HUH?

Cat tells us that Esther is full of shit and is just pissed because she wants Lea. Speaking of Lea.

What the hell was in that drink?

Then we see this. And it’s never a good sign.

Suddenly we hear Esther screeching at Lea and see this.

Run Lea! Spray her with some bug spray!

Esther grabs Lea in the kitchen all the while Lea is screaming no and pushing her away.

That girl needs to be neutered or spayed, or both!

Lea finally manages to get her off of her and lea tells us she is freaking her out. Esther stumbles down the hallway saying “Fuck you Lea” and then she mumbles some shit about “Kicking her white cracker ass.”

Suddenly we hear a loud crashing noise and then Esther saying she’s from Inglewood and blah blah blither blah.

Esther strikes again.

See that ball used to be on top of the statue. The girls are pissed because once again there is glass and destruction left in Esther’s wake. Kristin asks her why and she denies breaking any glass. When Kristin tells her the ball has glass Esther’s response is “But that was hours ago.”Kristin’s face says it all.

Exactly.

Esther continues to say she didn’t do anything and when asked who did she screams she doesn’t know.

The next morning the girls are all talking about Esther’s antics and how sick they are of them. Esther meanwhile is attempting to clean up her mess.

Leave the ball and get in the dumpster.

Dani calls a house meeting. She tells them that this house is out of control and since they are all adults it shouldn’t be that way. She says the last time she broke something she was twelve. She tells Esther that being drunk is no excuse, she’s an adult. Esther takes offense because Dani is only 21 and Esther is 26 so that makes her more of an adult. Her point? Who the fuck knows.

She also has a sudden case of amnesia. She remembers nothing. No one believes her stupid ass.

Y’all aliens abducteded me and they smashed up the house and acted all crazy.

Crazypants apologizes for her behavior, you know, the behavior she has no memory of and says it will never happen again, she promises. Cat says lets accept that and move on. Sure.

Doorbell! The girls run to the door and Kristin wonders if its a puppy. Yeah cause we all know puppies ring the bell. At first it looks like no one is there and then this guy shows up.

Poor clueless bastard.

Talk fast their attention span is shorter than Esther’s fuse.

He is there to invite them to their next show….in Jamaica! They are going for a wicked week for Hedonism II and the girls lose what’s left of their little minds!

On behalf of America, I would like to apologize to Jamaica in advance.

That’s it for this week. I can’t wait to see what trouble these bitches get into next week. Until then,

Love and Smooches,

Cherie