Bad Girls Club: Beat Down Barbie

Here we are again folks. After last weeks touching trip down nut bag aisle, we return to programming as usual. When last we left, the house was divided between Dickie & Cuntucky and everyone else. And it still is.

As Dickie and Cuntucky discuss Char and her Minions, Char and Boobs talk about respect. Char quotes Jay-Z as saying some shit about when two people are fighting no one can tell which one is the fool.

A hobo once told me never to trust a crazy bitch with flared nostrils.

Schnozzie calls her boyfriend/psycho and he immediately accuses her of being in a video having sex with 2 other guys. She denies this but he believes it and offers to send it to her so she can see.

Hop on over to the kitchen where Char is cooking sausage and watching porn.

Ya know Ron Jeremy always said the best meal of the day is porn.

Oh sorry it was Schnozzie checking to see if she was on the site doing two guys. Here’s a clue, if you have to CHECK to see if you have been filmed banging people, LAY OFF THE BOOZE.

This turns into a big discussion about how if Schnozzie’s boyfriend is so insecure then he must be cheating. Botox tells us that Schnozz should never have come into the house with a boyfriend. Wait. Doesn’t she have a hair dresser boyfriend? Or am I getting my skanks confused?

Oh hell. The skanks are going to be guests on Loveline tonight with Dr.Drew and Psycho Mike. Yay! Someone please send over a case of Purell.

To quote Woof Woof, “I am so excited I am on my bird yo!”

Meet your future patients on Semi-Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.

Oh jeez, although the twits find Dr.Drew handsome, they are all a twitter over Psycho Mike.

Luckily he has a built in skank deflector.

They start out by doing an off air run through. First “caller” with a question wants to know how they can get their boyfriend to be more kinky, like doing anal. (Uhhh, bend over?) Woof Woof immediately says “That’s fucking weird.” Then apologizes for cursing. The other question is that someones boyfriend can only get hard to heavy metal music. Again Miss Classy Woof says something that got beeped and it is decided that they will have to be separated into a group of three and a group of four for the actual show.

The first group is Schnozzie,Woof Woof and Char. The callers problem is that his girlfriend is a little person and she likes to be beaten with a riding crop. This causes Woof to curse, again.

Next caller is thinking about doing oral on his girlfriend but he is skeerded. Woof asks if he’s afraid of the smell and says to make her shower. The next caller is talking about needing a penis reduction. Char is intrigued and would like for him to visit her.

Next in is Boobs, Cuntucky, Dickie and Botox. It’s more of the same type questions but the girls are laughing while outside the glass Char is judging and making faces as is Woof Woof. When Cuntucky compliments one caller on their accent, Char says “Hillbillies!” Of course she is on the other side of the glass where Cuntucky can’t hear her.

After it’s over the girls head to a club. Botox goes up to Dickie and Cuntucky and tells them that she’s obviously been mad at them in the past but that she appreciates them being mature about the situation tonight. Suddenly Botox feels a sharp burning sensation on the back of her head.

Did I give you permission to speak?

Char pulls Botox aside and demands to know what possessed her to go speak to her enemies. Hey BITCH, it’s called free will. The last time I checked your ass is CHAR not GOD. I am so hating this cunt right now. Botox tries to explain. Fuck that shit. Tell her to go have her giant nostrils reduced before she sucks a small child up.

Char tells us that she has discovered that Botox is two faced. Holy shit. It’s gonna be another Char show.

Char continues ranting and even takes it to the bathroom where Woof Woof is trying to get her poop on.

Please stick her head in the toilet and flush,and flush, and fluuuuush!

Char tells Woof that Botox is fake fake fake.

Oh Sweet Jesus. Back at the house Char is still on her psycho rant about Botox thanking Dickie and Cuntucky for being mature. Woof Woof and Boobs just listen and say nothing. Char tells us that Botox just wants everyone to like her. And she says Botox doesn’t know how to stand for what she believes in. No, she just isn’t standing for what you believe in twat!

Boobs and Woof are soon to fall into Char’s line. Boobs thinks Botox plays both sides. She should know.

In the other room Dickie and Cuntucky are soon joined by Botox who grabs Cuntucky by the legs and starts screaming about Spring Break. As they are having fun, the wrath of Char is brewing.

I smell happiness. It must be stopped!

As Char listens to Cuntucky and Botox actually having fun, she tells us she will never again be able to have Botox’s back. Wow there’s a big loss. Let’s see, where is Char when the shit hits the fan? Oh yeah, she’s usually running away while her minions do her dirty work.

The next morning Dickie gets a call from another one of her male friends they call Smitty. Botox starts teasing her and saying they are fuck buddies. Dickie denies this. Char of course is always nearby with a snarl.

I bet she even smells like evil.

After a little more ribbing of Dickie, Botox and Schnozzie leave to go get their hair done. Char calls out “Come back looking good.” Which in Char language means “I hope you drive off a cliff.”

Botox is a little nervous because she and Schnozz are used to upscale salons and apparently they are not going to one now. The whole time they are there they are discussing the situation back at home with their hair dressers. Schnozzie seems to be sticking to her (Char’s) line of thinking while Botox is proclaiming her independence.

Back at home, Boobs is telling Woof she doesn’t want to go out with them tonight. She says she has nothing against Schnozz aside from being a loud whore. Then they trash talk Botox and Schnozzie for being spoiled and having daddy’s credit cards. Woof decides that Botox isn’t humble and Boobs admits she lives with her Dad but doesn’t ask him for anything. Ha! How about rent dingbat? Ugh!

Everyone is getting ready to go out but Boobs can feel the tension between she and Botox. Gee I wonder what’s gonna happen tonight?

At whatever club, Woof is about to burst from lack of love. Everyone else seems to be having fun and finally she spots someone.

It reminds her of when she was a kid and the dog catcher used to catch her.

Do tell.

That’s what the dog catcher said.

Meanwhile Dickie and Cuntucky head out to meet Smitty. Earlier she denied they were fuck buddies but they have done the nasty.

Whatever you do, do not go back to the house.

Dickie tells us they haven’t seen each other in 4 months so tonight might get a little hot and bothered. And he gives her flowers. He’s going to drive his car back to the house and meet them there. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

After more dancing, drinking and Boobs kissing Char’s ass it’s time to go eat. Boobs, Char,Woof and Botox head for a drive thru with Botox driving. On the way there Woof threatens to pull Botox’s weave off and Char has to remind her that Botox is driving.  After placing their orders, Botox hands the cashier a credit card. Boobs credit card. Boobs is all “Why did you use my credit card?”

Because you handed it to her, duh.

Botox apologizes and asks her not to get all mad but Boobs just mumbles some shit about people getting on her nerves.

Back at the house Woof thanks Boobs for the food and says she will pay her back. Boobs says its not about the money it’s about communication. Here’s a thought, the next time you are with a group of people who are shouting food orders at one person, don’t hand them a credit card without saying “This is for my food only.”

Botox tries to tell her that it all happened so fast but Boobs is still pissed. She keeps ranting until Botox leaves. I swear Char’s evilness has spread because Boobs then tells us, “It’s not about the money it’s about the principle the fact that you think it’s ok to take somebody elses card (she didn’t, you handed it to her) give me ten dollars bitch I wish I could swipe that hair out of your head cause I surely would you bald ass Daisy Duke looking bitch.”

In the words of the great Charlie Sheen, “Bring it!”

There’s several moments I’ll never get back. Nut bag!

After the commercial, we join Woof telling Schnozzie, “We didn’t come here to put nobody on blast. We came here to fix our own problems, everybody came here with an issue. I came here saying I could never live with seven females and I’m doing it right now.”  She then asks Schnozzie what her issues are. She wants to be less rude and nasty. Here’s some advice. CALL FUCKING DR.PHIL! This is the BGC. You are supposed to get drunk, fuck,fall down stairs, break the law, fight, and be stupid. When did the BGC become a rehab????

Sorry about that. We now continue with our regularly scheduled bullshit.

I think what Woof was attempting to say is that she isn’t one of Char’s minions anymore. Hopefully.

Finally Smitty arrives at the house and Dickie intros him around. Schnozzie is actually impressed and thinks Dickie should bang him.

Smitty wastes no time and decides it’s time for bed.

Watch out you two, Fire and Brimstone is in the hallway!

Actually it’s coming into your room.

So while Smitty and Dickie are about to get nekkid, Char plops her ass in the bed and pretends like she’s going to sleep. I think she’s just a big perv.

Dickie goes to Cuntucky to try to figure out whether she should just bone the dude and ignore Char or what. Looks like she chose to bone because now we hear the bed squeaking and Char covering her big ass head with a pillow.

Those who can, do. Those who can’t, watch. Perv.

Smitty leaves the next morning and Dickie has a sore cooter and a smile on her face.  Dickie walks into the kitchen and Boobs congrats her on her conquest as does Botox. The girls discuss how they are glad someone brought someone home and hooked up. Then Botox says something stupid. She says “I never thought it would be her.” Dickie looks a bit offended.

Yes you said that out loud.

Char finally weighs in and tells us that Dickie having sex in the room is gross and she couldn’t go to sleep. She wishes someone would have told her (the naked dude with the hard dick wasn’t enough of a clue?)so she could leave. Then she says she’s a disgusting dirty person.

Close your legs peeper.

Outside Dickie and Cuntucky notice that Char keeps staring. They laugh about Char not getting any and having to peep to get her jollies and then wonder which minion will step up first. They’re guessing Boobs.

Here we go again. Schnozzie has called her boyfriend and the first words out of his mouth are about her cheating. She asks him to stop. He just keeps screaming that he knows she’s lying and blahhhhhh. Just hang up sheesh. Botox comes in and sits and listens. Stalker boy tells Schnozzie she either comes home or else. She threatens to hang up and he tells her if she does there will be major problems. CLICK! Haha it’s about time.

Schnozzie has a heart to heart with Botox and she decides she’s gonna do what she wants because he probably already is.

I don’t think I’ve ever bonded with anyone over salad before.

Later Botox tells Dickie that everyone seems annoyed with everyone else. The house seems to be fracturing. Char seems to be losing some of her minions. That means there’s about to be a giant blow up.

Boobs tells Char she was raised to fight anyone who puts their hands on her. Then she says she hasn’t really done anything crazy in the house. That means she’s about to.

Tonight, Cuntucky and Dickie are going out together, Schnozzie and Woof are going to another place and Char, Botox and Boobs are going somewhere else.

Botox tells us she decided to go out with Boobs and Char since they are on each others nerves and this way maybe they can make up. Poor poor child.

While the others at the other places seem to be having fun, I smell trouble with Char’s group.

As usual, if he’s unavailable, he’s all Char’s.

Char eventually brings him back over to where she and Boobs and Botox are. Botox pulls her aside and reminds Char the dude has a girlfriend. Char doesn’t care and says she doesn’t want to be dancing with bitches all night. Botox pulls Squiggy aside and asks…

An essay on the state of moral decline in America.

Suddenly Botox realizes this dude has some breath issues and informs him.

Subtle.

Squiggy doesn’t appreciate this and gets his wittle feewings hurted.

Ruined what? Your girlfriend is right there.

Char of course is above all this and acts like it has nothing to do with her. Boobs meanwhile looks pissed too. Char says “I was just trying to dance with a boy.” Botox says he called her a slut and oh by the way…..

She’s a drink thrower.

Suddenly drinks are being thrown and Botox is pissed. She wants to leave but Char wants to stay cause she’s having fun. Boobs decides all this is Botox’s fault and she wants to leave too.

They show the others at their various outings but it’s just filler and boring so back to the drama.

Char is in the limo with Boobs and Botox and Char is preaching about not fighting bitches in a club. Botox asks her what if a bitch threw a drink on her. Char claims as long as she still looks good she doesn’t care. What.Ever.

Oh I forgot, Char is a brand and she doesn’t need anyone fighting her battles. SINCE FUCKING WHEN???

Boobs brings up the credit card thing again and I wish she’d fall out of the car. As everyone else piles in for the ride home the tension is all but suffocating.

Back at the house Boobs tells us that she’s gonna do what she’s gonna do and these bitches can rotate. Gag.

While the shit is about to hit the fan, Char does what Char does best…

Stir the pot and hide.

Upstairs Woof tries to get the story from boobs but Boobs is in a pissy mood and blames everything on Botox. Botox tries to explain what happened with Stank Breath dude. For some reason Boobs decides that all that was none of Botox’s business.

Downstairs Char is telling her friend how they are leaders and blahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Upstairs Boobs is getting closer to Botox’s face and telling her she is always in someone else’s business. (You mean like you are now?)

Char meanwhile tells us that if you added up how many times the girls said her name a day it would be 500 a piece and that would make 1100 or something because she can’t do math.

Back upstairs, Botox yells for Boobs to get out of her face and when she doesn’t she pushes her ass across the entire room. And then it is on. Woof jumps in the middle.(WHY?)

Oh for fucksake let them fight.

As Woof keeps the fight from escalating everyone is screaming for Char to get her ass up there. Char however, hears them and laughs. And she ain’t going anywhere.

Boobs is screaming to Woof to let her punch the bitch in the face, Char is telling her friend she ain’t defending anyone and the whole house is in chaos.

As Botox is standing on the other side of Woof, Boobs sucker punches the shit out of Botox.

That’s just soooo classy.

Hard to tell who is hitting who.

It took a lot of security.

Once they are finally apart it looks like Boobs got the worst of it.

Damn. Botox packs a punch.

Boobs keeps yelling “That bitch wanna play me.” No she punched the fuck outta your ass. Ha!

Cuntucky grabs some things for Botox and takes them out to the waiting van.

Either she’s slow to swell or Boobs hits like a girl.

Cuntucky comforts her as Botox cries and says that Boobs has done this twice now. Cuntucky calls Boobs a replacement. Haha Botox tells us she is too beautiful to be fighting a trashy bitch that’s from Virginia. Reign it in girl I was just about to like you.

Meanwhile Dickie helps Boobs get her shit together for her trip to the hotel.

Woof and Schnozzie tell Char what went down and she looks happier than a pig in shit.

Cuntucky tells Botox that Char is crazy and that Botox needs to get her personality back and her opinions. And they hug.

Boobs calls her Mommy and tells her about the fight and says she is about to beat this bitches ass. LOLOLOLOLOL!

You had your chance and failed. Bye bitch.

Boobs tells us she may or may not be back but warns Botox that she won’t last. Looks like she’s gonna last longer than you twit. Toodles.

So what do you guys think? Will Boobs return? Will Botox. Will they finally all turn on Char?

Until next week,

Love and Smooches,

Cherie