Bad Girls Club: Bye Bye Bitches

It’s a sad day for America everyone. Tonight we say goodbye to BGC8. Wait I need a tissue. Not because I’m crying but because I just spit water all over my monitor after typing that shit. As far as I can tell NO ONE is going to miss these bitches. I just want to get through this recap and on to next weeks reunion where hopefully Tanisha will slap some sense into these skanks. Or at least humiliate the hell out of them. Why they need 2 reunion eps I have no clue but any excuse to see Tanisha is good enough for me. Let’s get to this last heart breaking episode shall we?

We start off with Schizo and Stinky talking about leaving and talking about the fact that Camel,Camille, Chlamydia needs to go home. In the room of delusion, Piggy is applying her clown makeup and someone asks if all the mirrors are broken.

Yep and if Piggy keeps staring at this one it will be too.

Piggy tells us that Chlamydia has come into their house, broken peoples stuff, hit people and it’s childish. She says she’s been there and done that and Chlamydia should come up with something new. Why? You didn’t.

Meanwhile Chlamydia is running around the house talking to herself about how she went to bed cute, woke up cute, and she runs this house. How about the next time one of y’all throws a mattress over the balcony, you make sure she’s on it? She now talks about herself in the third person and says no one is gonna run her off and then she smears some crap on their pictures and pours milk on them.

According to Chlamydia, she will be there until the crickets are out. Of what? Your nasty panties? Skank.

Piggy gets a call from Chris and she tells him all about her session with Jazzy and how he has arranged for her to come perform and Stinky and Schizo are gonna be her back up dancers. Please Lord, make my DemonVR explode NOW!

She tells him she’s all scared and he assures her it’ll be alright. NO IT WON’T.

Outside we go where we find Chlamydia finding new ways to amuse herself.

The bed threw itself into the pool to escape all these bitches.

She talks to herself and the bed. She giggles. Piggy walks by and hears her and they exchange some words but nothing big.

Oh good Lord……….

Chlamydia did snatch her ass bald.

Mimi meanwhile goes and scalps a small dog and fixes that shit.

Poor lil doggie.

Stinky goes and calls Matt to tell him how sad she is to be leaving. zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Elease and Mimi go out to eat and Mimi announces as they are leaving that it’s their house and not somebody who just came there 4 days ago. Chlamydia comes running and screams after them some shit.

She then bounces back upstairs and tells us she thought someone would have approached her to get to know the real her but they didn’t have the guts. Bitch you are insane and I’d rather snuggle a rattlesnake.

While at dinner, Elease and Mimi discuss whipping Chlamydia’s ass. Mimi tells us her day is coming.

Back at home Piggy is bitching about Chlamydia drawing on their pictures all the time and she and Elease agree they should have kept Dolphin(Christine) because she would have been more fun and they could have molded her. Piggy tells Elease that her performance is coming up on Saturday but since they plan on jumping Chlamydia she doesn’t know what will happen. Elease assures her that even if they get kicked out they will do Piggy’s performance.

Later, Mimi,Stinky,Piggy, and Schizo decide to go ride dune buggies. They of course leave Chlamydia at home. Just she and her salmon all alone and happy to be so.

Meanwhile…………

Hit a bump and roll!

What? They’d be fine, they have roll bars.

Is it just me or does that dude look scared?

The girls had a blast even though they have sand in their cracks. Elease makes a crack about “Our little dog (Chlamydia) must be so bored.” Stinky starts saying she’s getting scared of the performance she, Schizo and Piggy are doing. Stinky decides the only way she’ll be able to get loose is if she’s drinking. Mimi decides she needs 2 shots and she’ll be good. Piggy just doesn’t want her to grab the mic and get crazy.

Back at the house Chlamydia has invited a friend over. The others come back home, get ready and go out again. Meanwhile Chlamydia and her friend Crystal are in confessional and all she can talk about is the other girls. Of course the girls in the limo are doing nothing but talking about Chlamydia. Just give them weapons already damn.

On and on it goes about who is following who. Then the five girls who are not Chlamydia tell their waiter they will miss him and he says……..

Uh no you won’t.

Schizo tells us that as she looks back on her time at the BGC she can’t believe she’s getting along with these girls. Everything is like peaches and cream. Uh huh.

The dude gives all the girls a rose but Stinky won’t take hers, “unless it’s from my husband.” Ok so you’ll suck a dudes dick but flowers are a no no?

The five make their way home while these two twits are trying to drag Chlamydia’s soaked ass mattress out of the pool.

Why?

Chlamydia takes her buck toothed friend upstairs and introduces her to the others. No one is impressed. Gummy McTinFoilTeeth asks who put “her girls” mattress in the pool. Piggy asks her why she cares. Piggy also tells Gummy T that she is bothering them. She claims she never bothers anyone. You are bothering the hell out of me bitch.

I think Schizo said it best when she said this,”Ugly ass,turtle,monster, goblin thing” opens their curtain and breathes at them.

Schizo’s description.

Pretty accurate account to me.

TinselTeeth mutters some more incoherent shit about being helpful and what ever and they go away. Finally Omarosa Lite hits the road.

The next day Chlamydia call her family up to come visit. Seriously.

Really? Looks like someone feels karma knocking at her door.

Chlamydia tells us that if these bitches want a part of her they will get every part of her. Look bitch, ain’t nobody said nothing about you bringing your fatass cousin and your cray cray Mama to fight your fights. Where was Christine’s mama when you snatched her out of a car because she wanted to leave? Weak ass bitch.

Chlamydia tells us she is so glad her family is there because she wants to beat these bitches up. I’m sorry, I thought you could handle them all on your lonesome?

Chlamydia proceeds to show her family around the filthy house and Elease tells us that they are going to be conservative because no one wants to disrespect anyone’s guests……hahahahahahaha! Oh please Elease, you know damn well if Chlamydia hadn’t have brought every relative she knows you’d be down there in their faces. Get real. Y’all are scared.

Oh hell they found the stripper pole. Something Mama looks comfy with. Even Piggy disapproves of someone bringing their Mom to the BGC.

Later out by the pool Mama is telling Chlamydia that these bitches just don’t know how cool she is. While Mama is talking advice about how to handle these bitches I just cannot ignore this anymore………..

Ceelo Queen over here hasn’t stopped stuffing her face since she arrived.

Meanwhile classy ass Mama keeps on with her classy advice.

Nothing spells class like smoking a butt poolside.

Starting to wonder what the fuck is in that butt cause she’s saying some shit about back in the day and court costing $800 and don’t let the smooth taste fool ya, she(Chlamydia) might be a queen and all that on the outside but she a tiger in the inside. No she is NOT a queen nor a tiger. Wait, has your ass been hanging around Charlie Sheen?

Upstairs the girls are getting restless and out side Chlamydia talks her family into removing her mattress from the pool. Why I still don’t know.

Ooooh they should get the fat one to roll over it a couple of times and I bet it would dry in no time.

Finally Madea and crew leave and Chlamydia is sure the others won’t bother her.

Meanwhile Piggy,Schizo and Stinky are getting ready for Piggy’s first live cRap singing. In the limo Piggy is scared because she hasn’t memorized all the words. And then they play some of the words and I’ve never wanted to be deaf more so than I do right now.

Once at Club HugAThug, Piggy is having second thoughts. Jazzy(of “Tell me you have a fat pussy) fame keeps telling her it’s ok, it’ll be ok and once she stumbles up on stage I realize why. It’s called a backing track, lip syncing. She could have been muttering watermelon and no one would have known.

No clue what she’s “singing” and frankly don’t care.

The crowd goes wild-ish and Piggy is on a high from all the love. The party moves back to the house and these two attempt to speak with CamelToe. Within 2 seconds these two are summoned upstairs by Piggy.

What? We was just chatting up dis ho.

Chlamydia is pissed because “The Chin” called the boys away and they weren’t even that cute. She was just giving them conversation. Piggy and Chlamydia trade insults. Mostly ratchet ho.

Meanwhile Chlamydia gets on the phone and tells someone she doesn’t give a fuck about them anyway. Mimi lets her know it’s mutual. Chlamydia continues to scream about Mimi not having a voice until she put her weave back in. Damn, I didn’t know they had super powers. I’m gonna order one today!

Later Jazzy and crew leave and Piggy tells us that just because she was a bad girl doesn’t mean she can’t be an artist. And she’s right. Being a Bad Girl has nothing to do with mutilating music. So maybe she’ll take up finger painting.

The next day the girls begin packing because the next day is bye bye day. Chlamydia says she knows they gone try and do something but she can take 5-1. Wanna bet?

As the thunder rolls outside, the discussion turns to the fact that they need as many people as possible to defeat Chlamydia. REALLY? She looks like a scarecrow without the damn straw. Elease tells Mimi that Chlamydia has to go.  So while Chlamydia goes to bed, the others prepare for battle.

Mimi is NOT playing.

She’s protecting her weave and ready to rumble. The others giggle and ask her what she’s gonna do. Uh knit a fucking sweater what the fuck does it look like?

Mimi decides that since it’s moving day she’s gonna go and get all the stuff Chlamydia stole from the house and placed in her room. No biggie. Mimi is fully prepared to be hit or die or possibly lose a limb or two but that’s ok.

Off she goes and Schizo is behind her. Mimi calmly calls out to Chlamydia and tells her that since it’s moving day she thought she would come get all the stuff Chlamydia stole from the house and put it back. Chlamydia hops up and tries to get Mimi to start something but Mimi remains calm and just keeps picking shit up. And then Chlamydia loses it.

Guess we won’t be hearing those crickets.

Mimi’s on the floor kicking like crazy. Schizo comes running in and a bunch of security that keeps ruining all my shots.

While this dude holds Mimi and Schizo back, Chlamydia starts to whine about being attacked in her sleep. Bitch please. Mimi gently woke your stupid ass up and she didn’t touch you, YOU touched her, so suck it Miss I’m Better Than Any Of You.

The only one who looks scared in this picture is the security dude.

Meanwhile downstairs, you guessed it, Chlamydia has Mommy on the phone screaming, “These bitches try to jump me when I’m sleep!” Hahahahahaha! Jump hell. You hit Mimi you ignorant dingbat. Chlamydia is screaming at her Mom to bring their asses back out there cause they tried to jump her when she sleep. LOLOLOL that never gets old. What happened to I can take 5-1??  Her Esther looking Mama tells her the other girls are cowards. Schizo decides she needs to unplug the phone but Chlamydia sees her ass coming and actually runs at Schizo, right past the security guard. All the while her mother’s voice is screeching thru the phone to put some rings on and some shoes and kick them bitches asses.

Looks like the only thing he’s been guarding is Lil Debbie.

All the while there is a voice that carries…………..

Beat that ass! Whoop that ass! Whoop it! Whoop it!

Chlamydia gets some good shots in when the security guard is holding Schizo and she was able to snatch out some weave. Meanwhile MamaEsther is still talking about putting a shoe upside some bitches head cause that’s what she looks like and not just any shoe but one from Payless. She finally hangs up with a “Fuck you bitches.”

Chlamydia is busy on another phone……….

Bye Bitch.

She is told to pack her shit and go. At first she’s all pissed and then she just says fuck it. The other girls keep shouting, “Who is Camilla? NOBODY!” Mimi is tickled shitless that she is getting the boot and none of them are shy in showing it. As Chlamydia is leaving, her version is she wasn’t kicked out by THEM, she had to go because she put her hands on Mimi. And by the way the Baddest Bitch won and that’s her. Mila from LBC. Shut it you blithering idiot.

The next day is all memories and sadness. And a seriously fucked up house. One by one the girls will leave and they will show a montage of their time there at the BGC. Since I can’t stand most of them, recapping their past adventures ain’t gonna happen. Stinky is crying. Phone rings for Elease. Time to go. And at least Stinky feels bad for how she treated Elease in the beginning. Elease says she learned you can’t let people get under your skin no matter what. And I have to say, out of all of them she had the toughest road and she stuck it out.

See ya at the reunion!

One by one they each get that call until finally only Schizo is left. What does she decide to do?

Nekkid time!

In fact she is having so much fun being nekkid she doesn’t hear her phone call.Or when the limo driver comes to get her.

Dude your wife is so gonna punch you in the balls.

When he sees nekkid girl he says,”Nice.” Definitely gonna be divorced.

Ooopsy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But before I say goodbye to Schizo, did she ever even notice that her beloved Larry, the skunk she said she would kill for was even missing? Did I have a blackout? Seriously it worries me that he is still in that box under the sand.

Am I the only one who remembers him?

Toodles Season 8. It was….painful.

See y’all at the reunion shows hosted by none other than Tanisha!

Love & Smooches,

Cherie

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