Bad Girls Club: Can I Bayou A Drink?

Last week we left off with a sad confused Psycho. Pretty sure this week will be the same. The morning starts off with Psycho reenacting her float performance of the night before for the evil bitches of the house.

Nast (is that better?) overhears all this and tells us that the other girls are trying to pull Psycho over to their side so that it will be 4-3. She also knows they are using the hell out of her as they proved last week.

Psycho tells us she needs to decide where she fits.

I’m guessing a straight jacket.

Meanwhile Nast goes downstairs and calls her friend Sandra and then proceeds to trash every girl in the house.

It is official she shall henceforth be called Nasti.

She tells her friend that Shitty is a lesbian lap dog and that Prissy is a Mexican/Puerto Rican or something and that she too will be a lapdog. She says Morticia is a gold digger groupie Kim Kardasian wannabe.

Later Prissy and Shitty are sitting on a bench by a pond and Shitty tells Prissy that Nasti will be the next person they all pop off on.

Psycho,Nasti, Bustass and Baby go out for lunch. And they start talking about having babies. Baby thinks it would be the happiest day of her life to give birth.

Depends on the drugs Sweetie.

Bustass mumbles that it would be the day the world ended for her lol. Psycho announces she’ll be doing shots of vodka while in labor. Then they have a deep conversation because Psycho thinks she’s weird because she’s an only child. Bustass tells her that’s an excuse. I agree. Oh jeez then Psycho says the dreaded crap  that the reason the came to the BGC…is to mature. Kill me now.

Later that night all the girls are going to Club Crabby Crotch to drink and have fun. Good luck with that.

Everyone is drinking. Most are having fun.

Wonder who’s gonna barf tonight?

Shitty jumps onstage and grabs the mic and yells that the Bad Girls are in the house. Over at the bar this dude shows up.

It depends on how big your dick is.

I’m guessing Drunk Bastard.

Turns out his name is Tony and she tells him she remembers a good looking face.

That means after a couple of shots he’d do her.

After some useless chit chat I think they make plans for him to call her  and smooch goodbye.

Outside Psycho is drinking and screaming “I’m fucked up!” and they finally get her ass into the limo.

Back at the house, Psycho and Shitty sit out on the balcony while talking shit about the others. Shitty explains that she and Psycho are the most honest people in the house and that’s why they don’t get along with people. Psycho starts talking about how much she’s been hurt. She says she is really paranoid and hates when people don’t like her.

Bustass and Nasti can hear what’s being said and Bustass is confused because one minute Psycho hates Shitty and the next they are friends.

Shitty tells Psycho that Nasti was the first person to talk shit about Psycho and she’s phony. Psycho is confused AGAIN and doesn’t know who to trust.

Shitty tells us that she thinks Psycho wants her to like her and she thinks that’s hilarious. She says Psycho will be the official puppet of the house and now she knows she’s gotten to her.

I hope a gator eats your ass you evil twat.

Upstairs Prissy is talking to Baby about Tony and how she thinks he’s a good guy but she’s not sure. Baby says she tests them to see how much balls they have. This cracks Prissy up.

One should always stick ones hand down a mans pants and grab the balls to see if he has enough.

Baby goes on to say that she doesn’t think he does have enough balls because he hasn’t even called her. Meanwhile downstairs…

Who knew she had friends? I mean ones not imaginary.

Psycho tells her friend that the house is divided between Shitty,Morticia Prissy while on the other it’s Nasti,Bustass,Baby with herself caught in the middle. She tells her she doesn’t know which side to trust and her friends says “Don’t trust none of them bitches.” I like her.

Later Shitty decides they are all going on a swamp tour. Bustass isn’t too thrilled because she doesn’t want to get eaten by mosquitoes. I think I’d be more worried about the snakes and gators.

Later Morticia decides to call Tony for Prissy since he still hasn’t called. She gets him on the phone and he seems hesitant about going out but finally agrees.

Yay you’ve officially graduated to the 5th grade!

After Morticia hangs up she immediately starts making fun of him because he said he wasn’t really dressed for the occasion. Upstairs they go to tell Baby and Shitty what happened. While explaining this convo a word gets bleeped and immediately Shitty looks pissed.

In confessional I was able to read the bleeped words off Shitty’s lips and Morticia called Tony a fag or faggot.  Shitty is about to explode and says that it’s such a horrible and ignorant word. And anyone who was raised right should know better.

Morticia better lock her coffin extra tight tonight.

Still later Nasti is trying to pry a booze bottle out of  Psycho’s hands because she is already drunk as hell. She keeps saying I just need one more.

I have a feeling she and alcohol poisoning are old buddies.

Date time!

So far so good.

That is until Morticia starts interrogating him like he’s applying for a job with Homeland Security.

How do you like your job?Are you close to your parents? Do have a large penis? Have you ever had a sexual encounter with a man?

Shitty is with them also and for once I agree with her. Morticia is jealous as hell. So SHUT UP.

After some drinking they head back to the house and Prissy shows Tony around the house. Including the stripper pole. They seem to be having fun and are actually cute together.

Later downstairs, Nasti is asking where the rest of the booze went. Baby says Psycho probably is on her second bottle and Nasti says she probably has it hidden under her mattress. One problem. Psycho hears all of it and heads straight to her room and does this…

So? Doesn’t everyone hide booze under their beds?

With her feelings hurt and also numbed, Psycho tells us the others warned her they were fake but to her they are all fake. She says she wants to be their friends and so she is just going to go back to being the Psycho she was in Chicago which is mad as fuck.

She confronts Bustass and Baby in the makeup room and tells them there is a lot of fake shit going down. Bustass starts getting riled up because Psycho keeps talking over her but nothing really comes of it. Except this skank walking in the room and telling us that karma is a bitch and you get what you give.

Then you better watch your ass bitch.

Bustass tells us that Psycho has unleashed the Dragon and she mumbles some other shit that basically amounts to the fact that she’s gonna give her ass a beat down.

Psycho leaves the room as Baby declares there is something wrong with that child. Then Bustass gathers with Baby and Nasti and tells her what happened. Nasti tells us that she doesn’t think Bustass is being too hard on Psycho and that she herself has a sister who’s been an alcoholic since she was 14 and that Psycho reminds her of her.

Meanwhile Psycho is outside talking to the plants and Mother Nature. NOT KIDDING.

Come on, let’s hug it out.

And just as she says Mother Nature loves her, two plants fall over and she thinks it proves Mother Nature loves her.

No I think it proves plants can’t handle 180 proof breath.

Shitty hears the commotion and pokes her head out but does nothing. What could she do? When your ass is so drunk you are hugging plants, it’s time for rehab.

Meanwhile Morticia cannot leave Tony and Prissy alone and is trying to get them to put their PJ’s on. Tony says no way but they do lay in bed together and Prissy starts telling bedtime stories. Note to self:NEVER RECAP SOBER.

Once upon a time there was a dude in my bed who had no interest in having sex with me.

Morticia vacates the room for the night but she also keeps calling him (not to his face( faggitay?) it’s her so called nicer version of faggot.

Within seconds Tony is asleep fully clothed.

The next morning Tony leaves and tells Prissy to call him and she tells him to call her.

Morticia takes this time to explain to Prissy what a freakin loser Tony is and she just grins and says “He’s scared.” Morticia’s head almost explodes as she tells her he is a grown ass man, scared isn’t an option.

Meanwhile upstairs Psycho makes the comment to Nasti and Bustass that they didn’t even argue yesterday. Uh oh. Blackout drunks are the worst.

Nasti gets in her face and tells her she is pissed and will be for a very long time and she needs to get her shit together.

You are on the shit list!

Psycho just mumbles ok and goes away.

And now it’s off to the Swamp Tour! When they arrive this dude is waiting for them.

Adorable ain’t he?

He then introduces the guy who will be working with him and says he just got out of jail last night. Wow watch out Chris Rock, you got some competition.

Here we go!

I’m surprised Psycho didn’t bring VooPoo.

The boat comes to a stop because they see Trigger from last season, oh I’m sorry that’s a gator.

He could use a little moisturizer.

Look at Nasti’s face.

Ya know they can jump into the boat right? Tee hee heeeeeeeeeeeee!

Now for some up close and crazy ass shots.

Dare Shitty to stick her head in there.

That dude is either extremely crazy or extremely lonely. I’m thinking both.

He actually kissed that thing! Then he whips out a baby gator and almost empties the boat. He finally talked Psycho into holding it.

Very quietly you could hear the baby gator saying “Help me! Help me!”

Afterwards they head off to eat. Nasti leans over and tells Psycho about her sister and how she doesn’t want her to end up in jail at 33. Instead of Psycho getting pissed she takes her advice and is grateful for it. For some reason Shitty keeps looking like someone shit on her tater tots.

Someone says they don’t like chicken on the bone and Nasti says it must be a white thing because her Mom is white and she and her Mom’s friends won’t eat chicken on the bone. Then Nasti makes a comment about her Mama being so white she’s trailer park white.

Guess who gets offended.

Here we go, since Miss PC Police once lived in a trailer park she finds that extremely offensive. Oh bite me you stick up the ass bitch. Nasti doesn’t see what the big fucking problem is and tells her that her Mom says it all the time. Dumbass makes the mistake of saying that “Well that’s on your Mom.” Let’s just say Nasti loses it.

LOts of cussing and arguing and Shitty claiming that saying trailer park is racist. Nasti is all I’m white bitch how is that racist?

Morticia decides she is embarrassed. Who cares. Nasti warns Shitty if she calls her a bitch one more time she will throw her drink on her. Guess what happens?

What a waste of booze.

I thought they’d be thrown out but when Shitty looks at the waiter for help he just shrugs his shoulder causing me to almost laugh myself out of this chair. In the end Shitty does nothing but walk away with Mortitia and Prissy.

By the way, here’s a clip of the big racial debate about chicken!

 

Even Baby is surprised  Shitty didn’t retaliate. As for Nasta (When I like her, she’s Nasta, when not Nasti) she went on with her meal along with Psycho.

Damn these gator nuggets taste good.

Oh jeez, down the street Shitty is telling Prissy and Morticia that if this were St.Louis she would have been blah blah blah. Everyone has a version of what would have happened in their city. WHAT.EVER.

Psycho as it turns out is the designated driver. Seriously. One problem. She doesn’t seem to drive very well or know where she is going. She swerves from lane to lane and since it’s freaking Bustass out she jerks the steering wheel to scare her causing Bustass to lose her mind and make her stop the car and she got out.

Bitch you about to cause me to kill your ass.

Actually getting out of the car.

After poking Psycho in the face she is held back by Baby.

Bustass flags down a cab and takes her own ass home.

The other trolls are strolling down Bourbon st and decide to get masks.

Back at the house Psycho tells us she was just playing tonight and wasn’t going to hurt anyone and feels it was exaggerated.

The masked trolls come home after a pep talk in the car while Nasta is talking to her friend about almost killing Shitty.

Very becoming.

 

Holy shit a VooPoo sighting!

The phone rings the next day and Morticia says its Faggitay. Shitty is yet again pissed. She tells her it’s not personal but Shitty tells her she doesn’t like that word. She asks her why she can’t just use the word gay. Morticia wants to know the difference and she says it’s like calling her a dyke instead of a lesbian.

Shitty tells us that when someone uses a negative term she is going to correct them. Go right ahead you are going to be a seriously busy lady. Look, people are gonna use slurs until the end of time. If you spend all your time fighting them and correcting them you give them all the power. Fuck the slur and stop giving words so much power that don’t deserve it. That is now the conclusion of my public service announcement.

Back to our regularly scheduled crap.

Four of the girls have decided to go and get BGC tatts. But when Psycho approaches the car, Bustass is furious and will not let her in. This goes on and on until Psycho promise to act normal and pay her cab fee plus a tip. Off they go.

Baby says hers hurts a little. Nasta pretends it doesn’t and Phycho acts like she doesn’t feel a thing. The worried one? Bustass. She doesn’t want to do it. It takes Nasta and Psycho to hold her down and she screamed like a banshee the entire time.

Breathe girl you look like you are taking a shit!

See that wasn’t so bad.

The next day the phone rings and it’s Tony. He wants Prissy and all the BGC to come out and do a promotional gig at his bar. She is not pleased and I imagine feels a little used.

I told you he was a faggitay!!!!!!!

Shitty hears it, gets pissed, what’s new.

Morticia tells us Shitty is too sensitive. She herself gets called a terrorist because her Dad is from Iran and she doesn’t care.

Upstairs Psycho, Nasta and Bustass all profess their love for each other and Psycho is at least for today, happy. She tells us these are her sisters now.

They love me! They really love me!

Until next week,

Love and Smooches,

Cherie