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The girls are all excited because they have just been told that they are going to Hedonism II in Jamaica mon! Yay! It must get really tiresome spreading the clap here in the good old USA so what a treat for them!
Esther announces that Jamaica better be ready for her.
There isn’t a planet in the solar system ready for you or your face. Woof!
Meanwhile the girls have noticed that Kayleigh follows and mimics everything Kristin does. And it irritates them. Since Kristin once again tells us she enjoys having a puppy she isn’t so bothered. Until now. Kristin goes outside to escape her stalker but no such luck.
So do you chew on your left side or your right?
Inside Dani is telling Lea that this resort is all about sex and fantasy and getting whatever you want. Like a sensual massage or the man or woman of your dreams.
Think you could get a little make up while you are there?
After much packing and yacking they finally pile into the car and get to the airport and arrive in Jamaica! In the bus they toast each other with beer and Esther gives this sob story speech about how amazing it was to be in the BGC to begin with much less being able to go to Jamaica!
It was so “amazing” that every time one of your pubes changed directions you destroyed the house. Can’t wait to see what you do to Jamaica.
They finally arrive at the hotel and are greeted with drinks and half naked dudes.
So far so good.
Once they see their rooms they realize that one room has 3 beds and then the other room has like a big bed that’s like 3-4 beds shoved together. Cat announces she is gonna have to see someone about this shit cause she ain’t sleeping with nobody.
Cat ain’t sleeping in no bitches snail trail.
Lea and Dani offer to sleep together so Miss Thang can have her own bed but now she’s pissed because she has no nightstand to put her drink on. She claims she don’t live in no projects. Ok.
Finally the girls are off to The Men of Steel show.
Wait, ain’t that Charlie Murphy? Eddie Murphy’s brother.
The dudes come out and start doing their thang to all the girls delight. All I know is that when I was barely 18 I went to a club called The Lemon Peel here in Atlanta and one of those greasy dudes stuck his nasty package in my face expecting me to scream and throw money and all I wanted to do was faint. Ball stank is just WRONG. If you are going to be sticking those things in peoples faces, WASH THEM!
Anyway this dude looks more like he needs to shit than dance.
Man I knew I shouldn’t have had those burritos.
Esther announces that even though she isn’t in to men these dudes are muscular. And then we see Kristin being molested by Leo.
I think he just wanted to make sure she was a she, after all, ya never can tell anymore.
Later everyone is getting ready to go get drunk and party….with the Men of Steel!
Here we go.
Damn Chris Daughtrys been working out.
As Cat puts it, all the girls are going crazy right now but she’s just not feeling it.
Hey Esther, the Lord doesn’t have enough time to deal with your sins.
Esther is impressed by the guys to a point but she’s looking for some other kind of action. And it doesn’t involve penis. Yet.
Later back at the hotel, the girls get ready to go get drunk. All except Cat.
Then lay your slack ass in the bed dingbat.
At whatever club they end up at they meet up with the stripper dudes and things just get nastier from there.
That just looks WRONG!
That was Kayleigh by the way. She is dancing all around and having a ball, or two. Erica is trying her best to hook up with one guy while Kayleigh uses this line.
No bitch I dance for coconuts.
One dude makes some comment about how his dick is named Piccihu, cause if you touch him, he’s gonna have to poke ya mon………….Yeah I know I spelled Picachu Pikachu, Peekaboo wrong but I don’t watch that stupid shit so sue me.
Meanwhile Kristin over hears this stupid line and makes the same face I do.
Did he just sneeze?
Meanwhile Kayleigh is mauling every ass and penis she can find and Lea and Kristin are both laughing and getting pissed at her.
When you look like the Bride of Frankenstein you probably shouldn’t criticize.
Kayleigh continues to keep grabbing dudes asses and dancing around and for some reason Kristin is annoyed that she’s dancing too close to her. Kayleigh finally gets a clue and realizes there is some bad shit coming her way.
The next morning Cat and Kristin are greeted across the pool by this.
That’ll keep ya from eating hot dogs for a while.
Some dude named Mega shows up and announces they will be having a wet tshirt contest. Screams all around. But before that Dani and Kayleigh decide to get their hair braided. And it looks stupid.
It looks like her head was invaded by fat black worms.
Inside Kristin is telling Lea that even though Kayleigh is annoying it’s nice to have someone who will jump up and make you breakfast if you say you are hungry. She says Kayleigh is like her side kick. Lea says she’s more like an understudy.
Later at lunch Cat is telling us that Kayleigh and Dani look like a hot ass mess with their hair like that. It looks like the only two who will be participating in the wet tshirt contest is Dani and Esther. Esther is worried because she has no boobs.
All the Men of Steel are there to watch this spectacle.
Apparently Esther need to fart during her portion of the event.
This shit starts and Kayleigh tells us that she feels bad for Dani because more people are laughing at her than with her.
There’s nothing sexy about droopy boobs and a belly roll.
Gee I wonder what happens next?
Simulated fellatio anyone?
How could Esther possibly top that?
Even I have to admit that’s funny!
Oh but lets give the crowd what they want. Girl on hideous creature action.
And the winner is……………it’s a tie. Shocker.
As Dani tells us, all the Men of Steel have great bodies but not so great personalities.
Wouldn’t exactly call his ass slick.
Meanwhile Erica is announcing to her dude that she hasn’t been laid since March and Kayleigh keeps calling for Kristin. Esther is on the prowl for lesbians but as hard as she tries she can’t seem to find any. None that would admit it to her anyway.
All the girls have kinda paired off with the Men of Steel. Except for Cat and Esther who’s still looking for a female. Cat tells us that strippers are broke and just not her style.
While Kristin is jiggling her boobs at her dude and proclaiming that they are real, Esther is hopping up and down wanting a lesbian. And then we see this.
He might be poor but he has a penis.
Next thing ya know the girls are going para-sailing. And then we see a small crab running for it’s life. I bet he fell out of Esther’s cooter. Kayleigh has made it her life’s mission to scream like she sees a ghost and someone tells her ass to chill.
Run Mr. Clappy RUN!
That’s right I named the crab Mr. Clappy. Why you ask? Because it’s my recap and I can.
Once hooked up to the para sail, Dani announces she has to pee. She and Erica decide they shall pee while in the air.
More like polluting the ocean with skank juice and old semen.
Kristin is not pleased that Erica and Dani disrespected Jamaica in that manner. After all she has standards.
Dani and Erica walk by the place where the Men of Steel are practicing and decide to stop in.
Yeah that’s how we say howdy here in the south too.
Later that night as the girls are getting ready to go out guess who I see?
It’s Mr.Clappy! Poor thing still can’t find Esther’s cooter.
The girls go out to meet the Men of Steel and they start playing a game called “Never Have I Ever” and they have to hold 10 fingers up and every time someone mentions something they have done they have to put down a finger. The questions range from, never have I ever had a fivesome, never have I ever taken it up the butt, never have I ever gotten a golden shower, etc. By the end Erica only had 3 fingers.
Holy shit look who has made an appearance.
Mr. Clappy must really like living in Esther’s nasty ass cooter.
He better be careful or Little Orphan Dani will put his ass in a pot!
As the night progresses, Kristin and Leo ask each other how old they are. She’s 23 he’s 19. This bothers her. She then asks him what nationality he is.
I’m guessing Ethiopian. Twit.
He in turn looks confused and finally says “white.” I am banging my head on my desk as we speak. She explains that she can see he is white but what nationalities is he. He has no clue. She decides she likes him and he’s a really sweet person. And dumber than dirt like her. I added that part.
Over to Cat and her dick hat. The Jamaican Sensation shows up and she decides what the hell she’s bored. Esther however is mad because not only has Mr. Clappy escaped but she cannot find any women.
From the looks of that hat it should be obvious.
Erica explains that its really funny that all the girls are pairing off with the Men of Steel and actually says “When in Rome, hook up with a black guy.”
Kristin and the only other white guy on the island are all over each other and Kayleigh shows up with a camera and starts talking about what beautiful babies they would make. Kristin decides it’s time to go back to the club. Kayleigh can’t seem to keep up and is getting pissed at how Kristin is talking to her.
Kayleigh and Kristin start to semi argue. Kristin tells her she needs tolearn to take up for herself. Meanwhile, Cat’s boy toy is licking her face and all the other girls are pairing off. Cat tells us she doesn’t know that she could ever date a stripper because the money wouldn’t be right.
And suddenly we see The Jamaican Sensation pick Cat up one armed by the crotch.
That’s one way to get someone’s attention.
Cat tries to fight her urges but in the end she finds herself in the bathroom, the Ladies bathroom, with The Jamaican Sensation. Only there seems to be a problem.
Either The Jamaican Sensation had a premature ejaculation or his dong went into complete hiding.
While the other girls are crawling all over their men on the dance floor, Esther has decided she needs SOMETHING and switches teams. She tells us all it does is remind her why she’s gay.
Out of nowhere guess what appears. A random trouble making skank. She tells Kristin that she is NOT a bad girl and blah blah blah.
I am da real bud gurl.
Kristin starts yelling back and Kayleigh tells her to stop and just ignore the skank but this basically makes Kristin more mad. Random skank threatens to “bust your ass up” “I will shoot you in the head” blah blah blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Kayleigh is still trying to play peacemaker which pisses Kristin off and now they start arguing. Kristin tells her she has been defending her when everyone was calling Kayleigh Kristins shadow and Kayleigh takes this opportunity to give Kristin a lesson on jacking a dude off.
First you grab the shaft and then you slide up and down until gooing stuff comes out.
Dani says screw this shit and splits. Esther comes running and takes up for Kristin who is yelling at Kayleigh that she isn’t even a real bad girl and on and on it goes. Kayleigh stomps off and Kristin makes a decision.
Kayleigh runs inside the club and tries to whine to Erica but all she gets from Erica is “I don’t care.”
Back at the room Kristin is throwing all of Kayleighs shit out into the sand. Leo has tagged along and has climbed into a bubble bath.
They could at least give him a rubber ducky!
Kristin keeps apologizing to Leo for what just happened. I don’t think he gives a shit.
Then she continues to throw Kayleigh’s shit and screams “DONE!” over and over. She smashes her camera. Lea has no clue whats going on so Kristin fills her in and then returns to throwing Kayleigh’s shit outside.
Cat shows up and is in shock that women can conduct themselves this way.
I am in total shock myself. After all they are at a CONVENT!
Oh hell here comes Kayleigh. She sees all her shit strewn about and makes some remarks about being 12 years old and then runs at Kristin. Esther starts screaming “You aren’t going to touch her!” Kristin tells her basically she’s a piece of shit fucking whore and she is DONE!
Notice the evil grin on Esther’s face.
Kayleigh starts out a door and Lea tries to follow and Kayleigh slams the door shut on Lea’s foot. Esther jumps in and they are both trying to shove the door open. It looks like it was a bathroom but regardless the yelling and screeching continues and Lea acts like Jaws got her foot.
As Kayleigh puts it, Esther is in her “save a ho mode” and she needs to stay out of it. Good luck with that.
That girl looks like a drag queen. A Bad one.
Kayleigh and Kristin finally half ass speak like adults and Kayleigh tells her she doesn’t need 4 other ho’s to defend her. Kristin says some stupid shit about this being their “house and their family.” Ha! The Munsters maybe. The whole time Kayleigh is speaking Kristin is just saying “Bye Kayleigh.” Then she tells us that Kayleigh could have at least tried to hit her.
Cat tells us again how disappointed she is in her roommates because she thought she was moving in with women who knew how to conduct themselves. Did she suffer a head wound when I wasn’t looking?
Erica comes home and Kayleigh explains that she is leaving. Then she starts crying. Erica couldn’t care less.
While Erica is getting freaky with her dude Mr. Clappy finally realizes he’s in danger and heads for the ocean.
Bye lil fella, I’ll miss you.
Kayleigh grabs her bags and walks away. Meanwhile Cat and Lea are talking and Cat is not happy. Cat yet again says that Kayleigh is leaving and rightfully so. That when she moved into the BGC she had no idea she would be living with filthy women who get drunk and in bar fights because that’s not her. Has she seen this show????
Wah wah wah wah wah wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
The next morning when the girls wake up, there is no Cat, just a note. She has left. She can’t live like that because that’s not her. Kristin cries. Cat tells us that she is just too high class to act like that. Cut to a montage of Cat chasing bitches, fighting, getting drunk, spitting on people, all the things she claims she’s too good for.
Again Erica couldn’t care less and says that without all those nice things Cat has she would just be another broke down video bitch from Philly.
The only one who seems to give a shit is Kristin. And all she’s worried about is getting new people. Kristin concludes her whining by saying she is so glad she never has to see Kayleigh’s face again.
Guess who’s back at the house in Miami y’all?
I cannot wait until next week y’all. Until then,
Love and Smooches,