Bad Girls Club: Departures and Arrivals

After last weeks grossfest I wasn’t sure I could go on. Then I remembered I have no standards so here I am! We start off with Lea trying to make small talk with Esther who is clearly not impressed and “over” Lea. Lea tells Esther that their new roomies better be pretty and like to party. Pretty? Really? You screwed a girl with chipmunk cheeks ON HER period and DANI. You really want to go with “pretty” as a requisite?

Here we go with the word DONE again. This time Esther is done with Lea. She claims Kristin can have her. Meanwhile Kristin and Lea are traveling down the road talking about how in “real” life they probably wouldn’t be friends. Lea would have thought that Kristin was just a dumb blonde. Lea would have been correct. While Lea and Kristin are bonding over their ginormous egos, these two are left at home to think.

I’m poor. Maybe we could hitch a ride on a warf rat.

Esther decides that she will pay for everything and that way she can win these bitches over to her side. They spend a lot of time making fun of Lea and Kristin’s time on top of the car. Meanwhile Kristin and Lea are talking about how stupid and weak the other girls are. Kristin has decided that she is dominate and she wants the other girls gone. I don’t know about you guys but I am scared shitless right now! What if she hits us with one of her over inflated lips!!!!!

Back and forth Dani, Esther and Erica go about how Lea has done a 180. No a 360. Ya know what. I DON’T CARE!

Lea did a 180. No a 360. No a 69!!!

Meanwhile these two twits are perched on top of the car discussing how Dani is using the fact that she had sex with Lea as leverage in the house.

Seriously, wtf is that about? Is the couch too soft?

These 2 geniuses are trying to find a way to get rid of the other 3. OK. Go for it dingbats.

Next we are treated to Erica, Dani and Esther on the beach comparing Lea to a flip flop. Even though Erica is acting like she agrees with Esther she thinks its funny that Esther and Lea were supposed to be BFF’s but now Esther is the odd man out.

Back at the house Adrian stops bye. Esther grabs the beer he’s carrying and runs off. Erica and Adrian head straight for the bedroom. Then I am almost blinded.

Put a board over that thing before someone falls in!

Dani who is in the other bed is suddenly all grossed out. Adrian is giving Erica a massage and when Erica said “too much” Adrian said “That’s not what you said last night.” This causes Dani to hop up and leave because they are making her sick. REALLY? Miss Dirty Dildo sharing cesspool? Ugh.

Later Dani drives Adrian and Erica to their date because it seems Erica has some “issues” with her license. As they are driving Adrian points out a rather tall building to them.

Unless you are planning on pushing these skanks off of it, I don’t care.

Apparently that’s where he lives and he says it has a glass elevator. Erica says she wants to have sex in there. Dani immediately lectures them on how relationships are built on more that just sex. Could someone duct tape this bitches mouth please?

Back at the house, Lea and Kristin decide to put their plan in action and make Dani think that Erica is not her friend and is just using her. Divide and conquer.

I’m surprised Kristin would lay that close to a poor person.

Dani tells us that she has noticed that Erica treats her like she’s her Mom making her drop her off everywhere. Either she is seriously weak minded or Kristin is good.

Oh hell, Esther is on the prowl. She’s going to a lesbian club so she can be “Venus” and hopes to hook up with someone/something. None of the other girls are going with her as they all know she’s insane.

At the club she spots a target.

When there’s a cure for herpes.

They chat it up and make plans to meet later. Her name is KiKi and she’s a DJ.

Back at the house Kristin starts yelling about the carpet being wet and then we see this.

Is it too much to ask to get through one episode without me barfing?

Turns out its orange juice, Lea’s orange juice and she’s pissed about that, she pissed about how filthy the house is. She and Kristin yell about q-tips in the floor, bottles laying everywhere. Kristin tells us she could care less about the oj, she just wants to push these two out of the house.

Duuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

After Kristin and Lea’s tirade, Erica talks all big to boyfriend Adrian and tells him that if people want to talk shit about her let them. She doesn’t care. “If ya don’t got at least one hater, you ain’t doing something right.”

The tirade continues and Erica tells Adrian that it’s not going to work. That no one is leaving but they better put their focus on the weak link, Dani. Because no one is making her leave.

Kristin tells us that this is the Bad Girls Club not a sorority and that if “we don’t like you, we’ll push you out. It’s that simple.” That girl needs a good smack upside the tater.

Meanwhile Dani is losing it more and more.

Me and you both. But I still don’t like you.

Dani tells us that all this shit is just building inside and soon she’s gonna snap. Good because right now I am bored to tears.

Dani and Erica talk about how they are sick of Lea and Kristin and all the drama. THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Then suddenly we see this.

Oh hell not again.

You know damn well that there are germs on that shower floor that bleach couldn’t kill.

Next we see them doing their stupid little dance and then this.

Oh for fucksake.

The twits wish to report that they want new roomies that are fun, hot, sexy and able to buy things. Like food. Giggle giggle giggle.

Meanwhile Dani is sitting out on the dock boo hooing. Erica comes out to console her. Dani says it’s just so hard to be in this situation right now and not have anyone who gets it.

I get it. Your ass will be gone before the end of the episode.

Dani tells us she is homesick and the more she’s around these fake ass twits the more she just wants to go home.

Oh yippie! KiKi is coming over and Esther wants Erica’s help getting dressed. Just get a bag from under the counter and put over her head.

Meanwhile, Lea and Kristin are bored so they make water balloons out of condoms and go in search of a victim

Splish splash she probably needed a bath anyway.

Before its over they have soaked the phone and address books. Then they run off giggling.

Oh look a little boy has come to visit. Oops it’s Esther’s hookup from the club.

Venezuelan Victim is more like it.

Kiki arrives and the whole thing is pretty tame. So far. Kiki talks about how wild things must get in that house. You have NO IDEA. They decide to open some champagne and go sit on the dock and talk.

Meanwhile Kristin and Lea have decided to make more mischief this time with pillows. Erica sees what they are up to and they tell her they are going to cut the pillows open and throw the feathers all over Dani so she looks like Big Bird. Erica tells them not to because she’s in her bed crying. And then it begins.

It looks like a bird massacre.

She just looks like an idiot. An idiot bitch. With feathers.

There are so many feathers they are making snow angels, except with feathers of course. Esther and her date just watch.

Esther observes that she thinks they are next. That they are going to do something to them. KiKi says “Bring it on.”

Esther was correct. They make up shots and add horny juice to them.

Pretty sure Esther the Molester doesn’t need any help with that.

Lea wants to get Esther laid so she’ll stop being a bitch. Good luck with the bitch part.

Esther isn’t as dumb as she looks and knows the shots are spiked but she is happy about it because it means this.

Gag a maggot.

Lea, Kristin and Erica all watch as these two give lap dances and generally make me want to vomit.

Make it stop………

SERIOUSLY! MAKE IT STOP!

Finally Kristin and Lea take their teddy bears and rabbit ears and go outside and climb on top of the car. Why? I don’t care.

After whatever disgusting things Esther and KiKi did they cuddle and chit chat. Esther is on cloud nine.

Meanwhile Lea and Kristin decide they are going out alone. They don’t like anyone else so there! They claim they are going out to flirt with hot boys but they spend the entire time talking about how poor Dani is and that she is NOT a Bad Girl.

Guess they had the valet park their broomsticks.

Back at the house Adrian shows up and he, Erica and Dani go out to a club. Where Dani feels like a fifth wheel and mopes and proceeds to get really drunk.

Always a good plan.

In the limo when Adrian and Erica start making out Dani starts whining and bitching about being alone and says she’s gonna drink the Petrone and then go home and go to sleep.

Like you can’t keep it in your pants for 5 minutes?

Back at the house Esther is kissing KiKi goodbye and she tells us she is completely in lust with this girl. How sweet.

When the three stooges get home, two of them jump in the bed while Dani goes outside to smoke and cry.

Back at Witch Central Lea is telling Kristin she wants Dani to punch her in the face. Hell I’ll do it. Then we are treated to this sight as Kristin tells us Dani’s days at BGC are numbered.

That’s always an attractive look.

Esther goes outside to talk to whiny Dani. She asks for a cigg. Then bitches about who the hell knows what. And cries. Leave already.

Kristin and Lea arrive home and come in the door yelling BYE!!!! Lea then goes and climbs on top of Dani while she’s in bed and begs her to hit her in the face.

She would be a wall ornament.

The next day we find Kristin and Lea yet again discussing Dani and her being poor and not strong enough to be a Bad Girl. If you don’t shut the fuck up I am going to hire a voodoo priestess and make your implants implode.

Downstairs Esther is on the phone with her Mom making sense. I hate when she does that. She says that Lea and Kristin ain’t shit without each other. She tells her Mom she will knock them out with sledge hammers lol.

Then we see Dani reliving all the bad shit that has happened. She starts packing and Erica asks her why. She only half ass tries to talk her out of it but Dani is ready to leave. Then Erica makes it all about her because she and Dani had made a pact to always come to each other and talk things out so now she thinks their friendship was not real. Boo damn hoo.  Erica tells her not to be Kayleigh, not to be weak. Dani says she isn’t she’s just had enough. Erica tells her she has nothing left to say to her.

Even Adrian tries to give a pep talk and tells her she just has to find that place where she can do what she needs to do. He tells her it’s her experience and to not let anyone change that.

Awwww he’s actually sweet.

Erica yammers on but Dani tells us it’s not because she wants Dani to stay it’s because she doesn’t want to be left alone with the vultures. And she’s right.

Later Kristin actually says she thinks it’s pathetic that Dani wants to leave for no reason. HELLO! Have we been watching the same show? Lea says we all know why she’s leaving. Uh…DUH!

Dani overhears one of them saying she’s a 21 year old child and she tells them they can talk as much shit as they want because she doesn’t give a fuck, she’s ready to go home.

Kristin and Lea both tell us how easy it was to get rid of her and Lea’s next target is Erica. Dani drags her bags downstairs.

As they are saying goodbye a limo pulls up. And two girls get out. Rut Roh. Then we see this.

Fuck a duck I hate when they do this.

First new Bad Girl.

They call her The Southern Belle.

She tells us how bad she is and if they want a fight they will get one. Yawn.

Second Bad Girl.

Hope she packed plenty of carrots and sugar cubes.

They call her Agent Orange. Because she works in a tanning salon. NO! She loves looking hot and wearing short dresses.

The first one is already in the limo when Trigger gets in, sorry I mean Christina. They both realize they are going to the BGC and screams abound.

Trigger is surprised that she and Ashley have so much in common because she thought all people from Texas were hillbillies. Take that Texas!

Ashley thought all girls from Staten Island were just drunks so take that Staten Island!

They decide to stop off and get a drink. Luckily the establishment had a trough for Trigger. They toast to being the baddest bitches in the BGC. Snore.

So does that saddle leave marks on your back or what?

Oh Lord, Trigger is a lesbian. Seems to be contagious lately. They promise to have each others back. Poor delusional bitches.

Back at the house Esther is sad to see Dani go. Kristin is not so much sad as she just hopes that she doesn’t go back home and OD. Nice cuntface.

Finally the girls arrive. I think Lea is the only one who speaks to them. They check out the house and Kristin says one is an overly tan girl from New York and the other girl is from Texas but she can’t remember her name. April? Definitely April…..AMANDA! Her name is Amanda. Dipshit.

Dumb.Ass.

Meanwhile the two newbies decide to do this since the other girls are ignoring them.

Sure! What could possibly go wrong there?

They even read part of one of their diaries. Outside as Kristin works out she complains she doesn’t want them in their house.

Upstairs the newbies discover the bathroom and don’t seem to know what a bidet is. But it’s the shower that is disgusting.

See what happens when skanks sit on the shower floor.

Meanwhile Dani is finally leaving and Erica is crying and saying she failed her as a friend and love love love love barf.

Dani’s parting advice is that only the fake survive the BGC. Thanks for sharing.

As the girls ignore the newbies, they are trying to drag their luggage upstairs. Lea, ever helpful, walks right past.

Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalaa!

Esther already has a plan. An evil awful plan. She’s gonna mold these girls and get them on her side and then, she’s gonna take over.

Let the games begin.

Until next week,

Love & Smooches,

Cherie