Bad Girls Club: Double Douche

We start off this week with the non Twats discussing the Twat Twins acting like loonies. Stinky is talking about how she woke up with her Jordans on she was so ready to fight.

God bless her she just can’t help herself, Piggy says, “This is just bringing out the ugly in me.”

Girl truer words were never spoken.

The Twats stayed at a hotel to hide cool off but now they are back because they are “strong and beautiful.” Someone has been watching Toddlers and Tiaras a wee bit too much.

More like Phlegmny and Flabby.

Elease attempts to have an adult convo with the Twats and explains that every time they don’t get their way shouldn’t be an excuse to throw shit and break shit.

Dani claims she’s never broken anything in the house. Cut to a montage of breakage by both innocent Twats. Humpback Flabo tells Elease she needs to stop talking like she thinks she knows what she’s talking about. Why did I just flash on Pee Wee Herman?

It’s called posture. Try it sometime.

Elease tries to explain to the Twats that they don’t have to go balls to the wall with every issue. Flabo just isn’t getting it and announces to Elease that this is the Bad.Girls.Club. OH yeah and earlier she announced they were there to stay and NO ONE was gonna make them leave. (snickers)

Elease goes and calls her sis to explain she might need a ride from the airport because everyone is sick of these bitches and they are gonna jump their asses and most likely get sent packing. Elease’s sis is all excited and tells her to blow pepper in their eyes so they can’t see and put rocks in socks and smack them in the taters. I like this girl.

OH jeez the Twats are moaning and groaning their way out the door about the weather and the rain and wah wah wah. They are going to a psychic. They need a fucking exorcist. As usual they argue all the way there because Dee or Dum needs to fart.

If I rub Preparation H on my nose will it shrink?

Helena the Psychic greets them at the door, screams and throws holy water and then drops dead. She also tells them they are loving and wonderful and life will be a dildo shaped candy cane from now on. Flabby tells the Psychic that in order to grow her hair long she took prenatal vitamins and now she has all this water weight. Ok, first of all that ain’t water bitch, it’s lard. Secondly the psychic reinforces her delusion by saying you aren’t supposed to take them, you crush them up and smear them on your head. Yes that’s also what I do with my food, I blend it into a paste and then rub it in my ass. That way I skip the calories but get some nutrients. And look hippies, if you really believe that taking prenatal vitamins is the reason Flabby is a tub, then spend a few days in the desert with nothing but 2 drops of water and some prenatal vitamins. Idiots. Maybe crushing them up and leaving them on your head for 8 hours like I used to do mayonaise would help your hair but taking them WILL NOT MAKE YOU FAT. Especially water weight. Pee for fucksake.

I’m not sure which one is the most uninformed. Oh fuck it they are both STUPID!

Back at the house, Stinky,Schizo,Elease and Piggy go shopping. Piggy is all excited because her boo is coming tomorrow.

Of course all the Twats can talk about is the disgusting faces and noises Piggy will make while riding the ebony mambo.

Back at home the Twats call a house meeting. Dani starts rambling about how they are there to stay and the others say so are we and Dani is all, “that’s fine.” Stinky tries to explain that the Twatters are disrespectful cuntbags but all they hear is their own voices.

Piggy starts in about them waking her up and she says she would have fucked them up. They deny this.

The Twats decided that they can’t stay there much longer because Dani gave her the DEATH STARE!  Flabby asks Dani if she wants to leave and she says not until Piggy is bleeding and  going to the hospital. LOLOLOL. Bitch I’d tie a string around your fish lure of a lip ring and throw your ass in the pool. Piggy won’t be so nice. Dani explains that they can’t be together all the time and Piggy will be alone at some point and that’s the day she’ll go home. Yeah and tomorrow I am going to start my water only diet. For breakfast I’m having a big bowl of steam.

Back at the house of germs, the Twats now have  an issue with the fact that Stinky came into the bathroom, looked like she washed her hands while the ogre breaths were scrubbing their fangs and Dani’s complaint was that Stinky had a perfect opportunity to do what she had to do. Yes I always jump 2 twats when I’m on my own having a life. PLEASE LET A BUS HIT THESE TWATS!

Oh and she also says that these girls can’t do anything without someone to guide them, she feels bad for them.

Pot Meet Kettle

Schizo decides they should invite Mimi back and so she, Stinky,Elease and Piggy do just that. She tells them she just might.

The dingbats get ready to vacate so that Piggy and Chris can have some alone time but that means that Satan’s Twats are gonna be going out with them as well.

By the way, this is Flabby’s face while enjoying Vegas.

Christmas morning must have been a hoot at the Twat house.

While the Twats whine, Piggy gets ready for her man.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…….

She’s all excited and he is, well……………quiet.

Inside the house they go. From the jump she’s trying to get his ass into the bed. He’s across the room acting like he can’t hear.

“Baby I’m sleepy.” “You sleepy?” “Let’s go to bed.” Finally he gets into bed and she’s all over his ass. As the others are coming home apparently Piggy is cumming all over the bedroom. She’s yelling, “Oh Chris oh eeew ohhhhh I love youuuuuuuuuuu ohhhhhhhhh ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

Stinky has the giggles and decided to get in bed with Elease. Suddenly you hear slapping noises under the covers and Chris saying “Stop.” More than once.

The next day yet again the Twats are talking about how stupid Piggy is for planning on having a kid in a couple of years. I mean she’s on the BGC? And she may some day consider having a child?? Like so stupid.

Erica introduces Chris to the world. I’m not trying to mean, in fact I’m holding some shit back, but when I look at him all I hear is…There’s shrimp sammich,shrimp stew,shrimp salad,shrimp creole, shrimp cocktail……….

By the way Chris thinks the house is ratchet. Look Bubba, just because your woman claims you have stacks doesn’t mean you disrespect someone when you are their guest. He thinks Schizo is straight, Stinky is “who cares” which means he wants to fuck her ass.

While Stinky and her boo Matt stay home with the Twats, Schizo,Elease,Chris and Piggy are going bowling!!! And Chris is sooooooooooo thrilled!

yay.

Slow down tiger, don’t want to use up all that enthusiasm before Piggy slaps that ass again tonight.

Once they arrive she tries to get him to hold her hand and instead he says this…

No, go right ahead and here’s some money for a hooker when you’re done.

I’m sorry but isn’t he her forever boyfriend who buys her red bottoms and gives her stacks and shit? He acts like he’d rather be having a root canal. She makes a whiny noise so he goes on in to the bowling with a pouty scowl on his face. I’m familiar with it because I use it on my husband all the time.

As Elease points out, Chris acts like a Twat brother and gives Piggy no choice but to grin and bare it and act like it’s fine if he goes to the casino and leaves her alone. Even though his sole purpose was to come visit her. NO PROB. Ha! I guarantee there will be a problem later. Ya know why? I’M A GIRL!

Off to the casino he goes without even a kiss. Piggy tells us she is confused because he’s not talking or spending time with her and acting strange. How can I put this gently…

He’s fucking someone else.

Back at home the Twats are “done” but they aren’t going out like punks. Oh so they are leaving in a different manner than arriving. Awww. Flabby says that THEY  need to go out looking like ladies and not trash. TOO LATE.

The others arrive home and Piggy is mega pissed at being dissed all night by Chris. In the kitchen Piggy tries to open some booze and can’t and Chris calls her “ratchet.” Flabby tells us that just because someone buys you red bottoms does not mean they love you. How the hell would she know. I bet she doesn’t even have red bottomed flip flops.

Trouble is a brewing………….Piggy wants some loving.

Let’s play find the anaconda!

A crane couldn’t lift it.

Until I get back home to my new whore.

Which means if he sees some porn maybe.

Oh you must have PMS, my other whore gets crazy every month too.

Let’s just say I wouldn’t fall asleep.

That’s because his dick is in lust with new pussy.

Well in his defense, have you looked at you lately?

In confessional Piggy cries and feels like she wasted 2 years of her life getting to know this person and it was a waste. Try wasting 14 years on one.

I was only 14 at the time so I had a lot of life left to live and so does she. Throw his ass in front of a plane.

The next day his ass wants to leave 10 hours early and she BEGS him not to go. Didn’t see that one coming. She tries to hug him and he pushes her away. Ass douche.

Fucker should write greeting cards for war widows.

She talks to Stinky and admits that her Dad died young. Daddy issues. Stinky tells her at this point he’s just making her look stupid.

Unless your ass was kidnapped so did you . Don’t worry no one will EVER remember who you are.

She takes him to the airport and after a little more begging and crying,  instead of shoving him in an engine, she lets his ass walk off.

Back at the house Flabby calls daddy. He asks her who it is………….seriously. Excuse me…lololololololololololololol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He tries to cover by saying she sounded like Dani but she says, “No Dani is wicked immature.” Someone please whip her ass soon. She puts on this big front of how “they’ve” tried to break them but it didn’t work. They are strong like bull, and smell worse.

Here we go with the Twats writing on the pictures again. Flabby says that yes they talk shit but they do it to their face. No you write it on their faces. The others are fake she says because they have turned on Ding & Dong. No you are hateful, despicable, human waste and no one wants to be around you. Does that clear some things up hag or do you need your sister to explain the big words?

Telephone! It’s Mimi…………..she’s coming back!!!! She thinks. Everyone is happy except the Twats.

Schizo and crew are going out without the Twats and hoping to meet some dudes.

Once at ClubBlueBalls, the drinks start flowing and happiness ensues. And then outta now where a “girl” who actually looks more like Rob Schneider attracts the attention of Piggy.She tells us when Chris is away the cat will play. Pretty sure he’s playing with his stick about now too. And he’s having someone else fetch it.

More fun and drinks and then guess who shows up? BRAD PITT!!!! Ok not really, Mimi shows up. Hugs all around.

MIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMI!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After having a blast at the club they return to the house to the smell of the Twats. Of course Flabby has nada to say to Mimi’s face but tells us she is pathetic and should go back home. After you Twathead!

The next morning Mimi and Elease are getting ready and talking about the Twats and what they are going to do to get rid of them. Mimi and Piggy decide they should pack all their own stuff and hide it so the Twats can’t get to it. This would be brilliant if the Twats weren’t home to see them doing this.

The Twats have figured out something is a foot and Dani tells us she is a detective and no matter where they hide their stuff she shall find it, destroy it and make their lives a living hell!!! Bitch you can’t even figure out how to get the fishing lure out of you herpes laden lip.

A useless melon holder is a terrible thing to waste.

Dani explains that the girls are jealous of them because they are pretty much the high light of the house. Yeah if you live in Helen Keller’s house.

Off the Twats go to pick up beer cans or old men’s dongs, whatever gets them by. While gone the others take their food, and while I never condone fucking with peoples food, these bitches had it coming. They throw out ice cream,  SHRIMP,some hot pocket looking thing, tortillas, dressings, chips. Then they start destroying vases with flowers, all kinds of shit. Stinky throws granola on the floor, alfredo sauce. All kinds of shit.

Oh hell the Twats have returned. Dani notices the broken vase and says something about not cleaning it. Flabby makes a comment about why couldn’t they do that when they were around. REALLY? The only thing either twin has done in front of another person to offend them is fart.

I think “battle” is a little extreme lol.

The Twats start slinging shit in the kitchen also. Then Dani, against Flabby’s wishes gets the garbage can out of the bathroom that contains, tampons,pads,God only knows what and she takes it into Stinky’s room and dumps it. And proceeds to get an ass whooping.

GROSS.

Consequences.

Where’s your sis now?

The twins try and play it off and say they need to eat. But as soon as they get downstairs Dani calls daddy who by the way sounds annoyed and tells her he is working and she is crying about being jumped by 5 bitches and her mouth pouring blood. Excuse me a sec…hahhahahahahahahahaha!

She has scratches and Flabby has bites and she needs him to tell her what to do. He tells her to fight back. Wrong answer. She says no way it’s 5-2. Wow kinda reminds you of when it was 6-1 but Elease somehow made it thru.

Upstairs Mimi is celebrating the fact that the Twats called her boring but she bets they didn’t think being punched in the mouth was boring.

The Twats are packing, I assume to go cool off again lol.

The next morning the outside is putrid. No one wants to go out there. But then a worse smell shows up. Yep the Twats, WITH BODY GUARDS. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahaha!

That is soooooooooooooo pathetic.

The Twats have packed up their crap and they call Daddy once more and he makes sure she promises to call him again, later, after leaving the house. I smell an ass whooping. After all it would be the worst thing ever if they came home early…waaaahhhhhhhhhhhh. How will the town ever recover from the shame!?

They tell us they came, they learned and now they are leaving the boring girls behind. Not so fast, when the others realize they are leaving they shout shit at them about wearing spanx and not letting the door hit them in the ass.

The Twats tell us they hope they never see any of them ever again. Right back at ya you boring,lazy,sleazy,unimaginative,whiny twats, nose picking skanks.

See ya at the reunion if you have the balls to show,

Love and Smooches,

Cherie

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