Bad Girls Club: Evil Dickie

Ok so I finally dug out of the blizzard, my nipple has returned to normal and all is right with the world. Unless you live in the Bad Girls house, then you are fucked.

We rejoin the house the day after Thug Jade (Thanks again flipit) packed her whiney little bags and went crying home to Mommy. The house is happy and Beet Head believes all will be wonderful and tension free now that Jade is gone. Hahahahahahahaaha.

They are all outside trying on some ho’s high heels when Dickie decides to shove her size 14′s in and try and walk.

OMG her feet look like she kicks rocks barefooted!

Dickie waddles around and everyone is laughing. Botox believes that now that Jade is gone Dickie won’t be so much of a bitch to every body. Girl, you better back off the botox, it’s affecting the air in your head.

Char, who is quickly becoming annoying, tells Cuntucky that she loves everyone in the house and peace, love, hugs, bff’s blech!

Our very own Mother Teresa.

Upstairs the girls are getting ready to go out and of course the beady eyed Dickie is giggling and hopping up and down. Turns out she is having trouble getting her jeans on. I think her balls are getting in the way.

You should probably tuck those things away before zipping up.

I am freaking out every time I look at her. She looks like this hideous doll that one of my cheap ass relatives gave me as a child. It looked like someone had shoved it’s eyes way back in it’s head. And they never closed. It met with an unfortunate garbage disposal incident which I promptly blamed my brother for and cried like I was traumatized and got the doll I actually wanted.

Back to the skanks, to make this girl even more hideous she announces she didn’t flush the toilet and laughs like a hyena. I just got chills.

Downstairs Beet Head gets a call from her boo. I thought she liked cooters? She tells him they are about to go out and she tells us that they aren’t really completely boyfriend/girlfriend which means she’s gonna screw someone and soon.

Oh ok he has other girls too and won’t commit. I say, fuck away Beet Head.

The limo arrives and Dickie is again hopping up and down because she wants to go!

Sweet Jesus make it go away!!!!!

Off to Club Crab Trap or wherever the hell they are. Woof Woof is making some dude dance and “get low” and then Beet Head spies herself some action. At the time she spots him this is happening.

Just when you think nothing can gross you out anymore……….

Beet Head starts chatting up Hubcap’s and tells him in so many words that she’ll do guys and girls and then she as well as some others head back to the house.

I found Osama Bin Laden!

Before everyone shits their pants, this dude tells Woof Woof he’s from Iran/Persia and she asks him if he’s gonna do anything crazy and he replies “no but I do got a couple of bombs on me.” See he started it!

He’s walking with a cane and Woof Woof asks what happened to him and he says he was run over by a hooker. Woof Woof replies “A hooker don’t drive.” Hahahahaha!

I just have one question. WHY?

Cuntucky and whatever his name is are discussing the differences between Kentucky and California and he feels that California is full of a bunch of weinies with rich parents and country folk’s is hard workin’! Something like that. He’s trying to get laid. He should have stopped  by KFC.

Did y’all know it was against the law to fry chicken in Californy?

Everyone leaves except Hubcaps and Beet Head takes him upstairs to give him some head. Literally. And she tells us she may or may not tell her “Boo”.

It’s not like it’s gonna be on tv or anything.

Outside the room Woof Woof is impressed and says to us,”Wow you got it down dirty, but that’s ok. Do you baby girl. You get you some skins man you make want to get some too.” The only thing worse than looking at her is fucking listening to her.

The next morning, Beet Head is “done” with Hubcaps so she calls his ass a cab and sends him on his way. Then she goes to the kitchen to discuss the nights events. Woof Woof asks if he had a Prince Albert and Beet Head says he had WHITE BOY tattooed on his legs and he was very well endowed. I am surprised she knows that word considering what she says later. But first Char tells us she is confused because she thought Beet Head was a cooter licker but all she’s seen her with is men. Only she says it in a real sanctimonious disapproving way. And she uses a whole lot of big words.

Beet Head tells us that she sucked him and then he wanted to cuddle but she wasn’t having it. She has standards. Someone says it probably took him a while to “get off” and Beet Head says no her mouth works good. Someone says the proper word is “well.” Beet Head gets all tickled and says that she is just like that about some words. For instance she hates it when people say Nu-cle-ar with 3 syllables instead of nu-clear with two. Char’s mouth drops open and Beet Head is corrected. Remember when this recap was funny? I don’t.

Woof Woof and Dickie decide to go shopping. Dickie shows us this and says she may wear it.

Please wear it for the rest of the season.

These two head off to some store and while driving talk shit about Beet Head having a guy over. Neither of them want any strays coming over and staying the night because they want their Dads to come and visit. Ok. I’m not going there just yet but I think that explains a whole lot about both of them.

At the store they jump around and act stupid and try on ridiculous hats and stupid shit. The only pic worth taking was this one. These are penis pants and they have penii and balls and such all over them. Hence the name.

How appropriate.

Back at home, Beet Head is sending her Boo an email that rambles on about even when she’s there he will be way over there and some stupid shit and basically gives him permission to boink other girls and basically her idiot ass just told on herself.

Off to yet another bar they go. As they are all doing shots, a random dude walks up and asks if he can join them.

How much has he had to drink???

At first everyone is laughing and he keeps chatting up Dickie and tells her he is impressed that she’s a sports fan. She tells us he is just “blatantly ugly.” You should know you beady eyed freak. Suddenly her Multiple Personality Disorder kicks in and this happens.

How freakin’ desperate can one dude be?

They go back and forth until she finally runs her mouth enough to make him go away. Besides she has found new prey.

She points at a girl and tells the others that fatty is taking their picture.

I thought Cuntucky was wearing a wig.

Speaking of Cuntucky, she decides that they are having fun and everyone loves them(Uh no they do not) and she goes to the bathroom. Fatty is there and she keeps taking pictures of them and for some reason this pisses Cuntucky off.

Char just cannot stop herself.

While Cuntucky continues to rant and rave over nothing, Char tries to keep the peace as usual. I mean damn, so the girl is taking pictures. You are The Bad Girls…there is a CAMERA CREW following you….wtf? Tubby was probably the only fan you had. Finally it ends and they go back to their table.

Now who didn’t see that coming?

Dickie is pissed off that Cuntucky got them kicked out. When they get back to the house ,she and Woof Woof discuss this. Dickie said it’s called “beer muscles”. Woof Woof says “No it’s called hillbilly white trash.” She’s ugly as a duck’s ass and I don’t understand half of what she says but Woof Woof is cracking me up.

Woof Woof says she is annoying and she can’t stand her voice. Then Dickie runs to Cuntucky’s picture and writes this.

When you are right you are right.

Cuntucky shows up and Dickie tells her that she got beer muscles and fought a fat bitch at a club. Then she starts making this movement and repeating “Stir  gravy, stir gravy.”

Stir crazy, stir crazy!

Here we go. They are in each others faces and Cuntucky keeps pushing Dickie who will then say “Touch me again!” and she does it again and this repeats several times before Mother Char tries to intervene. Suddenly Cuntucky actually grabs Dickie by the face and squishes it.

Surely now Dickie will respond……….

Nope when we come back from commercial Dickie is laughing and acting like she’s riding a horse as Char is pulling Cuntucky away and outside.

Dickie tells us that she is a cat and Cuntucky is like her little yarn ball. Well your yarn ball just grabbed your face and you did nada. I would consider that grounds for punching a bitch out.

Meanwhile this is what Char gets for getting in between them…

Will she ever learn?

To make matters worse, Char takes this crazy bitch upstairs and tucks her into bed. SERIOUSLY.

The morning comes and Cuntucky calls her Ma back home and tells her she went psycho on a bitch last night. Ma’s response? “AGAIN?” She explains to her what happened and then her Ma gives her some advice to give to Dickie. She says “I’d say let me tell you something you little bitch, the first time you think about hitting me, you might want to think about calling 911.” Ahhh a Mother’s love is so beautiful. Especially when she’s also your sister.

As Dickie snoozes, the other four go out to eat and talk about her and how to get rid of her. Meanwhile she wakes up and calls a friend and talks to her about how she is going to get rid of Cuntucky.

Later that night they are getting ready to go get kicked out of somewhere else when they are interrupted by a knock at the door. Everyone looks confused until finally Beet Head goes and opens it to………….

He looks entirely too normal for her fucked up ass.

See told ya she shouldn’t have sent that email. His radar is up. Beet Head is happy to see him but also anxious. Botox tells us that she hopes Beet Head doesn’t tell Benny she sucked another dude and then her botox malfunctioned and her face got stuck.

Go get Cuntucky to squish it a few times.

Everyone else goes out and Beet Head and Benny stay home. Beet Head is worried about whether they should talk about “it.”

If only he knew where her mouth had been two nights ago.

They talk all cutesy and Beet Head tells us she doesn’t want to jeopardize anything. Then don’t suck another dudes dick. At least not ON TV.

Off the others go. In the limo Cuntucky says something about having a weird feeling and then says her Grandma before she died had these weird feelings every time something bad was going to happen. Uhhh maybe Granny was psychic but it doesn’t take Sylvia Brown to figure out that when you girls go out, bad shit happens.

Back at the house the B&B show continues with Beet Head saying she hopes the girls get some dick because a lot of them depend on it for their sanity. Then that means all of them have hit a long, dry ass spell. He asks “What about you?” and she says to him straight to his face, “I have problems having sex like that.” You didn’t seem too 2 nights ago!

At club What The Fuck someone has pushed Dickie and she is losing it.

Duh!

The fight escalates but this time Char is tired of it all and is staying out of it. But she tells Dickie she needs to calm down. And then we see it. Char actually has a temper!!! Apparently when Char told her to calm down she told her to shut the fuck up.

They are as shocked as I am.

Crazyface just keeps laughing and out to the curb they go. There is more arguing back and forth and Dickie is losing friends fast because even Woof Woof is pissed but Char backs her off.

Botox has Char’s purse and goes to put it in the limo. Problem is, Dickie is already in the limo and tells her to throw it on the curb. Botox refuses and Dickie grabs it and slings it while Botox is holding on and the next thing we see is blood.

There would be a dead ass beady eyed ho on the sidewalk.

As Botox is screaming that she is bleeding, Dickie is doing this.That is one fucked up bitch.

Meanwhile Botox’s hand looks like this.

Dead.Bitch.

Security makes everyone get in the limo where Dickie continues to show no remorse and just keeps smiling while Botox cries. Then an ambulance comes and takes Botox to the hospital.

Char is losing it and Dickie just keeps being sarcastic and saying it was a prank. Char tells her her “pranks” have gone too far and Dickie replies that she doesn’t care. Even Woof Woof is giving her the dumb dog look. Dickie is more worried that Woof Woof isn’t taking a side.

Char tells Dickie she’s a bitch and a ho and she needs to figure it out. Dickie replies by repeating “Giddygiddygiddygiddy” ………wtf is that shit? She is insane.

Char tells us that the only thing that matters is that “our roommate is bleeding to death.” A wee bit dramatic but she’s correct when she says they have a psycho living in the house and it’s gone too far.

Char also says “This bitch thinks she run it y’all, I swear to God her life about to become a miserable hell.” It’s about damn time. Crazyface Dickie just sits and smiles and says “Bring it.”

Back at the house the girls fill Beet Head and Benny in on what happened. Beet Head jumps up and confronts her. She keeps trying to tell her it’s not funny and she keeps saying it is. It was a joke. No YOU are a joke. Beet Head gives up.

You’ll have better luck nailing jello to a wall.

Dickie tells us that Char is trying to turn everyone against her and it’s not going to happen. HA! Bitch they all hate you and not because of Char. She then further “pranks” Char by putting her pictures under her mattress. Oh does the clever hilarity ever end?

Dickie tells us that when she came here she planned on playing pranks and making jokes and that’s just the extent of her personality. This bitch needs to look up the words joke and personality.

Botox calls from the hospital and Char gets all weepy and swears allegiance to Botox and almost cries.

I love you man!

Char tells Botox that Dickie is still joking and some body should bust her head open.Char tells her they will stay up and wait for to come home.

Meanwhile upstairs, there’s trouble in B&B land. Beet Head runs downstairs and tells Char and Woof Woof  that Dickie told Benny about her sucking off that dude. She begs them to have her back and they go upstairs and claim it’s all a lie and Dickie is just trying to start some shit and she needs to go. LOL part of that is true.

Think your head hurts now? Wait until you see this episode.

Char is now worried that Dickie will fuck with her shit. Mainly her passport because it’s her only identification. Woof Woof tells her to put it under her mattress and what does she find? Her pictures that Dumbass so cleverly hid.

Botox comes home and hugs Char and Beet Head and tells them she had to get stitches. Botox then says “I will kill her.” From the other room Evil Eyes yells “Bring it bitch.” Off Botox goes to confront her.

Evil Eyes is now saying she told her she was sorry and blah blah blah. Botox loses it and punches a wall, a couple of times. That means they gave her some good drugs at the hospital.

Upstairs she tells the girls she wanted to call her Dad but toughed it out. Then she shows them this.

Fuckin’ OUCH!

The next morning all talk is about getting rid of Dickie. Well all except for Beet Head who is telling Benny that she was embarrassed by “the lies” that Dickie told him and that she should be able to trust her. He again asks her if it’s true and she again denies it.

Beet Head then sends her Boo home and Char calls a house meeting. Char starts off with telling her her jokes have gone too far. Cuntucky calls her out on laughing when Botox was bleeding. Evilness denies this. Sorry bitch I have proof. Woof Woof tells her she “overdrew the line and didn’t give a fuck.” EvilFace basically agrees. She then tells us she has officially gotten under everyone’s skin and 5 against 1 doesn’t matter, she will prevail. She will win, it’s a competition and she doesn’t lose ever. I need to puke.

Dickie tells the group that this is supposed to be fun it’s not a job. Maybe someone should explain fun to her. I’m thinking maybe Daddy taught her that fun was kicking him in the balls.

Hey lets go kick some old ladies down the stairs!

Char calls her on her “gigitygigitygigity” what the hell ever that sound is she makes and says she shouldn’t have been doing that shit while Botox was bleeding. Dickie claims she didn’t even know she was hurt until later. Woof Woof informs us that this ain’t Dr.Phil or AAA……..hahahahahahaha. Seriously she is cracking me up. I’m pretty sure Triple A doesn’t offer psychiatric help.

Beet Head has now official lost it and told her it was none of her business about her sucking that dude and nobody wants her there so go.

Evil starts laughing again and this pisses off Char again and they are all just ready for her to go. Beet Head tells her she isn’t afraid of her at all. Evil Dickie points out that the fact that they all want  her gone proves that they are scared.

Beet Head says they are sending her home because she is fucking annoying. Beet informs her that she is the one that America is going to hate and Evil Dickie says she can’t wait “awesome.” Finally this shit ends and Evil leaves them with the impression that she will leave.

As the girls scribble shit all over Evil Dickie’s photo, she calls her Dad. After informing him of what happened she tells him she has no intention of leaving. Her daddy approves and says “You’re in it to win like the lotto.” Where the hell do they find these people????

Beet Head yells up the stairs “Why would you want to stay?” They threaten to make her leave. Char tells us that Evil Dickie thinks she runs the house but no one is in front of her. As much as I hate Evil Dickie, I just have one question. If she isn’t running the house right now, why the hell are all of you camped out on mattresses on the freaking floor instead of in your own fucking beds?

Pathetic.

That’s it for this week.

Love and Smooches,

Cherie