Bad Girls Club: Fatass Tuesday

It’s Mardi Gras time in New Orleans y’all! Everyone seems to have the same goal in mind. To get drunk, crazy and or do something sick.

That’s the sickest thing I’ve seen all day.

Morticia it seems wants to get a room at a hotel with a balcony on Bourbon St. at the last possible second. Wait aren’t they already about 6 feet from Bourbon St. in a mansion? Whatever. Anyway she calls her friend at the Bourbon Orleans and asks for a suite with a balcony. Morticia “throws down her black AmEx” and Scott, her friend tells her that if she and her idiot friends can get over there in 30 minutes, the owner will give them his suite. Oh please.

Counting showering, packing, putting on makeup and the occasional fart the twits arrive at the hotel 6 feet down the street with 13 minutes to spare.

Yay.

Also Psycho tells us that it’s going to be her birthday at Midnight! She tells us it’s her “most cracking, ChiTown, Creole, cute, crazy,22 birthday in my whole fucking life!” Pretty sure it’s her only 22 birthday but whatever.

They all run upstairs and out onto the balcony.

The only way that would be fun is if I could throw actual rocks at people.

Angie (sorry Baby just does not fit) tells us the view is amazing and Nasti actually tells us “I’m running around like a kid in a candy store.”

Looks like you might have spent quite a bit of time in a candy store.

Day turns to night and Shitty wants to know what they are all going to do. She wants to go out. I thought the whole point of getting a room with a balcony was to throw beads at drunken saggy tittied women? Shitty keeps yacking about when they will go out.

Shitty tells them that if she stays there she “will get tired or something.” Morticia keeps throwing beads and says she could do this forever. Shitty walks away.

I’m sure they will be crushed.

Shitty decides to leave with the other girls because she is “not going to spend Mardi Gras on a patio.”  She also says Mardi Gras only comes once. Two things, pretty sure MG comes every fucking year and it’s a balcony NOT a patio! She leaves Morticia and Prissy happily throwing shit and heads out with Nasti, Bustass and Psycho.

We see scenes from the street and suddenly this one pops up.

WTF?

The girls end up at a bar dancing and drinking and Psycho grabs the mic.

Well HAPPY MOTHER FUCKING BIRTHDAY!

She also announces she’s Creole which she seems to keep doing even when she’s talking to herself. Nasti tells us that Shitty decides to roll with her and Bustass,Angie and Psycho and she’s playing nice with Shitty to prove a point that Shitty will follow whoever she feels is in her best interest. What? Who do you follow? Serial killers?

She also tells us she has a plan but it’s still in motion. Oh jeez.

Psycho is still sober enough to notice Shitty being all nice nice with Nasti after Shitty had told her Nasti was phony and not her friend.

That’s probably NOT going to end well.

Oh Lord Psycho is yelling “I love you guys!” Cut her off now! Shitty however has a well, shitty look on her face and walks over to Prissy and says “Are you sure you are alright Love?” Prissy says…

Someone get Morticia some dandruff shampoo please.

Shitty tells her that she seems like Prissy is being different or short with her. Oh and she also says she is really drunk. Morticia is as irritated as her scalp because Shitty is always trying so hard to be her girlfriend and she does not want a boyfriend and would never want a girlfriend.

Back to the hotel we go. Shitty tells us they are staying next to the gay district and she sees lesbians, gay men, trans gender and she’s really missing her girlfriend. Shitty is standing on the balcony with Prissy and Morticia and she tells Prissy “I’m not good. Done.” Then she tells Morticia the same and she has no clue what she’s talking about. Join the club. Shitty tells her she feels “out of my area.” She rambles on about feeling the need for the girls to understand her feelings and some other bullshit.

She is definitely NOT a happy drunk.

Morticia tells her to stop being caught up in letting everyone know she’s a lesbian and just have fun. Shitty stomps away. Morticia tells us that Shitty isn’t comfortable but she’s not comfortable with Shitty’s “gayness”. Morning comes and I thought I was looking at a scene from after Katrina.

Holy crap.

Oh hell. As the girls are snoring off their hangovers when I hear a dude on a bull horn yelling “Blah blah blah” and we see this.

I guess they aren’t morning people.

There are other signs that say being gay isn’t right only not quite so nice. Shitty comes out onto the balcony and stares at them. Now Shitty is in the mood to throw beads. Someone in the crowd yells at her and calls her a whore. She yells back “I’m not a whore I’m a happy homosexual.” Go pee in a cup and throw it at his head!!! WTF is up with these people. They seriously get up very early, make their stupid signs and hang around waiting to yell obscenities at people they know nothing about. Now I am pissed.

They have also awakened Nasti and well………….

Someone has morning face!

Nasti decides they should get abucket of water and throw it on their asses.

I hope that came from the toilet!

Nasti yells “Shut the fuck” up as she slings the water on them.  Before that she also had a bullhorn and was yelling “Who died and made you Jesus?” as Shitty dances in the back ground. Nasti tells us she is standing up for Shitty because her best friend is a lesbian and no one has the right to judge anyone.

The dude blocking her with the sign would find that stick up his ass.

The protester/losers keep shouting their hatred and Shitty takes a bucket straight out to them and throws it. Shitty and these guys are yelling back and forth. One dude is hitting her with the sign. It’s crazy. Shitty yells at one of them that she will kill them with her lesbian ass lol. She loses a shoe and security has to get it for her. She keeps calling them haters.

Bustass and Prissy come out on the balcony and start yelling too and Bustass yells “Nasty bitches!” and throws beads at them.

Some dick yells Bad Girls are going to hell. You know he watches the show every week.

Laying down the law!

Shitty yells at them that she comfortable in her own goddamn skin and that her girlfriend is over in Iraq “fighting for you low life fuckers.” His big come back? “Blah blah blah.”

Now Morticia is up and Shitty goes back upstairs and tries to get the girls to go to the gay district with her. They don’t want to go. She is pissed because they aren’t supporting her. They are out there throwing shit at the fuckers aren’t they?

Later the girls take to the street to have some fun. Morticia and Prissy stay back and keep throwing beads. It’s what Prissy believes Mardi Gras is all about. Then we see this guy.

Some things should be illegal. Like moobs.

The others head to the gay district and Psycho wants to see some drag queens. She is also pissed that Shitty keeps hanging around them. Shitty talks her way into getting them to let the Bad Girls on the float so they could throw beads at people.

Catch these beads or I’ll punch you in the face!

Bustass tells us that Shitty is the happiest she’s ever seen her. She is dancing around and having a ball. She runs up to this person and yells…

Is that Drew Carey?

It’s night again and these two duds are all by themselves getting something to eat. And talking about Shitty.

Turds.In.A.Punchbowl.

They can’t figure out how Shitty has become so friendly with the other girls all of the sudden. Prissy reminds us that Nasti threw a drink on Shitty and tells us if that had been her she would be on a plane back home. Morticia just hates how flamboyantly gay Shitty is. It’s all she talks about. Then she tells us she doesn’t think it’s right to be gay but it’s not her place to judge anyone.

And yet you can’t seem to stop doing it can you?

What bothers Prissy the most is that she calls everyone babe. Babe. Babe . Babe! She hates it. I’m so tired of these two.

Back at the hotel Shitty flashes Nasti who screams and laughs and promises to give her beads later. Psycho is getting fed up with Shitty. She has hung with them all day and she is sick of her. Off to a club we go.

As usual, dancing, drinking, and Psycho watching Shitty’s every move. And looking like she’s hating life. As Psycho is sitting beside Nasti she announces that her birthday sux. Nasti immediately starts frowning and dispenses her wisdom.

Shut it Oprah!

Psycho decides to go outside and get her face painted.

Probably be a lot easier to paint your face if you’d remove the cup dingbat.

The others know there is about to be drama and there is. Nasti follows her outside and asks her what’s wrong.

I think Shitty prefers tuna but go on.

Oh hell she is snotting and crying.

She goes on to say she’s been dancing with Shitty the whole night and cries and I mean UGLY cries and says it’s supposed to be her birthday and she’s supposed to have fun.

And that would be????

Here we go.

She also claims she’s the strongest and Psycho says no she is because there has been six against one and she’s still there. Suddenly the scene changes and Nasti is dry humping Bustass inside the club.

You know she is gonna fall at some point.

Bustass is standing on the booth and stumbles. She’s running around dancing like crazy, slapping people on the ass. As Angie tells us, she’s a hot mess.

And down she goes.

That girl should stop wearing heels.

Back to the hotel they go but as they are walking they are dancing and yelling shit and Bustass looks like a chicken. At the hotel she snatches Angie’s skirt up in the back and her ass shows. And then we have this.

I think we all saw that one coming.

Psycho comes to the rescue and holds Bustass’s hair back and gets her a wet towel. She tells us she knows how it feels to be drunk (ya don’t say?) and she physically picks her up and puts her to bed. Psycho tells us that she’s glad she didn’t get so drunk because people look really stupid when they are drunk.

What does she do next? She gets shit faced drunk. She puts a mask on, says “I’m Creole” and goes out to the balcony, pours her drink all over someone below and announces she hates everyone. Shitty goes out to see what happened and is pissed and tells Psycho she needs to apologize.

What was that you were saying about looking stupid?

These two start arguing back and forth and Shitty tells her that one minute she’s normal and the next she has multiple personalities. Psycho wants to know if she hates her or if she’s her friend. Shitty tells her she doesn’t know her. Psycho says they talked about the deepest shit and Shitty has no clue what she’s talking about so Psycho walks away, stepping over Shitty who is sitting on the floor. Shitty tells her to pull her skirt down lol.

Psycho tells us that Shitty continues to be in her face and she needs to cut it out or she’s gonna cut her the fuck…out.

The next morning we see a bunch of seriously hungover bitches driving back home. Once there, Bustass whines about not wanting to be drunk. Nasti pulls a bunch of pieces of paper out of her top saying, “I got hella numbers in my titties yo.” Neither one remembers leaving the club.

Morticia is telling Shitty and Prissy that she is the farthest thing there is away from being gay. Really? Since it bothers you so much that Shitty talks about BEING gay so much, why do you feel the need to constantly tell everyone you are NOT GAY? She then tells a story about going with a gay friend to a gay bar (But I thought that was WRONG!) and a big butchy girl tried to get her. She says she screamed and told her to get the fuck away. When Shitty realizes she actually jumped and screamed because a gay girl hit on her she tells her she only needed to say “No thank you.” Morticia says she doesn’t understand she was freaked out! But she’s not a homophob y’all.

Psycho calls her friend and tells her about getting drunk and arguing with people again. This friend tells her she needs to make sure she learns from this experience. Hahahahahahaha! These people kill me.

Guess what? Sarah, Shitty’s girlfriend is coming to visit! She has to be in disguise because she has a job in the military. Yeah we know but I thought it was in Iraq. That not a short plane trip. Anyway Prissy and Morticia take to the confessional to make fun of Shitty and her obsession with her girlfriend.

Please go away you whiney twits!

Of course to Shitty’s face Prissy is all “You are too cute are you stoked right now?” The girls leave to go to a club to meet Sarah.

Meet Sarah…sort of.

They for a while and then she hugs Prissy and Morticia. Morticia tells us Sarah is super nice and she thinks it will be a fun night for them. That girl gives me a headache.

Sarah and Shitty go out on the balcony that looks very much like the one at the hotel and they are very lovey dovey and Shitty tells us she’s never been this excited to around someone and it’s like freakin fireworks all over again.

We can almost see her face in this picture when she meets Bustass who for some rason tells her she thought she would be corny……….huh?

But I can kill you with my pinky.

Shitty introduces Nasti also then says the other girl doesn’t matter. Psycho takes notice that she was not introduced.

After partying they head back home. Shitty shows Sarah her room and her blow horn for when people piss her off. She shoots her with silly string and then tackles her. Shitty tells us she used to date guys but was never happy until she met Sarah.

Down stairs these two are in deep conversation about Psycho not getting along with Shitty. Nasti claims everything would be fine if Psycho would just let it. They are all getting along but that Psycho is trippin’.

I have a feeling it’s going to get a whole lot worse.

In the next breath Psycho says she’ll be ok as long as no one takes Nasti from her because then she’d kill everybody. I’m starting to think she’s more than just funny crazy, this girl is dangerous. Nasti is a little freaked out by her too, but she keeps eating.

Upstairs Sarah and Shitty are in the shower screaming and moaning and groaning. Prissy and Angie run in thinking they are joking and you see them run back out and giggling like fools.

After spending a bit more time together Sarah goes back to the hotel because she doesn’t think it’s a good idea to spend the night. Probably not.

The next morning there’s more Psycho drama as she starts whimpering about her earring going all the way back and begging Nasti to help her. I don’t know what she’s talking about but her new car smell is wearing off quickly.

Full on ugly ass crazy cry.

Nasti finally gets the earring out and Psycho is laughing now. Bustass tells her to get the hell out of there. She’s tired of her ass and tells her she needs to go to Hollywood and get her ass an Oscar, Grammy, Emmy, all the awards. Bustass tells her she ain’t got nothing on Halle Berry or Precious’ big ass. Psycho goes to bed.

Sarah comes back and she and Shitty go to the French Quarter to spend the day. They walk around, go out to eat. Sarah will be leaving that day so Shelly is all bummed out. When they get back to the house Shitty is a crying mess and she goes into the house because she doesn’t want to watch Sarah drive away. Damn it don’t make me get all teary eyed!!!

Later that night the girls all go out to cheer Shitty up. At least that was the plan. Bustass is up on stage yelling, “Go Shelly, go uh whatshername!” Pretty sure she meant Psycho.

Psycho tells us it annoys her that everyone will be getting along and she knows she won’t. She tells us that if she isn’t getting along with everybody, nobody will.

That girl is a ticking time bomb. In the limo on the way home Psycho looks like she smells ass and is quickly getting more and more pissed. Everyone else is happy and talking. Psycho tells us she cannot take the fakeness of these girls anymore. That when they get a little liquor in them everybody starts being friendly and holding hands. “Skipping hop scotching through the meadow to Grandma’s house. This is not the real world, this isn’t the Brady Bunch it’s The Bad Girls Club.”  Back inside the limo Psycho starts an argument with Shitty over nothing just because she can.

Once at the house Psycho goes to confessional and rants about people being funny and how dare you smile in someone’s face when you don’t like them.

Meanwhile in the hallway these three are doing this.

There are much easier ways to work out.

Back inside the confessional, Psycho is whispering that she guarantees they are outside her door. Now we are in full blown paranoia. She starts humping the air and shaking her ass all while saying “What bitch?” I’m not kidding she is full on batshit fucking crazy.

Cuckoo cuckoo………..

She sits her crazy ass back down and says “That’s Judi, that’s why I’m here. Because I am el loca.” She also says a bunch of other shit and throws in a “What?” every now and again. She says she is Bad Girls Club 7. Girl you will be on the next short bus out, and it will most likely have barred windows on it.

The girls are tired of waiting for Psycho to get out of confessional so Shitty decides she’ll get her out. I wouldn’t do that. She does and it’s hard to see but it looks like Shitty pushes her or throws something at her.Psycho tells us that Shitty brings her big Humpty Dumpty ass out of the woodwork to bully her again. The next thing I see is Shitty’s head whipping backwards as Psycho punches her full on in the face.

Ouch.

Shitty seems to be in shock for a second and the tells Prissy “She just hit me in the fucking face.” And then all hell breaks loose. Shitty is all over her and Psycho falls down and takes Shitty with her by the hair.

Someone’s gonna need a new weave.

Y’all might want to call for back up.

Psycho tells us she just doesn’t care anymore. If she wants to swing on someone it’s their bad. If she wants to “take your face and eat it, or shave it off and wear it as a mask for next Halloween, that’s your bad.”

Psycho keeps yelling that she whooped her ass and someone disagrees. She then starts laughing and bragging about pulling out her hair and then she wants Nasti and Bustass to hug her. And they do because they are afraid of her insane ass.

Just smile and nod until the cops arrive.

Shitty decides to redecorate Psycho’s bed.

I don’t think she’ll be needing her bed anyway.

Shitty says “Sleep with your only friends” as she throws the trees on her bed. Psycho is in the hallway laughing and saying she whooped her ass and Shitty yells back “You’re going home bitch!” Seriously, there are some kinds of crazy a pill can’t fix.

Psycho starts yelling Blah blah blah blah blah.

Why is Nasti laughing and what the fuck happened to Bustass’s hair?

Angie thinks maybe Psycho is possessed and needs an exorcism. I’m starting to think she would scare a priest.

When Psycho sees what happened to her bed she loses it again and starts screaming and Nasti tries to reign her ass in.

Psych ward crazy.

Meanwhile Bustass screams I have a hair appointment in the morning!

Harmless happy crazy.

As they escort Psycho out Shitty yells bye bye bitch and tries to get past security.

Told ya you’d need back up.

Psycho tells us she is literally going crazy right now because she knows Shitty isn’t going home. She tells us it’s ok because they have the rest of the time in this house. Ha! I think your time is up nutjob.

Do you think she’ll get to stay or is she a goner?

Until next time,

Love and Smooches,

Cherie