Last week ended with my DemonVR cheating me out of seeing Wilma’s first reaction to Dickie’s pulling her hair.
I can’t wait! I can’t wait! I can’t WAIT!!!!
And I didn’t have long to wait either. As Dickface keeps chanting “And go. And go. And what…” This is what bitch!
I may have this framed.
Although I did notice that as Wilma has her hands around Dickie’s neck, Dickie is copping a feel of Wilma’s boob.
Wilma slings this bitch to and fro and I hear Dickie mumble some shit about an ambush? How is that considered an ambush you creepy fuck? They let Wilma beat on her for a lot longer than I thought they would before security jumps in but still Wilma doesn’t let loose. Then she jumps up and throws shit at Dickie and doesn’t even seem to notice that there is a 400 pound mean ass security dude standing between them.
Nothing makes Dickie happier than getting her own ass kicked on national tv.
Once Wilma is carried out she tells us that she feels it’s over for her and time for her to go. That’s a bunch of horseshit considering how many times Dickie has slapped and sucker punched people. Is she related to someone who runs this show? Or maybe she has pics of one of the producers having sex with her. Or a donkey. Same diff.
Now we get treated to a montage of Wilma’s stay at the house and it pisses me off. I guess the new criteria for being a Bad Girl is to see how many times you can get your ass handed to you.
Wilma tells us she is proud of her stay and this is how an official Bad Girl leaves, “Beating a bitch to the ground.” Amen.
Wilma warns that next time she sees Dickie she’ll have been working out 24/7 so she can be faster so Dickie better be doing a lot more pull ups. No I think Dickie needs to be wearing Pull-Ups because she’s a big fucking baby and I hate her.
Oh Sweet Baby Jesus, the first thing out of Dickie’s face is “Nothing. Nothing to say? No one?” Tucky, Woof and Botox are in the bathroom and Dickie has started in on them. Tucky tells her “Fuck you.” To which Dickie announces “Yeah that’s all you have to say.” She’s like a broken record. Tucky meanwhile has something else to say…
Be careful, she might take that as an invite.
Tucky reminds Dickie of when she (Tucky) hit her in the face and she did nothing and she won’t do anything now. Dickie minimizes it but tells her she knows how to play the game.
Tucky tells us that Dickie always has a smug look on her face and she thinks that even though Wilma beat her ass that she actually won.
Dickface tells us BGC is a game and she will be there until the end, she will prevail and she will be winning.
I didn’t know Charlie Sheen had an equally insane sister.
The next morning Tucky and Botox are talking about how much they will miss Wilma. Tucky says she learned a lot from Dickie although she hates her now.
Dickie tells us the girls should have no problem with her because the argument between she and Wilma had nothing to do with them. Really? Then why did you start running your mouth to them while they were in the bathroom as soon as she was gone psycho? UGH! Oh jeez, she also says there was no problem before Wilma got there and there will be no problems now. Yeah that’s right before evil Wilma arrived y’all were like new born kittens playing with yarn. Please go jump in front of a bus.
Later Char tells Botox that the “Replacements” never had a chance because they were all so weak. Uh exsqueeze me? Did she miss the 42 times Wilma beat the shit out of Dickie?
If any of them were weak it was because your giant nostrils sucked all the oxygen from the room.
Char just wants to be happy and Botox agrees and says she’s only going to miss “you guys.” Awww…baaarrrf!
Dickie finds Char and Woof outside and goes to do her best sucking up. She apologizes for last night. Char tells her she has a lot of growing to do and she thinks it’s because she didn’t have a Mom and she needs to work on that and stop with the antics. Thank you Oprah now shut the fuck up and throw Dickie in the pool.
Char Oprah blithers on some more but also tells Dickie she hopes she gets to a place where she can open up to women because this is the Bad GIRLS Club not the BOYS. Dickie says “Men of Steel.” and Char says “No WOMEN OF STEEL!”
Even Woof is jumping on the poor Dickie train. She feels sorry for her. I’m about to end this recap if this whole episode is going to be all lovey dovey bullshit.
Never underestimate the powers of the Snooki Poof.
Char tells Dickie she needs to speak with all the girls so Dickie dutifully gets Botox to follow her.
Dickie apologizes to Botox and Botox falls for it and although she says she will never trust her again she does respect her as a person.
I give the fuck up.
Dickie’s next target is Tucky who kinda blows her off. Maybe she will at least stand her ground and keep hating Dickie for the piece of crap she is.Tucky tells us she has no need to speak to Dickie because she is worthless.
Beet tells Tucky she left because she overheard Char saying shit about her and also she knew Dickie and Tucky were friends but Tucky informs her things have changed. They are both looking forward to the photo shoot tomorrow. Me too, I love a good magic show.
Tucky tells us that she and Beet are good but she knows there is still some bad blood between she and Char.
Why is her hair green?
Off to the magic photo shoot! Jade is there as is Beet. Hell I had forgotten all about Jade. Cut to a montage of Jade fighting with Dickie and Beet fighting with Char.
She looks almost healthy.
Char doesn’t think Beet should be there because she is no longer a Bad Girl. Shut up Char.
She seems familiar…..
The plan is to glam the girls up so that they look like girls. Out comes the Oxygen Magic Wand.
I think Char has eyes in her nostrils.
After the shoot Char Oprah tells the girls they just need to respect each others thoughts and opinions. Then Dickie tells some gross ass story about how they are like a family who has an uncle they hate because he has moles on his neck but at the end of the day you have to rub cream on them because he’s family. That’s it. I quit.
Back at the house Char takes Tucky aside and makes nice nice with her. I really can’t take much more of this. In the end they decide they are fine with each other. Tucky wants to talk to Dickie but she is hesitant.
The remaining five go out to celebrate. At club whatever, they hold up their drinks and someone says “Cheers to the final four.” Only one problem. There are 5 left.
Is it too much to ask that a small meteorite land on their table?
The twits have never been happier. Back at home Char runs around trying to play with Woof’s tits. And then they decide it’s time to pay back Dickie for her pranks. Woof chases her down and sits on her with a curling iron and sticks it to her ass. Only it wasn’t hot. That sux.
That was a waste.
Woof then chases Dickie around and throws shit at her and then they all pile on and pull her pants off.
Thank God for blurring.
Next Char and Botox and the others grab Tucky and pull her britches off and smack her ass.
All this happiness is killing me.
Finally the hilarity ends and the morning comes and it’s time for Woof to leave. She tries to get Char in her suitcase but she doesn’t fit. Botox does though.
You really shouldn’t give Dickie any ideas.
Tucky colors Woof a picture and we see another montage of days gone by. Woof tells us it’s been a long long road and she is a hillbilly but one day she will come visit and tip cows with her if she has any.
Tipping cows is rude. I know because the last time I did it the bitch told me so.
More boo hooing and wah wahing.
Dickie tells us the reason she and Woof weren’t close was because of Char. But I thought she loved Char???
Next Woof makes out with Botox as Char makes fun of them for crying and being babies. Finally the taxi arrives and it’s bye bye Woof.
Char tells us that “never in the history of Bad Girls have two Bag Girls been able to ride it out until the end without backstabbing or separating or letting anyone divide us.”
Didn’t she say the same thing about her and Dickie?
Woof tells us she learned a lot being here, and I quote. “This experience was like the pasta with the sauce with a side of garlic bread, man deuces I’m gone remember delish you hear anything y’all know that’s me, check me out, watch me watch my moves.” I think.
Finally she’s gone and the last four are being all emotional and shit. Dickie finally corners Tucky to talk things out and while Tucky listens she doesn’t completely cave and they agree to be cordial.
Whatever you do, do not look into the Poof!
Dickie tells her that if they were ever at a club and someone jumped her she would be the first one to have her back. Gee I wonder what’s going to happen.
First Dickie and Char have a talk and Dickie tells her she reminds her of her Mom.
Only Char would take that as a compliment.
Out they all go to a club. Then we see this.
Tucky if you fall for this shit I will punch my screen.
She fell for it. Now I need ice for my hand.
More drinking and happiness. Char throws out some more Oprahisms. Then she sucks up to Dickie some more. Suddenly a random dude comes up and they push him away. Random dude’s girlfriend gets involved and it’s a free for all.
Now who didn’t see that coming?
Tucky tells us she was minding her own business and suddenly her hair was being pulled and her dress is ripped. Botox is so worked up she accidentally hits Dickie in the snout.
Tucky is all impressed because all the girls including Dickie came to her rescue. Aww more love. The girls then have to run in the rain to the limo where they proceed to hug and cry because the reality has hit them that it’s over.
I think I’m starting to feel something….nah it’s just heartburn.
The next morning they all go to a cafe. Tucky tells us she doesn’t cry a lot. The last time she cried was when she was stung by a bee.
I bet the bee cried harder.
Back at the house Char says “It’s an experience that only a prestigious group of girls get to have.”
I think she meant contagious.
Time to wrap this shit up. Botox has learned that she can now be independent. Yay. Now get in the taxi bitch. She then goes to pack her weave.
Aside from Wilma, I liked the weave the best.
More montages and then finally Botox leaves.
That leaves Dickie and Char and Tucky. But not for long. Tucky is getting ready to leave. Char warns Dickie not to start with her. So long Tucky. After the montage of course.
As Dickie and Char are packing we are treated to more scenes gone by. Then Char notices that Dickie has left her a note and two balloons. Char is not surprised she tells us because they all love Char. Char, according to Char is leaving as the Head Girl In Charge. God please make this end.
After reading the card and thanking Dickie we see Dickie writing this on the wall.
She forgot to add, “Crazy,bullying,psychotic, manly, duck legged,beady eyed bitch.”
After yet another confessional where they toast to being the last two standing and saying they hate each other and laughing, they go up to the roof. I was hoping to jump off but no they are toasting again and then after more montages they let the balloons go as Dickie says “Nothing to say.” and Char says “Play wid it!”
In the end it seems everyone learned to be a better person and I just hope that Perez can bring out the hatred on the Reunion next week.
Love and Smooches,