Last week ended with “pranks” and a basic stand off between Tucky,Wilma, Dickie and the other bitches. This week begins with all talk about wanting to get rid of Schnozzie. Dickie is tickled to death that she has a little “mini me” who hates Schnozz as much as she does. The only thing I can concentrate on is how disgusting the room is.
Even the fake tree is trying to kill itself.
Wilma tells us Schnozz has to go because she was really nice to her and Schnozz was disrespectful and a bitch. She is not doing it because she is a follower. Wilma says something within earshot of Botox about Schnozz not representing Jersey and being from the Planet of the Apes and of course Botox says nothing TO THEM but tells us they think they run the house but they look dumb right now. I just saw her tramp stamp and it looks like she rolled in elephant shit so I wouldn’t be speaking about anyone looking dumb.
Upstairs Char is talking to Schnozz about Wilma not giving anyone a chance and Schnozz says she’s the reason that Jersey is called “Dirty Jersey.” REALLY? Because I heard about that shit from you boogar factory.
OH jeez, Schnozz tells Char she would never have been able to be as strong as Char has.
Don’t feel bad my child, God only blesses those he truly loves.
Later Char and Woof go for a walk and of course to talk about the others. Woof thinks everything was Dickie’s fault. I have a question. Do any of these girls have clothes that actually fit?
Woof tells us Dickie ain’t nothing but a fugayzee ass girl. If there is someone out there who has a Woof to English translator please contact me. She says she tries to “strunt something she’s not.” Char adds that Dickie can never do anything by herself. Exqueese me? I seem to recall a time when everyone hated her (including me)and she just went on about her business even after they “kicked” her out.
Char calls Dickie and Tucky Rin and Tin again and says Dickie is using Wilma as a guinea pig. Woof starts making a barking noise which in turn causes the neighborhood dogs to start barking.
Y’all better climb that fence. It’s probably the only action you are gonna get.
Back at the house Woof’s Mom calls. Tucky answers and says she isn’t there can she take a message. Mom gets all snooty and demands to know who she is speaking with. Tucky tells her it doesn’t matter and Mom is all yes it does if she doesn’t get the message and Tucky starts to tell her she will get the message but realizes the woman is a bitch and hangs up on her.
Dickie laments about how maybe things would be different if Woof wasn’t up Char’s ass but so be it.
Char gets a call from her sis. Apparently her audition tape has been leaked and it’s not good. Hang here a sec…hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaa!!!!!
Char is all “Is it bad?” Uh, weren’t you there dipshit? Char tells us some moron has leaked her shit and she looks it up.
Wow I am shocked.
They show some of the comments like “Trashy,Sleazy…the usual.” Woof tells her they are just haters. Uh…duh. Dickie is happy as a clam that the haters are doing her job for her. And apparently she has found Oxygen’s magic wand.
Is that even the same person?
Char is pissed and kicks some shit across the kitchen. Botox giggles. Char tells us her Mom used to be proud to tell people she was her daughter but now she will probably act like she doesn’t know who she is. Newsflash, she probably has been doing that since you were born.
Char goes on to say that she’ll never marry a president. Let that one sink in for a sec. If she ever had aspirations of marrying a president, did she really think going on the BGC was a great career move? Botox and Char both agree she needs a boyfriend.
In other parts of the house, Dickie and Wilma decide to take the couch outside. Why? Who the fuck knows?
Inside Schnozz is threatening to throw something at “her” face. She’s speaking of Wilma. Then I realize why they moved the couch outside. So they can fuck with the Charminions as they file past to the car. As they reach the safety of the car, Woof asks them if they want to come because they have room in the trunk. Tucky,Dickie and Wilma just laugh.
Meanwhile at the restaurant it’s all laughs and good times. Not.
I don’t wanna go home wahhhhhhhhhhhhh.
All talk centers around Dickie. Char talks about Dickie not pushing her when she got in her face and blah blah blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Botox tells us that Dickie is all of a sudden acting like a hard ass. Has she been in a coma?
Back at the house Tucky explains to Wilma how she and Char fight but then Woof jumps in the middle.
Woof tells us where she’s from, she does “The Wang.” THEN DO IT ALREADY!
When Woof and the others pull up to the house, Dickie and crew are still outside on the couch.
Wut up bitches?
Woof asks for her water bottle and acts like she’s throwing it at them. She manages to hit the house instead. Woof hears Dickie say something and asks her what and then Dickie says “Sorry didn’t hear you. I don’t speak hood rat.” Woof gets out of the car and asks Dickie to “come get you some.” Of course Char is “holding” Woof back.
Let’s be clear, she actually left the house and went to a place that serves food dressed like this.
I’m from the south ok, and I would be kicked out of a KFC dressed in underwear and a crappy t shirt with tiny boobs a floppin’. And how the hell does someone that scrawny have a pot belly?
She keeps yelling some shit and the couch dwellers don’t seem to know what it means.
Yeah you run around half dressed with your head up Char’s ass. I’ve learned some Spanish!
Day breaks over PsychoHoville and Schnozz decides she needs to take a plunger to Wilma’s face…picture. Why was there a plunger right near the wall of photos you ask? Cause it makes good tv?
After Schnozz’s outburst of…nothing., she goes to put her face on. Ok actually she goes to try to make her face where it won’t scare small kids. Dickie decides to come in and stare at this.
Downstairs the phone rings and it’s Woof’s “Ma”. She wants to know who was the rude girl what hunged up on her. Woof explains it was probably the fat cow hillbillie what wouldn’t give her name. This pisses Woof off cause yous don’t get the Ma all heated.
Instead of actually confronting Tucky she just mumbles some shit about “Wanging” her.
Schnozz decides she’s just gonna “do her” today. Can I express how much I hate that fucking phrase? It sounds like you are gonna be running around all day with a double dong strapped on hoping to hit a wall.
The others are going to a tatt shop.
While looking through the book, Woof thinks she spots Snoop but Char has to tell her it’s Jimi Hendrix. What ends up happening is that Botox gets her elephant shit tatt …..defined…..fixed…made to look like a pineapple?
Ok sorry but if I had a dick and it saw that, it would crawl up my ass and scream like a girl.
Even the tatt artist is saying he’ll try to sharpen the color, make it look more feminine…..less like a disease. I mean seriously, what the fuck? That’s gross.
Oh jeez, while Botox gets her fucked up ass fixed, Char meets a dude. No seriously, a real one.
That’s what the world needs. Char doing a rap album. I’ll be doing a bikini shoot next.
“Peezy” asks Char some shit about fighting and she proclaims she’s too old to fight. I am so sick of this “I’m too old shit!” I just saw a 92 year old man beat the shit(ok he smacked him with his cane) out of a dude to try and get his dose of viagra. Y’all want to see some nasty shit going down? Go visit your neighborhood old folks home. They get viagra on demand through Medicare/Medicaid. One of them. I’m not kidding. Be very careful when trying to do a good deed. One minute you think you are volunteering and the next what you thought was a sponge bath turns into a “happy ending.” I’m still in counseling after that one.
Char tells us she’s trying to not be so hard when she meets a guy but a man should always be fearful of a woman……yeah, if he’s a pussy whipped asshole. This dude Char is talking to basically tells her she is older and the leader and she denies all that and then basically agrees with everything he said.
I have rewound this about 30 times and I still don’t understand why Char and ButtMash(aka Botox) keep saying he has an accent and speaks a different language. Either I have been awake too long(two days and I have Cheerios in my hair and at one point up my nostril) or he just sounds normal-ish.
Botox is done with her tatt and shakes her ass for the camera.
Oh yeah that’s much better. Now it just looks like a dude peeking out of her ass crack wearing a tropical plant hat. Sooooooooo sexy.
Back at the house of ho’s, Wilma tells us that Operation Kill Schnozz is in full effect. To prove this she stops Schnoz from being able to go upstairs and smiles at her all creepy like.
I ate dog shit today just to make my breath extra hideous.
Seriously she tells Schnozz she made sure her breath was really bad. Just for her. Then she keeps telling Schnozz bye. Schnozz tells her to get the fuck out of her face and then Tucky and Dickie join in and offer to help Schnozz pack. It looks like Dickie pushed Schnozz back a little and tells her not to put her hands on her. Schnozz starts screaming “I’m not trash I have class” at Wilma and Wilma reminds her of her naked drunken rampage the night she punched Dickie’s picture. Dickie grabs Schnozz’s suitcase and Schnozz snatches it back and they start screaming.
Downstairs Char hears them screaming and says that’s the type of shit that will make her “go off.” She says it’s juvenile and stupid. Of course Char isn’t going to intervene even though Schnozz “rolls with her crew” because…well because she’s a bitch.
Things are getting seriously heated upstairs and the screaming gets louder and louder. They want her out, she ain’t going. They start grabbing her shit and half throwing it and kinda packing it. Wilma asks/shouts “Why are you in the BGC?” She then starts bumping up against Schnozzie. Tucky is laughing and then Schnozz sees Dickie with a trash bag and goes over and yells at her that she will pack her own shit. Dickie shoves her ass away. More than once. Schnozz demands that Dickie stop touching her shit and now Dickie’s veins are popping and she’s backing her up and screaming “OR WHAT?” Then Dickie shoves her ass again and Schnozz falls back onto the bed.
Tucky and crew grab Schnozz’s shit and drag it out to the street. Botox tells us that since Wilma arrived Dickie has become a hard ass. Thanks for telling us that again dong breath. No she’s been that way from day one but I got feeling she’s about to go too far.
None of the others give a shit and do not come to help Schnozz. Botox claims she’s sick, Char is in Charland and Woof looks scared. Schnozz decides enough is enough and she’s leaving. When she tells Char, she is brokenhearted.
Char says Schnozz should go because she’s embarrassing herself. Woof tries to get her to leave with a bang and then tells us she doesn’t blame her for leaving because they are supposed to be a family and family don’t act this way. HA! That’s a Tuesday at my house.
After more yacking back and forth Schnozz starts the walk down the driveway and tells us that she has class. Cut to the usual montage of embarrassing fuck ups that show anything but class. Bye bitch. The girls do their dance of sorrow.
Don’t forget to NOT write!
Later the phone rings and it’s Schnozz’s Mom. Tucky informs her that they kicked her out because they don’t like her. Mom is all “ok.” Botox hears Dickie and Tucky talking about Dickie being the ring leader and tells us Dickie is making Tucky her puppet. Hey Botox, Char has had her fist up your ass since day one so shut it.
Woof tells us Schnozz leaving the way she did was weak and she takes a marker and crosses her face out. This does not go unnoticed by the others.
Dickie and Tucky decide Woof is next and decides this is the devils house. Woof hears them talking but tells us she ain’t leaving and then says “I’m just gonna keep smiling like Johnny Depp says.” I am so tired of these twits and their quotes.
A little later Dickie and Tucky are at the computer when Woof walks by. They giggle and make noises at her and she tells them do not get her started or she will “WANG” them. For the love of Lil Debbie Snack Cakes could she just do the WANG already???
Yo my bird be all trippin’ and wang wanging.
Woof warns Tucky she’ll be the first to hit and the last to quit. Let me guess? Al Sharpton? Then it turns really creepy because Woof is all in Tucky’s face and asks if she hung up on her Ma and she knows she did and to keep doing it. Then she whispers,”Cause I like it.” Tucky just laughs at her.
Oh hell Peezy calls Char and they are going on a date y’all!!!!
On the way to where ever, Woof tells Char the dude seems really into her but he stares at her like he’s never seen a black girl before. Char laughs. Woof tells us some shit about how she will never have hate for love and she’ll never be thirsty. Someone please make her shut up.
Oh apparently Peezy is French. At the restaurant Char informs him that the shall be dining on tapas and that means they share. She asks the dude about himself and then spends 3 weeks talking about her. I don’t think he even got to burp.
Can I go home now please?
Meanwhile Wilma,Tucky and Dickie go to a club to celebrate the demise of Schnozz. Back in hell…………….Char decides to actually ask this dude some shit. Like if he believes in marriage. There’s a great first date question. That boy is gonna leave skid marks. He claims he would get married but doesn’t really believe in it. And with that Char decides he’s not the man for her and tells us so and adds “Rotate.” UGH.
Dickie meanwhile is a little drunk, as in off her ass and is feeling feisty. And they are on the way home. This should be good.
She arrives in the house yelling “Hello bitches I’m home!” Then she goes to Woof and calls her out on saying Schnozz was her friend but then crossing her picture out as soon as she was gone. Tucky keeps screaming some shit about “Which is it?” Meaning was she Schnozz’s friend or not. Here we go with Woof and her threats of Wanging. She says everyone wants to run their mouth and not do shit.
Meanwhile Dickie is dragging Schnozz’s bed out so she can throw it over the balcony. Why? The bitch is already gone. She starts yelling for Woof to come defend her friend.
Here we go again.
Once outside Dickie yells up to Woof and they decide they are gonna go toe to toe! Tucky starts yelling before they even get into the house, “You’re going home!” When Tucky reaches Woof first instead of fighting or wanging, Woof starts explaining why she scratched Schnozz’z face out. She asked her too. Woof and Tucky are face to face and yelling and Woof tells us she’s going to “wang her so stupid hard.” COULD WE SEE SOME FREAKIN’ WANGING ALREADY?
As they are screaming Woof shoves Tucky’s ass backwards. Then grabs her by her hair and it’s on. Char just lays on her ass as usual and security comes running. While security has Woof she still manages to shove at Dickie and the BAM! Dickie sucker punches her.
Sucker punch? Really Dickie? So lame.
Seriously that is so not cool. But Woofs version of “wanging” apparently means pulling the bitches hair out.
Don’t get me wrong it looked like Woof got some hits in but hair pulling? Oh hell, Dickie decides to go talk to Woof. I think she realizes she may have just got herself sent home. This conversation becomes a fucking Lifetime movie and basically they decide they like each other. I may puke.
Downstairs Tucky is hearing this heartfelt pukefest and starts crying.
Dickie is supposed to be MY Fwiend!
Dickie and Woof decide they don’t have to like each others friends but they like each other. And with that, they are cool. To each others faces at least. Woof tells us Dickie needs to check herself.
Upstairs Tucky is in bed crying and Dickie climbs in with her and they talk some shit about Char and Tucky tells Dickie she is her friend and she should be there for her. Dickie is all “I know I know.”
Uhh you mean besides sucking Woof’s dick?
Another day dawns and so far no one is dead, yet. Woof thinks she needs anger management. LOL. Botox tells her that Dickie will get in her face again and she needs to get right back and Dickie will be scared. Botox thinks Dickie is trying to get Woof all to herself. Wow there’s a prize.
In the next scene we see Dickie throwing a football up the stairs to Woof. Awww they are bonding. Gag me.
The girls have decided they are going to hit the bar scene tonight and look for cute boys. Char tells us that although things ended tragically with Peezy she is ready for some action.
WTF is on her tongue? Gremlin sperm?
There is a band playing and they announce the Bad Girls are there and want them to stay after the show. There’s a couple of single dudes in the band and they are twins.
Dickie and Woof continue to bond and drink and have fun.
Ain’t they cute?
The twins introduce themselves to Char and Botox and Char actually gets the dudes number. And he’s cute.
Hey I’m Char, ya wanna get married?
In the limo the girls decide to have the boys over for a bbq the next day but realize they need to clean the house, or move.
Back at the house Tucky is at the computer and being way too quiet and sneaky looking. Apparently Tucky found the paper with the twins info on it and she took it and did away with it. Meanwhile Char is looking all over for it. Tucky tells us that Char is desperate for a man because she is old and her biological clock is ticking. Ok nutty, she’s 27 not 107.
Everyone is looking for the paper. No one can find it. Char finally gets a clue and realizes that most likely Dickie or Tucky took it. She tells us they are very jealous of her.
Are her nostrils getting bigger?
Tucky is all “Dude I just want to help you guys find this phone number.” Giggle giggle.
Dickie tells us that Char will never meet anyone and she will die alone and then tells us Char is gutted once again.
Turns out Tucky may or may not have hid the paper behind her bed. She then tells us Char will never confront her and she and Dickie run the house.
Tucky starts to tell Wilma about it but Dickie stops her. Now it’s Dickie’s turn to have an ego attack and she quotes Darwin and says “If you are weak, leave.”
Downstairs Char is laying on the floor and talking to Wilma about not fighting. Wilma tells us this house is full of crazy bitches.
That’s it for this week.
Love and Smooches,