Bad Girls Club Recap: Evil Twits

This week we start off with the Twats bitching because someone has stolen their makeup! Dani decides it must be PigFace and she and Flabby go in search of Dani’s elusive crappy makeup. She claims to have found her eyeshadow in PigFace’s things and declares if she has her lip gloss “it’s gonna be on and poppin!” Every time I hear that phrase I want popcorn.

Anyway, Schizo asks Dani if she is going to confront PigFace and Dani says NO. See what she does is she plots and plots and plots and by the time she does say something, you won’t even want to be here anymore. That might work if she had an attention span longer than a dead rat.

Meanwhile downstairs Elease has been all ears and she heard everything and tells PigFace.

Don’t know but you should really take someones.

PigFace gets pissed and goes upstairs and asks Flabby if someone was in her stuff and Flabby immediately squeaks out DANI WAS!!!! PigFace wants to know why they would think she took it and Flabby says “they heard it through the grapevine.” When PigFace asks if they found the eye shadow Flabby says no. I’m confused, I thought Dani said she did???

PigFace confronts Dani and this somehow turns into Dani having a plan to get rid of Mimi and Stinky by telling Mimi that Stinky,PigFace and Dani broke her MARS chain. That way it deflects attention off of PigFace killing Dani and possibly sends Stinky or Mimi home. And PigFace falls for it.

Next thing we hear is this…

Uhh, Obama?

It seems Mimi slid on someones body wash and is thoroughly pissed. Especially since it probably belonged to one of the Twats and was filled with Toad Water.

Mimi is cracking and she tells us she is tired of these dirty ass girls and is battling whether or not to stay. Please at least kick the Twats ass before you go!

Later Dani and Flabby are drinking out of something resembling caveman balls and they offer some to Schizo.

That reminds me, I need to call the nursing home and make sure they gave Gramps his sponge bath.

Schizo heads out with the Twats to get plastered and the rest stay home. To knit or something.

Back at home Elease decides to put an X over the Twats faces. Not exactly original but it’ll do for now.

On the way home, the drunks decide they are going to wake Mimi up and tell her they broke her necklace. Before going to bed Mimi tells Stinky and PigFace that Elease is the one who drew the big X’s on the Twats faces. Why?

The drunk bitches arrive and start screaming that the house smells like eggs and this is the BGC, wakey wakey and they turn on lights where PigFace and Stinky are sleeping.

Everyone ignores the drunk whores. For now. OH hell Dani noticed that someone drew an X on her picture and she shits her dirty little undies. She starts screaming for EVERYONE to wake up. I’m sorry but how many times did this cunt draw on others pictures and now she’s gonna act like someone tried to flush her baby, before she could.

Gaby starts screaming to Mimi to guess who broke her chain and then breaks some more shit.

She means her stank breath.

Mimi tries to ignore her ass and then Gabi yells that she and Stinky and PigFace broke her necklace. Still no reaction and Mimi doesn’t believe Piggy and Stinky had anything to do with it.

This dramatic shit just keeps going and one of the Twats threatens to find out who did it and fuck their life up and rock their world…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Finally it ends and The Twats spend their time making fun of Piggy and other shit behind everyone’s “fake ass.”

Poor Mimi calls her Mom and is sad and ready to go home. Her Mom tries to perk her up but I don’t think it’s going to work.

DOORBELL! It’s a donkey shaped pinata with a note. Thought I was gonna make a Natalie Nunn joke there didn’t ya? Well I didn’t!

 Guess what y’all they are going to Cabo!!!!!

I hope they have had their shots. Cabo I mean.

The Twats meanwhile just skank their way back upstairs like they could care less. The others continue to celebrate. Suddenly Mimi realizes she left her passport in Miami. She can’t go. Can’t they FedEx that shit or something? She plans on going home to Miami while they are gone so why not pick it up there and then take a different flight. Methinks she just has had enough.

Everyone is sad except for the TwatMonsters who say “Karma is a bitch.”

Your faces are proof of that you nasty twat cheese!

Everyone tells Mimi goodbye and they all cry. Except for the Human Sludge Twats. Then they show a montage of Mimi’s antics.

The next morning the dingbats head off to Cabo and all are excited except again the Turds In The Punchbowl. Once there one of the first questions they are asked is…

Ha! That’s like asking her if she wants to breathe!

The girls are offered complimentary blueberry margaritas. Miss Appreciation 2012 says “It’s like death in a cup.”

Then please feel free to dive in.

On to the rooms they go. Schizo is impressed by how pretty it is and how good it smells. Well the Twats haven’t arrived yet so don’t get too excited.

The Twats it seems wish to have their own rooms so they don’t have to mingle get their asses whipped by the other girls.

So while The Twats lay by the pool, the others hit up a booze cruise. Asses are shaking, drinks are flowing, bitches are screaming and laughing and actually having FUN.

Why is Woody Harrelson on this boat?

While the girls are having a blast, The Twats are moaning about how glad they are that they aren’t on the cruise with those boring zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Sorry I fell asleep listening to the constant drone of these twats voices. They are plastering up so they can go out and had have fun. I’m thinking one of the producers lied to them about what fun means to trick them into leaving the room.

At ClubBetterLuckNextTime, they do meet one guy who is actually nice to them but of course they are way to good for him. They get back to the hotel before the “boring” girls do. Stinky’s a lil drunk and starts kicking at their door and saying, along with Schizo how they won’t do shit because Stinky ain’t walking by herself. True.

Poor Dani whines too us that these girls are always gonna try and bring them down…wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Suck it butt plug.

The next day is swim with the dolphins day!!! Yay!!!! The normal girls are happy and excited and can’t wait to go. The twats on the other hand ask if the other girls are going and even though it’s something she’s always wanted to do she’s afraid she’ll go pee pee in her diapy! What a cunt.

Hey y’all don’t have a  swimming with Great Whites exhibit do ya????

LOLOLOLOL at the Dolphin Show, Piggy gets some tongue action from a dolphin named Renoir aka the Latin Lover.

Watch out Piggy, dolphins have been known to get a lil frisky.

Stinky actually has a bit of a threesome..

Dolphin Porn!!!

By the way for the second time in a month my computer chair has decided to keep going when I lean back. I have rug burn on my elbow and the side of my face. My hip hurts and my left hand is blue and swelling. Why am I telling you this? FOR FREAKIN SYMPATHY THAT’S WHY!!!! Send all love, gifts and best wishes in care of tvgasm.com. Make sure it’s addressed to me or flipit will steal that shit.

Oh jeez back to the Twats, and their constant obsession with the others who actually know how to have fun. Dani tells us she feels like she is on a honeymoon with her sister.

Considering the personalities you both have, it will be the ONLY honeymoon you ever experience.

Later the four fun girls go out to ClubSuckANaval and they drink, and dance and laugh and do all those things that seem to be foreign to the Twats. I think Schizo got a lil confused cause by the looks of her cheeks she looks like she’s blowing a dude.

Oops, my bad she’s taking a shot off Piggy’s boobs.

The next day they have to leave. In the van the Twats are shaking like a dog about to be neutered and the others are loving it.

You scared? Not me. Me either. I’m so NOT scared that scare doesn’t scare me.

They finally land at the airport and pile into a silent limo. Back at home Piggy is pissed because the house is nasty and she makes it known that she is no ones parent. Piggy says that Dani and Flabby need to go back home to Mommy and Daddy and their little white picket fence. Ha! More like a barbed wire fence.

While brushing her teeth, Piggy makes a comment about TweedleDee and TweedleDum. Dani  tells us she doesn’t mind being called TweedleDee and TweedleDum because they were the twins in Alice in Wonderland….yes the retarded twins you idiot!!! “The names have since become synonymous in western popular culture slang for any two people who look and act in identical ways, generally in a derogatory context.”

Dumb asses. Flabby is afraid that the time has come for the others to jump them. She feels it in the air. No bitch you need to put some pants on, what you feel is a draft.

The Twats are worried that something’s gonna go down. Really? But I didn’t think anything scared you guys?

Even Schizo feels some shit coming. Stinky says she has no beef until they involve her and then it’s on. Schizo feels a big storm coming. Everyone else is going to a club but Piggy is staying home.

From the looks of the toilet paper methinks Piggy has a storm of her own to deal with.

The others take the same limo thinking all will be well. Once at the club the twins go one way and the humans go another.

You’re gonna need it.

Oh please let something pop off!

Back at home Piggy is talking to Mom on the phone, who by the way has done some jail time of her own. She explains her frustrations with the Twats and Mom tells her they should have separated those two from the get go. Piggy is all but if I grab one then the other will grab me. Pardon me a sec, there are 2 Twats and 4 regulars? WTF is the problem?

OK ok ok….best most awful devious brilliant advice ever…unless it was coming from the Twats Dad, then I would hate it. Ok Mom says, grab one Barbie by the hair, when the other Barbie comes running, swing that bitch around so that Barbie 1 hits Barbie 2!!! I LOVE THIS WOMAN!!!! She tells her to get prepared to go all out and if she’s sent home, so what. She won’t be the first or the last. I want to be adopted.

Back at the club the girls are having fun while yet again the Twats are whining about how Schizo is going above and beyond to get attention. No Footloose, it’s called, dancing and singing and having FUN. She thinks that Elease is a joke too buy is sure they won’t harm them because Piggy isn’t with them.

Off to the limo they go. Stinky starts talking about popping off and not being scared of anyone and the Twats think this is all just nonsense.

I don’t know,Flabby, either you are scared or you really need to shit. Why don’t you ask your sis to check it for you?

Schizo suddenly gets a clue and asks the Fraidy Twins what all they’ve been saying about all of them? First they deny it then it goes into how Schizo thinks they are just trying to run things then they say they haven’t said anything about her lately. This is when Elease jumps in and threatens to whip their asses and of course Flabby says,”Good then you’ll go home.”

Schizo starts beating on shit and some lights fall down and all hell is breaking loose only no one has hit anyone yet.

They pull up to the house and Piggy can hear the screaming. Schizo runs in and tells her she will kill them. Stinky and Elease are yelling and trying to explain what happened and Schizo tells us she wouldn’t be surprised if the Twats were hiding under a rock somewhere. Close. We hear a man’s voice saying “So you want to leave the BGC?”

These whiny pathetic twits from hell, who proclaim to be the baddest bitches on the planet are telling this producer that it’s 4 against 2 so it’s not fair!!!!

He tells them that maybe they are getting a bit of their own medicine and they can’t take it!!!!! 

Where is this dude, he deserves a blow job!!!

OMG I think I might have had a small orgasm!!

 

OMG let’s play the abuse card.

I was abused by a dude I shouldn’t have to put up with that here in this unsafe environment!

You mean the way you and your Twister seem to only fight if there are at least 6-1? Boo fucking hooooooooooooooo.

WE aren’t scared of them. We are afraid of our own strength. Like the Hulk.

These twits actually try and tell him that they came there and treated everyone with respect and as nice as they could. He calls her on it and she admits they fucked with Jenna and Elease. He wants to know if that is their perception, that they treated everyone well.

The girls are escorted out to a van to go to a hotel to cool off. LOLOLOLOL!!! From what? FEAR? In the history of lame ass Bad Girls these two have got to be in the top 5. I bet daddy’s getting the strap ready for their lame asses as we speak. Even though I saw at least one of the bitches in the previews, they still wimped out and tucked tail for a hotel. Daddy will not be pleased.

Love & Smooches,

P.S. Seriously get me an address for that producer so I can at least send him a care package.

Cherie

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