Last week on BGC, Jenna was sent home and the Troll Patrol is happy to take credit for it. This week we get a new girl! I bet the bitches will love her. Let’s go see!
Once Mimi gets over the heartbreak of losing Jenna, she decides to have a talk with the Troll Patrol. She tells them that if Jenna was really the problem then they should all be able to have a good time and get along. The six of them. No cliques. Hahahahahaha!
Hey Mary Poppins, shut it! People getting along makes for boring recaps!
The head Troll tells everyone that she doesn’t care if the new bitch is big or a midget, they will kick her ass out. I wish someone would hand her her ugly ass on a platter, and put a bag on her head while you are at it. HATE.
PigFace tells us that the new girl better be on her bestest behavior or it ain’t gonna be pretty.
It sure as hell ain’t.
All the twats follow along and agree with PigFace.
The next morning the phone rings and Schizo answers. It’s Jenna. Schizo looks scared at first and then shuts the door. Guess she doesn’t want anyone to hear her speaking to the outcast. Jenna tells her she wants to hang out with her and Schizo laughs nervously. Jenna then starts bitching about the twats attacking her and back and forth they go about how they have protected each other.
Later Stinky announces to the girls that they are all going zip lining. And she’s not gonna wear panties. Schizo, I think tells her she will get vagina juice all over their stuff. Pardon me, I have to go shower with bleach.
These bitches are getting along entirely too well and it’s annoying. Off to zip lining we go. The Twat Twins decide to hang back because they don’t want to die. As they get harnessed up one of them says her cooch hurts. I’m sure it does. Often.
Mimi seems entirely too interested in Stinky’s ass.
Damn PigFace didn’t fall!
Best Friends Forever!
Schizo tells us she’s out with girls she wouldn’t usually hang out with and the house is all happy happy. Ugh.
Back at home the girls decide to get naked. And do stuff you naturally do while naked.
And..a flip flop fell out.
The Twat Twins watch and laugh as Stinky and Schizo run around like idiots.
It’s a shame that Stinky is so shy.
Too bad the new girl isn’t there. Now would be a perfect time to start a fight with her. All the camera dudes have their pants around their ankles.
Schizo jumps into the pool and when getting out Dani begs her to show her her boobs. She says Gabi told her she had top notch boobs. Stinky announces that she would suck them.
Y’all ever have one of those moments when you wonder what would have happened if you’d actually done something with your life?
The next morning there is a whole lot of ugly going on as the girls are up early to get ready for their photo shoot. Mimi is excited but also worried about seeing Jenna again. She doesn’t want any drama. Cut to Jenna arriving at said photo shoot telling us she doesn’t want any drama. Ya know who wants drama?? The freakin’ viewers!
PigFace has spotted Jenna.
Wouldn’t you like to see that first thing every day?
The other girls are not exactly drop dead gorgeous but PigFace takes ugly to a whole new level. All the other girls are seated at a table and when Jenna comes in she pulls the chair away and sits. She tells us she is on her own now she’s fine with that because she isn’t going to act like an animal at a photo shoot. Mimi then asks her why she’s sitting so far away? Really? Maybe she can smell followers and hate.
The girls just continue to act like they don’t see Jenna and start talking about what they are going to do later. PigFace says they will, “go back to our mansion yeah.” One of them says they can make a big family dinner and PigFace says, “Ya know what, we are a family.” No thanks, I’d rather hang out with the Manson family.
After lots of posing and crap we have the final picture.
BGC Season 8. Yay.
Later Jenna tells Schizo to remember that she said nice things about her. Jenna tells her that everyone had a bad night even Schizo. And she defended her. Schizo reminds her that she kept her from hitting every single person in the face. Jenna thanks her for that.
Schizo tells us while it’s nice to have the bitches off her back, she feels bad for Jenna because she doesn’t deserve that either. Jenna meanwhile walks back to the Troll Patrol and tells them, “Good shoot everyone. Farewell.” They just stare at her like puss faces. She says goodbye and walks away giggling and this upsets PigFace who starts saying, “Whats a laugh what’s a laugh.” Umm it’s what everyone does when they see you.
Stinky decides she has something to say and they start following Jenna like a pack of hyenas. They start asking her when she’s leaving and what time is her flight and calling her a bitch. Wow it must feel nice to be so strong when it’s 5 against 1. PigFace gets especially hyper as Jenna is getting into the car to leave and says, “You fake ass fool, you ratchet ho!”
Ratchet is as ratchet does.
Back at home the skanks are getting ready to go out. Stinky announces she took off her undies so she feels she will get lucky tonight. She took them off? When did she put them on? Oh jeez, Schizo is bare backing it too, high five y’all!
Off to Club Whatthefuck. Drinky drinky, dancy, dancy, happy happy. The dude announces that the BGC is there and then he announces that Tiara aka Bustass is also there. Stinky gets her muff all in a mangle.
Someone you will never be bitch.
In walks Bustass looking great as the other bitches just get mad as hell. Bustass calls them out and says she doesn’t know why they are sitting down they need to “own this bitch.”
We miss you Bustass.
This gives Gabi’s nasty ass a chance to make fun of Bustass and the way she talks.
That’s hilarious coming from a cockeyed tub of shit.
PigFace is screaming No and giving Bustass the finger. She then reminds us that Bustass busted her ass a lot. We then see a montage of why we love Bustass. Bustass then comes over and invites these bitches to a pool party. PigFace does this.There isn’t enough chlorine in the world to make me invite that bitch to my pool.
On the way home Schizo starts betting the bitches they have a new bitch. They don’t think so. She bets they at least have a picture and she and PigFace bet a shot of Patron on this.
In the house they go where they find………new bitch! Well her picture. They waste no time having a fit and announcing that she’s a bitch and blah blah blech.
Welcome Wagons are just not what they used to be.
After they get through marking up her pic they all run to confessional to talk about how she better blah blah blah sleep on her mattress that’s in the pool. They then decide to do some more shit and head upstairs to take the bed apart and hide the pieces.
Schizo tells us she is so proud of herself and her little group for pulling together like this. Seriously? Schizo is now a full partner in the Troll Patrol until further notice. She also says it sux for the new girl but at least they are having fun.
Later Schizo tells them that no one better talk to the new bitch. She’s over she’s done. PigFace agrees and says they need some entertainment so let’s get rid of the replacement and get a replacement. In fact they plan on replacing every bitch until they find one they like. Good luck hos.
The next day Tiara (Bustass) calls and Schizo answers. She and Nasti are inviting them to the pool party. Schizo is not impressed and tells us that Bustass doesn’t need to step on their territory. She tells her to call back later and they’ll figure it out.
Schizo goes and tells the other haints that Bustass wants them to come to the party and PigFace is all NO. They all say no. Dani however does a little digging and finds out that this is an after party for Master P.
Suddenly everyone is going to the party that they were not ever ever never gonna go to. As they stuff their faces they discuss the poor new girl that they are not gonna allow to stay. PigFace says they need to make history. Stinky says, “What are we gonna do? Drown her?” That would be making history all right.
Meanwhile the new bitch is headed to the house. She tells us that people are intimidated by her and her attitude and confidence. It starts a lot of drama.
Her name is Elease and she is 24 from Miami. She tells us that every day is a competition for her. She has to be the best looking one wherever she’s at. Okie dokie.
The type of girl she gets along with is one that is beautiful like herself. Ha boy have you come to the wrong house. You are gonna think you are at the dog pound. And you’d be right.
She just hopes the house is up to her standards. Now normally I would hate this bitch already but since I already have used up all my hate on the Troll Patrol, I like her.
To the house she goes. And the door is locked. She knocks and knocks and shouts for someone to let her in as they all ignore her. What’s this, an open door? Upstairs she goes only to be ignored. Seriously it’s like watching a group of 3rd graders. Only they would be more mature. She asks them where her room is. No answer. She says she’ll go find it herself and one of the twats says, “Did you walk by the pool?” They tell her that’s her bed. She laughs it off and goes downstairs and starts drawing dongs over the girls mouths on their pictures.
They of course are immediately talking shit about her having a “stank attitude.”
Back to the skanks she goes and asks what “we” are doing tonight. When she is told that they have plans that don’t include her she tells them she didn’t come there to make friends anyway. Gabi keeps making fun of how Elease talks. Like she’s reading lines. At least she can read dirty skank.
The bitches go downstairs but the limo isn’t there yet. Elease follows them down and sits in between Mimi and Gabi.
PigFace asks her if she’s ready for this? She says yes. PigFace asks if she’s sure. She tells them she wants them to bring the shit and PigFace brings her shit and sits it right in front of her. Gabi gets up and moves behind her while Dani sits where Gabi was. Dani asks her if she’s a stripper and she tells them she is in to fashion styling. They laugh and she asks Dani what she does. Bartender. She tells her to make her some drinks. As Dani tells her she would never make her a drink Gabi reaches over and kinda pushes her and when she pushes back Dani starts having a fit and saying “don’t touch her!” PigFace then sits in between Dani and Elease and tells her that she’s making mistake. Elease tells them if you touch her she will hit them and PigFace says “And then you gonna go home.”
How does she stand the smell?
Dani then tells her to look her in the eyes and starts pointing her finger in her face, to which Elease puts her finger in Dani’s dumb ass face and Dani is saying don’t ever touch my sister. She also tells her not to put her finger in her face. Gabi again reaches forward and touches Elease and when she starts to reach back PigFace grabs her hand and tells her no and then suddenly all the cows are standing up around her. She just smiles and sits down.
Dani tells her, “You got a long road sweetie.” You look like a long road bitch. A long badly traveled road. Gabi jumps in and says it’s a short road with a u turn. I love how bad these bitches are when it’s 6-1. The limo arrives and she walks out to it and Dani lets her pass and says, “Ugliest goes first.”
This is getting painful.
In the limo they tell her this is what is going to happen day in and day out. And they repeat themselves. A lot. Mimi pipes up and says that’s why there is no bed for her no space for her etc. ect. Dani chimes in with, “Exactly what I thought you ain’t got nothin’ to say.” I am so sick of this bitch. Elease just says, “This is a wonderful limo ride.
They finally arrive at the party and no one is there. Except for some ugly hood dudes. LOLOLOL! Over in the corner who do we see?
Bustass and Nasti together again.
Nasti is pissed because the bitches came in and ignored them. Nasti goes and confronts them and Elease introduces herself. Stinky is not impressed as Nasti keeps saying they should have come and talked to them. Stinky is also not impressed with the “mansion” that is smaller than her BGC house.” In fact the bitches just want to leave and they sneak out.
While the bitches grumble and talk shit Bustass is telling Elease that when you start hating on the new girl like that it means you are weak and she never understood that shit. Bustass and Nasti both tell her to not let those bitches try her. Stand up for herself. Maybe they should go back to the house because 6-3 is a lot better than 6-1. Elease and Bustass and Nasti are fast friends and now Elease notices that she was left. She keeps talking to them and stays at the party while the skanks are arriving back at the house. PigFace is rambling about “taking off my red bottoms.” Bitch nobody cares about your stupid fucking shoes. Shove one in that clown hole of yours so I won’t have to listen to you.
When the skanks pull up at the house they find Elease’s bag. Guess what they do?
Yep that’s making history alright.
They throw her shit every where and then tie the front door shut. Stinky thinks she’s scared to come home but Schizo and PigFace disagree.
Nasti and Elease and Bustass bond some more and Nasti gives her more useless advice and she hops in a cab to head home. Before she gets home Stinky announces that she had no underwear. PigFace says thats because she’s a dirty ho. Stinky reminds her that she doesn’t wear undies either and PigFace says, “That’s different. You cute, you can pull it off.”
Elease’s things are scattered everywhere and she is pissed. She walks around the house and finally finds an open sliding door and goes in. She starts asking who touched her shit and no one will say anything so she decides to go get their shit and throw it in the pool. I wonder how many times I have typed that since season 3?
When they realize she is after their shit they run to the pool where she is throwing it and Stinky shoves her, from behind, into the pool.
There would be some dead bitches.
They run off like rats and she gets out of the pool and heads straight back upstairs but they grab her and she’s screaming who touched my shit?
Mimi and PigFace are in her face but suddenly Mimi shoves her and then she’s in a mound of bitches and they are pulling at her from both ends. Dani has her by the hair.
Oh my how proud Daddy must be.
Security pulls them apart and Dani is yelling that she might as well go home now because this is how it’s gonna be every day. Elease just keeps asking who touched her shit? As they are all getting in more hits, (funny how security kinda comes and goes) they are all yelling at her, “Don’t touch her!” Don’t ya just love that gang mentality?
Down the hall she goes with the hyenas right behind. She tells them they all need to go home. They laugh. Schizo tells us it’s good she’s fighting back and all but it’s 6-1, she’s not gonna win. I just wonder if when she heard herself saying that it bothered her at all?
PigFace keeps daring her to break something else and then we have fists all over the place again.
Take that purse and start swinging at the bitches!
It’s a free for all as security tries to break them up and keep them off Elease. Her dress is all torn up as is her head but she keeps at it. PigFace is yelling about how she don’t care if the bitch throw her shoes in the pool, “I got red bottoms bitch, they got a warranty!” Suck it ham hock!
Finally Elease is going down the stairs and out of the house. Stinky admires her spunk but still tells us she has to go. The skanks are so proud of themselves for getting rid of the new girl. They just can’t stop bragging. Only one problem. The new girl got down the road a bit and remembered what Nasti said and then, U turn, she headed back to the house.
Elease decided she would sleep in the V.I.P. room and she goes in and makes herself comfy.
Damn, she does have balls. Or brain damage. We will see next week!
Love and Smooches,
To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter or like our Facebook page! You can post your favorite lines right back at us. Thanks for being here!