Bad Girls Club Recap: Something to do with New Tricks and Old Bitches

****Cherie is on break for “real life” for the rest of the season. Please welcome PlathAddict to Bad Girls!!!

The funniest thing happened the other day. I was watching some made for TV movie that had John Astin in it. I told my husband that he was Sean Astin’s dad, and as he replied “Gomez Addams is Sean Astin’s dad?” I got the message from Flipit that he needed someone to cover Bad Girls Club. Of course, I immediately remembered our fallen bad girl, Morticia.

I’m just so glad this bitch is gone! She was too Klassy for me.

So, last time, Prissy left after taking a cereal nap and threatening to stab a bitch, Cayenne came in and she’s just racist enough to cause some head shaking, but not enough to make the black roommates say anything to her (maybe they are just waiting for the right moment?). Also, Nasti came up with some plan to befriend Shitty as a means of getting rid of Morticia and Psycho – only Bustass doesn’t think Nasti should do that to Psycho because Psycho loves Nasti with all of the love that a psychotic can muster – which is either really sweet, or really terrifying.

There was also something about a trip to Barbados, but since it was a free trip to a tropical paradise, it really only played second fiddle to drunken bitchiness and girl on girl violence. Now that we are all caught up, let’s dive right in to this frothy bath of skank.

We start out with Nasti and Mort arguing. Arguing turns to scratching, scratching turns to pushing. Suddenly, Nasti and Mort are fighting enough for the producers to stop it. Shitty isn’t sure who she should be trying to grab as she doesn’t want to get her ass kicked or piss off the winner. But it all ends with Mort leaving.

What I don’t get is why did Mort have to leave? Nasti put her stuff out and she punched first. I know Mort drew first blood, but Bustass already established that scratches didn’t mean anything. I wish the show’s producers were more forthcoming about what can get you kicked out. Unfortunately, that is not for us regular viewers to know.

Anyway, Cayenne is happy to sit back and watch Mort get her ass kicked. She finds her obnoxious with her constant talk of money and class and really doesn’t care if the big black girl smothers Mort under massive and unrestrained boobs.

Mort calls the cops. Bustass calls it exactly right by saying that Mort is a lame bitch. Nasti is throwing Mort’s stuff out. Shitty is trying to stop her for the camera and Nasti continues to bitch about throwing out other people. Mort is trying to explain to the cops that Nasti needs to leave the house and if the cop doesn’t file a REAL police report then she is going to get her parents involved. The cop is so not interested. Even though his face is blurred out, I can totally see him rolling his eyes.

Shitty ran out to tell Mort what Nasti did so that the cops hear it all, but still thinks that Mort was wrong to actually call the cops. Nasti is really smelling her own farts and thinks that she can handle talking to the cops. Don’t you just love how these bitches think that the New Orleans PD cares about who should and shouldn’t leave the house?

Well, neither does the New Orleans PD. So, the cops explain to them using words that even the most difficult 5 year olds can understand, that they don’t give a shit about who should stay and who should go.

Well, not this 5 year old because she IS a future bad girl.

It all ends with Mort’s departure. And while Psycho is worried that Nasti is going to turn on her next, Bustass is on the phone. Nasti goes looking for Psycho throughout the house and Psycho just wants to wait until everything dies down to see her. Bustass doesn’t know what is going on but she doesn’t want Nasti doing this to Psycho and winding up looking like “a fooo.” I love Bustass and her accent. Anyway, Bustass tells Nasti that it was Shitty who fucked with the “special order” contact lenses that Nasti had to go to a beauty supply store to repurchase.

Look Nasti. I can’t let you go out looking like a Foo. I’ll tell you who tried to blind you if you leave Psycho alone.

I really admire Bustass in this moment. I think that Bad Girls Club has become a game of trying to prove you are the baddest bitch or trying to kick other people out to prove that you are the baddest bitch. They seem to have forgotten the good ole days when the baddest bitch was the one who went on a house wrecking spree that ended with a demolished kitchen, lots of bruises, scratches, and possibly a black eye or two, with the perpetrator having no memory of the event because she was drinking Tequila from 9am the previous morning (God, I miss Ripsi and Ty. Wasn’t Ty awesome in that episode? The way she just flung Ripsi to the floor and Ripsi, even as drunk as she was, knew she needed to take her spree in the opposite direction).

I wish they would let me host the reunion. I am so much more entertaining that that twunt-nozzle Perez Hilton.

Anyway, the reason I admire Bustass is that she is old school that way. She came in, she to got know some bitches, she clicked with who she clicked with and only had to throw down a couple of Molly whoppings – while still making sure her roots were smooth and her weave was styled to perfection. After that, she was cool with everyone. We don’t know how long she has known it was Shitty that messed with Nasti’s contacts, because she wasn’t willing to sell out Angie until she saw that Nasti, was focusing on the wrong target. So, she used her powers of awesomeness to redirect Nasti’s wrath to a worthy target, Shitty. It’s just so well played. For me, that will always make her a bad girl.

Nasti has a demonic confessional complete with the crazy laugh as she talks about preparing herself. Now, Nasti is looking for Psycho, who is a smart enough psycho to stay out of sight and then, when she does show up, have a plate of food in her hand to appease the beast. Even with her food offering, Psycho looks scared and really, who can blame her?

Nasti says that she wants to talk to her and Shitty tries to rat out the deal she made with Nasti by saying something about Mort being gone but Psycho is still there. Cut to Psycho and Nasti in the make up room with Nasit saying that she had a plan and it’s been accomplished. Mort’s gone and she knows who messed with her contact lenses. You can actually hear relief in Psycho’s voice as she asks Nasti who messed with the special order beauty supply store contact lenses.

So, you don’t want to disown me as a friend and kick me out of a house that you don’t own? That’s a relief.

Psycho, is crazy and kind of slow, so she still thinks that Angie did it but she is even more relieved that it was Shitty. She compliments Nasti on her plan and you can actually see her realizing just how hard she got played. But, being the lovable pyscho that she is, she wants to go along and help in anyway that she can.

I can’t tell whether Psycho is more like a puppy or a 3 year old. She may not be completely house trained, and trying to actually communicate appropriate behaviors is extremely frustrating. But, you know that all she wants is your approval and affection. Awww. Sometimes, this show makes me sad.

But, then Psycho saves it by declaring that she is officially not the crazy one anymore.

Aww, who knew that delusion could be so endearing?

Now, Nasti has decided to feel her inner Natalie and is writing and shouting about running New Orleans. This is the same bitch who was being talked to as if she were 5 by the police earlier that same day. And, really? Is BGC still invoking The Chin to get ratings?

Why do they have to call upon the Chin? It’s just so wrong.

Anyway, Angie refrains from speaking in the third person when she declares that she isn’t going to put up with Nasti’s ego for very long. Meanwhile, Shitty is trying her best to build loyalty with the other girls so that she has some defenders when contact lens gate comes out.

So, the producers Shitty comes up with an idea to raise money for the animals in the city. And, now Shitty is really pushing everyone to participate. She gets Cayenne to agree to go visit an animal shelter with her. Nasti uses the phone to lay out her plan to a very disinterested friend. She is going to wait to attack Shitty. She is going to do it on the last day so that she can’t be sent home.

Here’s the thing. The producers of this show have never been clear about what can get you sent home. Is it a scratch? Is it a punch? Does a push get you sent home? What happens if you fling a bitch across some concrete, but only if she pushed you in the pool and caused you to break your foot? Even with all of those questions answered, how much does premeditation count? I know that messing with someone’s food -which don’t even get me started on that  – won’t get you sent home,  but Nasti says, on camera, that she is going to wait to attack Shitty until the last day so that she won’t lose whatever status she had by staying until the end of filming.

Seems kind of obvious to me that she came on the show with a specific plan, she just hadn’t decided who her target was until she got to know everyone in the house. I just think that’s kind of messed up on the producers’ part. I mean, I am glad that Prissy didn’t stab Psycho, so at least they DO actually intervene. But, should possible stabbing really be the line as far as reality show don’ts?

Angie, Shitty, and Cayenne head out to the animal shelter. Cayenne annoys Angie by failing to recognize that Angie always has shotgun. Cayenne reels as she considers the ramifications of a world in which you can’t call shotgun as you approach the car. They meet some cute animals at the shelter and are really dedicated to the cause.

Well, Shitty want’s to make it happen for the sake of her redemption arc, Angie has nothing better to do and Cayenne sees an opportunity to get trashed on television. Shitty approaches Nasti, Bustass, and Psycho about the charity. Psycho, loves animals (of course she does) and is willing to help out. Bustass thinks they should focus on people, plus she really hates animals. I know it’s not charitable, or PC, or whatever, but I find her hatred of animals to be absolutely hilarious. Nasti realizes that she really needs some good will from Bustass and decides to back her up.

Suddenly, Shitty is too “sick” to hand out flyers for the charity event. So, she wants Psycho and Cayenne to do it. Psycho tells Cayenne that she has already had something to drink. Which, is really smart if you are on a reality show and want to make sure there is no way that you have to drive. Cayenne, has had enough car related shenanigans after the shot gun incident, and is refusing to drive. Shitty’s not happy because she was sure that these bitches were going to do the work for her charity while she got a good night’s sleep – I mean, while she recuperated so she could give her full strength to the charity. Doesn’t explain why none of them call a cab or use the limo to do it though.

Shitty, Angie, Psycho and Cayenne hand out flyers for the event and get propositioned a few times. Bustass and Nasti decide to go shopping and plan to do some bowling afterwards. Bowling is so random that I just know that Bustass chose it. She’s a snowflake that one.

Getting slutty for animals is cool. Just don’t be slutty for any other reason and Shitty will leave you alone.

The other girls get all sleazy looking for the charity event. Cayenne wants to hit a bar before they get to their charity location. I think she believes this is just another night out with the Bad Girls Club and not an actual event that they agreed to participate in. So, their contribution will be to wander around the bar with buckets to take donations. Each time they reach a 25 dollar donation, a bad girl will ride the mechanical bill. Psycho is first and even though she falls off fairly quickly, she is a total good sport about it.

Psycho rides the bull.

Pyscho falls off the bull.

Nasti and Bustass are disgusted by how messy Cayenne is. Apparently, she just leaves her shit wherever she drops it and doesn’t pick up after herself. Bustass takes a call from her aunt and learns that people aren’t clicking over when someone else tries to call through. This pisses her off because it’s just poor phone etiquette not to see who it is and take a message. This is what I love about Bustass. She will beat a bitch down in a strip club, and then stop to make sure her hair is still ok for the cameras. She will redirect Nasti’s anger to the correct target, but still expect the common courtesy of passing on phone messages. She’s an enigma wrapped in a well coiffed riddle.

Meanwhile, Cayenne is refusing to ride the bull. She says that she is too drunk and even Psycho looks surprised that bitch got drunk so quickly. Angie gets up and dudes make it rain on her from the balcony before she falls off.

It’s all about the thigh muscles. It takes lots of practice and concentration, plus hair flipping.

Bustass and Nasti are having a great time bowling – they even break out the Kid N Play dance moves from back in the day. The way they played the footage with Nasti and Bustass talking about how bored the other bitches must be, leads me to think the producers want us to believe that Nasti and Bustass had a boring time. But, the footage says otherwise.

Don’t pretend you didn’t see House Party.

Cayenne is saying that she made just as much money for the charity without having to ride the bull as anyone else. Shitty isn’t buying it because she has the buckets and knows how much money was raised – she would have to since she was keeping track of when it was time for another girl to ride. Cayenne then slurs that she even stopped drinking for a whole hour and is now more sober than all the other girls combined. Angie is totally calling bullshit, while some random dude sits between them with his face blurred out.

So, are you bitches gonna fight or what?

Bustass has worked herself into a fury over this phone issue. She thinks she has gone out of her way to be too nice to those bitches and this is just the last straw for her. The other girls toast themselves for their work and Cayenne just looks uncomfortable. They arrive and Bustass starts giving them hell about the phone. She says that Tiara is gone and T-Dog is in the house. She is ready break some heads. This should be good.

This is what I think of bad phone etiquette!

She destroys a house plant and then rants about how even when she is pissed at somebody, she still delivers their phone messages and she wants the same courtesy. In the meantime, Cayenne is on the phone justifying her refusal to ride the bull and is refusing to click over when someone calls through. Shitty wants to make sure Bustass isn’t mad at her and says she doesn’t ignore the other line. Bustass is still upset saying she hasn’t even been that crazy (I love her!) and she is fed up with Cayenne. She is ready for her to be gone.

The next morning, Cayenne’s shit is all over the house and Angie busts HER ass because she trips over Cayenne’s boots. They point out her stuff all over the place. OK this is yet another reason why I love Bustass, she hears them yelling and bitching and comes running in to get her two cents in. When she realizes that Cayenne isn’t even there, she is disappointed that the bitch had her sprinting to come tell her off and she isn’t even in the room. So, when she sees Cayenne, who looks hungover and generally rung out, she starts telling her about trifling self. See, that’s a real bad girl. She isn’t going to waste time bitching about the person if they aren’t there to hear it.

Bustass, Nasti and Psycho decide to put Cayenne’s mattress in the pool. Bustass decides to keep her bikini on while they do this, but Nasti tells her she may not want to wear heels. Damn, Bustass has a banging body! So, they toss the mattress over the balcony and then carry it to the pool. Bustass says this is only the beginning because Cayenne is a classless, trifling, bitch, who doesn’t need to be there.

Next time, it’s the last day in the house. Bustass and Psycho are crying. Of course Bustass immediately fixes her make up afterwards and declares that shit is really about to go down over contact lens gate. Nasti goes to Angie and Shitty and demands to know who it was that messed with her contacts. Angie is holding strong that it wasn’t her but she isn’t saying it was Shitty. Because of the stance that Nasti has, Shitty thinks Angie is about to get her ass kicked, and tells Nasti that she can’t possibly know which one of them it was. Nasti says she knows exactly who it was and turns at the last minute to Shitty and starts throwing punches. One minute Shitty is eating her noodles, the next second she is getting the shit (heh) beat out of her.

So, what did you guys think? Does anyone else think it’s weird that the producers allowed such a premeditated assault on Shitty? Because it’s Shitty, does anyone really care ? What about Cayenne, does anyone think that Bustass is going to beat her up before they all leave?

Let’s talk all about it in the comments.