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OMG Gasmii. Can you believe that this gloriously hot mess of skankitude is actually ending? I’m actually going to miss these hos. One of these days, I am going to sit you all down and tell you about how I stumbled upon TVGasm because of this show. But, for now, I really want to indulge in some skanky goodness.
When we last left our intrepid bitches, Bustass was ready for Cayenne to go home. It may have been her racist tendencies. It may have been her habit of leaving shit around for the other girls to trip over (and Bustass doesn’t need anything extra to trip over – ever). It may have only been Cayenne’s poor phone etiquette.
But, whatever the case, bitch had to go.
So, Bustass decides to get Cayenne out of the house without even having to break a nail or draw any blood.
We open with Cayenne realizing her bed is in the pool. Bustass, Nasti and Psycho are all watching her and laughing. When Cayenne asks about it, Bustass is all, “I did it, because I’ve been so nice and cordial and you still leave your shit all over the place. I don’t need to be busting my ass or breaking my ankle over your shit when I’m already prone to that anyway.”
Cayenne pulls the “it’s just not worth it” card as T-Dolla emerges and pulls rank. For those of you who didn’t know, Bustass has another personality named T-Dolla. I love these bitches so much!
So, now Angie is feeling a bit left out and is bitching about being the last person to know anything (you know except for the bleach incident and contact lens gate).
T-Dolla (her full name is T-Dolla from the G – which, AWESOME) has a plan, y’all. And her plan is so much better than Nasti’s because she isn’t going to hurt anyone else to get rid of Cayenne.
Yeah, you could say that it’s because no one in the house really cares about Cayenne, but I still think it’s because Bustass/T-Dolla is the most awesome thing to hit the Bad Girls Club since…Well, I don’t remember anyone ever pulling this move in the Bad Girls Club before — please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong. Even if you do correct me, it won’t matter because T-Dolla looked like she was eating Cheetos during that little discussion around the pool, so that makes her my girl for life.
Poor Psycho thinks that this whole thing is her fault; or that she’s next; or that Miss VooPoo has something to say about it and just wants to be heard by these bitches, but can’t say anything because she only feels safe talking to Psycho. I don’t know. I try not to analyze truly crazy people. That’s what shrinks and meds are for.
So, Nasti is still stewing about the contact lens thing. And, I have to say I am as bored with her shit talking as the friend she is talking to on the phone. Meaning, I think Nasti has been selling tickets to a show that was never really going to happen.
In the phone call, she tells her friend that she is going to wait until the last day to give Shitty the ass beating that she has coming. That way, Nasti doesn’t have to worry about going home because it’s the last day and everyone is going home anyway.
Nasti, Bustass and Angie are talking about going out to eat. Nasti is bitching about the fact that Cayenne is always broke and she doesn’t want to go out with her. Bustass pulls out her very best Valley Girl accent to explain that she doesn’t want to even sit at the same table as Cayenne. It’s a total mean girl move with the whole “we won’t sit with you at lunch” vibe, but I forgive it because of the awesome that is coming. She puts Angie on the spot about who she will be sitting with and Angie is not about to sit with Cayenne when everyone hates her so much.
It’s like Bustass knew the best way to tap into Angie’s inner 15 year-old and she didn’t even have to plan it. She didn’t have to use threats, she just straight up said that she wasn’t going to have anything to do with Cayenne. And, Angie, knowing how reindeer games are played, took the hint.
Angie goes and tells Cayenne that she might as well stay home since no one is going to sit with her at dinner. Cayenne is all, “Just cuz I don’t like being in dance clubs with black people doesn’t mean I want to sit by myself while I eat. So, I’ll stay home. And don’t bother bringing me any food back because it was probably made by black people too.”
Over dinner, Psycho gives us the breakdown. She took an ass beating to get Prissy out of the house. Nasti smothered Mort with her boobs until Mort left the house. Now, it’s time for Bustass/T-Dolla to get rid of Cayenne. Angie agrees with everything that is said at dinner but she still wants to make sure that it’s not about taking sides – or whatever Angie’s deal is.
Back home now, and Angie and Shitty are laying in their beds when Cayenne walks in. Angie is quick to explain that she just didn’t want Cayenne to go to dinner and sit by herself or deal with drama. Angie wants to be everyone’s friend, which means she is not a bad girl, but she still has her likable moments so, I won’t hold it against her. So, she helps Cayenne move Mort’s mattress into her room.
Damn these girls are ugly when they wake up. Thank Jeebus there is a makeup room.
The next morning, Cayenne and Angie go swimming in the pool and play on the mattress.
Meanwhile, Bustass initiates her brilliant plan to get Cayenne out. She isn’t telling anyone what her plan is, because she knows those bitches will fuck it up. And it’s such a simple plan. How did no other bad girl ever think of this before?
Basically, your luggage doesn’t show up until it’s time to leave. Once your luggage appears beside your bed in your room, it is either time for you to go because of the producers or because everyone has to go. I’m not sure where this rule came from, because it has never been mentioned before, but I am going to go with it and hope that no other future bad girls use it, cuz that would be boring.
The first part of T-Dolla’s plan is to call the limo service pretending to be Cayenne asking for a ride because she has to leave the Bad Girls House (and her phone etiquette is immaculate). The second part is putting Cayenne’s luggage beside the bed. Then, Bustass yells to Cayenne from the balcony that it must be time for Cayenne to go because her luggage is in her room. So, the assumption is that everyone is moving out and Cayenne is just the first to go.
I have to say, I love all of T-Dolla’s mannerisms during this. She is totally winning the spokesmodel competition — is Star Search too old of a reference for you guys? If so, we’ll just say that T-Dolla knows her way around beauty pageant affectations. Or, maybe she just has more confidence than anyone I’ve ever seen come into this house. Still not sure.
No one is going to miss Cayenne, even Psycho. But, Bustass still asks her what she learned from the experience as though it were still time to leave, even though bitch is totally doing her hair while she asks her. It is just so well played! I officially love Bustass more than RealWorldTami and that is saying something.
Anyway, Cayenne is excited to go back home. She says some shit about her dog and her friends. T-dolla actually helps her with her stuff and Cayenne breaks the fourth wall and says that she never got a call -which only makes sense after the shit with Nasti goes down. But, she knows that something isn’t right but is too stupid to put it together.
Shitty and Angie have their goodbyes with her and she gets in the limo after her bags are packed in the trunk. Since no one is close to Cayenne they talk about how stupid she is and T-Dolla tells them that it was just her master plan. And she gets celebrated the way she should be – because, let’s face it, everyone else in this house is stupid.
The Limo Driver asks her what flight she is taking and she has no idea – because she is an idiot who didn’t double check her travel plans. I do wonder though if production stepped in and at least arranged a flight for her. Otherwise, I guess she was just hanging out at the airport?
It’s the last day. Bustass is excited. And now, it’s time for all of the “I’m sad because I’m going to miss you” montages. It starts with Angie and Shitty. Now, Psycho, Bustass and Nasti are talking and of course Psycho starts wailing and crying like she’s at a funeral or somebody stole her purse. Which starts Bustass to crying in the confessional. And she is just so happy for Psycho, then she has to fix her make up and hair to tell us that shit is about to go down between Nasti and Shitty – Shitty just doesn’t know it yet.
They are downtown and Psycho, Nasti and Bustass are talking about how Shitty has to know that she has something coming for her. Psycho just wants Nasti to wait until after the club. Nasti is planning to let Shitty know that Angie was the snitch. She is hoping that Shitty will beat Angie’s ass.
Angie know something is coming because Nasti is obviously upset. The girls are getting ready to go out, but there is tension and Shitty can feel it but doesn’t know what its about.
They go out to the club and Shitty toasts Angie and no one else. They all drink and dance and then head back to the house. Bustass makes sure to hug the limo driver as it’s their last night in the house (I love that she does stuff like that – she’s a bad girl and a people person).
Nasti is putting her hair up and putting on her “I’m gonna beat somebody’s ass” clothes as Bustass and Shitty talk about who they are going to miss. Bustass is going to miss everybody, and Shitty says she won’t miss everybody – I’m pretty sure she is saying she won’t miss Psycho – which is funny considering what happens later.
Shitty and Angie are eating their noodles when Nasti goes to them. Angie asks why Nasti is wearing sneakers – she is not stupid. Nasti gets right into it and towers over Angie from the other side of the desk as she asks who touched her contacts. Shitty says it was neither of them while Angie just says it wasn’t her. Angie is looking pretty scared – Nasti IS a big girl after and can break Angie in half by sitting on her. She and Shitty are much more suited to fight each other than Nasti and Angie.
Shitty, for some reason, looks perfectly calm. I think it’s because she really believes that Nasti thinks it was Angie and she is just contemplating whether or not she will have to jump in to have Angie’s back, but really would rather just finish her noodles.
So, while she is still staring at Angie, Nasti sasys that she knows one of them is lying and she knows who it is and Shitty is all “I promise you, you don’t” because she hasn’t caught on yet. Nasti continues that she is going to give the person 5 seconds to defend themselves and then she is going to beat their ass.
Shitty makes the mistake of telling Nasti that she has know idea who fucked with her contacts and Nasti rages, “I know exactly who it was,” as she starts wailing on Shitty. The interesting thing here, is that Angie immediately gets up and tries to pull Nasti off of Shitty. I don’t think Shitty would have been as quick to do the same if the situation had been reversed.
Here’s the breakdown:
After production and Bustass pull Nasti off Shitty, Shitty is still lying that it wasn’t her. And that is when Nasti says “Your friend snitched on you.” Angie of course can’t decide whether she should be mad at Nasti for letting that slip or Bustass for telling Nasti the truth.
Angie tells us what we already know “Shitty just got her as whooped!” And she is telling Shitty that she needs to go over there and beat her back because Nasti just handed her ass to her completely.
So, now Shitty is yelling some stuff and Nasti is still be pulled away. Shitty says how she is still standing and is about to start eating her noodles again as she yells out “way to be a bitch!” and Nasti breaks free from production and comes back at her again. What’s interesting is that the noodles never get flung on the floor. This is the second time that they landed on the desk without spilling off the plate. For some reason that fascinates me. It’s like these two big girls are fighting and still making sure that the food doesn’t get wasted.
Shitty is trying her best to hit her and is yelling “let me hit her, let me hit her.” Nasti makes fun of her – and really can you blame her? They are still yelling at each other and Nasti is saying that she knows what she was told and that if she was told the wrong thing she needs to take it up with her friend Angie.
They walk away from each other. Shitty goes to Angie and asks how Nasti knows. And Angie comes clean and admits that she told Bustass and she really thought Bustass could keep a secret. Shitty claims that she isn’t mad at Angie even though she is shocked that Angie told.
Nasti gets the call that she has to be out in 5 minutes because rules are rules.
She tells everyone and Psycho starts wailing and moaning as Nasti tries to smother her with her massive boobs. Bustass can’t help but make fun of how OTT PSycho is. She says that she cries like a baby but sounds like a grown man. Nasti uses the opportunity to get Psycho to do her bidding one last time as Bustass just shakes her head.
Nasti and Bustass hug each other by and Bustass doesn’t fix her make up this time while she cries. It’s a bit touching. Poor Psycho looks lost as she says goodbye to Nasti.
The next morning, everyone’s bags are packed. They find their voodoo dolls and drink a toast to each other. Angie is crying and talking about how she hates getting attached to people. Angie is the first to leave.
Shitty and Psycho make Bustass cry by telling her that the house would not have been nearly as fun with out her. And, I totes agree with them on that. This show would have been a weak ass mess if it weren’t for her. Bustass says that she is crying happy tears because she is not the same girl she was when she got there. And the editors show us how she got the nickname Bustass while they show flashbacks of her time in the house.
She says her goodbye as she clings to a roll of TP because she has been using the TP to wipe her tears away. And, it’s just so Bustass and embodies so many of the reasons I love her.
Now Shitty and Psycho are the only ones left and we see exactly why Psycho got her nickname as Shitty totally manipulates her fragile mind into believing that Nasti wasn’t ever Pycho’s friend and was just using her because she got off on drama. It’s really disgusting what Shitty does here, because we all know that Psycho will believe her because she has no self esteem and needs other people to tell her how to feel.
Shitty says that Nasti told her that Psycho was a problem and needed to go at brunch. This is where Psycho should have realized that Nasti already told her that she was playing Shitty so that she could find out who messed with her contacts. And also, Nasti didn’t say that. The producers show us a flashback in which Nasti tells Shitty that they have come to an agreement where if Shitty wants Psycho gone, she will let her do what she needs to do. This was an agreement she made to get rid of Morticia. It’s really disgusting because Shitty is actually the one who considered Psycho a problem that needed to go and I am suddenly wishing that someone would beat her ass again.
You can see the exact moment that Psycho believes it and her image of Nasti is completely changed. And now she is crying as Shitty calmly smokes her cigarette, damage done. Poor delusional, unstable Psycho.
Shitty now claims that she gets mad when she sees people treat Psycho badly, as though she weren’t the one who was constantly treating Psycho like shit all season long. I see now why people would get so impatient with Psycho because she believes this shit as though she didn’t just spend an entire season being ganged up on and bullied by Shitty.
Anyway, Shitty is talking tough about how she will see Nasti at the reunion and it’s to be continued – and I hate her so much that I actually want to beat her ass.
So, then we are left with Psycho as the last one. ANd true to her psychotic self she is having a conversation with Miss VooPoo and how she knew they would run season 7 of the Bad Girls club. And we get to go out with that bit of psychotic fun.
Then we get previews for the reunion and Twunt-nozzle Perez is looking uncommonly subdued.
But it’s ok because Nasti has finally taken her true form and came dressed as one of the dancing hippos from Fantasia.
See you at the reunion, Gasmii.