Bad Girls Club Recap:Enemies Unite

As the day gets started at the BGC, all is quiet. Psycho goes and gets poor MissVooPoo off the wet lawn, carrying her purse the whole way. She then apologizes to the world in general during her confessional for being a drunken mess. Yawn.

Meanwhile Nasti is calling a party place to set up a crayfish boil for this weekend to celebrate Bustass’s birthday. I have no idea how she even knew it was her birthday.

Subtle.

Meanwhile upstairs Cheyenne is getting caught up on last nights events. The fights, the drunken stupidity, the usual. Cheyenne just laughs and has no clue what could be in store for her.

Watch your back Cayenne.

Oh fuck a duck next we get treated to yet another rant from Morticia about how she’s a classy bad bitch and that’s why she’s there and Nasti is just jealous of her because she wishes she looked like her.

Is spontaneous combustion too much to ask for?

Nasti goes and tells Angie, Shitty and Cayenne about the party and everyone is all excited. Nasti says she isn’t sure who all will want to come and Shitty announces everyone will, “end of story.” Ok bossy.

Psycho comes in and hands Nasti a hand written note that says I Love You. Translation: Sorry I made a drunk ass mess outta myself last night, lets hug. Psycho hugs her but Nasti kinda turns her head in disgust and tells us that she is tired of basically being her babysitter and if she wants to be a drunk mess then so be it.

Two seconds later Psycho announces she’s an alcoholic.

Girl you make David Hasselhoff and Paula Abdul look sober.

Bustass sort of congratulates her on admitting that shit and then basically tells her it’s all down hill from now on lol.

Later Shitty, Cayenne,Morticia and Angie are going to a club. The first thing Cayenne notices? She and Shitty are the only crackers in the bunch. And she isn’t thrilled.

Psycho, Nasti and Bustass head out somewhere else and Nasti makes Psycho the designated driver. First of all Psycho can’t drive drunk or sober so I would’ve called a cab but whatever.

Back at the Non’Cracker Club, Cayenne is trying to be helpful and claims she will go get whatever dude Morticia wants. Mort wants a dude with diamonds, a grill, black AmEx and dreads. Cayenne’s response…

And if he knew Mort wanted him he’d run.

Oh gag Shitty tries to “work the pole” with her big ass. Fail! However Cayenne has started to get infatuated. She’s horny is what she is. As we see once they get back to the limo.

Meanwhile Psycho is driving the other two home and getting lost. Shocker!

Back to the limo…

Shitty would never allow that. She has a girlfriend!!!

So while your girlfriend is dodging bullets, you are dodging what? Crabs?

Suddenly back at the house Shitty decides that her room is too hot to sleep in so she and Cayenne move a mattress into the pole room. Angie knows what’s what and tells Mort that Cayenne is so not straight and they are totally gonna do it.

The next morning Shitty tries her best to assure us that she would never ever ever cheat on her beloved. Sure she might play grab ass and make out with her straight friends but she would never cheat. So then why did my husband get so mad when I pulled a dude’s pants down and cupped his balls? I was just funnin’.

Later Cayenne calls a friend and laments about being at the all black club. Like, she doesn’t date black dudes. Cayenne tells us that black guys are cool and have good jokes and dance well and play good music and like fried chicken but it’s not enough to keep her attention.

Meanwhile Psycho, Bustass and Nasti head out to get their hair did.

Please tell me that is a BEFORE picture!

After they leave the party people come and cook up a bunch of roach looking things. I might be southern, but I am NOT that southern.

That’s just nasty.

The girls are running late getting back from the hair place but the party is in full swing back at the house.

As the dude pours the cooked roaches and corn all over a table, Cayenne claims this is some red neck shit. The dude then shows them how to eat the bugs and this causes Mort to scream.

Finally the Birthday crew arrives and about 100 people I’ve never seen yell “Happy Birthday!”

The Birthday Girl in all her glory.

More people arrive. Everyone is getting along and playing frisbee, pool and drinking. Hell even Shitty is happy.

Watch out Sarah, Shitty has a new girlfriend.

The sad part is that Bustass hates crayfish and won’t even eat them. Upstairs there are boys on the pole. Shitty’s worst nightmare I am sure. All and all everyone had a great time and no one was killed. Except for the bugs.

And Bustass didn’t bust her ass!

Later the girls head out to a club. Except for Shitty. She has a headache. The fun keeps going at the club…

There’s only one thing to do….

Yep.

After leaving the club, Cayenne asks where they are going tomorrow night. When she finds out it’s the same place she gets all huffy and declares she doesn’t want to go to another place where she is the only white girl. She also says she doesn’t want to get her ass looked at by a bunch of dudes she doesn’t want. To put it mildly, people are a little shocked. She can’t seem to shut up and says she doesn’t want to be around a club that’s all black people all night for 5 days in a row.

Pretending to have a seizure might diffuse the situation.

Or not.

Apparently shutting up is not going to happen because she keeps saying everywhere they’ve been has been ghetto and she loves these people but it’s hood as hell and if they keep doing these ghetto ass clubs she ain’t coming. Nasti informs her she doesn’t have to come.

Once at home Nasti’s mood does not improve and she basically takes over Cayenne’s bed. Cayenne attempts to make her get up but she doesn’t. Round one to Nasti.

Day 2 of Bustass’ Birthday Bash arrives and Nasti makes her breakfast in bed.

Awwww how sweet.

Bustass is now 23 and she thinks that is close to 30 and she’s over the hill. Nasti says, “What hill? Bitch you can’t even see the hill at 23!”  Next thing Bustass does is drink some straight vodka right from the bottle!

Psycho arrives with the cake. She wants Bustass to know the cake is from her and no one else. Nasti is pissed because the plan was to give Bustass the cake at the club later. Nasti goes and yaps to the others that Psycho ruined everything. Psycho hears her and she goes and tells Bustass. Bustass is siding with Psycho because she says she tries and it seems like no matter what, Psycho gets in trouble.

Shitty and Nasti sneak out to go decorate the place for Bustass’ never ending birthday. This pisses off Mort who thinks it’s all fake and blah blah blah.

Once there, they are bringing in balloons and Nasti says she has the worst fear of a balloon popping in her face.

There are way worse things that can pop in your face……….

As Nasti and Shitty are waiting on the others, Nasti tells us that she knows Shitty thinks they are friends but they aren’t. She is just using her for information and some other bullshit. Nasti you are really beginning to bore me to death.

The others arrive and of course Mort has to say something stupid. She announces that she’s so happy she’s at a nice restaurant and this is more her style. Shut it you classless twat.

Cayenne tells us that Mort isn’t someone she would hang out with normally. She’s way to high maintenance and she likes dirtbag bars.

Finally this shit ends with a sappy toast.

Hugs, kisses, herpes and all that!

Oh hell it’s not over. Now they are off to the Non Cracker Club that Cayenne hates. Ballooons and decorations and the blowing out of the cake!

Hope nobody’s weave catches on fire!

While everyone else is having fun Cayenne is doing this…

Try not to have too much fun.

Psycho is starting to get pissed at the way Nasti is acting with Shitty. Nasti notices the look and comes over and asks Psycho why she’s mad. She claims she doesn’t know. Nasti tells her she worries and trips out and the only one who looks like a fool is her. Psycho’s response…

Pretty much.

Satan’s?

Nasti tells her to name one time where she got into a fight where she wasn’t in a blackout drunk. Psycho blithers some shit about not being able to be herself there and Nasti tells her not if she’s gonna be a blackout drunk.

Time to leave and Nasti is pissed.

Because it’s a cake and your natural instincts kicked in.

Shitty tells her to give it to Psycho but Psycho is afraid she’ll drop it and suddenly we are at war about Nasti having to carry the fucking cake. Nasti sits it down and Psycho gets a friend to help her carry it. That too pisses Nasti off. Even the friend is all……

Thank you.

On and on this bitch rants. Bustass doesn’t get it either and it’s starting to piss her off.

Awww Bustass is bonding with Psycho.

Back home they go and for some reason Cayenne tells us that she sees herself breaking off from the crowd where she can just meet white people and do her own thing. Then she takes off her boots and leaves them in the foyer. This leads to Angie talking about how nasty Cayenne is and how she leaves her shit everywhere.

Cayenne then over hears Bustass and Shitty talking about her and her racist views but she decides to bite her tongue because she doesn’t want people to think she is racist. Too late dipshit.

Oh hell now Psycho approaches Nasti to find out what the hell is going on. Nasti tells her she’s trippin’. We get back to the damn cake and on and on they go until Nasti says she’s not talking about it anymore. Psycho says “If we’re friends we’re friends but if we aren’t then just say so.” Nasti tells her to shut up. Twice. They argue some more and then Psycho takes MissVooPoo and leaves the room.

Nasti tries to yet again come off as the mother hen and tells Bustass she’s done all she can do for Psycho and blah blah blah. Bustass however tells us she sees what Psycho means because she doesn’t understand how Nasti can be cordial with these girls after all the stuff they’ve done to her.

Psycho has another spasm in the confessional.

Child,child, child.

Psycho has decided she will return to her former glory and to hell with everyone else. Except MissVooPoo.

PuffFace Morticia is on the phone talking about “the fat girl” basically sucking up to Shitty.

Shitty and Nasti go bond over breakfast and decide that Mort needs to go as does Cayenne and Psycho. They shall work together to accomplish this.  Except according to Nasti, she is only using Shitty to get Mort out.

Do your worst bitches!

Next week is a repeat so I’ll see you guys Monday week!

Love and Smooches,

Cherie