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Here it is folks. The last show ever of BGC. Ever. They will never do another one. What? They’re doing another one………in New Orleans? Hang a second, I have to go find a rope and a stool.
Ok I am sorta kidding. I would miss having skanks to write about although I could just write about my sisters. Same thing.
As we left last week, Beet had decided to get in Char’s face and tell her what she thought. Then she smacked her in her sanctimonious tater. Char actually jumped up and the fight was on.
Uh oh I think Dickie’s tuck came loose.
I see Beet beating the crap out of Char but all I see of Char is her hand in Beet’s hair.
Looks like Perez saw a mouse.
As security is dragging them across the stage even Tucky gets a shot in at Char. Then some crazy looking lady stands up in the audience and yells “take yo shoe off!”
The yelling continues as Perez openly weeps. Schnozz notices Char’s family standing and screaming and is laughing her ass off. Beet tells Char that she called Woof a minion behind her back and Schnozz wants to know what a minion is. This makes Char’s cousin stand back up and start screeching again and then she yells at Schnozz that “You gone get dog whomped.” Not really sure what that is but I have an idea of where she got the term.
Spending all that time in the dog pound can make a person cranky.
Schnozz screams at Fido that “this is not the Family Feud you stupid bitch.” This causes Daniel and Dickie’s boy toy as well as the rest of the audience to crack the fuck up.
Two most likeable people there.
Schnozz keeps yelling that Char brought her family to back her up and Char screams “Did you see my family get up bitch?” Uh yeah, we all did. Char finally has to tell Fido to sit down.
Next Perez intro’s Tanisha “The Queen of the Pop Off” as he calls her and the host of the other show I recap Love Games. She tells Botox that she’s not coming at her hard but in the house she had nothing to say to Char, then immediately lets it be known she is in no way on Char’s side. Char looks like someone just kicked Fido. Tanisha goes on to explain that it’s The Bad Girls Club and there are no friends in the BGC. Her second point is that it’s the BGC Show NOT The Char Show so lets talk about something else.
All she needs is a tiara.
Tucky explains that she didn’t hate the other girls and Char yacks about how she voiced her opinion all the time. Yes you did, mostly behind everyone’s back you giant nostrilled moron.
Beet tells her she’s 28 years old and acts like she is 20 and has a lot to learn. Schnozz says she’s proud to know the other 28 year old, Wilma. Wilma tells us that Char is all about the brand. Everything is business and a game to both she and Dickie. Perez snottily asks “Is that the worst thing in the world?”
Nope. Your outfit is.
Char says she did what she wanted to do, said what she wanted to say and has no regrets. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
We now revisit one night in the house where a bunch of shit got started because Woof couldn’t hear right.
She meant she was drunk off her ass and felt nothing.
Botox asks Woof what she said and Woof says she said she was PRETTIER than everyone else. Woof tries to defend herself by saying she couldn’t hear.
When your ears are full of beer it’s very hard to hear. Hey I just wrote a country song!
This turned the others against her and as you recall she stayed home the next night and had friends over. Some shady ass friends. The night ended with Dickie and Tucky fighting with Boobs and what kills me is that we see Dickie shove Boobs several times and when Boobs finally shoves back Dickie shits herself and says “Do not put your hands on me bro!” So instead Boobs put her hands around Tucky’s throat.
Perez asks Boobs why she picked that time to off on the girls and she said it was just that none of them were clicking and she knew some shit was about to go down. She says she knew Char didn’t like her and she knew Botox didn’t. Botox then explains that the reason was because of Woof’s hearing problem and thinking that Boobs had said she was prettier than everyone. Woof is glad they put up subtitles and all is well and everyone loves everyone. Well those three anyway.
Perez then reminds Tucky she got choked and asks her how she felt. She says she can take a hit and if she has some thing to say she’ll say it.
Perez tells her he ain’t messing with her.
Being light headed is not new to me Perez so a little choking is ok.
Next we move on to when Dickie and Tucky came up with Operation Char’s Demise. Then they show Char on the phone with her Mom and Tucky hanging up the phone. This fight goes on and on but ends with Char in a closet crying like a bitch. To which Schnozz upon seeing that, has this reaction.
I am seriously liking her right now.
Perez’s take away from that experience is to never interrupt a Bad Girl while talking to her mother. My take is that Char is a whiney bitch.
Oh God he’s talking to Char again. He asks her why she thinks Tucky turned on her. To keep it short, Char basically says she and Tucky were never really friends and she (Char) is very vocal and………….Schnozz jumps in and starts saying “Yeah you’re vocal to a fucking camera.” Then she starts chanting “Joke joke joke joke joke.” and then goes into a woo hoo kinda scream and then kicks her legs in the air and she’s cracking me the fuck up as well as everyone else. Except Perez who tells the oompa loompa to sit down. Shut up Perez.
I’m seriously loving her right now.
Perez asks Beet why Char needed followers and Beet says because she needed people to fight her battles. Then he asks who was the mastermind behind OCD. Dickie says there really wasn’t one. Duh she never left so it didn’t work. Perez asks why Tucky wanted Char gone and she says Char sucked the life out of “them.” He accuses her of fighting others battles and she said she had her own issues with Char. She said you can disagree with her and that’s fine but if you disagree with Char all hell breaks loose.
He turns to Wilma and asks if Tucky and Dickie got the best of Char and she says they could have done better lol. Dickie agrees but then says that by that time they were exhausted. Char tells Tucky,’You hit me and you won so why are you so mad?” Everyone jumps on the fact that Char just said Tucky won.
Tucky jumps up and yells at Char that she can talk all day and have her peanut gallery up in here but it’s all on tv.
Finally they change subjects and he goes back to the time Dickie sucker punched Woof. He calls Tucky and Dickie the Two Headed Monster lol. If you recall it started when Tucky hung up on Woof’s Ma.
Don’t be disrespecting my egg layer yo.
During this little exchange Woof calls Tucky a hillbilly. Then they are in each others faces and fighting and when security had Woof held back Dickie sucker punched her.
That’s just low and pussified.
Dickie tries to defend it but it was a sucker punch no matter how you spin it. Perez asks Dickie if she was jealous of Char and Woof’s relationship. She says she was sad. Perez asks Woof how she forgave Dickface so quickly and she chalks it up to Dickie having a bi-polar moment. Then they talk about some boring shit that I’m skipping.
Perez asks Woof what she has against hillbillies. She says it’s in the way a person presents themselves. I agree. If a new neighbor shows up at my door with a 12 pack of beer and a dead possum, I’m pretty sure me and this hillbilly aren’t gonna be buds. She explains that when she and Tucky first met Tucky said she doesn’t clean. Uhhh, methinks she is full of shit. I know lots of “city folk” who don’t clean.
Anyway time to move on to all the blowing and boinking that went on in the house. Perez brings up the whole Beethead had a boyfriend named Bennie yet she blew some skin head and then had her friends lie about it after Dickie ratted her out.
The winds of change are always blowing. And so is Beet.
Beet also fooled around with another dude and Char had shit to say about that but no one cares. Perez asks Beet why she forgave Dickie for ratting her out and Dickie tries to jump in but Perez yells “Pause” and goes back to Beet. Beet says she and Dickie had been at each other for a while at that point she kinda deserved it. Dickie says that it’s the BGC and if you do some shit she’s going to put it on blast. Everyone in the audience is groaning and shaking their heads. Beet says there was already shit going down and she forgave her because it wasn’t like she was going to marry the dude. That means he dumped her ass.
Perez then asks Beet where her commitment issues come from. She says her Dad. I am so in shock.
A Bad Girl with Daddy issues? What’s next, round tires?
Turns out she had Mommy issues too because she also likes to get down with girls. She wanted to do the nasty with Woof but all they did was cuddle and stuff.
The Woof don’t get down with Wanging on no Tang yo.
He turns his attention to Botox and calls her a hot piece of ass and asks why she never hooked up. She explains that she was talking to someone but it turned out he had murdered someone.Some people are so picky. He then asks about the hair dresser she was dating. The one who kissed his male friends on the lips but she didn’t think he was gay. Woof set her straight on that one and now she says he’s a piece of shit. Beet tells on her ass and says her new boyfriend is in the audience.
Are ya sure he’s not the murderer?
Then Perez turns to Woof and the time her out of control brother came to visit. He got drunk, got naked in bed with Botox and eventually just passed out naked on the floor.
Marriage will do that to you.
See at the time his wife had left him so he was a little fucked up. Perez asks him if he’s still married nd he is. He’s also in the audience sitting beside Botox’s murderer boyfriend.
I’d hide under a hat too naked boy.
Perez then turns to Boobs and asks if she has a man. She says no and she’s keeping it that way. That means she was dumped and or cheated on recently. He then asks her about Playboy and she says she will not be doing that even though she tested for it. It was just something to experience.
Char announces she just hooked up with Hustler. Oh crap, barf bag, needed,now.
She claims it’s for a t-shirt line. A Goofy Ass Ho t-shirt line. Perez says “With Hustler? That’s not very classy.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!! I love him again despite his glitter suit from hell. He then asks if she would ever make a porno with Natalie Nunn and she says for 20 million. He says it’d be more like 20 thousand.
Lady I wouldn’t do a porno with you using Janet Reno’s dick. Or Perez’s punanni.
Boobs starts blithering about how she didn’t do this(BGC) for fame or money or zzzzzzzzzzz………then she says she did it because she couldn’t get a job. LOL. Ok for a second I was about to write her off but that’s funny.
Char as Perez points out did do this for money and fame and he doesn’t see anything wrong with that. Char then launches into how she had done the corporate thing and was unhappy and she came into the house to change and humble herself…..Let that sit for a sec.
Schnozz is all do you even know what humble yourself means? Perez jumps in and says well obviously you didn’t learn how to humble yourself and we cut to a clip of Char talking about how (while crying) “Nobody can ever, ever beat Char. I’m the baddest girl in this house.The BGC has never ever seen anyone like me. The pranks and the antics, they’ve all been done before. Nobody has ever been a badder girl by just sitting back and being pretty.”
Char being humble. And pathetic.
Next Perez asks Wilma if she has a guy and she denies it. His sources say otherwise and as it turns out she has a “Sugar Daddy” she’s been with for 10 years but he in jail right now. Perez says “Well girls if you find a guy whose willing to date you after being on the BGC he’s probably a keeper.”
Perez then says we’ve heard from 9 of the ten girls. Who was the tenth? He announces Jade.
Perez announced her as a hot mess who drank all the booze and peed on the carpet.
Perez asks her what makes her a Bad Girl? She says “I’m a Bad Girl cause like, I feel like, I’m Michael Jackson bad. The King of Pop.”
(Insert sounds of awkward crickets)
Then she announces “Oh he’s dead but he’s a legend.” Perez agrees that he is. But she is not. LOLOLOLOLOLOL!
She then announces her website which they bleep. He asks if she’s naked on the website and she says never. He says “Boring. Perezhilton.com.” He starts to move on and Jade says if someone offers her some “stacks” she’ll get naked. Yeah go hold your breath wacko.
They then go through the whole 3 seconds of Jade being on the show. Who cares?
Perez asks if Dickie thinks she’s weak sauce for leaving and she thinks she is weak but not for that. Jade jumps in and decides that she isn’t weak and if she doesn’t want to be somewhere she won’t be. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Perez asks her how she let Dickie get the best of her and she denies it and says they are cool. Perez then wants to know why everyone and their mother are up Dickie’s coochie. Ha I don’t think she has one. Dickie mumbles some shit and Wilma gives Dickie props for being annoying from the start to the finish unlike Char who started out as a bad ass and then fizzled.
Perez tells Woof that Char claims she would apologize to her out of all of them. He asks if she would accept that apology. Woof says “How do I know she ain’t gonna do it again?” Woof says every day Char would say she was running it and they were her minions. Char denies ever calling them her minions. Cut to a clip of Char calling them her minions.
Looks like she needs to fart.
Woof and Char get into a boring ass back and forth where Char somehow doesn’t understand why Woof took it personal. I’m with Beet, this bitch is going to give me a heart attack.
Finally Perez cuts the off and asks if any of the skanks have anything to say. Dickie announces she got a degree in Marketing and Management. Botox announces she’s a licensed Massage Therapist. Perez asks if she gives Happy Endings and she laughs and says of course. Woof announces it’s her birthday and everyone is all “Happy Birthday.” Except Char who just shrugs her shoulders and makes a fart smelling face.
Then Perez says “Bring it out!”
Midget (Season 3) and Kristin from I think Season 5 wheel out a birthday cake and champagne.
Woof is mad because she says they used her chola picture lol.
Perez makes a toast and then grabs a handful of cake and slings it. FOOD FIGHT!
Everyone is throwing cake at everyone except I don’t see Char or Perez. Botox grabs Jade and smushes cake in her face. Everyone is laughing and screaming.
Until suddenly Jade loses her shit at Botox and there’s a bitch fight!
Tanisha and the security guards are trying to get people under control and finally Botox asks security to get her out of there. Jade and her Bulldog (I mean Mommy) are having a fit and Jade is screaming about beating Botox’s ass. Everyone else is having fun.
Damn I thought Ike Turner was dead.
Since Jade keeps screeching Tanisha tells her to go find the bitch. Jade keeps yelling at Botox who is repeating it was a joke, ya know, like EVERYONE else was doing. Jade is a psycho.
Tanisha meanwhile tried to perform CPR on the cake.
Breathe baby breathe. You wasn’t supposed to go out like this!
While Jade’s Mom and Grandma keep yelling like some trashy bitches, Tanisha keeps grabbing that cake.
While Tucky dances behind her, Tanisha yells that Perez fucked up and took her job and shit and it’s disrespectful to fuck up a cake like that.
Perez, I suggest the witness protection program.
Midget wants to know why all of them are covered in cake but the one girl they all hate has nothing on her.
Because she’s an expert at getting the fuck out of dodge.
Char pulls Tanisha aside and wants to know why she hates her and Tanisha doesn’t. She’s just keeping it real. Ugh.
Tanisha is still pissed about the cake as the girls make their exit trying not to bust ass. They have to escort Jade upstairs and try and make her go into her dressing room. All the while she’s suddenly a Bad Girl and she’s gonna do this and that and blah fuck you it’s too damn late.
OMG Midget see a doctor immediately!
As Char is walking out Midget is like “Char they hate you and you have no cake on you!” She hugs Midget and compares herself to when Midget got jumped by all those bitches on her season. WHAT? Oh please let her get hit by a bus. And protect those on the bus.
Apparently Jade is pissed about being on tv for 5 minutes and getting cake thrown in her hair. So? At least they let your ass come on the reunion bitch. Her diva moment keeps going and I am sick of her.
The other girls (aside from Char and Jade) are happy and laughing and covered in cake. Jade wants to go home. BYE BITCH.
Dickie and Char both give some self serving goodbyes and I’m done. Almost.
Perez tells us next season is in New Orleans and they are better, or badder than ever.
Next time I’m gonna bedazzle my wiener!
Until July my loves,
Love and Smooches,