Bad Girls Club Reunion Recap

It’s reunion time! The twunt-nozzle himself, Perez Hilton, is giving us a voice over about these bad girls and all of the drama that ensued during their stay in New Orleans. Now, it’s time to rehash the madness. Since this is only part 1 of the reunion, we will only be dipping our toes into this pond of drunken skankiness, rather than diving in fully clothed. So, let’s do it.

The twunt-nozzle is wearing a black blouse with a kilt, for some reason and I’m not even going to question it. I’m just ready to see Bustass/T-Dolla and to find out what Psycho kept in her purse. Twunt-nozzle is joined on stage by the last four standing Bad Girls. Psycho and Miss VooPoo lead the procession with with Bustass doing her patented pageant wave to the audience and Shitty looking like she knows she is going to get her ass beat and Angie in the rear.

Twunt-nozzle compliments Angie’s boobies. Then he tells them they look fabulous and he hopes their weaves are in tight. You guys may not realize this, but I hate Perez Hilton.

Anyway, when asked about what it was like to make it through to the end, Psycho talks about how there were times when each of them wanted to go home but they stuck it out because otherwise they would be weak. Bustass talks about being a survivor, and her weave is looking extra flow-y and fabulous, I’m waiting for the hair flip. Shitty pipes in and says something about it having to do with mental strength, not physical strength.  Angie squeaks that you have to just go in and have fun.

Twunt-nozzle asks Psycho about her purse (finally, a real question), and we get montage of clips of Psycho always carrying her purse. I’m pretty sure that Twunt-nozzle has been reading Cherie’s recaps and that’s why even he mentioned it. Anyway, Psycho explains that next to Miss VooPoo, her purse was her best friend. Namely, because it contains the following: a fitted cap, a bottle of vodka, a flashlight (because it gets dark sometimes), and a vibrator.

You know, she may be crazy, but the girl has a point. In case of a zombie apocalypse, I would definitely want to be able to put my hand on each one of those things – well maybe the fitted cap is unnecessary, but you never know.

Bustass can finally claim that she dances like a black girl now. She even gives us a demonstration as Twunt-nozzle behaves in twunt-nozzle fashion by randomly throwing out words like titties and coochie.

I’m noticing that both Psycho and Bustass came fully prepared to have fun and even make fun of themselves a little bit. Shitty is a freaking killjoy and I want to bash her – wait, she’s gay, right? Is it still a hate crime if you want to bash someone’s head in regardless of their sexual orientation? Wouldn’t that just make it an equal opportunity ass beating?

Twunt-nozzle goes on to say that even with all of the craziness, the bitches seemed to really enjoy being together on the last day. He talks about how they cried when it came time to say goodbye and wonders how Psycho was able to forgive Shitty for being such a freaking bitch to her the whole season. She was able to forgive him because the BITCH IS CRAZY! We see Shitty taunting Psycho and trying to get her to leave and Psycho refusing to back down. Even the guys wearing Team Shitty T-shirts look disappointed in her during that clip.

Shitty tries to spin it as she was just giving her tough love and by bullying her she was gonna make Psycho a better person – WHAT!? Is anybody buying that? Shitty thinks the rest of us are as stupid as Psycho.

Shitty tries to speak for everyone in the house and Bustass shuts her down. She says she never touched Psycho’s shit because she told them she wouldn’t and therefore she didn’t. Basically, Bustass does not want to be lumped together with Shitty and her ridiculousness. Shitty, gets all dismissive with her “anyways” and Bustass stops her and says, “don’t cut me off, please.” I love the “please” it’s just right up there with her perfect phone etiquette. Even Twunt-nozzle is expecting T-Dolla to appear at any minute.

Bustass explains that there were times when Shitty would attack Psycho for no real reason. She says it’s because Shitty just didn’t like Psycho and that meant that no matter what Psycho did Shitty would be annoyed with her. I think it’s because Shitty is a bully and she knew that Psycho was an easy target. Psycho chimes in to say that all she wanted was to have fun. And, Shitty says she doesn’t surround herself with people like Psycho, because Psycho has no class. I hate that I even have to say this at this point in the game but, BITCH YOU WERE ON THE BAD GIRLS CLUB! Also, Shitty is the first person to break out the C-word at the reunion. I was sure we wouldn’t hear it until Morticia arrived.

Psycho wins the audience’s approval when she says that she isn’t going to point fingers because she knows her hands aren’t clean, but that she was in the house to change and she has.  And in the end, putting other people down doesn’t make her feel better. You know what Gasmii? I put these bitches down all the time and feel AWESOME afterwards. But, it’s a sweet sentiment, and it makes Shitty look bad, so I’m going to roll with it.

So, now it’s time for Nasti to make her entrance. I know I’ve described the (ahem) ensemble she was wearing in the last recap, but I think you really need to see it for yourself to get the complete picture. Besides, what words can really describe this?

 

 

So, Nasti has lost weight, unfortunately, her outfit will be forever conjure images of this:

Now, we see the scene from the last episode where Shitty mind fucks Psycho. Even the audience is giving Shitty the side eye for this disgusting behavior.

Psycho says that she was hurt by this because she trusted Nasti and she thought they were sisters and she was embarrassed to find that out. But, she forgave it because she knows that she was a handful and she knows that Nasti loves her. Maybe…

Nasti chimes in that as much as she loved Psycho, she saw that when she didn’t talk to Psycho for days, Psycho would clean her shit up for a week and trying to put Psycho out made her clean up her act for the rest of the show. Psycho agrees. Angie makes some high pitched noises about having a breaking point when it came to Pyscho, but it really hurts my ears to listen to her so I mute the episode when she talks.

Shitty isn’t having it and she and Nasti start screaming about Mort and Psycho and I’m really ready for this to move on to something interesting. I will say that I love how Nasti and Shitty’s grudge match is making Psycho seem like the reasonable one. I wonder if they are watching this and wondering how Psycho managed to come off so well? Because, Psycho is totally talking about how she had a moment when she realized that it was her and not everybody else that was the problem. Of course, she still loves vodka, and if encouraging a drinking problem in a psychotic is wrong, I don’t want to be right, because bitch was totes entertaining. And, I’m pretty sure the creators of the Bad Girls Club agree. Or, they at least agree enough to cast her in Love Games, even though they have the fantabulous Bustass sitting right there.

Nasti and Psycho still consider themselves to be a big sister, little sister. Mainly, because Psycho is crazy and wants Nasti to love her back. But, also because they probably do care about each other in fucked up ways. What is interesting though is Bustass giving this look during that conversation:

Bustass knows something that she isn’t saying and I want to know what it is.

Twunt-nozzle says something about Bad Girls Club not being all “bitches and hair pulling,” and I immediately scream at him to shut the fuck up because those are the reasons I watch the show.

Now it’s time to discuss Nasti and Shitty and their road to the reunion. We see drinks being tossed, Nasti messing with Shitty’s and Angie’s beds. And Shitty messing with Nasti’s contacts, Bustass refusing to let her girl look like a “foo.” and Nasti’s attack of Shitty on the last day.

Bustass and Nasti are laughing their asses off, and really? Can you blame them? That shit was funny. I know, because I saved pictures of it. Shitty is now considering that maybe, just maybe she crossed a line, or, maybe she is trying to figure out how to use this conversation to her advantage, or she is just trying to hide a burp. I’m not sure what this face is:

Nasti says that she liked Shitty in the beginning, but then she saw how much of a bully Shitty was. Shitty is now claiming that she didn’t care enough about Nasti to ever consider her a friend. You know Gasmii, I never was able to get a real read on Nasti. I always thought she was all bark, or selling wolf tickets (thanks for that handy phrase. I love you guys), and I still am not sure where I stand on her and her behavior. But, I do know that I hate Shitty. She is just an awful human being. She pretends that she is this voice of reason who cares so much about other people and giving back and all that shit. But, in reality, she is someone who thought that she would have minions that would support her every move even when it came to bullying the mentally damaged Psycho. So, while Nasti isn’t my favorite by any means, I am going to have side with her on this one.

Also, for some reason, Twunt-nozzle seems to believe that Shitty stood up when people made homophobic comments – conveniently forgetting Morticia’s raging anti-gay self and Shitty’s acceptance of that. Basically, it’s the simple fact that Twunt-nozzle thinks that Shitty is a good person that makes me think, pretty much the exact opposite of that.

Anyway, both Shitty and Nasti go off on another screaming match, and I check the time. When do they bring the other bitches out? This shit is boring! Nasti is going on about whooping Shitty’s ass 5 times. Did they not show the other times, or is she talking about the same fight? Because it seems like Shitty would have at least had a black eye or a bruise or a scratch or something after that many ass beatings. Hell, my mom kept a fly swatter in her purse in case we got out of line and it would leave a welt for at least a few minutes. Is Shitty really that tough that no marks show after a beating? Or, are Nasti’s punches so weak that they don’t do any physical damage? It’s a mystery for the ages!

So, Nasti is going on about the beating the ass 5 times, and Shitty is saying she was blacked out drunk so it didn’t count or something. Nasti is all “you ain’t drunk right now bitch.” I start hoping that something is now FINALLY going to happen. Nasti jumps up and we can see that her underwear are zebra striped to match her boots and it’s kind of sad and really funny.

What’s even funnier is that Bustass totally gets out of the way but stays close enough to watch the fight and egg it on. Sweet JEEBUS please give Bustass her own show!

I know exactly what you are thinking right this second. You are either enjoying the reunion, or thinking that it’s all kinds of wrong for Bustass to get excited enough to jump out of her seat and cheer, or you are feeling nervous/embarrassed about the fact that you care so much. And, it’s all because of Bustass. She is so awesome that she has you questioning whether or not you should be enjoying this as much as you are. The answer is, YES. Yes, you should be enjoying this because Bustass is awesome. We should just accept that and move on.

Nasti is talking shit in Shitty’s face (heh) and Shitty finally stands up. Nasti keeps giving Shitty plenty of opportunities to blindside her and finally Shitty realizes it so she tries to throw a punch, but it’s blocked and suddenly they are fighting. The funniest thing about this is, once again, the audience reaction:

Because the fight certainly wasn’t much of anything. It looked to me like Nasti blocked the punch and had Shitty in the headlock and they fell on Angie before Security got to them. Then there was some cussing and Shitty screaming for Security to get off her and Twunt-nozzle telling them to sit down and change gears. I hate the way this shit is edited.

Just as it looks like some shit is really happening there are tons of guys in suits blocking the cameras and all I get to see is mussed hair and everybody behaving themselves after the fight is over. That shit is not cool! This is the Bad Girls Club – let the bitches fight it out! It’s what they signed up for and it’s why we agreed to watch.

You think I watch this show so that I can have a twunt-nozzle douchebag like Perez Hilton pretend to be the voice of reason? No! I signed up to see drunken skanks fight each other. And during the reunions, when they are sober (Psycho not withstanding), the fights should be that much more intense. I hate security! Anyway, here is the fight, or what I managed to capture of it:

I have so much trouble following the conversation after the fight because I’m still wondering what the fuck Nasti’s wearing. It’s just really hard to take Nasti seriously, but I hate Shitty. It truly is like a bad acid trip. Every time Nasti says something, I’m distracted by the hair and the tulle and the zebra stripes. Plus, there is a twunt-nozzle sitting there in a kilt. So, lets just keep it moving.

Twunt-nozzle brings out Cayenne and she looks nervous – probably because of all of the black people in the audience.

Everyone is giving her an evil look, including Miss VooPoo.

Bustass, when asked if she hates Cayenne, puts the beauty pageant spin on it. She says that “she’s a sweet girl” (which is the same thing as saying “bless her heart,”) and that the things Cayenne did really annoyed her. And Bustass’s explanation of the Psycho/Shitty situation totally applies here.

From the moment Cayenne said she didn’t want to be around a bunch of black people, Bustass didn’t like her. Bustass doesn’t have to say that, because I get her. For reals T-Dolla, I am totally down for hanging out. I’m on Twitter and Facebook, just give me a shout and I’ll totally show you how to dance like a black girl, or get a couple of my drag queen friends to show both of us how. Seriously, call me!

I have to say that I totes think that Twunt-nozzle reads the recaps on TVGasm. Because, I was just talking about that whole thing about Cayenne being kicked out without a nail being broken. Plus, all that stuff about Psycho’s purse, leads me to believe he is a regular (Cherie covered the purse thing from the very beginning). And, if that is the case, then, I’m glad he isn’t offended by the opinion that we have of him because we would never discourage him from commenting. Seriously, Twunt-nozzle, if you ever want to comment on these recaps, feel free. We accept all opinions, including those of douche bags like yourself.

Anyway, we see the way that Bustass got Cayenne out of the house because people were literally busting their asses over her shit. And Bustass is AWESOME! Because she starts a little demonstration. She starts flinging the beads on the table in front of them and calling out all, “that’s your purse, that’s your belt, that’s a boot, that’s another boot.” Then, she ends it with “Bitch I don’t have the time!”

It’s kind of wonderful and touching because I think Cayenne still actually likes Bustass – because who wouldn’t still like her? Anyway, Bustass picks the shit up because she doesn’t want to be like Cayenne’s ass, as Twunt-nozzle moves on to another question for Nasti.

Nasti liked Cayenne at first but she disliked her after she started to see her true colors. Cayenne is all, you never got to know me so what do you know about my true colors. I think this whole Cayenne dislike thing stems from the whole “I don’t want to be around a lot of black people” conversation from the limo. If you remember, everyone was giving her nasty looks but no one said anything to her. I think that Cayenne felt she was ok in saying that crap because no one told her how offensive she was, so yes, she was totally shocked to find out that people didn’t like her .

Does that make Bustass’s removal of Cayenne any less fabulous? I’ll let you decide for yourself, but for me, not a bit. It was the most well-played thing to EVER happen in the Bad Girls Club. Well, Flo flinging that one heifer by her hair WAS pretty badass (especially, since her foot was broken, and she had to climb out of the pool to do it), but you know what I mean – no one was physically injured during Cayenne’s being kicked out of the house.

They cover the trip to Barbados. They show, Morticia’s “Classy” moments with the boat. And Nasti’s decision to make her leave. So, they show Morticia getting beat down and Morticia’s calling the cops. They say that Mort slept all day and Psycho interrupts to tell us that Miss VooPoo says she is a bigger star than Morticia. And, who can really argue with that?

There are only about 10 minutes left when they bring out Morticia and her Klassy self. And you know you are awful if you can be insulted by a twunt-nozzle and no one disagrees. He straight up asks if there was anyone who didn’t find the bitch annoying and even Shitty has nothing to say. Does anyone else get the impression that Cayenne is stoned out of her mind? Just me? Moving on. Twunt-nozzle presents Mort with an award as his least favorite Bad Girl.

She accepts it and says it will go with everything else that she has accomplished, so he asks her what else has she accomplished and she turns it back on him asking what he has accomplished. He actually made me laugh when he responded, “Not much, I’m hosting the Bad Girls Club here.” It’s pretty much the only truly funny thing he says all night. And, as I laugh I reconsider my hatred. Nope, still there.

He asks Morticia if she is classier than the other girls and she kind of skirts it. So, he moves on to whether or not she spent most of her days sleeping. She says that she didn’t miss anything and Miss VooPoo tells her to shut the fuck up – through Psycho, of course.

I’m already kind of over this section. We all saw just how annoying and un-fun Mort was on the show. I don’t need to hear that rehashed by Nasti and her outfit of crazy. So, Prissy comes out while there are still a few minutes left.

They jump right into the Psycho/Prissy drama. They show the fight where Morticia tried to jump in and Nasti had to block her. They get into the fact that Mort is a punk for kicking and punching Psycho when she was down. Mort says that she will fight when it’s something she gives a shit about and Nasti takes off her boots to get in her face. This is another bullshit edit because Nasti wasn’t wearing boots when she and Shitty got into it earlier, but they are only just now showing her taking them off.

So, they are both standing up and Mort looks like she is about shit her pants, but she knows she can’t back down in front of an audience and Nasti is just staring daggers. And then, it’s over.

I guess we will find out what happens during part 2. It also looks like there will be some drama between Prissy and Angie – not sure why since I thought they were friends, but maybe there is some bonus footage that we didn’t see.

So, what did you guys think? Will Mort back down from a fight with the Dancing Hippo? What do you think Prissy and Angie have to fight about? What type of show do you think Bustass should have? Tell me all about it in the comments.