Bad Girls Club: Straightjackets and Strip Clubs

Hello Gasmii! It’s been a minute since I last recapped anything for you. I am really excited to cover this episode for the extremely funny and talented Cherie. I jumped at the chance because I truly love delusional skanks – but only when they are entertaining. And these bitches are endlessly entertaining. So, let’s jump right in.

We start off in the limo picking up from the last episode. Psycho is singing something about little Indians and Shitty is extremely pissed off about it. So, she does what anyone else would do. She throws a drink from a red plastic cup in psycho’s face. And suddenly it’s on!

Nasti is not having it because Angie hit her with a drink and it got on her brand new dress. It’s then just a tumble of greased up legs and weave flying until security pulls them out of the limo. That’s when Nasti starts talking about how she paid 150 dollars for that dress and Angie is saying that Nasti is really only upset because she was hanging out with the other side. I’m pretty sure that Angie is stupid.

Nasti makes a run towards her and I have to say that gray is an unfortunate color on her from that angle, as she resembles a rhinoceros charging.

Suddenly the cops are there and pulling bitches out of the limo and people are watching from their balconies and the City of New Orleans is weeping with the pain and wondering how they will ever regain their reputation.

Shitty is being arrested and crying and acting a fool, while Tiara is gloating because her dress also got ruined by Shitty throwing a drink. Shitty is too dumb to shut up and is screaming about being manhandled as the squad car drives away.

Back at the house, Nasti is destroying someone’s room (I think it’s Shitty’s). Nasti, Psycho and Tiara are going to the hotel to calm down. Before leaving, Nasti punches out the photos of the other girls. Psycho does her check-list of what she is taking.

Prissy and Morticia come back home and punch the other photos and then talk shit while they go to bed. Morticia answers the phone the next morning and tells her sister about the girls getting arrested.

Shitty and Angie come strutting out of jail looking like a couple of hookers. Shitty is talking about World War 3 or some bullshit, even though we all know that she won’t actually DO anything when it comes time to throw down.

And then there is some bull about “the wrath of Angie.” Tiara, Nasti, and Psycho come back home and find their pictures have been punched out by Prissy and Morticia. So they pull the last of the pictures out and tear them up. Then, they sit down outside to discuss Nasti’s theory that Angie threw the drink at her on purpose and thought Nasti wouldn’t know because Shitty was throwing drinks.

Shitty and Angie talk more shit in the cab on the way back to the house. They see Tiara, Nasti and Psycho’s pictures outside and get excited until they walk in and see that their pictures are gone too. Then they loud talk their way up the stairs and Tiara is ready. Angie gets in her face and Tiara straight mollywhops her ass. It is glorious. But there’s more. So, they get separated by security and Angie tries to come back and Tiara handles her ass AGAIN. I did notice that Nasti was quick to get out of the way. On first watch, I was thinking that it was a matter of Nasti talking a good game but not having any real fighting skills. Now, I am starting to wonder if she is just the type of person to let other people handle their business and saw no need to jump in. I’m still not sure how I feel about Nasti – I go back and forth on her.

Anyway, everyone has been separated and Angie complains about everyone attacking her for no reason, even though she threw drinks and tried to step to Tiara. And Morticia and Prissy fill her head with more nonsense about how they were just jealous because Angie was hanging with them. And Angie, being the simple child that she is, buys it hook line and sinker and decides that she is now on the other side.

Morticia, Angie and Prissy go shopping for lingerie, for some reason. And, we have to sit through them modeling it before we get to the point. Basically, production has arranged for them to walk during fashion week for the lingerie shop.

Shitty talks to her mom on the phone and tells her about being arrested. She claims that she didn’t do anything to deserve arrest. She leaves out the fact that she was drunk, belligerent, attacking police officers, and resisting arrest. Her mom has to go because they are on a motorcycle, and she really isn’t interested in anything Shitty has to say.

Shitty is excited about the threesome that is doing the fashion show and claims the other girls will be jealous about it. The other girls take the news in stride, but are still pissed off because of the fact that they don’t like those bitches. I didn’t see any jealousy, more like them wanting to watch just in case someone fell so that they could laugh.

Psycho finds a roach on the floor and is freaked out by it. I wonder about the cleanliness of the place, since it is the Bad Girls Club after all. But, then I remember that they are in New Orleans and no matter how clean the place is, there are bound to be roaches. Although, I sincerely doubt that the house is all that clean, because, again, it’s the Bad Girls Club. Anyway, Nasti covers the roach with a cup so that Psycho doesn’t continue to screech and act generally insane.

Prissy and Morticia are making fun of the other girls behind the empty picture frames. Psycho puts the roach in Prissy’s bed in retaliation.

The next day, Nasti and Psycho are in the kitchen and Nasti is boiling eggs while talking about how Psycho has really grown over her.

Angie is telling Morticia and Prissy about the plans to go to a male strip show. Shitty isn’t excited about it because, in case you didn’t get the message, Shitty is gay. She talks to her girlfriend about it on the phone and asks her to send her a video of herself stripping. Shitty’s girlfriend has the good sense to realize that if she did, her performance would end up all over the television and internet.

So, Prissy finds the cockroach in her bed. Psycho denies having done it and laughs maniacally. I want to like Psycho because she is so entertainingly delusional but, I wish she would own up to the shit she does. Tiara gets on the phone and talks about how she had to whoop a bitch’s ass three times. Her friend gets in a line about her not having learned her lesson the first two times. Tiara is fully prepared to beat her down again, because she doesn’t have time for these bitches and their nonsense.

The girls get ready for the fashion show. Unfortunately, for all of us, no one falls even though they do look cheap and amateurish. Morticia, who claimed to have had modeling experience, walks like a linebacker. Angie keeps trying to adjust her outfit on the runway and looks totally uncomfortable. After the show, they go eat and Tiara stays in the limo because she refuses to pretend that she isn’t pissed off.

Shitty blows smoke up the asses’ of the girls who walked in the show, and Psycho and Nasti eat their chips while pretending not to notice. Psycho’s psychic abilities tell her and us that some shit is about to pop off (lord, how I miss Tanisha), and she wants a front row seat and maybe some popcorn.

After some foolishness on the part of Prissy and Angie, we get to Tiara saying that she is getting more angry the more she thinks about Angie coming into her room, touching her stuff and putting her hands on her.

Shitty and Angie are eating cookies in the car while Angie talks about herself in the third person. It’s every bit as annoying as it sounds. Shitty seems over the conversation. Nasti is looking for a dress she bought that has mysteriously gone missing. She calmly (after putting on some shorts in case she has to beat someone down) goes down and asks if any of them took her dress. She says that since no one will own up to it, everyone is going to get it.

Nasti, Psycho and Tiara get their nails done as Nasti says that she is angry and she is going to start retaliating by hiding their shit. Angie, Prissy, and Morticia make fat jokes about Nasti. Then they take the eggs that Nasti had set aside and hide them in Psycho, Nasti and Tiara’s things.

Nasti comes in ready to make some salad with her eggs and is pissed to find that they are missing. She asks Prissy if she threw the eggs away and Prissy says she did because they were stinking. Nasti shuts that down and says they weren’t because she had just made them before she left. Prissy offers some of her eggs as a way of distracting suspicion and Nasti says the eggs aren’t the point. The point is that people are touching her things and she is not cool with it.

Psycho finds an egg in her stuff and goes to Nasti with it. Nasti is pissed.

The girls head out to the male strip show. Prissy and Angie talk about bringing back the hottest stripper there. The actual show is every bit as ridiculous and un-sexy as you would expect. Psycho wonders if she is drunk or if this is really happening. Now, that’s a question she must ask herself every hour of every day.

The girls are laughing at the antics and Tiara makes it rain on one of the strippers as Morticia gets judgmental about their behavior. Bitch, you are filming the Bad Girls Club at a male strip show, why on earth are talking about classy behavior? Do you honestly think the men who are shaking their cock and balls in your face are embarrassed about getting money thrown at them?

Angie starts talking out of her ass about how if she drinks she might go crazy and kill somebody and she needs a straightjacket. So then Tiara wins the love that I had only ever reserved for the likes of RealWorldTami by walking up to her and saying, “Bitch you don’t need a straightjacket. Fuck me up right now.” Then she smashes her in the face and it’s another mass of weaves and boobs flying as security scrambles to break them up.

Once again, as she is being filmed in a male strip club for the freaking Bad Girls Club, Morticia talks about the situation being very tacky. And now, I want to punch someone in the face.

Tiara is completely unfazed after the fight is broken up. She goes into her corner and breaks out a brush to fix her appearance. And, I don’t know why, I just immediately fell completely in love with her because of that. I imagine us hanging out and making fun of how bad a dancer she is, but it’s cool because she can totally beat a bitch down after making it rain on a stripper.

Angie, is upset about having a scratch on her face from the fight. It’s stupid because, she was just in a fight. Has she been in a fight before? Is there some rule about avoiding the face that the rest of us don’t know about? Shitty is relishing the fact that the house is now completely divided. She talks about Angie being heated, but it’s hilarious because she keeps getting her ass handed to her no matter how heated she gets. Dumbass Prissy puts rubbing alcohol on Angie’s face. Tiara is laughing about it because she isn’t complaining about the scratches she has. See, she knows that scratches happen when you fight another human being.

The preview shows Shitty putting bleach in Nasti’s contacts. Which is beyond the line. And Psycho throws milk and cereal on Prissy while she is sleeping. It looks to be EPIC!

I’ve been watching this show since the first season, and I have to say that season 7 is definitely in my top 3 of favorite seasons. What do you guys think? Does anyone else love Tiara as much as I do?