Bad Girls Club: Twits Galore

As this week begins Baby(Angie) tells us that there is a divide in the house. Shitty,Morticia (Tasha) and Prissy on one side  and the others on the fun side.

Is this The BGC or the Suicide Club?

Baby, Nat, Bustass and Psycho are the fun side. For now. I reserve the right to change my mind for absolutely no reason at any given time.

While the fun crew plays grab ass the boring snotwads are laying in the sun. Morticia(Tasha) is whining about having to live with 6 strangers and wah wah wah.

Psycho tells Nat she wants to do something mischievous and Nat tells her to go ahead. This causes Shitty to roll her eyes as she’s trying to do something with her dried out straw hair. Shitty informs us if she doesn’t like someone then she’s just gonna take her ball and go home!

The fun group hugs it out and hits the town. Psycho wants to go into the voodoo shop. GET ME A DOLL FOR FUCKSAKE!!!!!

Back at the house of Doom and Gloom, the Twit Triplets are on the computer looking for things to do. IN NEW ORLEANS,During Mardi Gras. Here’s a clue, WALK OUTSIDE!

One comments that there isn’t anything to do, DURING MARDI GRAS. Another one wants to go to a graveyard because they are above ground. Oddly enough Morticia hates that idea. She’d rather take a carriage ride.

Why so you can pull the carriage?

The others return home to purty up for the night so they can hit Bourbon St. Psycho’s main goal is to get laid.

Oh hell they all leave in the same limo and Psycho out of the blue announces she loves them all. Someone asks her why she says that all the time and she says because everyone is human. They point out she loves VooPoo and she’s not human and Psycho say”But she is deep down and she has feelings.”

How can you not love that type of crazy?

Finally they arrive at a club and what do I see? Voodoo dolls everywhere! There is bead throwing and drinking and Nat makes the mistake of attempting to have fun by shaking the champagne bottle before opening it so it will spew all over. Shitty is not amused. Oh I meant to post this earlier.

Her eyes follow you.

Anyway back to the booze event, Shitty is all”That’s why you don’t shake the bottle. It’s a waste!” Go suck something sour puss.

Morticia tells us Nat does not know how to open a champagne bottle and it’s just tacky. Bite me skank.

Don’t you have a crypt to crawl back into?

While the fun group drink and act crazy, the boo hoo’s all look like they need to shit. Bustass climbs on top of a bar and starts dancing and screaming.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Waaaaaaaaahoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

Morticia the perpetual puss face tells us these girls are NOT wasted and there is absolutely NO reason for them to act like that. UH yeah it’s called fun you boring bitch. Makes you wish Katrina would pop in and snatch just her up. (I swore I wouldn’t make a Katrina reference but she forced me to)

Oh hell bull riding time.

Coochie coochie coo!

Prissy I believe starts making shitty comments about Bustass riding the bull and makes this statement.

I wouldn’t pay 25 cents to see that crab infested mess.

On second thought, didn’t she basically say she’d have to pay someone $25 grand to look at her cooter? More bull riding and cooter shots and a lecture from Prissy about how she knows how to comport herself  in a bar because ,ya know, she has class. Bet she’s the first one to blow a guy this season.

Shitty feels a “divide” developing between the two groups. Ya don’t say? What gave it away, the fact that they were having fun and you twits look like someone kicked your dog?

Life of the Party!

Back at the house the next morning, Nat is trying to kill the roach that escaped from  Morticia’s cooter . Then the subject turns to guys and who made out with whom. Apparently no one did and Psycho tells us she behaved herself so she wouldn’t get kicked out of the club and then we hear screaming because Bustass is being chased by Morticia’s cooter dweller.

Turns out it was a bee . I’m just shocked it survived Morticia’s putrid coot.

Shitty,Prissy and Morticia decide to go out and get their nails done and have fun without the others. Only thing is that’s all they talk about in the car. They talk about how Psycho keeps saying she loves everyone and that she looks possessed when she says it.

When you are right you are right.

Once the twits are at the nail salon they continue to talk about the other girls. Shocker. And then I see this.

Those are some jacked up fungus filled toenails!

I have to go bleach my eyes and my feet NOW!  I believe those hideous nails belonged to Prissy. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag!

Back at the house the phone rings.

Someone will be a lawyer someday.

The guy is calling on behalf of the Pygmalion Group and they want the BGC to be the Grand Masters at their parade. Miss Bustass makes it clear that they MUST be the stars of the show and he agrees and it’s all set. Off she runs to scream and tell everyone.

Screams abound. Except over at Club Droopy Twits. Back at the house the girls are getting pissed because they haven’t come home yet. Nat decides if they don’t show they will leave them. Finally they do show and a semi fight breaks out between Nat and Morticia and Nat thanks her for letting them know they would be late. Morticia rattles on about nails and eating and blah blah blech.

More words go back and forth and then Shitty says”Oh my God this house smells delicious just like burnt weave.” That didn’t sit to well with Nat and dares her to say it to her face which she doesn’t and finally the fun girls leave the boring cows at home.

In the limo Nat is still pissed while back at the house the three dongbreaths decide instead of going out and partying, they are going to CLEAN.

OMG there is weave on the floor. Get HazMat out here quickly!!! Before we all DIE!

The twits also go around and rearrange the makeup table and leave notes as to whose section belongs to who.

I bet she still plays with coloring books.

The fun group goes out to eat and they discuss who will be the first to get laid. Then they head to a bar.

About to be a whole lot better I bet.

Not sure but I bet I know where he goes tonight.

Back at the house the cleaning continues. It’s like a bunch of little Martha Stewart clones. And it’s irritating. They are even doing laundry. Why the fuck are they on this show?

The girls hit the streets and Nat’s boytoy follows.

That could have taken a very bad turn.

Nat asks what’s his face where his boys are at because she’s got some girls on the prowl. They agree to meet up at the BGC house.

When Nat shows Psycho the dude for her she says this…

At least she has standards.

Meanwhile back at the spotlessly clean house, Morticia’s boy shows up.

I ain’t playing dude, RUUUUUN!

She takes him over to the picture wall and systematically tears down each girls character. Again NOT to their face.

Meanwhile the drunk bitches are headed home.

Gotta love a girl who knows what she wants.

They arrive at the house loudly. Nat is either trying to dance or shit. Can’t tell which.

I’m guessing beer fart.

Next to arrive is Nat and Psycho’s boytoys from the club.

But before they arrive Nat notices the cleaning of the makeup room and the assignment of sections with girls names on them. And she ain’t happy.

After a bunch of screaming Nat goes to the laundry room to put her wet clothes in the dryer only to find them not in the washer but thrown over to the side. BIG FIGHT!

Security!

Shitty meanwhile is laying downstairs singing,”I can’t live like this anymore.”

Then take your chunky boring ass out the door!

Shitty decides to go to bed and then Psycho runs up to Nat and begs her not to leave and for a minute I think they are gonna smooch!

I loves Harpo. God knows I do. But I kill him dead fo I lets him beat me again.

Knock, knock. Guess who?

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

And Psycho’s fuck partner for the night.

After being asked if they wanted water or booze both say booze but Nat tells Psycho she’s had enough.

Suddenly Psycho grabs ???? aka RELL by the hand and also grabs her purse and drags him upstairs. She drags him into the Confessional smacks him in the head and tells him she’s the baddest bitch in there and has the biggest heart. All while straddling his crotch. She also tells him she has 5 personalities. He’s beginning to look scared. But not to scared to unzip his drawers.

A good smack in the tater is always great foreplay.

Meanwhile Nat is showing her man around but I don’t think she plans on putting out.

Back to the horndogs. Psycho asks if he wants to talk about something deep or just fuck cause it could go either way. Sound of zipper.

I’m sure they were just checking each other for irregular looking moles.

The prudes of the house keep making faces like they just found out Santa wasn’t real. Meanwhile Nat tells her dude she doesn’t usually date good looking dudes. She likes average dudes. She can’t have her boyfriend being prettier than she is lol.

For some reason Shitty decides to put her duvet on her head and run around like a ghost. I was hoping she’d fall down the stairs.

If that were black with a hat and a broom it would make sense.

Prissy knocks her over and actually farts on her head. It’s the most decent thing I’ve seen her do all night.

Psycho is done with her toy and sends him on his way. Damn, that’s cold. Nat sends her’s home with him.

The next morning they get ready for the parade. Psycho starts to cough and Shitty tells her that she just cleaned that station and she better disinfect it with her dirty ass. Then asks her if she’s even showered today. I cannot express my hatred for this bitch. They all kinda gang up on her and accuse her of having her dude spooge on the bed.

Bustass has the best quote,”None of these bitches will bust a grape in a fruit fight in a Welches backyard.”

LOVE HER!

On the  way to the parade I guess Psycho wanted to push some buttons. She was asked something about her date and this was her response…

Hahahahahahah! I think I just cracked a rib.

Oh Dear Sweet Jesus give me strength..not to crack another rib!!!

Prissy is horrified that Psycho had sex in the confessional with a guy she met off the street and now there are bodily fluids all over the place. Hey Saint Bitch, lets run a black light over you bedspread and see what glows????

All the Prude Gallery chimes in with how gross it is because you know they are all virgins!

Finally they arrive at the parade.

Damn it looks like Noah’s Whorehouse.

All aboard! All they have to do is look pretty, smile and throw beads. For 3 hours.

Look how nicely everyone is getting along.

Just when you think all is well, Shitty has to have a moment of jealousy.

It’s Mardi Gras what the fuck is she supposed to act like a Girl Scout?

Why? In case she out whores you?

After Shitty makes sure everyone sees Psycho being a whore they discover they are out of beads. Apparently this is a GIANT sin in New Orleans. People start throwing shit at them.

They get them off the float and some dude yells this at them…

You first hobo!

After a brief run in on the street with a drunk dude with his fly open they pile into the limo and things are ok for about 5 seconds.

Shitty asks Psycho where she’s from. Psycho says she is black,French, Spanish, and Indian. Shitty says is it Indian like boop or boop boop……wtf? Psycho says it’s like both. Shitty says no are you a feather or a dot. Psycho calls her racist.

Does ya scalp folks or eat lots of curry?

Now everyone is arguing because Psycho asked for Nat’s help and Shitty told Nat that she hated Psycho two days ago and on and on and on.

Shitty says she can’t just be all buddy buddy and forgive. Then why the fuck were you talking to her at all?

Back at home,Prissy is sucking up to Psycho as is Morticia. They are saying they got her and they are keeping it real. Meanwhile it’s all a set up.

Morticia finds this amazingly humorous that Psycho would believe she would ever be her friend.

May acid filled boils spread from your ass to your face. CUNT!

Prissy is laughing behind Psycho’s back the entire time and Bustass sees this.

Poor Psycho tells us she is confused because she really respects Morticia and Prissy for being real with her…..seriously, my heads gonna explode. She can’t figure out who to trust so she goes to Nat and Nat tells her to stop digging herself into these holes………..Psycho thinks that Prissy and Morticia really like her and that makes Nat walk away. She tells her the next time she digs herself in, she’s gonna have to dig herself out. She also tells us that the two whores aren’t fooling anyone except Psycho.

If I was them, I’d be very careful about fucking with that girl. I hope she sobers up and figures this shit out and then fucks them up in ways they cannot even imagine. Oh and in case I haven’t mentioned it in a while, I want a voodoo doll!!!!

WE are left with a crying Psycho wondering who the hell to trust.

Trust VooPoo. She knows the way.

 

Love and VooPoo Smooches,

Cherie