Bad Girls Club:Call Me Karma

How much ya wanna bet that ain’t chocolate?

So after last weeks action packed episode, we start this week off kinda slowly. People waking up, smeared God knows what on the light switch. And Psycho sitting outside drinking and talking to herself, without her sidekick.

She has serenity y’all.

She tells us an only child knows how to have serenity and this is gorgeous. Then she mumbles something about planes being crazy.

Inside Nat (not typing that bitches full name) notices that Psycho is outside boozing it up at 11am without showering or unpacking. Tiara (Bustass) hopes she can just keep herself from slapping the bitch.

Psycho decides it’s time to go inside and see what’s up. Plus she’s out of beer.

Psycho comes in and immediately starts apologizing IF she said or did anything to offend. Nat who should really put some clothes over those muffin tops, ain’t having it.

It might look like a Baby Bump but I’m guessing it’s a Beer Bump.

Psycho tries to blame her behavior on her other personalities but Nat tells her she ain’t buying that shit and they are grown ass women. Nat tells her she respects her for coming to her but don’t let it happen again. Psycho whispers to us basically that it will happen again.

Shelly,Tasha and Prissy arrive home from the hotel and Shelly calls her he/she/it significant other. Sounds like a girl to me. I’m not sure why Shelly made it sound like she was dating a species other than human because Don’t Ask/Don’t tell was repealed by Obama. As far as I know you can serve your country gay straight, bi or anything other than Klinger.

I think I’d rather do the blur.

After the phone call, Prissy, Tasha and Shelly go to their destroyed room and are not pleased.

Tasha, Prissy and Shelly run to the miracle room(also known as the makeup room) to find out who fucked up their room. No one cops to it and they start thinking Baby did it. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that Psycho did that shit. HELLO!

Baby knows Psycho did it but doesn’t want to rat her ass out.

Tasha and Prissy are in confessional yapping about having glass and shit spread all over her bed and Psycho comes flying in to deny it. Psycho runs in and interrupts and claims she was harmed too and apologizes and blah blah blah.

Psycho promises to clean up the shit. Until they start talking about smooshed up muffins which Psycho denies  the camera doesn’t and flashes on her dumping the muffins on the bed.

Everyone seems to be cleaning except Psycho and then she and Baby have a spat.

Here we go with the “I’m in your face now what?”

Nothing as usual that’s what.

There’s more screaming as Shelly pulls Baby away and then Baby grabs for VooPoo(my name for Psycho’s doll).

Shelly manages to pull Baby away but she is all fired up and says she was the only friend Psycho had and now that’s done.

Cut to the girls admiring a skull that Shelly’s girlfriend gave to her. It is special to her. That means it’s a goner.

OH skull, we barely knew ye.

Tasha and Prissy take off for a heartfelt lunch. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Holy shit I just saw my ex husband!

Speaking of karma…hahahahahahaha!

Back at the house, Shelly, clever girl that she is decides that if she hides VooPoo it will drive Psycho nuts and she’ll leave. Ya know where she hides her? Under the bed. I bet she failed first grade twice.

Down the stairs they go to make dinner and then go outside and chat. Shelly is so lucky to have someone to love and who loves her and blah blah blech!

Psycho arrives home and realizes her VooPoo is missing(I want one of those, are ya listening Oxygen?). The other girls are in the makeup room getting ready and Baby runs in to warn the girls that Psycho knows her VooPoo is GONE!

It doesn’t take much for Psycho to realize hat Shelly is the one who took VooPoo and she wastes no time in retaliating. She runs outside and throws (something) into the lake. Methinks this was a staged event but I’ll play along. As she throws the skull she screams “I got the voodoo for you bitch!”.

Take that fake throwing of a skull!!!!

Psycho runs back upstairs and asks who did what to VooPoo and Shelly said she did and Psycho tells her she hopes she can swim because she just threw her skull in the lake.

Shelly is all “My Girlfriend gave me that.” Shelly announces that for that the bitch must die.

I love this show!!!!!

They go back and forth arguing about who cared more for what object . Shelly tells Psycho that she can return her VooPoo like that. Can Psycho return her skull. Psycho says no you can.

Psycho blows a kiss at her and it comes to an end. While the others are putting their faces on Psycho goes outside to talk….to herself.

I’m Jesus y’all!

AS she drinks wine she talks about having eyes in the back of her head and that she is Jesus. Where has this girl been all my life???? Even she realizes the tracks are coming off the rails but she hobbles off muttering to herself anyway.

The girls hit the town for night two.

So far so good.

Poor Bustass tells us she has no rhythm  and dances like a white girl. I am a white girl. I sympathize. She’s been practicing so she thinks she’s getting it lol.

Next we see Psycho hooching it up all over the place and as Bustass says “showing her wolf monkey.” For those of you who don’t get that it’s her hairy bush. Also known as a “wolf puss.”

People who show off their “Wolf Monkeys” shouldn’t throw hair balls!

While most of the girls are having fun this one seems to have an issue.

OK Psycho lets not be too predictable.

She even goes into the bathroom and drinks out of someone else’s drink. Bustass tries to get her to drink some water but she ain’t having it. Bustass loses it and slings Psycho onto the floor. Psycho then starts throwing shit at some random dude and now she is being escorted outside.

I’m gonna need to pat you down officer man.

Psycho keeps repeating “I’m creole bitch.” “I am the party.” The cop keeps telling her she’s gonna get into trouble and she says “Trouble for what? Being real?”

Inside the celebration continues as the girls think she’s gone for good.

Meanwhile Psycho is working her magic on the man in blue.

She even convinces him to give her a hug and he can’t help but laugh.

Guess it beats getting shot at.

Later they all pile into the limo and Psycho is still in drunk speak and her excuse for everything is that she is creole. As she tries to name off her accomplishments of the night to Nat Shelly reminds her that she got her ass kicked OUT of the club.

Jesus please put a toilet drop in in this bitches mouth!

As Nat tells us Psycho ain’t just missing some screws, them screws are gone.

Psycho gets out of the limo at the house mumbling that she is the main attraction and the bitch that runs the motherfucking club. Oh delusion, tis so sweet.

She walks in the house and says everyone wants to be mean to her and then starts destroying shit immediately.

Ooopsy!!!!!!!!!

Upstairs Tasha and Prissy are talking about getting Psycho some rabies shots and taping up the doorway. When Psycho sees it she says “No matter what you do I still got the voodoo.”

Seriously? That’s supposed to keep her out? Sneeze and it’s a goner!

Then she starts tearing tape down while Bustass prays. Seriously.

While ya have him on the line could ya ask him to let me lose 50 pounds really fast?

Shelly meanwhile gets VooPoo out from under her bed and starts humping her. And then………………she disembowels her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MAKE IT STOP!MAKE IT STOP! THE HORROR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She pulls as much stuffing out as she can and then throws it at Psycho. Shelly will now be referred to as Shitty.

Psycho tells everyone to get out of her room and Shitty announces she is ready for a new roommate. Then Psycho starts shit talking and back and forth they go. Shitty decides to keep it up until Psycho hits her and that way she will have to go home. And she gets what she wants…sort of.Psycho pushes Shitty in the face and Shitty starts screaming for security immediately. Poor lil Psycho and her half stuffed VooPoo are sent to a hotel and Psycho has a meltdown.

She tells us she might be crazy and shit but she has feelings.

The next morning Shitty gets an email from her girlfriend saying she can’t visit. It seems when you join the military you sign away your rights and you belong to them. DUH. Pretty sure the US military doesn’t want to be associated with the BGC ya know?

She pulls Nat aside and explains her pain and not being able to see her loved one, who may go off to war never to return, oh and also she needs sex real bad.

Guess who’s back y’all?

Poor lil VooPoo.

Shitty sees her first and becomes the town crier. Everyone goes to look and she tells them she is NOT going home.

Then she goes and calls her Mom I guess for some sort of support.

I love Mama Psycho.

The others meanwhile take all her luggage and put it at the end of the street. Ok I know she’s nuts, but damn people. Grow some balls. Are we gonna have to rename the show “The Bad Girl Club?”

Shitty says to us that Psycho is a dog and dogs belong outside. Tell that to my Pekapug whose sleeping on my pillow right now!

As Psycho starts to go outside to eat she sees her luggage at the end of the driveway and turns around to a hoard of vultures screeching “This is a family and you don’t belong.” Psycho tells them she’s an only child so basically suck it.

One of them is spraying shit at her and when she goes out the door Shitty locks it.

Next we see Psycho sitting out back trying to drink her drink but she’s shaking. As Psycho talks to herself Shitty shows up and tells her she needs to leave “their” house and starts pulling on her.

That’s the first thing I’ve seen Shitty do on her own.

She manages to get her on her feet and then she is surrounded by the others screaming crap at her.

Chubby stuff just might find herself at the bottom of the lake with her skull if Psycho catches her alone.

Finally Nat comes out and tells them all to bring this shit inside. Tasha tells us that Psycho has a lot of “issues” like the fact that she carries her purse everywhere she goes.

Carrying your purse all the time is not so weird, I mean she could be eating her own boogers for fucksake.

Once back inside Shitty forces Psycho out again and Nat has started to realize that Shitty might just be a bully.

While Psycho stands outside with her drink and her luggage the others rehang Tasha’s picture but Psycho’s pic is gone.

Later Nat goes and gets Psycho and sits her down for a chat. Nat tells us she’s never had a one on one it’s always been a double team or a triple team on her. Nat starts with asking her if she’s staying. She says yes. Nat tells her she packed her bags because they all want her gone and she’s gonna tell her why.

I ain’t leaving! Who said that?What? I’m Jesus!

Nat tells her this has nothing to do with the others they don’t even know she is out there. Psycho tells her that they all yell at her instead of talking, except for Nat, and they yell at her for no reason. Excuse me……hahhahahhaahhaha!!!!

Nat gives Psycho a refresher course in why people get upset with her. Nat tells her that as a woman she is now coming to her and she expects her to fix it. Psycho promises she will because she doesn’t want to wake up every morning with people mad at her. Nat tells her that she’s giving her a chance and if she fucks it up it will make her look like Boo Boo the Fool and that can’t happen. At this point all is well.

Cut to Shitty and her girlfriend calling her to explain again how she has no rights and she can’t see her. They decide it’s best if Shitty doesn’t go see her either. After she gets off the phone Tasha tries to help by saying it’s not like it’s your Mom or Dad and who knows if she’s gonna be there for you ya know. I’m thinking pep talks aren’t her strong suit.

MOre words of wisdom from Bug Eyed Tasha. She doesn’t think Shitty is weak she just thinks she’s lonely but you aren’t supposed to need anyone else only yourself.

But then who will open the frickin pickle jars Miss Independent?

Over in the kitchen Baby is admitting to Psycho that she thought she was cool in the beginning and she doesn’t care if she’s a nutcase. Psycho replies that they all are. They apologize to each other and hug it out.

Psycho tells us as an only child she just wanted to come in the house and make friends. Next thing ya know Baby is on the counter “pouncing.”

Whatever blows your dress up!

Psycho tells us it feels good to have other people to “conversate” with besides her voodoo doll.

Not kidding Oxygen, I want one!

The next morning everyone is happy except Shitty. She tells Nat if she doesn’t come have a cigg with her, then Psycho will want to talk to her and it won’t be nice. Nat tells her she is a grown ass woman. Shitty whines that it will be all awkward and she doesn’t forgive her and it will take at least a month of Psycho acting straight. Nat just stares at her.

Nat tells us that she has realized that Shitty has no backbone and cannot do anything alone and she’s weak.

Shitty’s version outside to Tasha and Prissy is that she is taking the high road by not speaking to her. Get over yourself diva! It’s the Bad Girls Club not the Pinky Swear Posse. If you are scared of her admit it and if you are just an unforgiving bitch admit that too.

Did you have to kill a peacock for fashion?

Psycho says if her name is not in their mouths they have nothing else to talk about. That’s true but ya gotta admit, ya gave them a lot of material.

Bug Eyed Tasha says maybe she needs help but she’s not really into that and Shitty says she needs an intervention. And a makeover and a good douche. Funny how they never say that shit TO HER!

These three brain trusts have decided that maybe they need to sit her down and explain how she should act. Prissy by the way, talks like a third grader reading a 5th graders book.

Prissy goes and gets Psycho who is unaware that she’s about to be schooled on how to be a human.

Head Master Shitty

Shitty starts off by saying they called this meeting because they feel like they don’t know her. You need 2 other people for that? Here’s a thought…ask a fucking question! Shitty feels that all they know is her drunk, name dropping side. And?

Psycho plays along and says she knows that we all have something crazy about us but she’s really cool and nice. Drunk Psycho she says is really OC but as a person she is really really nice.

Shitty wants to know what was going through her head when she threw the skull in the lake. She tells her she was just so mad after having the pizza(that she herself spit on) and the booze poured on her. Hell she was drunk she doesn’t know why the fuck she did anything.

Suddenly Morticia chimes in and asks “what if we were as immature as you are, and you are, you can’t say you’re not. I’m just keeping it 100.”

Morticia is in serious need of a face lift. Or a bag.

Before long this whole thing turns into another screaming match aimed at Psycho. To illustrate Psycho’s feelings of having these bugs constantly coming at her I give you……………..

She might be nuts but she sure is fun!

More back and forth until finally Tubby Shitty Shelly goes in the house where Nat has had enough. She heard what all went down and she has no respect for bitches who cannot stand on the own and Shitty is made of Jello.

When Shitty asks Nat what the problem is Nat doesn’t want to talk about it. Then she tells her she doesn’t have a problem with what she did but how she did it. Shitty says she needed someone to help calm her down and Nat says “You needed someone to suck your dick while you said what you had to say?”

I cannot express how much I love her right now!

LOVE!LOVE!LOVE!LOVE!

Shitty calls her a judgmental something and in confessional Nat explains that Shitty better get a backbone and handle her shit because she’s tired of it and she’s about to pop off on her ass. Did I mention I love her?

Love & Voodoo Smooches,

Cherie