Since the twits took a week off I was almost starting to miss them. Then I sobered up and remembered who I was talking about.
So last time ended with Boobs choking the shit out of Cuntucky. Seems Boobs ain’t as laid back and proper as she has pretended because she brought some trashy ass peeps over and the girls were not happy. Here’s a reminder…
Ain’t they sweet?
Security jumped in, or rather kinda walked in but this continued for a while.
The quickest way to subdue a perp is to cop a feel.
It’s absolute chaos with girls dragging each other across the floor, inside outside, everywhere.
Here we go again. Char decides that bitch (Boobs) has got to go. She keeps screaming “Roll tape!” Uh duh? They keep flashing back and forth but the main gist is that Boobs is trash and she brought trashy ass people over so she must go.
While security has gotten the riff raff out of the house, Botox is still losing it as is Cuntucky. Then they run upstairs and throw all of Boobs shit on the lawn.
Woof Woof is having a nice lil’ nappy.
Knock knock! Cops here!Damn they are slow.
Get used to it dudes.
As Char-Oprah tells us, the cops have arrived and it is basically determined that everyone hit everyone so no charges will be filed because if one side files the other will and who needs that much paper work? Char-Oprah tells us they will just have to work things out themselves.
When Woof Woof finally awakens Dickie tells her what happened and Woof wants to know why she didn’t wake her up. Well………………
If a cop can’t wake you up, it’s time for an intervention.
Cuntucky joins the discussion and Woof Woof asks her why they didn’t wake her. Apparently she is still drunk. Dickie tells her they packed all of Boobs shit and it’s in the driveway.
I thought that WAS Boobs in the driveway.
Later there’s a long boring story about Dickie and her parents and then the girls are off to party! The plan is for every girl to bring a dude home. Char-Oprah chit chats with a dude named Earl for a bit but it soon becomes clear she needs an escape hatch.
Char-Oprah preaches about how hard it is to find a man in L.A. and also she has decided to take a backseat to her roomies because they always find the cute guys and she refuses to fight over a guy.
Meanwhile Botox has snagged a dude. Dickie sees that Cuntucky has a dude who has a friend and she decides to take one for the team and suck his tongue out of his face.
Apparently Dickie was a lizard in a former life.
What the fuck gave it away?
Zach and Nick go home with the girls and Char-Oprah moves to another room because she doesn’t want to hear any bootie slappin’ going on. Dickie decides that she will not be having sex however Cuntucky ain’t quite so shy.
Y’all, those are CUNTUCKY’S feet!!!!
Meanwhile Dickie and her boy are playing like two little boys. Punching each other, acting goofy. They do end up sleeping in the same bed but she swears there was no sex and absolutely no cuddling. I’m thinking more along the lines of a fart contest.
Cuntucky tells us that the dude is good for hooking up with but she would never date him.
After they leave we begin to hear shark music……
Fresh back from her stay at a hotel to “cool off” or rather sober up, she is full of spunk and ready for trouble. Word spreads quickly through the house.
Dickie takes her aside and explains that she isn’t wanted. Boobs doesn’t give a shit. She claims all she did was pull Botox’s hair and that they all jumped her. Ha! Not quite dingbat. She denies punching Botox but then also says she is from Norfolk,VA and once you get her started that’s it. (Insert sound of my head exploding)
In the end Boobs doesn’t care who thinks what, she is here to stay.
Telephone! Boobs answers and it’s Beet Head calling from home. Boobs thinks that when Beet comes back they will be like two peas in a pod.
Uncle Smuncle, let me tell my side before the ho’s get to you.
In the kitchen however, Cuntucky is all in Boobs face telling her to get out of her face and go to her room. The each say they don’t like each other and call each other extras. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Boobs tells us that Cuntucky needs to shut her mouth because she isn’t going to be pushed around by Char’s followers and she is here to stay. We shall see.
Next we see Boobs picking up Beet Head at the airport. They act like they are the best friends in all the land. Beet tells us she is here to do herself and not deal with a bunch of drama.
Good luck with that shit.
Beet gets in the car and they are all girly screamy and happy to see each other. Then Boobs immediately starts telling Beet not to be too nice and the other girls will take that as weakness and blah blah blah! Boobs says that Char-Oprah is just too damn old and is trying to look at this as a learning experience.
All the girls come running to see Beet and Cuntucky tells us she thinks there is more to her leaving than her Uncle being injured. The next thing we see is Beets ass because she fell while helping her uncle up and down the stairs.
What? Never seen a red hairy ass crack before?
After the showing of the ass crack, Char tries to tell Beet what really happened but Beet is wanting to stay middle of the road. Char is not happy about this shit at all. Beet makes it plain she is going to be friends with everybody. We will see how long that lasts.
More bonding upstairs between Beet and Boobs. It’s gonna be so much fun! Yay!!!!
Dickie and Cuntucky are off to the tatt shop. Dickie wants to get her inner lip touched up with GTL. Oh for fucksake.
At first Cuntucky was just there for support but she decides to get Fuck You on her inner lip.
Well at least now she’ll have something to look at when her teeth fall out.
Back at home Char is not impressed. She’s not surprised either since she says that Dickie and Cuntucky are so immature and Cuntucky is like Dickie’s puppy.
Oh Lord, Beet is on the phone with Bennie her boy toy. She tells him she misses him and she wants them to be a couple. A real couple. He agrees. She says she will keep her hands to herself and be only his. Excuse me a sec…..hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahaha! Oh these girls do crack me up.
Will they live happily ever after or will she bone the first guy she meets tonight?
Downstairs Char is holding a meeting about how they all went out and had a great time and came home and got attacked. Boobs walks in and says that’s not how it happened. Uh, yeah it kinda is. They will never agree and I wish they would shut up. Beet claims that Boobs friends were just taking up for Boobs and that Char’s friends would do the same. Shut the fuck up you beet headed cunt, you weren’t even there! Sorry, momentary hissy fit.
Char gets all high and mighty and proclaims that she and her friends are older and therefore much more mature and would have handled the situation properly. I don’t know who I want to slap harder.
Someone wake me when Oprah goes off.
Night falls and Boobs goes to sleep. Char however seems to be on a mission. She sees where Boobs wrote that Beet was her BFF and takes offense. She thinks it’s stupid and tells Beet so. They start arguing and Char keeps telling Beet to get her insecurities together. I’m confused. Char is the one freaking over 2 people she should care less about but Beet Head is the insecure one? UGH!
On and on Char rambles and Beet asks her why can’t she just listen. Char replies,”Cause at the end of the day I’m learning how to learn to listen.” Somebody punch that twat in the head please!
Shut her up PLEASE!
Finally after lots more “Y’all ain’t going to gang up on me I got friends back home I don’t need no bitches and tons of other nonsense that shouldn’t even be an issue, all falls quiet. Until morning.
The bitches have mail. A package that tells them that they are all going away for the weekend to…..wait for it…..SAN FRANCISCO!
You know your season sux ass when you don’t even get to leave the state.
Seriously Oxygen? You won’t even spring for them to go to, oh I don’t know, Arizona,Utah, Mars?While the girls run around and pack and get ready for their trip, I can’t stop giggling. I mean nothing against San Francisco, but they are already in California. Don’t they usually get to go someplace that requires a plane? Off they go. And upon arriving at their hotel are greeted by this.
Except across state lines.
They are all screaming and excited at the sight of their rooms. Especially Woof Woof who has discovered a safe deposit box and almost has an orgasm. I’m not trying to be snooty, but damn. These rooms,are a wee bit low rent.
More screaming and drinking and celebrating.
Now that is classy.
And look, they even got to build their own beds!
Man you know the economy sux when the BGC goes rustic. I’m not trying to be rude, it just comes naturally, but that is a crap room. Moving along, in the other crappy room, Beet is whining about Char and her clique and how much she hates it and blah blah blech shut the fuck up already. Boobs is all “I told you so.”
Finally the skankies get ready and Dickie decides she’s going as Snooki.
Whoever invented Bumpits should have several shoved up their ass.
All the girls are horrified as well they should be. Botox begs her to let her lower that thing but nope, she wants to look as idiotic as possible. Botox proclaims she will not be sitting anywhere near her.
Beet Head has joined the happy room but is irritated. Shocker. They all ask why and she says its all the screaming and being cooped up in a car and wah wah wah. Put your big girl panties on and go get drunk like a proper skank!
At the restaurant, Dickie makes a toast that they all have a great time or go home. All are smiling except Debbie Downer and her clown colored hair.
Even Botox is letting bygones be bygones so they can have some fun. Yay.
Yet while everyone else is laughing,dancing and drinking, Woof Woof has gotten herself trapped in a corner with Little Miss ThunderClap and needs to run for cover.
Just gnaw your arm off. It’ll be totally worth it.
Beet Head keeps yapping about how it should be seven women able to work out their differences and Holy Christ I can’t listen anymore. MAKE HER GO AWAY!
She mumbles some more depressing shit and then we have guys. Geeky looking guys but guys none the less.
I think he just wants to see if his is bigger than hers.
Dickie has had a little too much to drink because she’s at the point where she is telling people she loves them. They are all having a good time even with Boobs. Boobs even kisses Cuntucky on the mouth. Screams and laughter all around.
Uh oh. What have we here?
That’s NOT Bennie. You know, her guy she just made a full commitment to.
She wastes no time in telling him she is bisexual and so of course his interest is aroused…among other things. Char is looking on in disgust. As am I.
Then suddenly it looks like even Boobs and Char have buried the hatchet.
Boob Shakin’. Universal sign of hatchet burying.
Then more of this crap……..
Thanks for sharing.
Oh Lord Dickie is at it again. She is kissing her dude but hold up! What is this???
Did she even make it through a day of this new commitment to Bennie?
The other girls have really taken notice and are as disgusted as I am.
Ya don’t say.
Beet Head pulls away and says she has to remain on point. Pretty sure he was convinced you were headed to his point. She tells us Bennie wants to be with her and her alone and she owes that to him. Meanwhile, Not Bennie is begging but she still says no.
Some sailor dude tries to come on to Cuntucky but she waves his ass away and tells him he has to go.
Out at the limo, Dickie is so drunk she is face down with her ass in the air.
You puke in the limo and the driver’s gonna be really mad.
As the girls try to reassure her she claims she’s gonna die and then goes completely incoherent. When they get to the hotel, she takes off running and we hear sounds of puking lol.
The “Please Lord let me make it to the bushes before I hurl” run.
The next morning even Beet Head seems to be in a good mood. They are going sailing. Oh hell. Poor Dickie.
Holy shit she looks like Steven Tyler with a face lift.
They get to the docks and Opie here tells them that as they are sailing the Blue Angels are going to be doing fly bys.
Sorry he looks more like an Opie to me.
All aboard!!! Everyone of them has on high heels. What part of sailing screams high heels? When they get to their boat one of them says “It looks kinda rusty.” LOLOLOL!!!
Char gets to actually steer the boat towards the Golden Gate Bridge. It’s really pretty out there and all are in heaven except for Dickie.
Walk the plank ye bitches!
I’m quite sure several of them either know or will know such a facility soon.
They are all really in a good mood except for Beet Head who hasn’t said a word and of course poor Dickie who probably doesn’t have the capacity to speak right now.
I can almost feel her pain.
Boobs tells us the vibe with the girls is really good and she is starting to like some of them and she hopes it lasts when they get home. Awwww, it won’t but thanks for playing.
All good things must end and the girls pile into their cars. Beet Head almost hits a dude and has to back up and it looks like she can’t drive for shit. Dickie offers to drive and Beet gets pissed and says “Bro, I don’t wanna hear about it!”
That bitch needs to go. She’s not even fun to make fun of anymore.
Back at the hotel Boobs asks Beet why she came there. Beet says to have fun and learn about herself. You are a trashy whore. See if you had just asked me you could have stayed at home. More heart to heart crap and then Beet tells us this so called truce is fake.
Off to the restaurant they go. Just as they are getting ready to eat, Beet announces “I’ve lost myself.”
Fuck me running!
She decides she needs to make herself happy and tells the others she is not feeling well and is going to go sleep. No one cares. They are already talking about her replacement.
The happy girls continue partying around town while Beet goes and packs her crap.
Beet Head tells us she’s done with the drama in the house because it’s stressful. The only one causing drama now is you.
The last shot we see of her is her trying to make a pay phone work and beating the shit out of it when it doesn’t. She tells us she is a strong woman but she would have lost herself in this house and bleeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Cut to Beet Head montage. Gotta say, not gonna miss her.
Until next week,
Love and Smooches,