The girls returned home from the No Tell Motel in San Fran and were in great spirits despite the loss of Beet Head. Woof Woof and Boobs play a fun game of titty twister.
They are brokenhearted.
It’s good that Beet left because I was tired of trying to figure out what looked worse, her yellow skin or purple hair. Plus I am sure her dealer, I mean family missed her.
Woof Woof is packing the rest of Beets shit and can’t believe she left everything behind. Char-Oprah decides that that bedroom is cursed and Boobs is going home next. Boobs says she knows Char-Oprah wants her to but she’s not going. Laughs and giggles and love all around.
As Woof Woof, Cuntucky, Boobs and Botox continue to play grab ass, Char-Oprah is downstairs on the phone. She tells her friend that nobody fucks with her in this house. “Whatever I roll with, they roll with.” Then she giggles and says she runs this house. I am not even one page in and I need a big bucket of booze.
I bet her real name is Gayle.
Char-Oprah continues to tell her friend that she is with a bunch of immature, young girls and that she herself is always coming from a stance of maturity. First of all she is like 3 years older than most of them and second of all, she’s full of shit.
Cut to a montage of Char-Oprah being mature.
I’m touching you! I’m touching you!
She tells her friend she doesn’t call people ugly or fat and God bless the editors for showing footage of her psycho ass doing just that. She tells her friend she’s just being herself and then has a paranoid moment and suddenly says “But these bitches might try to turn on me in a little bit.” But Char-Oprah, that could never happen since you run the house with your mature ass.
Upstairs we go to the make up room where they have decided they are going to a sports bar to watch football and drink beer and get boys. Char-Oprah says her main three things she wants to do in this house is have fun, meet boys and change. BOYS? She must mean men surely. And what on earth does she need to change. She’s perfect.
Dickie is especially happy because it’s Sunday Funday and that means football all the time. Yay.
Cut to Henry’s Hat and Dickie is already drunk and burping and acting nutty. Char is so above all this that she announces to the dude next to her that she comes from a corporate job and she is used to being around very mature people.
Uhhhh, I’m sorry. Do we know each other?
Time for a small hissy fit. If this bitch is so fucking mature, then why the hell did she quit her CORPORATE JOB to come to the BGC???? And oh by the way, she probably managed a McDonald’s for fucksake. Idiot.
Cuntucky hears Char-Oprah say this shit and rolls her eyes. The girls keep giggling and burping and Char keeps telling us how immature they are and blah blah blah.
I could do without this bitches monkey faces though.
Dickie goes to the bathroom as Char-Oprah just sits and pouts and rolls her eyes. Boobs says she hopes she doesn’t look like that when she’s drunk and Cuntucky is all “I like it!” She is shocked by how much they have in common because she didn’t like Dickie at first. She tells us this makes her want to go home and talk to people she doesn’t like because she would just say she doesn’t like people without even getting to know them. See what a difference Char-Oprah has made in her life. I need a tissue.
Oh hell, back at the house the phone rings. Char-Oprah answers and it’s Benny asking for Beet Head. Char-Oprah tells him she no longer lives there. He had no clue. Char is all sickly sweet with him and trying to comfort him. Cut to her talking to the camera and saying “Sydney(Beet) here’s a message for you. Let your boyfriend know the business before you leave. Uhm, maybe Bennie will come and I’ll hook up with him. We’ll just see BITCH!” and she makes a gross ass face.
Put some freakin’ makeup on, your maturity is showing!
Next we see Woof Woof with Botox in the kitchen. Woof says “I’m about to lose my bird.” Seems these two are sick and Woof is taking some cold medicine. Next we see her in confessional and she tells us she’s hot, achy, and she has the shakes and that she wants to tell people that there are fucking bugs in there and it’s scaring the shit out of her. And she jumps up in the chair.
Lay off the cold medicine Olive Oyl.
The other girls are going out. Boobs is excited because she wants to see how Char acts when she doesn’t have her followers around.
At the club they are all dancing. Except Dickie. I think her jock strap is pinching.
Back at the house we have deep conversation going on. It seems Botox has no real connection to anyone back home because her father was never around and her Mom is a drunk. Way to bum people out Botox.
Back at the club Dickie has spotted some not so fresh meat.
Apparently she wants to fuck a dwarf.
Dickie tells us that Sean is a cutie and he loves the Yankees and is from the East Coast. That’s the criteria? And he is sooooo NOT cute. Then again Dickie is a beady eyed freak so there ya go.
Dickie motions over to Char and acts like she’s reeling in a fish and then Char makes this face.
Char-Oprah and her flaring nostrils disapproves.
Meanwhile Sean is telling Dickie he can’t wait to snuggle with her in bed and kiss her on the nose. She tells him she is so mad at him right now she could punch him in the mouth. Oh I see, foreplay. Then they start sucking face.
Char-Oprah is as grossed out as I am and she tells Boobs that the dude is lame. She decides to go dispense her wisdom on Dickie and tells her that her dude is a little shady. Dickie agrees and walks off. Now Dickie is pissed and says her truce with Char is now over.
Char tells Cuntucky and Boobs that that is embarrassing. What the fuck does it have to do with her? It’s gross but why should that embarrass her?
More dancing and more gross faces.
I think this bitch is having small strokes.
Oh crap. She’s baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!
When she says “I run L.A.” I think she means I run around L.A. looking for cameras.
Dickie is thrilled to see Batshit (Natalie) and they bond over being bad bitches. Batshit announces yet again that she runs L.A. and some shit about partying “RIGHT NOW!”
Batshit’s weave is still hideous.
And so it begins. Char-Oprah is about to lose it.
Yes we see that.
Check out Cuntucky’s dropped open mouth.
Well you have already failed. Miserably.
Char-Oprah is beyond pissed that Cuntucky and Dickie even spoke to Batshit. And of course she finds it embarrassing.
Uh oh, the veins in her neck are gonna blow!
She does on a regular basis but not as much as your ass.
Hey dingbat it’s a public place!
You sure are.
The limo heard this and drove itself into a brick wall.
Go away already for fucksake!
Good go back to the nursing home Granny!
Char-Oprah tells them to make themselves look like clowns she’s gone. Thank the Lord.
They arrive back home and Char-Oprah literally runs up the stairs to tell Botox and Woof Woof the horrible embarrassing news. Char-Oprah then tells us that this is BGC6 and no other season member will be allowed to party with them. This bitch is so delusional she really does think she runs the house.
Downstairs Char-Oprah makes fun of Cuntucky to Woof Woof while Cuntucky is standing right there. She says “I’m sorry y’all she’s my favorite.” Woof Woof decides it is embarrassing. Shut up Woof.
Cuntucky tells Woof she doesn’t have to explain herself she can like who she likes she is woman hear her roar!
Char makes Woof promise she won’t get to a point where she does something that gets her sent home and then hops around in a most mature fashion and calls the girls losers.
That’s you alright.
The next day Cuntucky is talking about Char and how she ruins everything. Boobs says she has a mother if she wants advice and Cuntucky says she doesn’t need Char hanging over her shoulder judging everything she does. Dickie is thrilled and tells us that her plan is working perfectly because everyone is turning on Char.
Downstairs Char and Woof are cleaning out the refrigerator and talking shit about Cuntucky’s hot dog eating ass. Woof tells her Cuntucky said Char wants her to hate everyone and Char says she doesn’t want her to hate anyone. She wants her to love herself enough to do some sit ups for that damn stomach. Then she says she’s going to buy her a girdle.
A bunch of boring shit happens and then we see Char-Oprah in her element talking to Botox . Botox tells her sob story in a little more detail. She ran away when she was twelve. She was at a friends house when some guys came in and grabbed her by the ankles and wrists and throws her into a van. They take her to rehab because she ran away and had a bad attitude.
Talk to me my child and I shall dispense wisdom.
Botox continues her sad tale by saying her Dad would give her credit cards with no limit when all she wanted was to watch a movie with him. Oh give me a fucking break. Stop trying to make me have emotions and cry and shit! I don’t like it. Besides the limitless credit card sounds really good to me.
Oh jeez. Char is moved by Botox’s sadness and tells us that she knows that she can give her the family unit she wants so badly from them. WHAT? Your ass can’t get along with anyone you think embarrasses you! Family unit?? It’s the Bad Girls fucking club you twit!
Then she says Oprah- like shit like “You have to break the cycle”. I wish someone would break her ass.
Suddenly it’s night again and Dickie is on the phone with Sean. And wearing the same dress she had on the night before. Sean and another dude are coming over and of course Char hates it and tells us that these men do not have jobs. Go suck something so you can’t speak anymore please.
The guys show up and it’s not long before they hop into bed. Boobs points at what looks like this dudes crotch and says “OMG what’s that?”
It’s his penis dear.
Char tells us that “Sean is over looking like Grandpa and his friend comes over looking like Nelson Mandela who like, discovered apartheid or something in South Africa.” Okie dokie. Bottom line is that these dudes are weak and unattractive and she’s over it. If only that were true.
Meanwhile Dickie and Mr. Clean drag their mattress out on the balcony to do their business. Dickie tells us that Char needs to pick up her game because she has brought more people home and gotten more numbers and basically Char needs to get laid.
The next morning Mr. Clean brings Dickie some water then tells her he got it out of the toilet and she spits it out.
Yep. He’s a keeper.
Out by the pool Dickie asks Boobs boy toy if her boobs are real and he says “Yeah, I think.” Oh please. Dickie says she had fun with Sean but doesn’t know if he’s her type or even what her type is. Then they go bye bye. The dudes that is.
Dickie goes to gossip to Cuntucky and says she almost boned a grandfather. ALMOST? It seems Mr. Clean has a grandchild.
Cuntucky asks Boobs if she liked the guy with her and she says kinda but he kept trying to bone and he didn’t even want to put a condom on. Strangest thing about dudes, when you get naked in bed with them, they just assume you wanna bone! Go figure!
Oh great we get to hear a letter from Botox’s Dad. He says all the usual I miss you crap and then says that her Mom is going to AA and really trying to stay sober. Sigh.
Char tries to be supportive in her irritating way and says it sounds like her Mom is trying and Botox explains that she does this all the time. She’ll stay sober for about a month and then start drinking like David Hasselhoff again. Thanks for bringing this recap to a screaching halt again.
Oh look. Char is maturely airing out her cooter.
Char’s Dad was an alkie also and it took until she was 25 for him to get straight. Botox has bonded with most of the house and feels like it makes up for not having a family. Really? A bunch of crazy idiotic hobags makes up for not having a family? I give up.
Finally everyone is getting ready to go out. Except for Woof cause she has the plague.
At the bar the drinks are a flying and one of them asks “Who’s at the bar with Lauren(Cuntucky)?” Then Char says this.
She’s informative just like Oprah.
Char thinks he’s cute but does she go up and ask if he’s available? Nope. She does this.
Now who is being embarrassing?
Who the hell does that? That is so lame and stupid. Cuntucky tells her to go give him her number but Char likes her idea better so she writes the stupid note and Dickie takes it to him.Then some girl walks over and is pissed.
Yes, yes she was. Beat the crap out of her!
Char denies she was hitting on anyone and says “Thank you, goodbye.” Not so fast ho. The girl wants to know what the note was about then? Char admits it was from her but then asks the girl what she’s gonna do about it. Char keeps saying “Goodbye”. The girl tells her she sent a note like a seventh grader. Char goes to the toilet and Cuntucky says this
The problem here is that Botox is at the table and now Cuntucky has pissed her off. She doesn’t say anything at the time but warns that “We’re gonna do something about it.”
On the way home Botox makes fun of Cutucky’s accent and Cuntucky is not thrilled.
Once inside the house Cuntucky asks Botox and Char if they need to say anything and Char responds in some stupid accent that no she doesn’t want to hear it. Botox and Char giggle and go into another room.
More footage of Char and Botox doing a southern accent from hell.
Cuntucky is about to lose it and tells Boobs so. Char hears her and tells her, in a southern accent to come down there and tell her. And she calls her a dumb broad.
Boobs goes to take off her shoes before the shit hits the fan. Cuntucky is in her closet when Char comes in and in the other stupid accent asks again if she has anything to say and Cuntucky loses it and says no and pushes her away. Botox loses it and screams, “Don’t push her!” Two against one. That seems fair.
Char tells Cuntucky she is the biggest follower in the house and when Boobs tries to get in between them, Char pushes her way causing Cuntucky to scream, “Don’t push her!” Insults are flying back and forth. You’re country. You’re fat. You’re old. Then Char jumps in Cuntucky’s face and says “By the time you are 27 you are gonna look like Oprah!” And then it’s on.
Someones boobies are loose.
Why are Botox’s arms at her side?
Seriously, she doesn’t fight back but keeps throwing herself at Cuntucky who is basically pulling her around the room by her head. Here comes security. Oh by the way, as soon as the fighting started Char walked her happy ass away.
Both Botox and Cuntucky get sent to a hotel for the night. They should put them in the same room lol.
Char is still rambling on and on about how Cuntucky talks shit all the time but when she does it she gets hit. Excuse me but I think your friend took most of the hits while you escaped like a scared rabbit.
Dickie packs a bag and writes Cuntucky a note congratulating her on “gutting” Char.
Char’s rantings continue. I can’t listen to her stupid ass anymore.
The phone rings and it’s Botox telling Char that all she tried to do was stand up for her family……………migraine……….it’s arrived.
I got yo back boo for realz!
Next Char starts talking about how there is supposed to be drama because it’s the BGC.
Cuntucky arrives home first and starts talking to Dickie. Char walks in and starts up immediately. She asks Cuntucky if she had fun sleeping in her barn last night. Cuntucky says she isn’t going to waste her breath and then Char says “What you say?” and Cuntucky repeats herself causing Char to say “You’re talking to me now!” over and over. Cuntucky tells her to go work out and Char says Cuntucky needs to and on and on and on.
Char, symbol of maturity.
Botox comes home and says nothing as she passes Cuntucky. Char says to Botox, the beluga whale has been quiet all morning, she must be sick. On and on. Insult after insult.
Then Botox finds the note Dickie wrote to Cuntucky and runs to show Char. Char was in the shower when Woof and Botox showed her the note and she wraps a towel around herself and goes to find Dickie.
Lame ass ho.
All Char does is give the note to Dickie and ask if she wrote it and then mumbles some shit about how she’s not allowed to hit her. Then she goes on a tirade about how she has never said one spiteful thing. She admits she said “I think you fat, I think you look like a man in a dress.” She says she has been nothing but nice to these ho’s. REALLY?
Outside by the pool Char-Oprah has returned in full force. She tells Boobs that she always tries to fix people who have flaws but she can’t change everyone. Awwwwwwww. So sweet. And a load of shit. That girl needs medication.
See she’s possessed!
Boobs is all wah wah I’m stuck in the middle.
Char says that they argue and bicker but they still respect each other in the morning and that’s the thing that “they” can’t do. Oh you mean like how you were respecting Cuntucky this morning? Bitch go sell your crazy shit somewhere else. You are a bore.
Fuck a duck this episode will not end. Char doesn’t understand where this notion even came from that she thought she ran the house. Cut to, you guessed it, a montage of Char saying she runs the house. UGH.
Finally it’s dark again which means they are going out. This time to see a show by Kimberly Cole. Botox tells us they aren’t speaking to Cuntucky or Dickie because they are too immature for them. Now she’s not just a follower she’s a fucking parrot too.
Once at the club the two groups split up and then a dude comes on stage and announces Natalie Nunn!
Maybe she does run L.A.
Batshit mumbles some shit about she and KC running L.A. together and then KC comes onstage and sings. All the while we see images of the shit that went on tonight.
After the show…
Of course you do.
Of course Char immediately says no. She tells us Batshit is the past and she’s over and done. Really? She’s about to be on stage while your stupid ass is in the crowd. Cuntucky and Dickie are the only ones who go.
Batshit is like awwwwwwwwwww. Hugs and kisses. Batshit goes onstage and announces the Bad Girls and then calls out the four followers in the crowd. Batshit asks who the other girls are and Cuntucky and Dickie yell, “NOBODIES!”
Suck it Char.
As soon as they are in the limo Char starts up. She wants to know who gets up on stage and calls someone out. Then she says it’s ok cause everytime she hears her name she’s happy “And anybody dat don’t know dat can rotate up out dis carousel.”
Please rotate up off this planet.
Char tells us that Cuntucky and Dickie don’t get to her (Hahahahaha) and they are just mad because everybody loves her for the person they will never be. Oh my God make it end!!!!
Back home Cuntucky and Dickie are happy and laughing and they are also drawing shit on Char’s face.
Meanwhile Char starts walking around the house mumbling shit to herself. Then she goes to confessional and yells at the camera “Get on my level. Play wid it! I dare you to get on my level.”
Sorry I can’t get that low ho.
Dickie tells us it’s obvious that Char is mentally ill. She keeps repeating “Quiet as a mouse” and then she starts singing.
It’s gonna take more than your arm to block out that psycho’s noise.
That’s it for this week,
Love and Smooches,