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The old Twats are gone and now we have new Twats! Twits. Whatever. They have pictures of them to gawk at and make judgments about and stir the witchy pot before they actually arrive. According to Queen Ratchet herself they got two ratchets dog! Piggy says ” a black girl and a white.” Yay we can play dominoes, or chess or something. Schizo has no clue what the other girl is except maybe she’s Spanish. Piggy does know “We got 2 new girls. A brunette and a black girl with a bright ass yellow shirt on.” Didn’t know that was a criminal offense in Vegas since she has hair the color of a leprechaun’s pubes. She already hates yellow shirt because she reminds her of Dani. Back upstairs they turn into a coven which always happens when more than 2 girls get together at any given point. Don’t look at me like that you all know it’s true. And if there are three of you, two of you are talking about the third every damn time whichever third has to shit. They all giggle and wonder what they will be like and how they should treat them.
When did Betty Broderick get out of jail?
Piggy decides “they gone be like dolphins coming into a bunch of sharks.” Except actual dolphins would beach themselves and the sharks would bite their own asses off just to keep from encountering this much trash.
All of them fall in line including Elease who wants this shit to be bad because of what she went through.
Oh sweet Lord Piggy is trying to rap. I shall TRY to interpret.
“How dis sound?”
Ok that’s as far as I got.
Piggy explains that this is like a hobby, so she can relax. She writes little raps and tries to put a beat to them and some of the most greatest people on “erf” took a hobby and made a gazillion dollars off it. Yeah, I’d play the lotto first. Better odds.
Oh crap she keeps going with some lame shit about Jenna and her fake bag and she seems to really think she has talent. What fucking kind I have no clue.
Stinky meanwhile has been Twitter stalking Matt and found him flirting (OH MY) with another ho. Not happy. She sends his ass an evil message,email, tweet wtf ever and hopes she finds someone else. Good luck you crazy drunk ass whackadoo.
Schizo,Stinky and Piggy go out for lunch. While there guess who they meet?
He tells them he runs Vegas…………………just hang with me a moment I’m going to my happy place…..and shooting MOTHERFUCKERS WHO SAY THEY RUN ANYTHING!
He’s all music y’all. What a coinkidink. Piggy claims she can rap yo. She only has one track and it’s not like all legit and stuff but she would like to work with him. He has a studio and says they can record whatever she wants, one catch. Stinky has to come.
Jazzy leaves and Piggy is sooooo happy to be working with a REAL rap artist. Ok I get I’m a white girl from the south HOWEVER, am I the only one who has no clue who this fucker is? And before you even go there I do NOT like country music and I wish I had never heard Boot Scootin’ Boogie because I have nightmares about that shit. Unless you are reading this and are country fans, then bang them spoons with pride yeeeeeeeehaaaaaawwwwwwwww! I love you.
The first one up considers herself a sneaky son of a bitch. Her name is Christine.
Apparently she likes to do herself and never lets anyone else speak. She’d also rather have bad attention than no attention. I suspect no Dad in the picture and possible fetal alcohol syndrome when born.
Crazy new bitch number two is Camilla and she’s a tomboy kinda but wears heels and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
She loves to be naked. And she flirts with guys just cause she can. She also wears GIANT hoop earrings that I despise and have never understood. It’s like asking someone to snatch your fucking ear lobe clean through.
She has to put her foot down sometimes and she has taken anger management twice and that shit don’t work. Spend 1 hour with my Meemaw and you will cry if she even looks your way.
These two meet at an out door cafe and immediately bond over their hotness.
Christine has a boyfriend back home and he’s not too thrilled about her coming to Whore House Season 8. Altho they fight all the time she misses him and loves him and wahhhh she won’t last the episode.
Camilla is expecting to be tested and Christine almost wants someone to get in her face. Oh and they love each other. Yay.
Back at the house Elease is saying you have to earn your keep and maybe they need to go through what she went through. Yep officially on my shit list. If anything she should say that shit and then when they go after the other two, jump sides and kick some bitches asses.
Mimi whose hair is beginning to look like a horses tail suggests they charge them for paper towels. Ohhhhhhhh the horror. The limo has arrived and the rats scurry off back upstairs to look chill.
The new girls come screaming into the house and no one says a word. Then they see their pictures. One of them looks at Elease and says she looks cute but has a “stank face.” HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? You cannot be both!
The newbies finally find their way upstairs being very loud and irritating to all the stank faces in the room. At first no speaks to them but soon they get them to bragging about jumping the Twats and then they start introducing themselves. Christine asks where everyone is from and when she gets to Piggy, Piggy says Atlanta/New York. To which Christine says……
Piggy explains that no she is city dropping so she can look more legit or some shit. She was born in one and lives in the other. Giggles all around at the dumb/drunk girl.
Later in confessional the newbies both agree that “the ginger” has an attitude lololololol.
Christine is drunk off her ass and tries to bond with everyone and wants to go out and have a Fam night. Piggy says she ain’t got no family here and Christine claims yahuh we’re cousins! This one is definitely gonna be a mess.
Christine keeps repeating she’s nice and cool and if she doesn’t shut up soon I’m gonna hit her ass. The new Twits wanna go out but they are on their own. Schizo tells Christine that she is weird as hell but she likes her. Stinky thinks she’s a dolphin because they are all helpless and defenseless.
After more making fun of Dolphin the girls head out to drink and party while the coven stays home and talks shit about them.
At Club WhoCares Dolphin basically molests some old dude on the dance floor. It looks more like she’s choking his ass yet she tells him this………
Back at home Christine passes out like a blackout drunk. The next morning she calls her sister all weepy and sad sounding because she can’t get her boyfriend on the phone. She then announces she wants to come home. Schizo over hears this and actually has sympathy for her. She tells her to come talk to her after she gets off the phone. Schizo takes her outside and actually talks to her like a human and tries to reassure her that all is fine and to just hang in there. She also tells her to go wash her face and do NOT let anyone see her cry because it will make things worse. Damn, someone took their meds this morning.
Off to Piggy’s bitch of the day. Christine has her stuff all over Piggy’s area in the make up room. She’s pissed. As Piggy is yapping to Stinky and Schizo about her, she walks in and Piggy tells her they are having a private conversation and basically to go away. Rude bitch.
Time for Stinky, Schizo and Piggy to go meet up with Jazz and make some music!
OMG it’s worse than I thought. I think Jesus is crying right now. The basic lyrics of the song have to do with repeatedly saying “I murder dis bitch.”Then there is a gunshot at the end. Jazz sticks his head in his hat and these two crack the fuck up.
Jazz says ,”Well you definitely murdered the bitch.” Hahahahahha! He tells her that she does have swag and she has some stuff she wrote about the girls in the house and he’s gonna help her. Meet the producer.
OMG they actually allow her in a “boof” with a mic. This nightmare will not end. She says Jazz is pushing her to come out of her shell and she keeps screwing up. I wish he’d push into oncoming traffic.
Stinky meanwhile is now openly flirting with Jazz. When Stinky heads off to the toilet, Piggy realizes Stinky better be careful because everyone knows everyone in Vegas. She asks Jazz who else he works with and sure enough DJ Mizzy Matt. Piggy warns Stinky and Stinky denies flirting.
Back at the house Christine and Camilla are writing on Piggy’s picture.
Camilla and Cristine decide they will probably erase that crap because they want Piggy to be nice and chill and they are gonna pick her brain tonight. Good luck with all that. They notice that Piggy looks like a man and she’s ugly. Well blow me down!
Oh sweet mother of candy bars stop playing that bitch killing cats. She’s thrilled with how it turned out and I’m thrilled it turned OFF! Hugs all around.
Stinky decides she’s gonna give Jazz a try. After all Matt is being a Twitter ho. Back at home she receives a sexy email from Jazz saying he needs it. Piggy wants her to stop that shit because Jazz is her “connection.”
Piggy wants Stinky to pick a dude cause she doesn’t want her to be known as a Homie Hopper. This keeps up I am gonna need a retard to English translator.
Everyone is getting ready to go out but Christine is feeling left out by all the girls including Camilla. Off they go to Club FuckADuck.
Stinky sees Mizzy Matt DJ’ing and goes over to him. Oh and she’s drunk. There are girls dancing on poles in his direct view and she screams at him and says this.
She yells, “But they are NOT!” and grabs him by the shirt and tries to kiss/bite his face. Mimi pulls her away after Matt tells her not to start but she’s got that Stinky Night One look on her face. She sits behind him and keeps grabbing his ass while he’s working and Mimi keeps trying to pull her away. She refuses until she gets a kiss. She finally does and goes elsewhere. Meanwhile……..
Two random ratchets come and invade their VIP area and Piggy and Schizo scream at them to go away. Suddenly everyone hugs and sings I Will Always Love You.
And some bitch threw a glass of vodka at Mimi and it went in her eye and she has lost it completely.
She is being dragged away by security screaming and Piggy is yelling “Who wants it?” My guess is no one. Outside Stinky and her crotch are being carried away.
They finally get their asses in the limo and go home and Mimi has now officially bonded with all 7 girls because even though they’ve only known them 48 hours, when the shit hit the fan, the new girls starting beating the shit out of people.
In confessional Christine tells that although she missed her boyfriend she is now in this ride or die. No matter what. Positively. 100%
The next day Mimi and Elease are talking about how they like Christine but she still doesn’t act like this is her house and she’s all sad and shit. Outside Miss Sad is in the pool with Camilla who is trying to give her a pep talk and tells her if she leaves leave with a bang. This is 7 hours after her Ride or Die statement and now she’s not sure what she’s gonna do. Of course Piggy could give a fuck.
Piggy, Schizo and Stinky head over to Jazzy’s studio to hang out. Then they start freaking out wondering if Matt will be there.
As Jazzy and Stinky are sitting on the couch, he notices she has tiny feet and he finds it adorable. Then he said this…
Stinky’s getting irritated because he’s coming on way too strong way too fast.
Stinky hits the door and tells us that he told her she had a fat pussy. No actually he was hoping you would tell him you did. Either way I think Jazzy is dust. Stinky decides to invite Matt over.
Meanwhile Christine is still boo hooing around and can’t decide if she wants to stay.
Up to the bedroom they go and Schizo joins in and they tell him about Jazzy trying to get in her pants. Next thing ya know….
The next morning Christine calls her boyfriend and tells him she’s coming home. Then she calls a house meeting and tells the girls she’s leaving. They don’t get it and start getting pissed off. So much so that they decide to help her pack.
These bitches basically turn into a pack of wolves and she’s just trying to get out of there. Piggy threw the first suitcase and then all the others followed suit until they then threw it outside.
They don’t stop there though and even start throwing her shit into the van. Again Piggy and Elease being the ring leaders. Piggy is saying shit like, “Aww you want us to help you into the van?” Christine gets her ass in the van because these bitches are probably scaring the shit out of her. There is a driver in there already. And then one of them starts yelling she didn’t hug anyone and then this…….
She’s screaming for someone to make them stop but of course no one does.
Somehow it is broken up and she’s back in the van and tells the driver she’s not getting back out to get her stuff. I think he was scared shitless too because he then just drives over it and away.
Piggy is so very proud of herself.
Ok so Christine was a Sad Girl and not so much a Bad Girl but at least she left instead of staying around so she can be a fame whore like these trashy ass cuntwads.
The only one I didn’t see get involved in this was Mimi. And previews suggest the bitch has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from it. I know I do.
I’m going to go punch something now.
Love and Smooches,
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