Bad Girls Club:Pool Charks

We rejoin the house this week and it’s still split 5-1. Evil Dickie is off alone and the other girls are in the make up room talking about wanting her gone but not being able to get rid of her. Meanwhile Evil Dickie finds it amusing that they can’t take her on one on one so they have to gang up on her.

Back to the make up room, Cuntucky is whining about how she really liked Jade and misses her. Botox tells us she is excited that a new girl is coming because they are a family. If she wants to join their family, cool. If she befriends Dickie, not so good.

That girl has seriously got to stop buying discount botox injections.

The five I don’t despise yet go out for the day leaving Dickie alone at home to play on the computer. As she walks by the Wall of Skanks, she doesn’t notice that Jade’s picture has changed to a new girl.

She looks pretty,nice, and slightly sneaky. I’m sure I’ll hate her soon.

She has arrived. She tells us that her Mom told her looks won’t get you anywhere, HA! But she says, being pretty is a job……..strike one. They call her The Bombshell and she is 21 from Norfolk, Virginia and her name is Ashley. Strike two. I think I’ll be calling her Boobs, cause damn.

I bet she’s wondering why she is suddenly smelling sulphur.

Since Dickie is the only one home she latches on to Boobs in hopes of having at least one person on her side. She tells Boobs that the others have left her behind and that the other girl left because of her. Boobs plays it off but is a little suspicious about this beady eyed creature.

After bonding a little they leave and the others come home. They notice the new picture and start screaming and hopping up and down. Uh, she’s not a pet, settle down already.

Woof Woof screams “She’s a BLACK GIRL!” Ok. Someone says “Shut up!”. The others say she is pretty but Char wrinkles her face up and says she is “not cute.” Do I smell some jealousy?

Botox notices that Boobs has big giant fake boobs and she is pissed because she wants to be the only one in the house with big fake boobs. Now there is a life goal. Dingbat. She is happy though that she remains the only blonde.

Then they realize that she is out with Dickie. Dickie and Boobs are at The Pink Taco. Sorry but I giggle every time they show that.

Tee hee heeeeeeeeeeee!

Yes I know, I have the sense of humor of a thirteen year old boy. Anyway, at The Pink Taco, Dickie and Boobs bond a little more but Dickie doesn’t dog the other girls the way I thought she would. She just says they do their own thing. Boobs says that she is not athletic because she is so small she gets hurt easily. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Oh she tells us she hopes there isn’t one “main bitch” because no one tells her what to do.

Back to the house they go. Dickie heads back to the computer and Boobs intro’s herself around. They get her outside and want to know what Dickie was saying about them and she said not much just that they don’t get along.

Char tells us that her first impression of Boobs is that she looked like a deer caught in headlights and she is very thin and has large boobs but isn’t one to judge a person on their appearance. LOLOLOL.

Char walks past Dickie sitting at the computer and gets a few digs in. Dickie doesn’t take the bait. She does however say, “Giggity giggity!” WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT SHIT MEAN?

Char calls her a goofy ass ho and walks on. Outside they all go to tell Boobs why they hate Dickie. Boobs tells them she didn’t say anything bad about them she only said that she and Woof Woof got along. Boobs tells them she wants to have fun so off to the limo they go.

Beet Head is the only one not going, she seems to have a sore throat and doesn’t feel well. Of course Dickie stays at home too.

See what happens when you suck on strange wing wangs?

In the limo Boobs explains that she doesn’t have any female friends at all back home.

Looks like you brought two of your biggest friends with you.

In the limo Char agrees and says most of them don’t have female friends but she tells us that to her that is a red flag that shows she has trouble socializing with others. Char then says that’s why she doesn’t get along with Dickie and “You either stand beside me or get behind me.” Boobs says she wants to stop talking about it because she feels good and just wants to party.

Back at the house Dickie takes this opportunity to suck up to Beet Head. Sort of. She tells her she isn’t taking back what she did because at the time she meant to do it. (Telling Bennie that Beet Head sucked a dude) And then she apologizes. Beet Head says it takes a lot for her to do that. Beet Head tells her they will be cordial and that she isn’t there to fight. (Uhhhh, yes you are!)

At Club La Vida the drinks are flowing and the booties are shaking. The girls have decided to get Boobs drunk to see what she’s made of.  Apparently not much. She’s already lap dancing Woof Woof and then this happens…

She’s just checking to see if the floor is still there.

She even falls into the limo. Once home, Char, Cuntucky and Botox zero in on Beet Head to make sure she didn’t talk to Dickie. She admits she did. This pisses the others off. When Beet Head tells Char she told Dickie they could be cordial, Char loses her shit. Beet Head asks her why everyone has to do what Char says and Char says they don’t. Char calls Beet a goofy ass ho which seems to be her fav insult.

Char starts stomping down the hall saying she is tired of being nice to “you bitches.” She claims she runs this house because she is the oldest one there. She keeps yapping about if they want to try her then try her because she will be the Tanisha up in this bitch. Excuse me a sec…hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Good luck with that dipshit. She calls them goofy ass ho’s again and then kicks in a door.

That’ll show them!

Cuntucky starts yelling for Dickie to come down for a house meeting. Char goes upstairs where Dickie is in bed and tells her they need to have a house meeting. Dickie says it can wait until tomorrow. So Char decides to bring the meeting to her. They decide that everyone needs to attend whether or not they are conscious.

Seriously???

They can’t wake her ass up so instead of leaving her alone they do this.

Exactly what is she gonna add to this convo aside from the occasional beer fart?

Char starts clapping her hands in Dickie’s face and asking her what part of you gotta go does she not understand. She replies apparently none of it because she is still there. Cuntucky chimes in with “You are so extra you don’t even fit in.” She should know.

Dickie puts her face mask back on and rolls over to go to sleep. Char decides to feel her ass.

I don’t think molesting her will help.

Char keeps saying, “I’m touching you” like a 3 year old. Dickie kicks out her leg and tells her not to touch her. Then Dickie gets in Chars face and they laugh and squeal and Char tells her she has pretty eyes. WTF? Hahahaha Dickie calls her Oprah.

Finally Char decides that she needs to “pack” Dickie’s shit and Cuntucky follows right along. And by pack, I mean throw all her shit outside.

Every freakin’ season.

They proceed to throw her shit off the second floor. Even Botox joins in.

It’s just so lame.

Dickie just watches and then decides to write down everything they destroy so she can add up damages.

Char sees what she is doing and tries to grab the paper out of her hand but Dickie is too quick for her and then we see this…

Char would find herself flying off the balcony after that.

Dickie jumps up as Chars falls backwards onto the other bed and begs Dickie to hit her but Dickie holds firm and backs up. Char keeps calling her a bitch and trying to get her to snap. Then they are in each others faces and it’s gross and stupid.

Either kiss or beat the shit out of each other!

Char is so proud of herself because she thinks she is accomplishing something and all I see is Dickie NOT reacting to her childish bullshit. Botox is laughing because Boobs is so drunk and this pisses Char off who tells Botox that this is real and to get out. Botox is all “Why?” and Char tells her to go AND SHE DOES.

Dickie asks if they are her puppies and Char says yes and it’s great. That bitch is on my last fucking nerve. Char says something and Dickie says say it don’t spray it. Then she tells her that she and Jade even have the same breath. Am I really writing this shit????

Dickie tells us the pen is mightier than the sword and she will prevail. I wish she’d just beat the shit out of Char.

Beet Head thinks Char is being childish. No Char makes nuns look childish. That bitch is off the spool.

Because of Char’s and the others ignorant destruction of Dickie’s stuff, they now have to sleep on the floor in front of their closets to keep Dickie from doing the same to theirs.

Lame and trashy.

The next morning all you see is clothes strewn all over the yard, in the pool, everywhere. Dickie wakes up, grabs a pillow and then walks over to a sleeping Char and whacks her in the tater with a pillow.

Char does absolutely nothing except tell a sleepy hungover Boobs that she should be careful around Dickie because she will be coming after her now because she is too scared to do anything to her….what?

Hey clueless, she just woke your ass up with the slam of a pillow. I don’t think you scared her away.

As Boobs is telling us that this is only day 2 and there is only one crazy bitch in the house we see this…

Get a fucking tissue you nasty bitch!

Who digs in their nose with a fucking towel??? Char tells Dickie that she only grew balls since Boobs came in the house. Yeah because what you want as back up is a black out drunk. Shut up Char.

Char decides they are going out to eat lunch and since Boobs wasn’t ready, they left her. Boobs calls mommy who tells her she doesn’t know how she does it. Then Boobs starts talking about wanting to change herself during this process and blah blah blah.

The other 4 twits spend their time at the restaurant talking shit about Boobs. Back at the house Dickie is trying to clean some of the crap written on her picture. Beet asks her what she’s going to do. Dickie says she’s going to file a police report. Beet tells her she doesn’t know if it’s a good idea to do that but if she is going to she needs to do so pronto. She also tells her that if it were the other way around Char would do the same.

Actually calling the cops.

The police arrive and all the girls have to go to the gate. I can’t decide yet whether this is lame or genius. Dickie tells the officer that Char was bothering her all night and hit her with a pillow and all the other stuff and suddenly Char ain’t so tough. She tells the officer, “We were wrong and we told her that this morning.”

Meanwhile Woof Woof is freakin’ out because she does not like cops. She tells us why, I think but I can’t understand what the hell she said.

Char is shocked that Dickie called the cops and tells us that she is psycho lol. Lady you both need a padded cell.

You can hear Char’s knees knocking in the background.

In the end Char promises to replace Dickie’s camera and the cops leave. It’s official, it was a genius move on Dickie’s part.

Suddenly the show takes a turn and Beet has been informed that her uncle has been bombed in Afghanastan. She has to fly home but plans to return. Char of course thinks that Beet has some other underlying issues that no one knows about right now. Damn she does think she’s freakin’ Oprah.

Out by the pool. Dickie tells Boobs that the report was only filed against Char and that she doesn’t really have anything against the others. She also tells her how Char made Botox leave the room when she was trying to take care of Boobs passed out ass.

Later Char, Boobs and Woof Woof are upstairs talking and they ask Boobs if she has brothers and sisters. She says she has 3 brothers but then explains that she used to have a half sister that she lived with and a week after she moved out she was shot and killed. Ok people, between the bombed uncle and the dead sister how the hell am I supposed to recap this shit?

Char-Oprah tells Boobs that she is suppressing her feeling about her sisters death and zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. They do some bonding and I just realized that the only time these bitches are peaceful is when they are talking about somebody dying or they are asleep.

Next on Char-Oprah…..What to do when you are constipated.

Cuntucky runs to Dickie’s room and asks if she’s going out. She says of course and Cuntucky runs away giggling and says have fun. The plan is to leave her behind. The others all pile into a limo and laugh at their cleverness. Ugh.

Am I in hell? Or purgatory. It’s the same shit every season!!

I hate to burst y’alls dumb ass bubbles but not only has this been done before but you left her with two cars to drive. Oooooooh you really got her ass!

When Dickie figures out she’s been left, she climbs into one of the Jeeps and goes. She tells us “You don’t need a clan when you are in the BGC. All you need is yourself.” I don’t want to like her and her face still gives me the creeps but ya gotta admit, she doesn’t let anything get to her.

And, AND she gets a dude!

This whole recap has turned upside down.

They have a nice little chat and then she gets his number and they say goodbye in some weird manly fashion before hugging and she goes back home.

Meanwhile, the others are at a club trying to get Boobs drunk again. Why? It’s too easy. Then the shit goes south.

Being drunk will do that.

Botox asks Woof Woof what Boobs just said and of course Woof Woof heard something else….

Not what she said dingbat.

That’s because they all hate you.

No she did not.

You know you are drunk when you can’t remember what you said 30 seconds earlier.

What the fuck is cheersing?

Never happened.

You are correct.

Clean the wax out of your dumbo ears dingbat!

Thankfully they decide to leave but as they are going this happens.

Gotta love the haters!

Of course Char jumps in and says basically she’s just mad cause she ain’t in it and calls her an ugly ho. Things start getting out of hand and security has to jump in.

Who did this stick figure think she was gonna fight?

Boobs tells us that these girls need to realize that they are there to have fun and not to make each others lives miserable. Somebody lied to that girl.

The first thing Boobs does after arriving home is run to Dickie and tell her someone made up that shit about her saying she was the prettiest one and Dickie tells her it’s because it’s true and she tells her they are jealous and not to let them get to her. When did she become sane?

Oh sweet Lord. The next morning Char-Oprah says she feels sorry for Dickie because she is missing out and she thinks she is struggling with identity. I’m struggling with not choking your ignorant ass. Botox says that Dickie needs to meditate. I need to load my gun.

She’s not living her authentic life and that’s just sad.

Char-Oprah claims she is tired of being angry and that she is probably the one person in the house that they can come to and talk to the most. Yes if you want Bi-Polar jibberish.

She decides it’s time to “squash” this and goes and gets Dickie. They sit out by the pool that is filled with Dickie’s things and then she basically lectures Dickie on her pranks. In the end they come to an agreement and the next thing we see is Char diving in the pool to pull out Dickie’s stuff. The other girls wander around the property picking stuff up as well.

LAME.LAME.LAME.LAME.

Let me get this straight. Char throws all Dickie’s shit outside, in the pool, everywhere. She then hits her with a pillow, which in turn she gets hit with a pillow. She gets the cops called on her, agrees pay for the camera she destroyed and is now retrieving all the shit she threw into the pool. The only person who got pranked here was Char and she pranked her stupid self!

Char tells us she is going to be the bigger person and she is frankly embarrassed because what she sees in the backyard looks like something from Sanford & Son.

Dickie informs us that there is no need to apologize to the other girls because since she and Char have made up the others will follow right along. And she’s right.

Botox tells her they all touched her shit so they are all going to pitch in and get her a new camera. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Beet calls and Boobs answers and whines about how the girls treated her the night before. She doesn’t have an update about her uncle and quickly gets off the phone. Boobs then tells us she  doesn’t get these girls. She says they are all loopy.

DUH!

Up in the make up room, Char, Cuntucky and Botox are talking about how conceited Boobs is. They put their hands up over their eyes and wave their fingers like a spider to make fun of her lashes.

Cuntucky tells us that Boobs walked into the house like she was the prettiest and didn’t even try to make friends. Not exactly how I remember it but what ever.

Shouldn’t you be on the compound with the other Sister Wives?

Boobs tells the girls that her friend is coming over and they are bringing boys. Char asks how old they are and she says 21-22. Char is all “Babies!” Hello? You are only 27, how the hell does that make them babies? She then says they should leave some milk out.

Boobs is pissed and tells us that they are the same age as she is and everyone else in the house and she doesn’t want any grandpa’s in the house who need Viagra.

Out the other five go, leaving Boobs at home to await her guests. Botox tells us it’s kinda weird that they are now getting along with Dickie. No shit.

Meanwhile Boob’s guests start to arrive.

No one looks too crazy. So far so good.

Four guests have arrived and they go the wall of skanks. They call Cuntucky the Beluga Whale and one of them thinks Botox is pretty and probably gets along with Boobs. She says not so much. Then some of the girls start writing on the faces of Cuntucky, Char and others. Speaking of the others. They’re baaaaaack.

Before they come inside one of the girls tells Boobs they need to do something severe to show that she’s in charge. Boobs agrees that they need a plan.

As some of the other girls come in the house all drunk, Botox notices that they are getting dirty looks from Boobs friends.

Then several more people show up and Char is pissed. She tells us that there are ghetto people in her house and she doesn’t want to be involved in whats about to happen.

Dickie asks Boobs if she’s having a party at 2am. There were supposed to be 5 people and there are way more than that. One of the girls calls Dickie a sleeper bitch and Dickie said “Is that cause you’re old?” The girl puts her finger in her face.

Break her fucking finger.

Cuntucky is seeing all this and is not pleased. She tries to talk to Boobs about it bit Boobs could care less. Cuntucky keeps telling her she is new and Boobs keeps saying it doesn’t matter. Cuntucky turns and walks out and Boobs grabs her skirt and flips it up.

As Dickie is trying to cook, Cuntucky comes into the kitchen with Boobs right behind her. They start arguing then shoving. Cuntucky tells her to go ahead and hit her and instead Boobs turns her back to her and starts grinding her butt on her. She pushes her off and she bounces right back. Dickie steps in and there is more shoving. Now some of Boobs friends have joined in and it’s a free for all.

Never thought I’d be rooting for Dickie.

In the middle of all this suddenly Boobs has Cuntucky’s throat in her hands and is choking her and pushing her backwards.

Bitch you better finish the job or you’ll find yourself floating face down in the pool.

You all know what happens next. Security rushes in. What’s pissing me off even more is the freak in the background of the above picture who is grinning like he just got out of jail. Which he probably did from the looks of his ass. Who acts like this shit? Never mind, I forgot what show I was recapping.

To be continued…………

Well lovies, that’s it. And next week is a repeat so we get to wait a couple of weeks before we find out who, if anyone gets kicked out. This has been one hell of a schizophrenic episode.

Love & Smooches,

Cherie