Bad Girls Club:Serious Breakdown

After the last show’s hyena attack on a simple girl who just wanted to go home, I started to reevaluate my life. Then I realized I didn’t have one so the sick ass show must go on.

This week Mimi is upset because she doesn’t get why that all happened. I do. They are trashy whores who like to jump people who are already seat belted into a car getting ready to leave. In other words, if I were their parents, I’d go into hiding. Can you imagine that “Let’s get together and watch my baby on tv!” Then baby turns into a rabid skunk and beats the hell out of a girl just trying to go home. Good times. One for the yearly Christmas letter.

Mimi confronts all the bitches and tells them she doesn’t get why they would put their hands on someone so obviously weak. Piggy is all, “ok who cares?” Mimi does you flame haired crotch rot. Piggy hopes the new bitch will weigh 300 pounds and then she can fight. Oh I pray she is 300 pounds and takes a shit on your face you troll from hell.

Camilla waits until Mimi leaves and then says that Christine shouldn’t have taken a spot when someone who really wanted to be there could have had it. SHE WAS THERE THREE DAYS! Oh and she feels everyone sacrificed a lot to be there.

What exactly was your sacrifice? A small child? Maybe a puppy?

Mimi takes Elease aside and tells her she doesn’t like that beating up on defenseless people. Mimi begins to cry and she tells Elease that it makes her nervous because they turned into hyenas and she wonders if that will happen to her too. Elease plays it all cool and tells her she’s over thinking it and also that when everyone jumped her, she didn’t see this kind of emotion coming from Mimi for her. Ok point taken. However, your ass was actually fighting back, Christine was just trying to get the hell out of there.

The house is so nasty that Camilla has called a cleaning service. Two scrawny guys show up. Before they get to cleaning up, they find the pole and this dude is no stranger to it.

I bet he doesn’t even need a girlfriend.

After they get through cleaning the house from hell, they are paid and sent away. Seriously, there was blue cheese dressing on the windows…………..how does that even happen?

The dingbats decide to go to ClubBustANut but Piggy stirs the pot and tells Stinky that Mimi doesn’t want anyone talking to Elease. Piggy tells us that Mimi is always watching her lips to see what she’s saying……..bitch you don’t have any lips! Marley Matlin would jump off a building from the frustration.

Oh jeez, now Lipless is talking to Elease about how she ain’t down with cliques………………hahahahahahahahaha, but it seems like Elease is close to Mimi. Elease tells her it’s because she was always up the Twat Twins asses. Lipless Piggy tells us that you don’t want to regret not getting to know someone you should have gotten to know. Oh you mean like Elease? If she hadn’t stood up for herself you never would have gotten to know her. Bi-Polar bitch.

Elease has now turned into a robot and repeats what Piggy said and decides she needs to get to know everyone!

Later that night, Mimi is in full paranoid mode. She asks Elease if she’s gonna be left behind. Elease assures her she is not.

Next we see Mimi downing cup after cup of booze. And then we see and hear Mimi staggering through the house saying some shit about nobody caring about her.

I dones nees no flucking bodys.

This girl is plastered. As her caring room mates sit upstairs talking shit about her she wanders around the house about how nobody cares for her. She then goes to the phone room and throws her drink against the door. Then she lays on the floor for a bit. Elease tries to pretend she had no clue Mimi was THAT upset.

After more yip yapping from the bitches ironing their weaves, Schizo goes downstairs to check on Mimi who is once again on the phone mumbling incoherently. Schizo offers her some water. She tells her she don’t want water or nothing and nobody cares for her.

Piggy and the others come to the balcony just as Mimi is screaming nobody cares about meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

See booze still loves you. Until you pass out or puke.

By the way she has emptied the entire bottle of Hennessy  all by her lonesome. At one point she goes from screaming to speaking in tongues. Still holding on to that bottle.

I’m guessing yep.

Piggy and Schizo tell her she needs to talk to Elease about their issues and then someone announces the limo is there and Camilla asks Mimi if she’s ok. Her response…………

I think that’s Malawi for, “Help me I have alcohol poisoning.”

Camilla has come to the conclusion that Mimi needs Jesus. I think she has him, he’s just scared right now. Now Mimi is downstairs sort of singing, moaning or some shit. Oh dear sweet Lord help MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I’m waiting for her head to spin around.

Ya know when you see someone puke, then you start to gag….well it works with pictures too. Blechhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Elease sees this shit and is just so caring and helps her to the bathroom and………bullshit! She is disgusted and leaves. Piggy steps into the room and gives Mimi some water and then we see about half of what came out of Mimi.

I’m am so gonna barf.

Someone throws a blanket over Mimi and the rest head out to Club WingWang. Schizo is especially excited because she loves her some gay men.

Maybe you are too beautiful for their eyes to behold. Or you’re not sporting a penis.

Camilla tells Schizo that she rolls with all kinds but predominately white dudes. Camilla seems to be building a bond with Schizo and Elease hates it.

Elease has decided to move her bed out of her and Mimi’s room, because it smells of puke.

I guess nachos with essence of barf is all the rage.

Mimi wakes up and sees what’s going on and does some sort of dance and is still very drunk. She’s also pissed because she feels left out,taunted,and lots of other bad shit. Elease will be moving in with Camilla. Hahahahahha. I give that a good 20 hours. Camilla is so pleased she’s all, “Oh you really like me!” Shut it Sally Field.

Mimi gets up and takes Elease her pillows, and as she tells us she wants to do her part, in a sarcastic kinda way lol.

The next morning there’s a geezer at the door. Must be the dude supplying Piggy with her red bottoms………..damn, nope it’s a delivery for Schizo.

“I’ll give you all these flowers and balloons if ya let me see yer tits!”

Gag it’s from Jake and he sent a stuffed bear/dog and roses and a sappy card that read, “NO matter how far I will always love you. The white puppy meant that I like you, this one means that I love you.” Hahahaha that means he went out and got some strange.

  Camilla goes and checks on Mimi and tells her she was creepy and drooling on her nose. Ok. How the fuck do you drool on your nose, unless you are hanging upside down and I must have missed that part. It’s a good thing Camilla is checking on Mimi because she’ll probably be sharing a room with her soon since Elease, behind Camilla’s back, said that were NOT friends just because they share a room. I smell trouble!!!

Camilla throws out the fact that maybe Mimi has a crush on Elease. Mimi denies the hell out of that.

A word from a wise wizard……….

It ain’t over cause bitches flip like dis.

The next day Elease decides she should go out to eat with Mimi and discuss what happened. Just because she moved out of their room doesn’t mean she has changed how she feels about her as a person…….pardon me……BULLSHIT. Nobody seems to want to spend time with Camilla, or Camille as most of them call her, and she has noticed. Elease and Mimi have their little lunch and pretend all is well but neither trusts the other.

While they are gone Camilla has a little fun time by herself.

Everyone needs a hobby.

Back at the house, Schizo seems to have “stumbled” upon Jakes Facebook page. It’s full of girls talking about how glad they were to meet him and how cute he is and all kinds of crazy making shit. First of all, last week a dude wanted to marry me because, “You make funny and have big boobs.” Mind you, I thought about it, romantic bastard, however I am already married so that would complicate things.

In Schizo’s case though, I have a feeling her “boyfriend” seeks out such declarations of lust. And she is pissed. Off to the phone we go.

She calls him and basically he puts the blame on her and hangs up.

At Mimi and Elease’s lunch, they talk about nothing except Camilla and Schizo. And we are about to find out why.

Camilla and Schizo start drinking. Schizo decides he sent those flowers because he was guilty.(What did I say?)

By the way Stinky hates Camilla and has decided her time is just about up.

Back to the drunks. Camilla and Schizo are talking about how beautiful they are and drinking and suddenly……….

Off to the shower they go.

By the way, Schizo is a screamer. “Oh BABY!” OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Once they are “done” Camilla wants to get out and Schizo is screaming NO. Camilla hops out and grabs a towel but Schizo refuses. This is pissing Camilla off since she got out naked and walked the two feet to the towels. An argument ensues and Schizo says “Let me put my clothes on.” Once she does, it’s on.

How do you go from lapping to slapping?

If it is not madness, it is not love!

Finally security pulls their pants up and comes out on wobbly legs to break them up.

Seriously, that thing you did with the soap, do it to me and I’ll hold the bitch down until you beat her to death.

All the other twits have no idea what happened and Camilla is yelling, “I’m from the east side!” Good for you. Everyone is from the east side  of something. A wall. A sign. A dumpster.

Mimi hears all this and decides Camilla needs to go. Schizo packs a bag and tries to get past security but is stopped and Camilla is on the phone with Mommy. She yells for Schizo to get out of “her city” then calls her a “drunk ass white ho”.

Camilla is crying on the phone and her Mom wants to know why and she claims the bitch tried to jump her. Her Mom gets pissed about the crying and Chlamydia claims she’s crying because she’s mad. Her Mom accuses her of being a pussy, and that makes me giggle because I notice she didn’t tell Mom she was just all up in that pussy.

The girls upstairs are laughing their asses off and welcome Schizo back into the fold. However, Schizo claims as soon as she wakes up, it’s on!

The others go to bed but Chlamydia sits outside and smokes and relishes over the clips of hair she snatched out of Schizo’s head. Yeah there’s something to brag about. Snatching clip on hair out of a dingbats head. Wow.

There ya go Tarzan!

Morning comes and Schizo goes to Chlamydia and says, “We are either gonna fight or talk, I’m asking you to talk.” They talk, they laugh all is well. Or so it appears. Chlamydia doesn’t trust Schizo and when Schizo comes looking for her hair, Chlamydia claims all she knows is she pulled it out of her head. She finds it and tells us she’s not hurt but she is now aware. Somehow I doubt that.

Downstairs Chlamydia asks Elease if she can use the computer. She wants to go zip lining. Uhhhhhhh didn’t we already do this? Elease thinks Chlamydia just wants to fit in and needs to get the hell out but agrees to go zip lining. Pretty sure they all go. No one dies.

After the zip lining everyone is speaking to each other but they are ignoring Chlamydia. And it’s obvious. Chlamydia is most pissed at Elease because she thinks she’s just mad because she is better looking than her.

Back at the house Chlamydia decides that these bitches are all mad at her because she is cuter than all of them.

Chlamydia decides since Elease wants to be fake, she’s gonna kick her out of her room. She grabs pillows and then her mattress and throws them in the VIP room.  When Elease figures out what’s up she goes to Piggy and tells her.

Elease asks Chlamydia to put her mattress back and she says nope it’s BGC property not hers. This leads Stinky and Mimi to go grab Chlamydia’s mattress and start to drag it out but Chlamydia intervenes all the while saying she doesn’t care. Chlamydia tries to attack Mimi across the mattress but a scrawny dude jumps in and holds her back while the others take her mattress and throw it into the pool.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Piggy actually says that Chlamydia is just being childish moving peoples beds like that……….REALLY????

Suddenly they are all back upstairs and fighting like lunatics and there is only one dude between them and Mimi’s hair pays the price.

Chlamydia snatched that shit right off her head. Whatever was actually hers had to hurt.

Mimi runs and wraps a towel around her bald ass head.The others, minus, Chlamydia run upstairs to discuss how fucked up that girl is. Meanwhile Chlamydia is flushing everyone’s weaves she has managed to pull out and then spitting on their pictures.

She vows they will never get the best of her. NEVER!!!!

Muwahahahahahahahahahahaha! Fear the reaper bitches!

Yes they are all crazy as hell and the only one I can stand is Mimi. Who do you guys hate the most? Next week is the season finale. Which Bad Girl will you miss?

Love & Smooches,

Cherie