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Ok people, I have tried to find redeemable qualities(insert snickers) in someone in this house but I give up. So here we go!
We join the house with it divided, sort of, into 2 camps. Dickie ,Tucky,and Wilma vs Botox, Charstank and Woof. This week they find out they are going to be playing dodge ball. Guess who is most excited about the ability to hit people?
Can we use knives instead of balls???
Wilma tells Dickie she shouldn’t be able to throw anything at people because it’s gonna hurt. CharMonster on the other hand isn’t afraid. She loves competition and she was very good at dodge ball in elementary school.
That makes sense because she dodges every altercation in the house.
As Charmess and Dickie stare each other down, Tucky tells us she is afraid of dodge ball because she had a traumatic thing happen when she was a kid. She got hit in the face with the ball.
That explains soooooo much.
Off they go. On the car ride over, Chardingle explains……
Being so wise must be a burden.
Meanwhile in car #2, Tucky is whining about being hit with a ball and she says she will not play if they have to wear helmets.
Not holding your nose would probably help that. Then again she probably smells Dickie’s feet.
Finally they arrive and as they walk in the door you see a bunch of crazed fuckers throwing the ball like their lives depended on it.
Dodge ball has changed a bit since elementary school.
The girls will be playing against each other in the threes they are already divided into. Charturd has an evil glint in her eyes and informs us that they are going to slaughter the other team. Now usually with a beast like Dickie I would assume that Charpoo has a rude awakening coming. However I have seen way to many so called “athletes” get their asses handed to them.
And it’s on. The girls have to hold on to the wall until some dude counts to three where they then run like hell to the center and grab a ball and start throwing. They are all out for blood except Tucky who basically just softly throws the ball to Woof who catches it.
My Meemaw can throw harder than that.
As Char keeps talking shit Dickie hits the balls that Char is holding knocking her down but she didn’t hit Char and then Char hops up and hits Dickie’s ass.
Wilma gets smacked about 2 seconds later causing Char to do a happy dance.
We will never ever hear the end of this.
Char continues talking shit and yelling “WHAT?” They decide on a rematch. Woof gets hit in her tiny titties and she’s out. Char gets plowed down next and then Wilma takes out Botox. Tied 1-1. They play another round and Char gives them the stink eye and her team actually wins. Woof took all three out on her own. She hit Dickie then caught Tucky’s ball and Wilma’s ball basically at the same time.
A. Who the hell is he? B. What the hell is he wearing? C. Why is he so happy?
Char is ever so humble. Ha! She says she is not surprised they won. Dickie tells us that Char beat them but that she loves her teammates win or lose and baaaaaarf!
Shut it LOSER!
Apparently dodge ball makes a girl horny because on the way home all Tucky,Wilma and Dickie talk about are guys. Tucky says “Shoes,booze,boys and tattoos. That’s all I need.” Dickie needs an aggressive man and Wilma tells her she (Dickie) likes that gorilla sex and then proceeds to make noises and shit.
Back at home Dickie climbs on top of Woof in her bed and they start playing grab ass. What happened to the house being divided?
Having problems with premature ejaculation? Memorize this picture.
Wilma, Dickie and Tucky decide to go out and have some dudes and some bottles. Since they are already drinking in the limo I can assume this night will end badly. Hopefully.
At the club Dickie announces she wants a guido with a blowout….First dude up says…
Ha! Good one.
To this Dickie replies…..
There’s that cute little personality disorder showing it’s face.
The next poor desperate bastard to intro himself gets this…
And having boobs doesn’t make you a girl.
What the fuck is up with this girl and guidos? And when did that stop being a slur?
Wilma who wants to have some fun asks Tucky if she’s going to help her look for guys. Tucky doesn’t know how to answer because Dickie hasn’t told her how yet. She’s all “Yeah….I will.” and then Dickie is all “I don’t know.” Suddenly Wilma is pissed. She says she wants to have fun and she didn’t come to the club to sit and be pretty.
I haven’t said anything about Wilma looking like something a frog threw up because I was hoping against hope to like her. In the words of about 70 Bad Girls who came before,”I’m done.”
Wilma starts freaking and saying some shit about in the house they hold their own but out here….then she tells them she is leaving these bitches and going to find fun on her own. She went from happy to retarded in about two seconds.
Oh sheesh. Back at the house Charcrap wants to play Charades. She says something about syllables to Woof and Woof doesn’t know what that is. Botox giggles and then Charcrabs is astonished. It seems Woof was unaware that North Carolina was NOT a part of California. Just let that sit a moment…..
So are you telling me South Carolina isn’t in Mexico?
As Char plays school teacher Woof turns the tables and asks Chardippy what an adverb is. CharIKNOWALL hasn’t a clue. This continues until my head feels like it might explode.
Charho finally ends this torture by asking Woof if she graduated. HIGH SCHOOL. She did but just barely. I’m begining to think Chardoo was home schooled herself. By hobos.
Back at the club Wilma is all pissed and up in Dickie and Tucky’s faces about how they pretend they want to have fun but then don’t. I’m thinking she’s an angry drunk. If they don’t want to “search” for boys then go and do it alone. What’s the big whoop?
In the cab they keep arguing and Wilma calls Dickie dumb who then uses the dreaded “R” word. She basically calls her a replacement which in BGC terms is BAAAAAAD. Wilma starts crying like a baby.
Seriously? You are FUCKING CRYING? GO HOME.
Tucky and Dickie get out at a club but Wilma is all snotty and just wants to go home. Once Snotty Wilma gets home she runs to the other bitches and whines like a brat. Chardump is loving this shit and Wilma keeps crying that the others didn’t wanna have fun and wahhhhhhhhhh.
Nobody wuvs me wahhhhhhhhhhh.
Botox announces that ever since Wilma has been there Dickie thinks she runs this shit. (So beyond sick of hearing that anyone RUNS anything) Ya know who RUNS this shit??? The fucking producers that’s who. Bite me.
Charfunk tells us that she knew once Wilma joined Tucky and Dickie it was only a matter of time before they self destructed.
Tucky and Dickie arrive home and Dickie tells us that it’s going to be a long night. That Wilma has been there four days and blah blah her number is 44 jibberish crap blech.
Wilma comes into the kitchen and says some shit about “Thank you for letting me come with you guys.” Excuse me snot nose? You could have gotten out of the cab if you hadn’t have been too busy blowing snot bubbles and crying for your mommy over a word that Dickie used. If you were a BAD GIRL you’d have told her you were about to “REPLACE” the giant hemmie in Dickie ass with your corn encrusted toes. Where was I?
They keep yapping back and forth and Dickie tells us that since Wilma has only been there 4 days she’s like a dog peeing on a tree to make it’s mark. She should know, many a dog has peed on Dickie.
Charfloppy once again acknowledges how she knew it all along and boo hoo Wilma chose the wrong side.
Wilma meanwhile seems to have decided to sleep outside.
That’s fucking retarded.
Those bitches would be sleeping in the pool before my ass slept outside.
The next day Tucky and Wilma are in the kitchen and Wilma asks her if they ate her ham or threw it out. (Dickie ate it) Tucky doesn’t respond because as is becoming very clear she says nothing without Dickie’s approval.
Dicky and Tucky head off to a sports bar and Wilma has joined “the dark side” according to Dickie.
Wilma tells us that Dickie wants to run the house but she can’t because she is facing strong independent women. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!! Did Janet Reno and Hillary Clinton move in?
Wilma’s group is all “I told you so” and she’s sucking up as hard as she can. Dickie and Tucky meanwhile are discussing how Dickie doesn’t do threesomes, in or out of the bedroom. That might be because it would be impossible to find two drunk off their asses dudes for her to molest at the same time. Ick.
The house is once again divided into Dickie and Tucky against everyone else.
I’m just being real wid choo.
Char and her Minions keep up the “You got played” shit and also try to suck the life out of Wilma. Not that there was much there if a word can make her cry. Off to do shots they go.
No he’s really a random bar dude.
Yes dudes, size matters.
It starts to get a little raunchy much to Charpiss’s embarrassment. Lap dances are going on and all kinds of scandalous shit.
She must think it’s Easter cause she’s hopping up and down like a bunny.
Then she tries to smother the dude with her Cadburys.
Back at the house Dickie is in full “prank” mode. Give me strength. She writes “Replacement” on Wilma’s picture and then goes upstairs and removes the bed frame from her bed.
As Wilma and the others arrive home, Wilma screams “I am home bitches.” Dickie is just finishing up taking the frame off the bed.
Remember when Dickie’s pranks were funny? Me either.
Wilma comes in and confronts Dickie who is laying in bed and Tucky who is in hers. She reminds Dickie that she said she had her back and all the other bullshit Wilma was too stupid to believe. Dickie just smirks and Tucky denies having done anything.
Wilma says Dickie is the fucking mule in the house and Dickie actually makes a sound like one. Wilma announces she could care less about sleeping on a bed with no frame because she’s Puerto Rican…..okie dokie.
Wilma decides she’s gonna get Dickie out of this house right now and snatches Dickie’s covers off her bed.
I had some other shit to say but all I can see right now is the fact that Dickie is wearing shoes under her covers.
Dickie just keeps grinning and doing her crossword puzzle and Wilma tells her she ain’t leaving and to cross out the word fake in her little puzzle.
Wilma is on a roll and reminds Dickie that her motto is “Talk shit, get hit” and that Dickie has not been living up to her motto. Wilma basically begs Dickie to hit her and then says she might get fucked up but she will fuck Dickie up too. Damn where was all this spunk when she was boo hooing in the cab?
The next day Botox is on the phone yapping about all the house gossip. She tells this person that Char’s intentions were to be the boss of the house but their are no bosses. Better not let Charboss hear that.
Upstairs the hilarity continues with Dickie deciding to put Wilma’s bed smack in the middle of hers and Tucky’s making one super bed.
Best prank NEVER!
Wilma laughs it off but says she will now be sleeping in the jinxed room to prove that there is no jinx and probably to get away from Tucky’s beer farts.
You better burn some sage in that room.
Later in the magical make up room, Wilma tells Botox she didn’t realize she would be dealing with little girls. Sigh. Say it with me folks,”Has she seen the fucking show?” Botox announces she is too beautiful to hang out with them because they are not cute. Botox says when she was young she got jumped by 5-6 girls and that’s what it took for her to learn to keep her mouth shut. She thinks Dickie needs the same thing. Please please please do it!!!!
Botox,Char and Woof decide to go bowling. Wilma stays home to whine on the phone and Tucky and Dickie hit a bar.
Outside of the bar we see someone yell this..
Be careful dude, she might short sheet your bed.
Inside the club the girls are all happy. And then we hear this…
Awwwww, I didn’t know Stevie Wonder went clubbing.
A dude sits down and asks Dickie what she does…
She specializes in beastiality.
Meanwhile Tucky is having a riveting conversation about Disney movies with some dude whose favorite movie is Bambi.
Over at the bowling alley the girls seem to be able to get the ball in the gutter. A lot. They finally hit a few pins but then Char accidently knocks over Woof’s drink and Woof is pissed. When Char realizes Woof is pissed she asks whats wrong and offers to get Woof another one but you can tell Char is pissed now too.
I had to spill it, it was looking at me funny.
Over at club whatever Dickie decides to mess with the valet. Oh jeez his name is Gino and they do some sort of dance to celebrate New Jersey or something.
Yay she found a guido!
Back at the bowling alley some bitch starts screaming Bad Girls Club as well as some other shit.
Lighten up tubby.
The manager comes over to Char and says for THEM to tone it down. HUH? Then they get kicked out. Tubby follows right behind and keeps yelling insults until Woof finally snaps.
The next day Woof and Char are bonding over their mutual love for one another and Char’s superior ass attitude. They’ve both had tough lives and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Inside Dickie calls her guido and they make a date for later tonight but she has to tell him the name of the place, Boho, about 47 times. Then she calls her Dad and tells him and he says “Whatever he does to you tonight I am gonna come do to him tomorrow.” So he is going to suck the guidos dick too?
Gino Guido actually manages to find the place and he and Dickie hit off and decide to meet later at another club.
Later Char and her peeps take the limo to one club and Tucky and Dickie go meet Gino at Echo. Dickie is happy as hell and Gino kisses her but it looks more like he’s chewing her lips. All she keeps saying is…
I think we have established that already.
After a lot of dancing and drinking, Tucky and Dickie head for the limo. Char and her peeps are quietly drinking some place else but they all seem to think Dickie will start some shit tonight. Off to the limo they go to join Dickie and Tucky.
Dickie is all over Woof trying to lick her and stuff and it’s getting on Botox’s nerves. So she says this…
Booze and stupidity I would guess.
Dickie starts jerking her drink around and Wilma tells her to stop before she spills it. Then Dickie starts trying to make Woof spill her drink and Wilma tells her to stop that shit. That’s when Dickie reminds Wilma again that she is a replacement. The crazy switch has been flipped and you can see it in Dickie’s beady ass eyes. She keeps taunting Wilma and Wilma keeps giving it right back until………Yep Dickie slapped her right across the face.
There is about 2 seconds of sheer quiet and then Wilma loses her shit and piles on top of Dickie and starts beating the crap out of her.
It’s about time.
That’s where they leave us folks,
Until next time,
Love & Smooches,