Bad Girls Club:Weak Sauce

Remember last week when Boobs and Botox  were using each other as punching bags? Well when Boobs calls the next day, she has no memory of what happened.

How convenient.

Dickie explains to her that Botox pushed her but Boobs threw the first punch. When she finds out that Botox is back in the house she decides she was ready to go anyway.

Love how she’s using her hair to cover that busted ass eye.

Cut to a montage of times gone by with Boobs. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Her final goodbye is to Botox and it’s a double finger salute. Toodles skank.

Woof is off to the airport to pick up her brother. She loves him very much and he’s married and has a lot going on.

He must be adopted.

Woof tells him what happened the night before and he assures her that when the drama starts he will step to the side. Something tells me he’s gonna be the source of some drama. Then they both take turns having road rage.

Back at the house Woof shows him around. She shows him a bowl with black shit in it that may at one time have been guacamole. She shows him the hot tub and he says it’s freezing.

She then takes him upstairs to see the “bombay.”

It’s a bombay. No bidet. No bombay. BIDET! It’s to wash ya ass!

Woof intros Aaron to Botox and he tells her her eye looks terrible.

You should have seen the other bitch.

Next he is intro’d to Dickie. They hit it off and she thinks he’s cute and athletic.

Next we see Schnozzie on the phone talking about the other girls being fake. Her biggest pet peeve is when you talk shit behind peoples back instead of to their face. Ya know, like she’s doing now. Her boyfriend doesn’t even comment except to say he’s hungry bye!

Dickie and Tucky head out and start talking about the others. Woof is ok if she’d stop getting in the middle of she and Char’s fights but they do not like Schnozzie. Dickie’s plan is to get Schnozzie drunk so she’ll want to fight and then she will stop her in her tracks. Hasn’t she tried this plan before?

Char tells us that everyone, minus the dweebs are going out to eat with Aaron to show him a good time. Immediately they start talking shit about Dickie. Aaron thought she was nice. Schnozzie takes this moment to announce that no one comes in being sincere. She goes on to say she did not come there to be a family. She says people talk too much shit and “don’t get her started.”

Yous ain’t my family!

As they are leaving Schnozzie tries to explain to Woof that she doesn’t mean she doesn’t like her she just doesn’t want to add her to her Christmas card list.

Back at home, Aaron yells,”Let that snake run wild.” Okie dokie.

Dickie is on the phone telling someone that Char moved into the cursed room. That every person who has slept in there has gone home. She hopes this means Char is next. In the middle of this convo, Dickie realizes there is a lurker.

That would be Schnozzie being nosy. Ha no pun intended.

Next Dickie and Aaron try to see which one is manlier.

I’m guessing Dickie.

He’s actually flirting with her and since he’s married that makes me not like him so much.

Later everyone piles into the limo for a night on the town. Once there the drinks start flowing. Aaron makes a toast and tells the girls not to waste their time out here. I think that’s his way of saying they should get some strange. Strange being him.

I suggest you all sleep with a married man. Tonight.

More drinking and Aaron grabs at Schnozzie’s ass. Damn he must be drunk. Tucky is in the corner doing body shots off a Chippendale dancer. Even Char looks happy. Must be a full moon. Aaron is having a little too much fun.

Or a house. Or kids. Or a penis.

Something tells me that ship has sailed.

Woof warns Aaron that if he keeps acting up she’ll(his wife)  kick him to the curb. Again, the way he’s acting, he’s already been kicked out or he desperately wants to be.

Aaron is having so much fun that even Char notices he is about to “flatline.”

This bush looks like a nice place to rest.

That wall was fucking with me!

Aaron hops up and down as does Schnozzie because when you are drunk off your ass it’s great to call attention to oneself especially if a cop drives by.

Sadly no cop notices and they make it home. Woof feels the need to sleep on the floor to keep her rabid bro in check.

Really? You need to blur something that small?

Dickie passes Lil Floppy in the hallway and giggles. Ya know where he goes?

Yep, he’s in bed with Botox.

Botox tells us “Like oh my God go to bed.” The weirdest part is that when Woof cuts on the lights, he’s on the opposite side of the bed.

Dude you better be grabbing your dick. Lorena Bobbitt ring a bell?

Woof tells us “oh well, it’s family yo.” Next we see Aaron in night vision, without any drawers I might add, and then he passes out on the floor.

Ima do this bitch!

Skuuuuuuuuuchech snort snort zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

The next morning Botox tells Char Aaron peed his underoos. She says she woke up to him moaning, “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhhhhhhhhhh ohhhhhhhhhh.” That sounds like something else to me. Like he was whacking it in front of a fan.

You be the judge.

Botox tells Char that he asked her why his pants were wet and she told them to smell them.

Cut to Dickie asking Tucky where his wedding ring is. They decide this is shady.

Back to Botox who has been joined by Shady Aaron who accuses her of taking his HeMan underoos off. Giggle all around and then he leaves.

Again Tucky and Dickie are awaiting the arrival of yet another girl. They decide they’ll be nice until she’s a dick.

Night falls and all the ho’s pile in. Schnozzie makes the comment that to her it’s a lot more comfy with 6 than 7. Screeeeeeeeeeeeech.

The limo stops and the driver tells them they need to make quick stop. LOL. I wonder what’s about to happen?

It’s the new girl y’all. Her name is Wilmarie and she is 27 and doesn’t start fights but she will finish them. Oh hell, she’s from Jersey y’all! She tells us she wants to be a Bad Girl and party and drink and scream and fart. I love her so far.

As for the others…………….

I’ve seen spiders look at flies with less venom.

Kinda like meeting my hubby’s relatives for the first time. Of course I was drunk and wearing a pasties and a G-string. Anyway…..Char tells us that Schnozzie has already started in on Wilmarie by questioning her name. Wilmarie is aware she is being given the stink eye. Char discovers that Wilmarie is as ancient as she is at 27. Then they all discover she is from JERSEY! But what part of JERSEY?

Schnozzie explains. There is NORTH JERSEY where she is from and then there is DIRTY JERSEY where all nasty Jersians live. New Jersey, feel free to smack her.

Good luck going home dipshit.

Finally they arrive at what ever club they are going to and Dickie and Wilmarie bond over fist pumping. While she is bonding with Dickie and Tucky Woof Woof decides she ain’t down with that, you know cause Char said so. Botox has already decided she doesn’t like the girl because she is speaking to Dickie and Tucky. Maybe Boobs should have hit you harder air head.

While they are eating, Schnozzie announces she is going to have to leave the area. This is within earshot of Dickie and Wilmarie and Dickie calls Schnozzie a “replacement.”

Schnozzie starts trying to act like Dickie is being childish and proves how adult she is by making this face…..

Wash it occasionally and it won’t smell like that.

I can’t figure out why Schnozzie hated Wilmarie on the spot other than she’s a big nosed orange bitch who hates anyone who looks better than she. Wilmarie tells us she just wants to meet boys and have fun.

She then warns her roommates to REMIND HER TO PEE. Otherwise she will piss herself. OK now we got problems. If you can’t remember to PEE something ain’t right. And I am not going anywhere with a leaky bitch!

Tucky, I have never felt ya more than I do right now.

Back at the house Wilmarie adores her picture as Char pours her four shots. Then Miss Classy Mature Char admits that she just farted.

Damn girl, what you been eatin’? Dead rats?

Wilmarie drinks the shots and impresses Miss Fartbritches who calls her a “beast.”

On the way up the stairs Char tells Wilmarie that she is glad that she is 27 and hopes that she isn’t immature because she herself is not. I need some shots now.

Once again Schnozzie is on the phone with her insecure tiny penised boy toy when Wilmarie asks if she can use the phone. Polite enough right? WRONG!

Schnozzie tells her that ain’t how it works. And AND!, she can just wait her ass outside the broke ass doors.

Bitch my hood is tougher than yours!

I thought she was talking about her clit but apparently she means where she grew up. Now I would take Schnozzie’s side on this one if she had been classy enough to say, “I shall be off the phone momentarily, please wait in the parlor.” But no, she had to be all bitchy and in turn Wilmarie is all bitchy and busts through the broke ass doors.

Then Schnozzie makes the mistake of calling Wilma a “replacement”. Seriously? Twat you have been there 2 weeks what the fuck do you think you are?

To the delight of Tucky Wilma is all in Schnozzies face in a gnat fart. She explains that she herself is a freakin replacement and all the while Schnozzie tries to carry on her convo with her impotent boytoy.

Stick the phone up her ass. She’s used to being butt fucked.

All this commotion has now drawn the attention of Dickie who is watching as well as Tucky and Botox. The fight keeps going with Schnozzie saying she’ll get off the phone when she gets off the phone. They argue over who is classy. News flash, neither one of yous. Botox looks like she’s gonna cry as Tucky is handing Dickie a soda.

Wilmarie keeps bumping into Schnozzie who just keeps backing up, purse over shoulder.

I am classy yo, from the NOT Dirty Jersey.

Tucky tells us she is embarrassed to be a woman and feels bad for men. You’ll get past that, believe me. Tucky then says “Welcome to hell.” Then decides she’s going upstairs.

The fight continues with Schnozzie saying some shit about her classy Gucci bag. Wilmarie accuses her of it being fake. Char does what she always does and splits.

While Schnozzie and Wilma keep yelling about being “real” Dickie sits in a chair that Wilma broke and calls Daniel.

Then Dickie prays……..

Dear Lord, thank you for the new girl and please, if ya could, send a lightening bolt with Char’s name on it. Amen.

Wilma and Schnozzie keep fighting and the phone rings. It’s Teenie Peenie and he wants his woman now. Tucky tells him she’s in the middle of a fight and it’s intense. He expects her to break it up because he’s a moron but instead we see this…

Too bad that wasn’t holy water she was throwing.

Upstairs Schnozzie is telling Woof and Char that she is classy and her bag is real Gucci. Then someone farts. Seriously. Schnozzie claims she never puts herself around trashy people and this place is a circus. AGAIN, how many times do I have to ask? HAVE YA SEEN THE SHOW BEFORE?

Char then launches into a speech to us about how if you have to constantly tell people you are a certain way, say classy or MATURE, then you aren’t. In fact she says you are a weak trashy person yourself. Well said trash.

Oh hell. The shots Char had Wilma drink must have kicked in because she is in another bedroom with her pants down and Dickie and Tucky are trying to keep her from pissing the floor. My question….

What the hell was Tucky planning on doing with the glass bowl?

Somehow Wilma makes it onto the bed, without undies and then flops over. And…………..

She pissed herself.

What the fuck? Is R. Kelly sponsoring this episode?

Tucky cracks me up by saying she has never babysat anyone under twelve and she doesn’t OWN any children. LOL. Tucky taps Pissy, I mean Wilma on the shoulder and she does not wake up. Tucky tells Dickie she is Not good with kids. Dickie takes charge, hands her some boxer briefs and makes Wilma follow her.

Try again dear, that’s a plant.

Dickie finally gets her into a bathroom and she and Tucky run to change the sheets. They promise to tell no one.

The next morning Wilma has no clue why she is wearing those shorts. Then she asks if she peed herself. Dickie tries to keep it quiet but Wilma is amazed she did it already. Hate to tell you all but, it’s ON TV!

Wilma is happy that they had her back and Dickie noticed that NO ONE had Schnozzies back.

Botox and Schnozzie decide to get out for the day. The convo in the car consists of, “She’s so fake. Everyone is fake. FAKE FAKE FAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back at the house Char asks Wilma if she had fun trashing the house last night. She says yes. Of course Char tells us that her name is “Wilma like from the Flintstones and it’s hysterical.” I call her Wilma because it’s less shit for me to type. Bitch.   Char actually asks the girl if she plans on staying or if she is going to leave. Wilma laughs and says of course she’s staying twat head. I might have added those last two words.

By the way NEW JERSEY, CHAR has a message for you……….

Get your shit together y’all and y’all could be the “Messiaher”.

Anyone ever watch In Living Color about a hundred years ago. What was that ugly bitches name who was always “Red ta go!”????? That’s Char. Shaniqua? Shafugfug? Help me please! RHONDA? SHONDA? Someone put me out of my misery!!!!

Oh crap. Dickie and Wilma are off to who knows where. They have decided to prank everyone in hopes that Schnozzie will break.

Back at the house, Woof is talking to her Mom on the phone about her brother. It seems his wife left him BEFORE he came to the house of ho’s. Well no wonder he was drunk, naked and pissing himself.  Mom warns her to keep quiet about all this.Not like it’s televised or anything.

Over at The Pink Taco Dickie and Wilma bond over being different. Dickie explains how she has been called a man etc.

I love me some tacos. What were you saying?

Dickie has decided that OCD(Operation Char’s Demise) can wait. Schnozzie needs to vacate pronto. They both agree Schnozzie has a huge nose and is orange.

Back at the house Woof calls Aaron. He plays it like all is well for about 2 seconds. Then he says things are fucked. Woof tells him he’s her other half and she doesn’t have anybody like him.

You complete me. Bro.

He tells her not to cry and he loves her.

Outside Char is waiting to pounce. She asks Woof what happened. Woof explains that basically she didn’t get to see her brother a lot once he was married. In fact she hasn’t been able to set foot in her brothers house for three years. Char asks why? She says because his wife said so.

I’m surprised you didn’t “WANG” her ass!

Back inside it’s the never ending sob story that Schnozzie tells her boyfriend/stalker/maniac/bone buddy. She explains it wasn’t her fault and he’s pissed because she never called him back. She misses home. THEN GO BACK THERE.

He tells her he doesn’t care anymore and she tells him she loves him and to stop saying stupid shit. He denies saying stupid shit, she tells him she loves him AGAIN and he says “OK.”

Uh oh. A show is about to start. Wilma has a plastic bag over her shoulder that has Fucci written on it and I am pretty sure she is dogging on Schnozzie. She tells the camera it makes her look classy.

Meanwhile Schnozzie is now bitching to her Mom about her horrible treatment. She tells Mommy that she does not associate herself with people of that type of class. REALLY? And ya went on the BGC????? HATE.

Dickie and Wilma bring chairs so they can sit outside the phone room and fuck with Schnozzie.

Childish, perhaps. Funny? Hell yes.

Schnozzie’s brilliant Mom tells her that she has read her horoscope for the week and it’s not good. She does not like this week and she wants Schnozzie to be very careful! And also the lotto numbers are 12-23-45-62-18- with a Powerball of 44.

Later Schnozzie is whining to Woof about not wanting to talk to “her” and just wants to “capture what she had”. Hey hippie go burn some sage with Mommy. Make all the bad spirits float away. Tard.

While she’s whining Woof tells her to be strong because she’s Italian but if she leaves she’s Irish. Really now? I bet my big fat Irish ass could make you into a greasy paste you Olive Oyl looking bitch. Ok I am not exactly sure that’s what she said but……well………I’m pissed and pretty sure she said that.

While Woof is giving her version of a pep talk to Schnozzie, Dickie and Tucky are packing Schnozzie’s clothes. Seriously. As they drop Schnozzie’s clothes in her room Woof says “She’s not leaving.”

Dickie tells us she is the epitome of weak sauce. And she’s gotta go.

Dickie comes back into the room with the Fucci bag and taunts her some more. Schnozzie tells her to leave. Then Schnozzi goes off on a rant about having morals and pride and not backing down. Dickie’s response? “So when ya leaving so I can help you?”

Back and forth they go. No I’m not. Yes you are. I know I am but what are you!!!!!

On and on it goes. Dickie says Woof is acting like she’s on Schnozzies side but since when has she been on anyone’s side other than Char. Wilmarie is right there with her. Dickie tells us she is the alpha female and there is fun to be had and pranks to be played.

Tucky goes and buries the phone in a planter and Dickie prints up a bunch of signs that say “WEAK”. They place these signs everywhere and decide that they are taking over.

So, do you think Schnozzie will last or will she fold? What do you think of Wilmarie?

Until next week,

Love and Smooches,

Cherie