Bad Girls Club:Weaving Las Vegas

Ok so last week it looked like Gia, now to be called Stinky was gone for good. She will be called Stinky since Jessica Mack brought it to my attention that the bitch never changed clothes from beginning to end with all kinds of gross shit in between. However as my very astute followers informed me, the bitch is in later scenes so let’s get started and see what happens when Stinky returns!

To start things off Amy is running around like a crack head jumping on peoples beds and screaming for them to wake up. I am NOT a morning person so this would be grounds for murder as far as I’m concerned.

Talk about the crack of dawn.

Mimi is not amused and tells “Schizo” Amy to go away. Jenna falls out of the bed and follows Schizo downstairs. As Schizo is leaving, she tells Mimi she might be a Schizo “but I looooovessss yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!” in this high pitched squeaky ass voice.

Out to the pool area Jenna and Schizo go for some breakfast.

The breakfast of champions, if champs are alcoholics.

Jenna tells us Schizo is gonna be good for the house. She sees something fun in her and she likes her a lot.

Meanwhile the twins wake up and go to confessional to discuss the other twits. The main topic seems to be that Dani thinks Schizo has ass breath. This somehow annoys Gabi who threatens to leave if Dani doesn’t stop being shallow. Being shallow is when you make fun of someone who lives in a trailer. Ass breath is fair game. Dani then says Mimi has nasty feet and she’s just being honest. Gabi decides they should do separate confessionals from now on.

Back out at the pool Jenna and Schizo are talking about Stinky. Schizo wonders if she’s really gone and Jenna assures her she is. Jenna runs down who is left and Schizo tells her that Mimi hates her and called her a stalker or a solicitor. No dingbat she called you Schizo and she’s spot on. Jenna assures her she will soon love her.

Meanwhile Erica,Mimi and Gabi are discussing the need for new people. Erica/Venetia decides that “these people are blackening my aura.”

Bitch your “aura” is about 15 shades of maroon.

They then discuss the fact that one of the twins put Schizo’s weave into the oven and how pissed she’s gonna be if it gets cooked.

Later the girls are searching for food in the kitchen and one of them says they want Sprite because the water isn’t cold. Schizo walks through and tells them it is really fake because none of them asked her and Jenna if they want drinks with them. She tells us that “these girls are the biggest vagina holes she’s ever met in her life.”

Not counting the huge crater between her legs.

They inform her they are drinking Sprite and lemonade and that she is always welcome to chill with them. However Mimi notices the look on Schizo’s face that means trouble is brewing. And brew it does when one of the girls is about to use the oven and finds Schizo’s weave in there.

That girl is a boil on the ass of America.

To make things worse the girls are laughing and Schizo doesn’t find it funny at all. So she lunges at Mimi and grabs at her throat.

Why Mimi you ask? I think she hates black people.

Ok so I don’t know if she’s a racist or not but it seems odd to me that out of all the girls she jumps Mimi and Mimi wasn’t even the one who found the weave in the oven.  Or put it there for that matter. They trade punch/slaps and Mimi ends up on the floor as the other girls get Schizo away. Mimi ends up with a large knot on her tater.

How has she not strangled Schizo yet?

The girls decide that Schizo needs to go and Mimi says if she doesn’t she will. The girls argue with her. They send Jenna to get Schizo so they can talk and Venetia yells “I am peeeeeesed.”

Jenna goes upstairs and tries to talk sense to Schizo and tells her she can’t just punch people like that. Schizo acts like she’s not sure what happened. Jenna tells her she has to go downstairs and apologize so that the other girls don’t make her leave. If Jenna would get Schizo’s tit out of her mouth long enough she might realize the bitch is crazy as hell and NEEDS TO LEAVE.

Amy and Jenna, whose sporting a whale tail by the way, come downstairs and Mimi asks Schizo why why why did she hit her. Schizo, with a straight face says,“As an adult I can say, I don’t remember.”

Mimi points out it was two freaking minutes ago. Gabi/Dani tells her she better be glad she didn’t hit her because her ass would be beat. Then she tells her all the drama has revolved around her. Schizo agrees. While everyone else is trying to explain to Schizo why she should go Jenna decides she’s gonna convince them to let her stay. She hasn’t been weened yet so ya know, it makes sense.

Jenna’s logic is that they should agree to disagree. Yeah I disagree with you punching me in my head and you agree it was a great idea. Problem solved. Dipshit.

Cut the cord already you bug eyed freak!

Jenna says that Schizo is a good person and a cool person and they should get to know each other. Kinda hard to do when you are constantly warding off blows bitch.

Mimi decides that if she’s forced to live with her then she just won’t talk to her ever again. This confuses Schizo who doesn’t know what that means.

Ahhh, confusion, a schizo’s best friend.

Once it’s explained to her she’s all “Whatever.”

While Schizo is upstairs, Mimi and Venetia talk about needing some holy water and Mimi says the bitch needs Jesus. Jenna over hears and actually says she doesn’t think Schizo knew what she was saying. Venetia points out that that is no excuse to hit people. BugEye’s devotion is beginning to get on other peoples nerves aside from mine.

Later upstairs, BugEye and Schizo are putting on makeup when BugEye says that she and Schizo are gonna have the best time of all!

Schizo tells us that certain people owe her an apology and she owes Mimi an apology. She claims she feels terrible and just wants to move on from here. Good luck with your lucid moment. These two take off to have some fun.

Back at home Venetia tells the girls she wants her Boo to come see her but he doesn’t agree with her decision to be on the BGC. He wants to get married and have “keeds.” Gabi understands where she’s coming from although she says she doesn’t have a boyfriend, she does have feelings for someone back home.

Meanwhile Buggy and Schizo are at a bathing suit shop. And the pervert owner guy says this.

Remember all pre-Kardasian when that would have been a huge insult?

Buggy says that her ass eats a lot of things and Schizo says her vagina eats her underwear. Let that sink in for a second.

Schizo’s actual vagina.

After shopping Schizo tells us that she and Buggy are gonna be besties in the house. I bet they try to kill each other within 2 episodes.

Back at the house the girls are eating and deciding where they should go. They decide on a gay club because they can get the guys to make out with them. At least according to Schizo a gay male club is the best place to score. Mimi says,”Eeeeew.”

Off to ClubFlipAGay we go. Everyone is getting along and having fun and then we see this…person.

Uhhh, wtf is that?

Buggy is all, “Ok fair enough.”

Please don’t.

Schizo tells us that all the girls were pretty but one had black suspenders and a six pack like a guy so they all wondered who was gonna make out with “Suspenders?”

I honestly did NOT see that coming.

If I had I would have been able to puke into the garbage can and not beside it. This kiss goes on and on until Mimi finally pulls away and then she yells this…

Are ya sure about that?

Then it gets worse….

Ok no more booze for Mimi!

The twins are pissed and losing respect for Mimi because she is getting along with Schizo. And this is their business how?

Next we are treated to a lot of skinny small packaged dudes sort of dancing.

That’s a sad lil package.

Seriously throw that boy some bills so he can afford a sock or something to stuff in there!

Back home we go where the twins are discussing that Schizo was nice yet they still don’t like her. All is well for the night and everyone goes to sleep like angels.

The next morning……….

Guess whose coming to dinner?

Stinky walks in and yells “Ladies”. She tells us she’s back and we see a montage of what made her have to go bye bye and she tells us she is here to stay. Schizo sees her and quickly runs upstairs to tell the others. When Mimi sees her she screams her name and hugs her. Venetia tells her she knows nothing since she was in a black out drunk when all the shit went down. Venetia feels a bond with her because she’s like her homies.

Stinky does apologize for taking what Buggy said out of context but does not apologize for putting her hands on her since Buggy raised up on her first. As for Schizo she has nada to say to her. She will be cordial to her because she has to share a room with her.

Later Stinky is looking for something to eat and sees some punch in the refrigerator and asks what it is. Well it’s some sort of Grey Goose punch. She declines and says she will not be drinking until she gets her thoughts together.

Dani decides to call a dude named “Cash” to see if he wanted to come bring them food and hang out. They met on a plane a couple of months before. At first he seems to not be sure of who she is since she identified herself as “one of the twins.” How many freaking twins does this dude meet on planes? Anyway he says he has  some shit to do but will call when he’s done and ask for “one of the twins.”

Schizo and Buggy decide to leave the house again but not before giving me a much needed laugh.

Memories of Bustass. Too bad Buggy doesn’t have her personality!

As these two twits are driving they are talking about how they need to meet new people. Buggy doesn’t like the person she has become at the BGC. You mean a tit sucking idiotic follower? I don’t like her either. Oh jeez, Schizo claims she hasn’t been herself either in the TWO days they have been there.

Back at home the girls are stuffing their faces and Venetia is bitching about Buggy pretending to be a party girl and to her she and Schizo are just “basic bitches.” Stinky tells us they have divided into cliques. The twins, Venetia and Stinky against Schizo and Buggy.

Where the hell does that leave Mimi?

Dani suddenly has a plan. An evil awful plan. They want to go find “Larry”. Larry is Schizo’s stuffed skunk. She told everyone not to touch him or she would kill them. Way to put a target on poor Larry’s ass. They go searching and Venetia finds him. They do unspeakable things to Larry. Like sticking him in the toilet and flushing.

Poor lil fella.

Mimi is in the shower and realizes something is up and the twins tell us she’s a mouse because every time they try to do something secret she pops up. Back in the shower she goes unaware of the treacherous deeds being done to poor Larry.

The bitches run to confessional to dangle Larry at the camera, run outside and dip him in the pool and then put his ass in a box, bury him in the sand and cover it with a chair.

R.I.P. Larry.

Until one of these bitches squeals and then Schizo finds him and goes batshit.

Meanwhile Schizo and Buggy have come home.

As the twins and crew are getting ready for God knows what, Gabi starts in on Mimi about being nice to Schizo even after she punched her.

And on what planet would this be your business?

Mimi tells us she’s a grown ass woman and doesn’t need any ones permission to be friends with anyone. Venetia tries to jump in and talk about respect and blah blah blah and Schizo walks by and wonders to us why these girls are obsessed with her. Uhh, because you are cracked in the noggin???

Buggy jumps in and claims the same shit just keeps being brought up over and over. This infuriates Gabi who tells us, “Jenna if it’s not your fight, stop talking.” Good advice dingbat, it’s not your fight either and I don’t see you shutting your peen hole.

DOORBELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know that boys name is Jim or Buford. Cash my ass.

Schizo notices that both guys are tanned and the other guy not named Cash is wearing a burgundy shirt so his name becomes Burgundy. As the drinks are poured Schizo informs us that Burgundy is definitely broccoli. This means he’s not top notch or Mr. Right however he is………….

Pretty sure a dried out hot dog would be Mr. Right Now at this stage.

Everyone is chit chatting and over in the corner Schizo has Burgundy in her lap. This gives Venetia an idea. They, she and one of the twit twins, should make sure she sleeps with Burgundy so she will regret it in the morning! It’s genius! But how to pull this enormous feat off? A drunken whore spreading her legs for a horny dude? IMPOSSIBLE I SAY! And by the way how the hell does anyone lose in that situation? And how the fuck does that make Venetia, or as my friend John Bender calls her Venereal, win anything. Schizo and Burgundy fuck and Venetia………….has cobwebs in her cooter? Whatever. The herd heads out to eat as I swear I hear Psycho(Judi) singing in the background “I got the voodoo for you bitches!”

At the restaurant Schizo decides Burgundy has a crush on her because he’s flirty and keeps trying to make her suck down drinks.

Hey Schizo, it’s called “The Leg Spreader.” Sheesh bone up on man language for fucksake.

The other girls decide to tell the waiters that Schizo and Burgundy are engaged so they will come out and sing to them.

Gee I wonder where this is heading?

Everyone starts cheering for the “engaged” couple to kiss and they do. Then Venetia rubs her chubby lil hands together because her plan to make these two sleep together is coming along as planned.

Your brilliance is only out shined by your gappy front teeth.

These idiots decide to go back to the house and have a “wedding.” Buggy is the Maid of Honor, Mimi will perform the “ceremony” and Schizo and Burgundy are bride and groom.

However before Schizo has this fucked up fake ass non legal retarded ceremony, she decides she should call her sometimes sort of maybe kinda boyfriend and tell him.

Jesus Buggy and her whale tails are killing me.

Jake is not thrilled with this “fake wedding” and tells her he will kill her. She says it’s not Holy Matrimony it’s a Bad Girls Blessing. He tells her to do what she has to do. Buggy asks for the phone and tries to sound sexy but he already hung up.

On with the “Wedding”. Schizo tells us this is the most white trash wedding she’s ever been to and it’s hers. Shocker.

Burgundy comes out with a bow tie drawn on his neck and he’s shirtless and has abs painted on too.

Here comes the bride, all drunk and holding a moldy weiner…….

Speaking of moldy wieners……………

In between all this Burgundy said some lame ass vows about meeting her at a Mexican restaurant and boozing her up and some other shit he knew she was the slut for him. Mimi pronounces them man and wife and tells them to kiss with tongue.

Venetia is ill because her plan was to get Schizo laid, not married. Hate to break it to you dingbat, but Mimi is not qualified to marry anyone. But they still might fuck so cheer up.

What is her obsession with getting Schizo to fuck a dude? Does she really think that girl has thoughts long enough to regret anything. Methinks Venetia needs some ass herself.

After pulling Burgundy’s garter belt off with her teeth, everyone starts yelling,”Take it off.” Why did they draw a penis on him too?

Now see if that was a real marriage she would know she didn’t have to do that anymore unless she wanted something really bad. And on his birthday. And Christmas.

Finally after a lap dance and some carrying on the dudes leave. I don’t think Venetia’s evil plan to get Schizo laid worked. Upstairs Dani,Gabi and Venetia are talking shit and Venetia says nobody in this house makes sense but them. And the others are stupid.

Meanwhile Buggy is telling Mimi she loves her. Mimi loves her too and they have decided that no matter how crabby the other bitches are they will be the life of the party. Yippie.

The next morning Schizo and Buggy are reliving the nights events.

Is it just me or does Schizo look like she should be toting  Tweety Bird around in a cage?

Meanwhile the other girls are making fun of the fact that for someone who was so cocky, Burgundy had a lil cock when they pulled his britches down. Then they make fun of his nose. Stinky sends best wishes to them. And then calls them white trash.

Buggy tells us they are going to a strip club tonight. They being she, Mimi and Schizo. Buggy wants to see a dinner plate nipple…………she also wants to see a ding ding turkey’s done nipple. Schizo wants to see a preggers stripper. This might just be the most fucked up season I have ever covered.

The rest stay home so they can talk shit about the other three. Venetia reminds them that Schizo tried to hit one of the twins and who jumped in? Someone yells Captain Save A Ho. That made me seriously lol.

Venetia claims they are the real life of the party.

If by “Life of the party” you mean tubby homely drunk, then ok.

She further exclaims that the ugly bitches went out tonight and the pretty ones stayed at home. Delusion can be a helpful tool when mentally disturbed. Let’s face it though, there is no one in that house you can call a looker. I mean Tubby up there almost makes Natalie Nunn pretty. That’s right, I said that shit. I’m sure when I sober up and get some sleep I’ll regret it.

Off to the strip club we go.

I hope the club has insurance in case that thing eats the pole.

Mimi tells us the more she hangs around with Schizo and Buggy the more she sees that Schizo is fun but she still doesn’t trust the bitch.

Back at home Venetia isn’t happy burying Larry. She wants to fuck with Buggy too. So she goes through Buggy’s shit to find that her Louis Vitton bag is a fake. She exclaims that it is a disgrace to the designer and a disgrace to America. This bitches face is a disgrace to America. They find Buggy’s prized hair clip ons and Venetia tells one of the twins to smell it AND SHE DOES!  They take scissors and cut it. Stinky thinks they should bury it with Larry.

Seriously? Someone sticks shit in your face and says smell and YOU DO IT?

Try that shit with me and you will draw back a nub. It’s late and I’m getting grouchy so I apologize for my rudeness. Pfft! No I don’t. I live for rudeness!

Ok so the idiots decide to go to bed. About that time Mimi, Schizo and Buggy come home. Guess what happens? Yep the skanks are awakened.

Tubby Maroon Head comes blasting down, well waddling down to complain about Buggy’s loud ass voice. And she was being loud but hello, it’s the BGC not a spa.

Holy sheep shit put it back to sleep!

When the twits try to explain Tubby starts screaming “ONE ON ONE!” Well it would be one on one if you would shut the fuck up. Buggy apologizes and asks if they, the twins and tubby would accept it and Tubby has this to say.

I guess that’s a no. Dipshit.

Upstairs Tubby keeps making fun of Buggy apologizing and one of the twins, Dani I think says she did it because she knew she would get fucked up. Bitch until I see you fuck someone up, stop with the drama. Mimi doesn’t see what the big fucking deal is.

Back upstairs Tubby says we have a free fucking country, that’s what we fought for America for so that people like her can speak. Dani says that’s the Bill of Rights. Number one Freedom of Speech. Gabi tells her no that’s the Ten Commandments. Dani tells Gabi that the Ten Commandments is like sloth and envy.

1.Tubby nor I have fought for shit. Others did that so we can have the freedoms we do.

2.Dani is correct in saying Freedom of Speech is in the Bill of Rights and is number 1.

3. Gabi is a fucking retard when she says its the Ten Commandments and Dani loses her credibility by saying the Ten Commandments is about sloth and envy. That would be The Seven Deadly Sins.

So to wrap up. None of  these bitches could pass a GED anywhere in this country.

Downstairs Schizo and Buggy are making fun of the upstairs twats. Stinky is in confessional bitching about how Buggy wants to get along with everyone.

Hey Itchy, notice how you can balance a beer can on Stinky’s flat ass head?

By the way, Tubby’s plan is to get rid of Buggy because she is the scum of the “erf.”

What’s below “scum of the erf”? Look above. Woof!

That’s it lovies,

Love and Smooches,

Cherie

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