Recap: Bad Girls Club: Beach Slapped

Something has happened to Bad Girls Club. The past few episodes have been — dare I say — enjoyable! Is it possible that I’m actually getting hooked on this show? Is it possible that I’ve finally given myself over to the weekly chaos that passes for drama on this show? I think the answer is yes, yes, and yes, especially after tonight’s rowdy fight at the beach. The episode, brilliantly titled “Slap My Beach Up,” finally returned the show to its rip-roaring Ripsi roots (unintentional alliteration) as fists flew and tears shed. You know, back on The Duel, MTV teased us for weeks with that notorious Tina-on-Beth punch, but that was nothing compared to the Ty and Aimee melee that went down on Oxygen. You go girls!When last we saw our bad girls, half of them were galavanting around an illegal campfire while the other half were at home, doing nothing in particular. Scratch that. There was some activity. DeAnn had left a fake mouse under Aimee’s bed, and since Aimee is deathly afraid of vermin, she completely flipped out and sprayed all of DeAnn and Kerry’s clothing with bleach. Surely this would lead to some sort of disastrous confrontation. Or so I assumed.

Tonight’s show opened up with the girls all slinking around as if nothing had happened. None of the blondes seemed to have even noticed that their clothes had received the bleach treatment. Wow. This was kind of anticlimactic. All week long I had waited to see DeAnn’s stupefied reaction to what I imagined would be her newly speckled garments, but all we got was nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Instead, we learned about Ty and how she spent her teen years in foster homes, and how she had a tendency to run away, and all she knows is running away, and blah blah blah. Actually, I shouldn’t gloss over her. She had some interesting things to say and a more fascinating back story than someone like Zara. However, on this sort of show, I only care about bitch fights, bitch slaps, and bitch chaos.

Nevertheless, Ty reminded us that she was a felon and had spent one and a half years in a correctional facility. She wanted to be a journalist and even went to school to pursue that career, but then it dawned on her that most publications wouldn’t want to hire someone with a felony on their record. I’m not sure how true that statement was (Felons Quarterly is always looking for new contributors!), but needless to say, Ty dropped out of school because she was so discouraged about her prospects in life. Kind of sad. And depressing. Oh well. Too bad Starting Over isn’t still around because she could really have used some of Iyanla’s sage advice (or at least, a ridiculously literal healing exercise).

We then took a brief respite from the Toils of Ty to touch on that aforementioned bleach incident which had gotten me so excited. Apparently, Aimee had sprayed ammonia, not bleach, and I guess that doesn’t stain. I don’t know. I’m not familiar with my household products. I just know not to spray either of those things on my precious wardrobe.

And with that, the entire bleach retaliation came to a close. Sigh.

That night, Ty and Leslie decided to get drunk and party at L.A. nightclub Basque. While they boozed it up (and man, did they booze it up), the rest of the girls (a.k.a. the white girls) got durnk on wine and cavorted in the hot tub. Zara sang Jodie’s praises to us, saying, “She makes me feel better when I do stupid stuff.” Translation: she’s an enabler.

Turns out that Zara and Jodie were quickly becoming fast friends. It wasn’t because Jodie particularly liked Zara. I think it was more as a retaliation against Kerry for befriending DeAnn (not to mention that perceived “third wheel” effect that the botched pranks from last episode caused).

Anyway, while Zara and Jodie became BFF, Ty emerged from the club super drunk. In fact, she was so drunk that she managed to puke all over a cab. Yes, on the way back to the house, she had rolled down the window and thrown up out of the car. The good news was that the car interior was clean. The bad news was that the door was absolutely nasty. Thankfully, the camera crew was sure to zoom in nice and tight and show us every glimmering droplet of vomit… multiple times.

Well, for whatever reason, Ty ran into Aimee and DeAnn’s bathroom (as opposed to her own) and continued to puke up a storm (and wake up the girls in the meantime). As you can imagine, Aimee was not pleased. And for good reason. Ty’s barfing sounded horrendous.

“Ty is puking like a loud man,” Aimee told us in her typically (and much welcomed) blunt style. In an effort to mask the awful, guttural sounds coming from Ty, Leslie then tried to sing, but she wasn’t so much making melodies as she was communicating with whales. You know in the winter when the heat comes on and pipes moan and groan and make all those noises? Yeah, that’s what Leslie sounded like. Except worse.

Eventually, this led to bickering between Aimee and the girls. Leslie didn’t understand why Aimee was being so insensitive when Ty was sick. Aimee didn’t understand why they had to bring Ty into her bathroom and make such a big ruckus in the meantime. Yelling and cursing was exchanged, and then we went to commercial.

The next morning, Leslie and Ty babbled about how angry Aimee was the night before, and according to Ty, that was just wrong and rude. “My biggest thing is respect,” she said. “That’s me. I set high standards for myself.” For instance, she will only barf on a car door if and only if that door has been cleaned and polished to the fullest extent! STANDARDS, PEOPLE!

Ty continued, “If I feel like I want respect, I’m gonna demand a high amount of respect.” She then added, “Unless I plan to forge your name for $6,000.”

Meanwhile, Aimee and Kerry talked about the whole late night incident, and Aimee explained that she was already in a bad mood and being woken up out of her sleep just pushed her over the edge. Aimee? In a bad mood? Now that’s a shock!

Later, we found Ty on the phone with her dad, crying about respect and whatnot. She told her pops that she and Leslie were going to have to snap on Aimee and bring her down, and while her dad essentially told her to just calm down, relax, his advice was treated like so many other parents before him on reality shows: UNHEEDED.

Anyway, after Ty was done bawling, we learned that the girls would all be going to the beach. Zara, however, announced that she would not be present. It was entirely too late for her to change into BeachZara. She stayed behind, and as a result, her new buddy Jodie hung back also. The big question remained: what would these two nymphs do to occupy themselves? Well, they were gonna go skinny dipping! Yay!

We then cut back and forth between the beach girls and the home girls. Out by the ocean, the girls all cavorted and played in the waves (well, technically, Aimee sat on a towel and enjoyed the afternoon with her fellow crabs). DeAnn and Kerry molded a penis in the sand (they’d sure make an awfully annoying bachelorette party) while back at the house, Zara and Jodie changed into skimpy lingerie, got drunk, and eventually made their way into the hot tub, which they had filled so high with bubbles that the smallest movement sent the foam pouring out onto the floor.

Soon, for whatever reason, we then saw a naked Zara running through the house covered in bubbles. I think she was in search of wine. Nothing really happened. She was just a total mess, and anytime a drunk girl in a full body suit of bubbles appears on TV, it just has to be mentioned.

Back at the beach, it was time to pack up and move on out. This was where things became interesting. Ty told Aimee to carry the raft, but guess what? Aimee didn’t want to carry the raft! You know what that means: tension!

“Who do you think you are, telling me what to do?” Aimee snapped, somewhat unreasonably.

“It’s common sense, dawg!” Ty replied, before yelling my favorite line of the night: “IT’S COURTESY, BITCH!”

Well, the two girls went back and forth like this for a while until finally, Ty did this weird thing where she poked Aimee’s forehead. In response, Aimee did an equally weird thing where she grabbed Ty’s boob and pushed it. Leslie soon intervened and reminded them that they were on a staircase, which was dangerous for people to be poking foreheads and groping boobs on. However, once they had climbed up to the parking lot, Ty announced, “We on top of the hill now!” BRING IT, BITCH!

After some more verbal clashing, Ty spat at Aimee, who in turn spat right back. And just like that, the fists came out and the two girls went at it. FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

After the commercial break, the other girls finally decided that they should intervene. They pulled the girls away from each other, and we saw for the first time that Aimee had a cut lip. Ty, meanwhile, wandered off with a crying Leslie (and two other random girls) in tow. I genuinely felt bad for Leslie. By throwing the first punch, Ty was gonna be sent home, and now Leslie was left without her best friend. She tearfully scolded Ty, asking her why the hell she would do what she just did. As for Aimee, she was her old self, saying, “I won’t listen to anybody. Hit me if you gotta hit me. Do what you gotta do. Stop talking about it.” God, I love Aimee. You know, I understand that she may not be “pretty enough” for MTV, but how she was passed over for The Real World is beyond me. I’d much rather have her and Jenn from that show swap places.

Meanwhile, a shocked DeAnn muttered to herself, “I cannot believe that just happened!” Oh really? Did you not just hear the violent bickering for the past twenty minutes? Clearly she was consumed with memories of her sand penis. Gosh, that was hilarious.

Well, the girls returned to the house where Ty packed up her belongings as Leslie continued to mournfully lecture her. Aimee, meanwhile, told us that she came into the house promising not to punch people over something stupid. Looks like that plan turned out well.

Long story short, Ty left the house, and I thought for sure the episode would be over too, but nope. There was a very important piece of information to be shared. Zara and Jodie had had sex in the bubble bath! Wait, what? Was that a joke or for real? No matter because as quickly as we had learned it, we were already onto the next scene, which was Leslie praying before going to sleep, talking to us about how she, unlike Ty, was committed to changing herself through this experience. And honestly, what’s more therapeutic and life-changing than being in a house with other crazy girls and doing nothing?

What did you think about this episode?

More screencaps of the fight and puke tomorrow. My Tivo messed up, and there are sadly no screen caps from the episode on the show’s website.