Bad Girls Club: The Shit Hits The Fan

Hello my fellow addicts. Are you ready for another trip to the Bad Girls Club? Here we go!

This week starts off with KlanBarbie gushing about her boyfriend. She tells us he adores her and that it’s been so long since they’ve had sex that he would probably only last about 30 seconds. Oh and he has a huge schlong. Ambeer remembers that KlanBarbie told her he was an “early bird” and she just could not put up with that. Ha! Ambeer hasn’t been laid since they got there so I’m pretty sure at this point 30 seconds would suffice.

I am not sure why but I was expecting Paul to be a bit on the ugly side. And, AND he’s in the Air Force and just did two tours in Iraq. No wonder KlanBarbie blathers on and on about him. Anyway he’s flying in today for a visit. Of course this gives Batshit the perfect opportunity to act like an ass. She tells the camera that Paul usually only dates Puerto Rican or black girls and that Kate better watch it because he might be attracted.

KlanBarbie picks him up at the airport and damn, he’s better looking than I thought. There has to be something wrong with him. No one is that cute and adorable and honorable without having some freaky flaw. I shall find it!

KlanBarbie gives Paul the rundown of the other girls. If I were him I’d jump out of the car and head back to Iraq. It’s safer. And probably more quiet.

At the house there are introductions all around. Batshit is on the phone, probably not with Formaldehyde because he would have already hung up, but she doesn’t even bother to get off the phone to say a proper greeting. Ambeer on the other hand is now sad. It makes her miss her own boyfriend.

After all the introductions, KlanBarbie and Paul go outside to chat. KlanBarbie says Batshit is rude. Paul doesn’t remember which one she was. KlanBarbie tells him she’s the one who couldn’t be bothered to get off the phone.

Cut to Batshit herself saying that Kate’s lame. She hasn’t even boned him yet and he’s been in the house at least 20 minutes. If it was her, she be fucking him on that floating bed in the pool butt ass naked. I think what she means is that if anyone with a penis comes near that house, he’s in trouble.

And they are off to a club. Before leaving the house Looney stapled a hem onto Kendra’s skirt. That’s a new one for me but hey whatever works. At the club we see this.

All the girls are dancing with various dudes. Even Manly who actually asks one dude what his sign is. Smooth. When he says he’s a Gemini she almost pees herself because she has heard Gemini’s are good in bed. She then puts a chain of some sort around his neck and he wonders why. She tells him so she can be sure he brings it back to her. He says “Let me think on that.”

She takes the necklace off said dude and reports back to the others that he needed to think about it and she told him that she is a Bad Girl and she don’t need no guy to think about nothing and blah blah blah. Then she tells us she can’t understand why all the other girls are getting guys but she isn’t. Let me count the ways…uhhhh, you look like a dude, you sound like a constipated dude, and………that about covers it.

Back at the house Manly continues wah wahing about her lack of penis. She claims she is a 26 year old hot woman and she can’t even get any play. Kendra tells us that the reason Manly is bisexual is because dudes don’t like her. She tells us she would go over to the girls side too if she couldn’t get any penis action.

Cut to KlanBarbie and SoldierBoy under the covers playing around. Seems like KlanBarbie is horny as all hell but Soldierboy just wants to sleep. Never fear KlanBarbie whips out her trusted bestest friend in the house.

We have company!

Oh it’s those guys Kendra met at the club. Batshit is impressed. Manly not so much. One of the guys and Kendra come outside where Manly is moping and she shows her displeasure by spitting something. She tells them they are fine but you can tell she’s ill.

Kendra tells us she thinks Manly is jealous and insecure. She’s right. But she’s also insane so I’d be careful if I were Kendra. Nevermind it’s more fun to watch when y’all lose it so have it please.

While Kendra and her BaldBoy play some sort of game he keeps mumbling some shit and finally Kendra tells us that he has offered to “do her a favor”. One that she does not have to reciprocate. In other words he wants to munch the muffin. So upstairs they go. Kendra takes out enough time to let Looney Know her plans.

As Kendra and BaldBoy drag a blanket into another room she tells us that if everyone in the house had sex they’d all be friends. Yeah but imagine the smell from Batshit and Manly alone. Ick!

Of course Manly highly disapproves of Kendra getting her munch on and tells us that even though she’s done some crazy things, Kendra needs to grow. Oh Manly you are just jealous that you aren’t the one munching. Kendra meanwhile seems very satisfied.

So much so that Kendra gives BaldBoy the boot the next morning lol. She tells us that even though she got serviced it still wasn’t the tune up she needed. Damn Kendra has turned into a little wildcat. It’s about damn time too.

Manly, Kendra, Ambeer and Batshit brag about Kendra’s exploits. Later KlanBarbie is downstairs being all grossed out. Ambeer teels her everyone is different. In other words shut up bitch.

Later Batshit bounces into Pauls room where Lexie already is. She apologizes for all the noise. Then she asks him if he ever plays sports. Boring chit chat ensues.

Later outside Paul tells KlanBarbie what Batshit asked him. KlanBarbie says it’s because Batshit only likes athletes and celebrities. Then she bashes Batshit and tells Paul she lives in a whorehouse. Uhhhh….DUH!

Oh shit. We have bath tub action. KlanBarbie and DudeofmyDreams SoldierBoy getting ready to make some noise. SoldierBoy takes of his pants. Damn bubble bath!

KlanBarbie starts moaning like crazy and this runs Ambeer out of the next room. Ambeer announces to her fellow twits that KlanBarbie and SoldierBoy are “woo-hooing”. Lexie doesn’t know what that means and so finally Manly says they are fucking.

Looney takes this opportunity to tell everyone that she was born naked and she’s fine with it. Were you also born with a dick in your mouth? As Lexie puts it, “No one is gonna get butt hurt except for Kate.” Hahahahahaha! Good one. Then they all get a good giggle over the fact that it won’t last long because Paul only lasts about 30 seconds.

Later while Paul is playing pool Lexie is razzing him about getting his ball in the hole. Then things get deep and he tells Lexie that KlanBarbie has changed in a way that he’s proud of. She’s maturing every day. Ha! Lexie tells him that if they can make it thru BGC they can make it thru anything and should then be looking into some deeper shit. Yeah I’m sure Iraq was a breeze. Then she giggles a lot and whines about not being able to find a decent guy.

Outside Manly is telling bullshit about how in New York she has guys falling at her feet. Yeah probably from fear. Then Batshit starts mimicking Kendra when she’s trying to get a guy. Kendra does not look impressed. Kendra tells us she is the most sexually frustrated girl in the house and she is going to try her best to get some.

More pillow talk from these two. KlanBarbie tells Paul she is so glad he’s there because she can be herself with him and he loves her no matter what and zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Get the dude naked already!

Tonight the girls have plans to go to the Viper Room. The only thing I remember about that place is that it’s where River Pheonix died outside. Anyhoodles, Marcus will be there along with about 50 other guys Kendra has been stringing along. Batshit tells her “Pimping is not easy but pimping is fun.” They should put that in a fortune cookie. Oh and they are going to see a group called Thunder Dick.

Looney tells us she’s just excited that it’s a rock band so she won’t have to listen to hip hop. LOL.

At the club the first line the dude sings is “My name is DICK!” Ok. They are all into this lame ass shit. Looney has just become an instant groupie.

Oh hell, Lexie is drunk off her ass and demands the mic. DICK! actually hands it to her and she slur/yells some shit like, “We are gonna STAAAAAY RIIIGGGHHHTTT NOW motherfuckers!” She mumbles some more shit and then throws the mic down and says “That’s how I feel about that one.” Quick, someone ask her about global warming!

Outside Lexie is humping the limo. They all climb inside and someone says for everyone to calm down because they all want to go to the next party. Lexie screams for someone to fix her earring. Paul tries but then all I hear is jibberish and then this…

KlanBarbie starts yapping about respect and says that Lexie doesn’t think before she speaks. So I don’t think before I type. What’s the prob? KlanBarbie tells Lexie she needs a reality check and she can’t just walk up in this house and act like she’s one of them because she’s not. She’s the 8th bitch. Lexie starts to speak and stand up and KlanBarbie tells her to sit the fuck down. And….commercial.

When we come back Ambeer is trying to explain to Lexie that what she said was rude. Lexie didn’t think she was being rude. Then she stutters that she’s sorry they are all butt hurt and staggers off.

Inside Kress they are all dancing and having a good time. That means trouble is brewing. Then we see KlanBarbie saying this.

Paul just laughs, which in guy language means, “HELP ME.” More dancing and drinking and then Marcus shows up. Kendra jumps on him like ugly on Manly but Marcus ain’t having it.

Marcus kinda blows her off even though she basically begs him to party with her. This makes her angry and she decides she is done with Lil Rabbit Tooth.

Later Kendra is so drunk that she’s all bent over showing her stuff and Lexie and Batshit are trying to cover that mess up. Kendra then moves on to some guy and repeats this process. Manly is getting madder by the second.

Manly calls Kendra over and gives her the whole “If I didn’t care about you” speech but Kendra is in no mood for lectures. She just wants to party. And party she does. As Manly simmers. Looney tries to calm Manly down by saying that when she was 21 she would have done the same thing. I don’t think it’s helping.

Manly stomps outside with Ambeer bitching the whole time about how she was just trying to save Kendra from herself and Kendra turned on her and blah blah blah zzzzzzz. When Kendra finally joins them in the limo the first words out of Manly’s mouth are “Bitch I was trying to look out for you.” Then she tells her if she wants to act like a slut then go ahead. Kendra starts hopping up and down in the seat and asks Manly if she wants to fight her right now. Screaming and yelling and crap and jibberish.

Somehow this fight spreads to KlanBarbie and Batshit. KlanBarbie tells Batshit to shut the fuck up because no one likes her. Then she mimics her “I run L.A.” crap. She also says in Batshits voice, “I wear condoms because I cheat on my boyfriend.” On and on.

Back at the house the yelling continues. Manly comes in the house crying about how she looks like a loser right now and she doesn’t do this cause she’s a winner. Lexie drunkenly says “You look hot so that’s all that matters.” Manly threatens to punch someone in the face.

Cut to Batshit and Kendra talking about KlanBarbie “getting bold” at the end of the night and about Natalie being the life of the party. Yes she is speaking in the third person. She further spouts that her (KlanBarbie’s) boyfriend, probably wants to screw her. Do these people never learn about open windows? Batshit also says that if she wanted Paul, she’d have him.

Out comes KlanBarbie like a bat outta hell. She wants to know what she said about Paul. Batshit plays innocent and KlanBarbie calls her a drunk bitch who only wants to associate with people who are more important than she. Batshit giggles and says goodnight.

Meanwhile Lexie is running around the house making bird call noises and then saying “Ooooosa!” at the end. That chick is one cracked up cracker.

Outside KlanBarbie and Batshit finally go there separate ways while inside Manly decides to announce to Kendra that this ain’t the whore club. It’s is the Bad Girls Club. Blah blah blah. Downstairs comes Kendra telling Manly she needs to figure her shit out. Now they are face to face. Kendra tells her since she’s only 21 she can make mistakes but at Manly’s ancient 26 she cannot. Manly answers this by blowing smoke in her face.

Kendra answers like this…

Meanwhile Looney calls her Dad and tells them their code word is gonna be Jack. If she says “Jack” he is to call 911 immediately. Oh and just by the way, he actually asked her to spell it for him. Couldn’t she just call 911 herself?

After Kendra slapped Manly, Manly shoved the shit out of her. Lexie and Batshit jump in between them. Manly yells at her that she’s going home tonight. Manly keeps calling her a whore and blathering on about her showing her “underwears” to the world. Kendra tells her she’s too old to find a guy. Batshit finally shoves Kendra into the limo and goes to calm Manly down.

Batshit tells us that if Manly were half as cute as Kendra she would be doing the same thing. Good point. Now shut up and go away.

Now Batshit changes the subject to how KlanBarbie is starting shit when all she did was make her boyfriend happy and satisfied tonight.

Suddenly there is a very, very loud noise.

Turns out that noise was Batshit’s makeup case being thrown out the second floor window. Upstairs KlanBarbie is telling Lexie that the shit is about to hit the fan because she just threw Batshit’s magical makeup box out the window. Paul meanwhile is packing as fast as he can.

KlanBarbie tells Lexie this doesn’t concern her and that she and Batshit have been battling since day one. She also tells her she will break her face if she tells. Lexie says “I ain’t that bitch.” Then she leaves the room.

KlanBarbie is giggling her ass off and Paul is surprised she did it but calls her gangsta. She then tells Paul about how Batshit lies about cheating on her boyfriend and that KlanBarbie’s boyfriends name should never come out of her mouth. KlanBarbie says he’s getting ready to leave and she asks him if they can have sex for about 10 minutes. That turns into five and he says no problem he can go 4 times in 5 minutes. What the fuck is he a jack rabbit?

Lexie goes outside to the limo to check on Kendra. Kendra tells us Manly is a flip flopper and it makes her sick to even hear her talk.

Cut to Batshit having grown some balls because she has Manly with her and she goes running thru the house screaming “Who threw my shit out the window bitch?” She also tells everyone that she is a gangsta. The only gangsta in this house “rite neow.”
The more she screams the madder she gets.

As she stomps into KlanBarbie’s room, she and Paul just lay there. KlanBarbie is laughing her ass off. Batshit is sure it wasn’t KlanBarbie because she is a “scary bitch”. Meanwhile Looney puts on a red hoodie and sneaks off somewhere to hide.

Back outside Batshit goes to collect all her shit that is strewn about all the while mumbling “Weak bitches. Hit me and see what happens. All of you ho’s. Flo included.” Manly it seems was standing in the upstairs window and did not appreciate that shit at all. Especially since she was with Batshit when all her shit came flying out the window.

Lexie is all freaked out and just wishes they could handle things differently.

As Paul is leaving the house he kisses KlanBarbie goodbye and tells Ambeer to take care of her. She says she will, they are going to cuddle. Paul drags his shit outside and is waiting on a car to pick him up.

In the meantime Manly corners Ambeer and her muffin top and asks her who the hell threw Batshit’s crap out of the window. She swears it wasn’t her and then points to KlanBarbie’s room.

Manly wastes no time screaming out the window that it was KlanBarbie who threw her shit out. Batshit starts trying to say that all she did was respect KlanBarbie’s boyfrind and then KlanBarbie tells her to shut up bitch so Batshit grabs a flower pot and tells her to say something else.

Instead of waiting for KlanBarbie to speak Batshit throws the pot on the floor and repeats “Say something else.” She keeps calling her a scary ass ho and telling her she will get fucked up. Then she throws something else at KlanBarbie’s bed. Sheesh fuck her up or get off the pot you loud mouthed bitch. Batshit grabs some of KlanBarbies things and throws them in her general direction. KlanBarbie warns her not to touch her with anything and Batshit says “Or what, your republican ass Dad…” and then she SPIT ON HER and hit her in the boob with a shoe.

That is some nasty shit. Do you understand what kind of hideous shit must be in her mouth for Formaldehyde, Gabe and whatever random hobo she’s been swapping spit with? Gross gross grossssssssss!

KlanBarbie immediately loses her mind and jumps out of the bed and starts slapping at her and all the while Batshit keeps saying “Hit me!” Hello she is. All Batshit does is keep backing up until production jumps in and grabs them both then Batshit acts like she needs holding back.

As KlanBarbie goes to boil her face, Batshit is on the loose again and screaming to Paul that KlanBarbie is a ho. She goes outside where he is still waiting for a car and tells him that “That white bitch in there has been talking shit about you since you got here.” She tells him she feels bad for him, she really does. He never responds.

Then she tells us that there is only one Bad Girl in this house and it’s “yours truly, Natalie.” I may need to barf.

KlanBarbie tells us that this isn’t the end and that Batshit spitting on her didn’t make her look bad, it made Batshit look like the low life that she is.

Downstairs Batshit is picking up all her shit all the while claiming that she can buy it all again in the morning. That they just don’t get it. I guess she’s that rich. My question is, if you are so rich and it’s so easily replaced, what the fuck are you doing picking that scattered all to hell shit up?

Meanwhile the rest are looking for Looney who is hiding under the covers of the bed outside. I don’t blame her.

Then Batshit goes and gets in the limo where Kendra still is. She tells Kendra that she didn’t do anything wrong, that Manly is just jealous of her. Really? I thought Manly and Batshit were tight?

Back inside the house Kendra goes looking for her purse. Manly pounces and yells that Kendra better not say a word to her in that house. Uhh, she wasn’t, you are psycho. More screaming.

Cut to Manly telling us she’s not gonna hit Kendra because she’s “this” small next to her. Besides she says everybody already knows who the real “G” is in this house. She says when she first came there she tried to protect them and all she got was a slap in the face so as of tonight she is a different person. “You watch Bad Girls Club, you want fucking action, I’ma give you motherfucking action. Cause from tonight ain’t none of these bitches on my good side. None of them!” And the bitch gets up and hits the camera.

Well lovies that’s it for this week. Do you think Looney will ever come out of hiding? Will KlanBarbie have a scar from Batshit’s venom? Tune in next week and see.

Love and smooches,
Cherie