Hello my peeplets! It’s time for another action packed adventure through the jungle that is known as Bad Girls Club so lets get to it!
Last week as we all know, BirdBeakBarbie became a full fledged bitch from hell. As if teaming up with Batshit weren’t enough, she then joined forces, as well as crotches with her good “friend” PlaymateBarbie. Poor Manly was still crawling around on all fours and Looney finally lost her shit and told BirdBeak exactly what she thought of her.
As we start this week Looney is melting butter and then adding it to BirdBeak’s egg whites in hopes of making her fat.
At least she didn’t spit in it.
Upstairs Looney confesses to Lexie what she did. Lexie says “That’ll make her fat!”. Uhhh…duh.
Oh sheesh, here’s the poor victim now whining to her boyfriend about how girls are jealous and she just turns the other check and blah blah bullshit. Oh yeah and she tells him Trish (PlaymateBarbie) is in town.
She better be glad he can’t smell through that phone.
Outside we go where poor crippled ass Manly is wadling around. Her best buddie Batshit is so not sympathetic. In fact she thinks basically Manly is worthless now. She means in the house and then prays that Jesus or karma doesn’t get back at her for saying that.
Downstairs BirdBeak makes herself andf Manly some delicious eggs while Looney tries not to crack up. Cut to Batshit whining about Formaldehyde and how he mistreats her and for the love of repetition SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Batshit warns that Roderick or what the hell ever that dudes name was last night might just scoop her up and Kendra warns her that it’s not real.
Hey Formaldehyde, RUUUUUN before you come home to a boiled bunny.
Off to Kress they go. Even PegLeg. She’s a little worried about her giant foot but she’s going anyway. Then Batshit says this.
I don’t blame you, their personality would definitely outshine yours. Plus they are cuter.
At Kress it’s the usual bump and grind and drinks galore. Trish shows up and she and BirdBeak play “Let’s bump titties all night.” Then we see this.
You getting all this Formaldehyde?
BirdBeak tells us that “Trish” aka PlaymateBarbie is gorgeous and she (BirdBeak) has been known to be attracted to girls. NO! But that Paul, her one and only beloved considers cheating cheating no matter what and she just hopes she can be a good girl.
Yeah, good luck with that one titty bumper.
Suddenly all the attention turns to Manly who is just trying to get a little dance going with her poor ass crippled self. According to Kendra she should not have worn the Converse and the cast. What should she have done?
I guess she could always shove one or the other up Kendra’s ass.
Oh but the PegLeg bashing isn’t over. Batshit’s BoyToy Broadside, Brickhead oh that’s right Roiditch, has to put his two cents in. He tells her she needs to stop.
I think he just wanted to borrow a crutch so he could scratch his roidy ass with it.
Instead of smacking him with her crutch the night ends with poor PegLeg (don’t worry I am sure I’ll hate her again soon) trying to make her drunk ass way to the car.
Back at the mansion, the two non lesbians are picking out bikini’s. And giggling. Also a very pot bellied looking Batshit is giving Roiditch her list of demands if he wants to make her team. 1. When Batshit calls, you answer. Rule 2, Point Guard, if you want me to act right, you must act right, all the time. Rule number three….baaaarrrrrrrrrffffffffffff!!!
She tells him not to be skeerd. Be skeerd Roiditch, be very very skeerd!
Later in the night while most folks are trying to sleep, the non lesbians are making a ruckus in the hot tub.
I always check my non lesbian girlfriends ass crack for gremlins. It’s just good manners.
Finally Ambeer comes down and tells them that she’s trying to be nice but people are trying to sleep so could they hold it down please? The two say they are going to bed soon anyway.
As the girls go running and giggling by Lexie tells Manly that making out with a girlfriend is not a big deal, Manly agrees, however Manly’s take on it goes a bit far.
I love my dog but I don’t want to fuck him!
Great now Tina Turner’s song “What’s Love Got To do With It” is playing in my head!!!!!
Suddenly all the girls are running to the bathroom to see who’s beating a baby seal cub to death.
Damn Ima have to pick me up some of those Scrubbing Bubbles cause with Paul watching I am sure she isn’t CHEATING ON HIM.
Once these two “friends” get into bed and disappear under the covers all you hear are loud noises and heavy breathing. I think Paul and Formaldehyde should get together and have watch parties.
The next morning The Barbies are cuddled up together. aww how sweet. As Ambeer is taking the garbage out she announces that The Barbies are cooter lickers. Looney jumps in with kissing is cheating. Unless it’s a sorority thing and for free drinks so in her mind, BirdBeak cheated on Paul. Which in and of itself wouldn’t be such a shock if BirdBeak hadn’t made such a point about cheating from the get go.
The Barbies are in the pool and notice the silence.
Something you two might want to learn how to do.
Well, well, well. In the kitchen we have a conversation going on with Manly and BirdBeakBarbie.
I am shocked! Shocked I say! I mean the cooter licking was a clue but damn!
Manly misunderstands and assumes BirdBeak means she is bi-curious. Nope.
Last time I checked, Paul was a dude. Wait! Maybe he is one of those hermaphrodites!
When Manly looks down on you for having sex with both men and women, you know you are doing something wrong.
Uh oh, the fat patrol is at work again. This time it’s BirdBeaks’s protein powder she’s after. And this time Ambeer is helping her.
Maybe she should find some of that Weight Gain 2000 like Cartman had.
They put salt and sugar in her protein shake in hopes of bloating her and fattening her ass up. Normally I would look down on this kind of behavior. However….
Tee heee heeeeeeeeeee!
And they are off again. To another night club. Where Batshit goes between playing coy and whore.
Pretty sure that ain’t Formaldehyde.
Here comes the coy part.
Fucking around on Formaldehyde? Next question.
Your dick I presume. Oh I get it! He’s into trannies!
Batshit asks him what he wants and he says “you.” Aww it’s just like Romeo and Juliette. Except in this story you are rooting for the same ending. Kendra does not approve. She says Batshit is a party girl and if Roiditch wants to jump in that pit so be it.
Then the shit hits the fan. Batshit argues with the bartender about a $23 tab. She claims a “guy” ordered it for her but never paid. Then wouldn’t that be on HIS bill and NOT hers? The bartender says cough it up ho I was behind the bar when YOU ordered it lolololol!
Batshit loses it and throws the empty JUG of a drink at the girl and stomps off. As Batshit is rambling on about how she could buy the Saddle Ranch and blah blah blah even Roiditch is embarrassed. If $23 is no biggie then pay it you classless whore. Sheesh!
That means he will most likely fuck you tonight but his phone will be busy every day after that.
Back at the house Manly is amusing herself on the pole. And then BirdBeakBarbie gives her “one and only I’d die before I cheated on him” chump, I mean boyfriend Paul a call. He wastes no time in asking what the fuck went down because he knows his girl has a taste for tuna. And I ain’t talking Chicken of the Sea. Jessica Simpson, if you are reading, yes tuna is fish but that’s not what we are talking about here. Exactly.
What? No. We just cuddled. I mean, I may have licked her. You know I tend to sleep lick.
When Paul won’t let it go she suddenly just says “I gotta go I love you.” PlaymateBarbie is afraid they will fight and BirdBeak assures her they won’t. She says it’s just frustrating when you can’t communicate. Yeah not answering a direct question and then hanging up the phone tends to have that effect. Twit.
Back at the house, Roiditch is undressing and about to get into bed with Batshit. She’s fake praying to Jesus that she will never do anything bad again, if he makes Roiditch’s penis extra extra big. Looney decides to vacate her room and sleep in the confessional. While Manly crawls up and asks if she can watch.
Manly is giving pointers like “Faster faster faster!”
And I ain’t kidding, the covers are moving pretty damn fast and I doubt it’s from playing tennis. Manly then hobbles downstairs and tells BirdBeak what she saw. Two seconds later Manly is back with her PervertVision.
Has it ever occurred to anyone in this house to shut a freaking door while having sex?
The next morning before the spooge has dried on her inner thighs, Batshit is up and calling Formaldehyde. I KNOW! That girl has some balls. Roiditch isn’t even out of the driveway yet!
Where have you been? Why haven’t you called? Wait I have spooge dripping on the couch.
Blah blah blah she makes the same arguments only this time, she hangs up on him. Ya know why? Cause she thinks she has replaced him in the dick department. And maybe she has. Roiditch didn’t exactly look like the roundest ball on the court ya know?
Batshit announces to us that she and Formaldehyde are done and what she and Roiditch will have will be a lot better. Delusion is such a great tool for the insane isn’t it?
In the kitchen as the others giggle, BirdBeak is making herself a protein/salt/sugar shake. She finds it delicious and offers some to the others. They all decline.
Later as Batshit is covering all her fug, she tells Kendra that she wants to go out but she only wants the good looking people to go. Kendra agrees.
Shouldn’t Batshit be getting into P.J.’s about now?
Cut to these three “pinky promising” that no one tells Manly that the others want to ditch her because she’s hurting their game.
Manly ain’t the only one they are ditching.
Hahahahahahahahahaaha!!!! Pardon me for a sec………..nope…..hahahahahahhaaha!
Ok so apparently Looney’s “Let’s Get BirdBeak Fat Project” is working. She can’t squeeze into her Ho outfit.
And I am pretty sure that cellulite didn’t appear in the last 2 days.
As BloatedBarbie runs off to find a new outfit, Batshit sneaks into Manly’s room with some made up bullshit about how she can only bring one person and Kendra already asked and Manly says , fine, go whatever, no biggie.
Batshit tells us that tonight she’s taking out only the pretty girls. Kendra, Trish and Kate. “Ugly girls, better luck next time.” Have I mentioned my hatred for this piece of wasted stem cells?
Out the “pretty” girls sneak while the “ugly” girls are otherwise occupied doing ugly girls things I guess.
At whatever club this one is Batshit announces this is the Cute Girl Club!
The CDC called and they want all 6 of their diseases back.
Back at the mansion Manly gets a clue and realizes she was lied to about who was going out. She is not pleased and shouts to the rest of the house that Batshit and Kendra are gold digging sluts. And? To whom is this supposed to be news?
The other girls are a bit afraid of Manly at this point and then Manly announces that she is waiting for them. She ain’t going to sleep. As Manly keeps ranting, the girls at the club keep partying.
There should be Psycho music playing right now.
When the twits arrive they bypass the front door. Manly starts screaming “Come here! Why you hiding?” Meanwhile the twits are in the backyard saying shit to reassure themselves like where they come from if you weren’t invited, you just weren’t invited. Get over it. But that’s not what was said now was it?
Manly tells Kendra how mad she is and Kendra runs and tells Batshit. This sets off the BatshitBomb and she starts screaming about how she does what she wants to do and she stomps her ass inside to confront Manly.
Looks like there might be a fight right?
Nope. Just some lame ass yelling. Then Manly walks away from Kendra while Kendra is asking why she’s so mad. Kendra does not like to walked away from. Everyone is outside now and Manly is screaming about how she got played tonight and she’s just going to sit back and watch all of “Yoos” self destruct. At this point in the screaming I notice something.
Yep. She threw her own crutches in the pool.
Kendra tries to be helpful, I think but ends up saying some shit about how all she has is her mouth cause she can’t run and she can’t protect herself. Manly calls her a bitch and fishes her crutches out of the pool.
Upstairs Batshit rewrites history and tells Ambeer, that the reason Manly wasn’t invited was because she would embarrass her with her story of how she got hurt. ok. A. LIE! She didn’t want Manly along for the same reason she didn’t want Ambeer along. She considers them ugly. B. Who is the bitch who does something embarrassing most every night like fight over a $23 tab? UGH!
Outside Manly’s room, Kendra and Batshit dance around while The Barbies giggle. Shouldn’t they be off licking something? Manly says some shit about we’ll see who laughs last.
Then Manly threatens BirdBeak that the next time Paul calls she is gonna tell him what a whore she is.
She has a point.
BirdBeak tells her she’s just jealous because she’s bi-sexual and yet BirdBeak has gotten more action than she has. Exqueeze me? I do believe BirdBeak admitted to being bisexual herself. Make up your mind skank. She also says that even if Paul knew he wouldn’t care. Oh really?
The Barbies decide they need to have some drinks and hop into the hot tub. BirdBeak tells us she is sexually frustrated and PlaymateBarbie is gorgeous but that are just having fun and it’s all harmless. She promises.
Naked titty, not exactly innocent.
Then we see a series of more and more nakedness and making out. Then the Dingbat Twins decide it would be a good idea to call Paul, while drunk, while he’s at work. After slurring some shit about them rubbing titties she tells him they fucked each other.
Maybe someone should explain that he can’t see through the phone.
He did not sound aroused. She hangs up the phone and goes squealing out of the room.
The next morning PlaymateBarbie leaves. Later while BirdBeakBarbie is trying to sleep off her hangover, Paul calls. Paul lays it on the line and tells her he can’t deal with this relationship. Not after what she told him about her and BullDog Face. She whines and cries and begs.
But I am the perfect girlfriend! Except for that whole cheating thing.
Batshit is listening and laughing and so is Kendra. BirdBeak tries to back track and say all they did was make out in the shower and she loves him with all her heart and she would throw herself in front of a moving tricycle for him. All to no avail. He doesn’t believe her. And he dumps her.
As Batshit put it. “What Bad Girl tells on herself?”
She begs him to think about it. She wants to be with him forever. He’s her rock. She’s gonna cry forever blah blah blah. He tells her what’s done is done. And she makes her way upstairs and starts trying to play the victim. Kendra and Batshit halfass comfort her.
Downstairs Batshit takes one more shot at Manly. After she clicks by of course. Kendra tells us that Ambeer took Manly out Game Over. That ankle won’t be broken for ever. I doubt we’ve heard the last of BigFoot.
That’s all for this episode,
Love and Smooches!