Don’t faint people. I really did get this recap done in a timely manner. You see miracles do happen! Let’s see what’s up with the girls of Bad Girls Club!
Last week BirdBeaks’s boyfriend dumped her ass after she told him she’d smooched her bull dog faced friends cooter. It seems he has standards. Looney showed more of her aggressive side and Manly basically is pissed at everyone.
This week we start off with dramatic music and a click click click sound as the other twits are asleep. It’s Manly! And as she explains, she no longer has to use crutches.
Oh I see, she still has to use them for 24 hours and then she can walk on her cast. So, to use her words, watch out bitches.
A little later and they show that the house is a complete mess. Lexie is on the phone and saying that everyone is getting sick and she’s afraid because she gets sick really easily. Cut to BirdBeakBarbie who made me want to wear a mask just to recap this show.
I’m not kidding, I held my breath during this scene.
BirdBeak thinks at first that she’s just really hung over but soon realizes that she feels like death and maybe this is something more. As she stumbles out of the room there is a thump sound like she passed out but Oxygen is kinda known for their sound effects.
Ambeer meanwhile is telling Looney how excited she is that her boyfriend is coming and how excited she is to be able to hump.
I hope you are excited to get your shaving together too cause that is nasty.
Later we are treated to a scene with Ambeer speaking to said boyfriend. She is one of those girls who baby talks to their boyfriend. You know, the kind who should have rocks tied around their necks and thrown in a river. This is his response.
Why? That’s probably the only spot in the house that is disease free.
Outside Lexie is bitching to Batshit about how she can’t find a cute little tall country boy. Come down here. Wait, that depends on what you call cute, what with all the in breeding going on down here.
Anywho, the doorbell rings and it’s Batshit’s friend the pole instructor. Some of the shit she shows these girls is illegal here in Georgia. Ok that’s a lie, I just can’t do it cause I’m too fat.
Poor thing. For some reason I thought she’d be better at that.
And then there’s the pro.
When poor one legged Manly attempts it they make fun of her. Hello, she has one freakin’ leg! I’ve had BOTH ankles broken. One of them twice. Don’t ask. One was playing football with all boys, one was falling off a couch trying to hang a picture, and one was a tragic deep frying accident that wiped out half my family. The picture hanging thing is still a sore subject so don’t ask me to talk about it!
Later BirdBeak is still hacking up a lung when I notice that it’s spreading.
Now her I would make chicken soup for.
As Looney tells us, all the other twits keep going out and having fun and she is frustrated because she is sick and can’t go. And then I see this. She is taking medicine out of a child’s medicine dispenser!
I ask again, how can you not love this girl?
Later BirdBeak tries to call Paul and all she hears is that this number is no longer in service. Excuse me….hahhahahahahahahaahahaha! That is some serious shit! Ok I get letting the service get it for a while, making the other person become a stalker and call 900 times and beg for forgiveness. But CHANGING your number all together!!!! Hmmmm….me thinks Paul may have already had someone else lined up BEFORE the cooter licking incident. Otherwise, that’s some cold ass shit.
Off to the club the non sickies go. They toast to Ambeer’s boyfriend’s imminent arrival. All except for Manly who looks like she smells feet. Once at the club it’s the usual. Dancing, drinking yee-hawing! Until this.
That ain’t Ambeer’s beloved. In fact it’s someone else’s beloved.
As Ambeer explains, she was just dancing and having a great time and then some dude bought her shots. You know the rule. If someone buys you shots you must grind your crotch into theirs. It’s just plain good manners. His girlfriend so did not agree.
If your boyfriend is so bold as to rub crotches with another girl while you are at the same club, chances are, that ring you got? Cubic zirconia. At best.
Still I get her point. No, Ambeer had no way of knowing that Mr. Crotch Rubber had a woman but hello she has a MAN! So either way she is WRONG! Some words go back and forth and then it happens. BITCH FIGHT!
It starts in the club and then spills outside.
Don’t ya just love a good weave snatchin?
Ambeer screams out “Kiss my white ass.” Like I said, she didn’t know the dude had a girlfriend, however once she found out maybe she should have said “My bad, I didn’t know now go beat the shit out of that whore of a boyfriend you have.” Instead she took it to the streets and Batshit went right along with her. In my opinion, my ass would’ve been knocking a knot on Dude’s head and let the slut go along her merry way. Unless the slut got mouthy and then I would take the sluts head and bang it about the side of Dude’s head. Repeatedly. Can you guys tell I’ve been divorced?
Anyway out on the street Ambeer is being thrown all over the place and I see Batshit but I really don’t see her doing a whole lot.
Batshit’s moving so fast to protect her girl she is INVISIBLE y’all!
By the end of it when the cops arrive I do hear Batshit screaming some shit about going back to Crenshaw and that’s why her weave fell out. LOL. Sorry but that was funny. The cops make everyone disperse and in the limo ride home the girls relive the whole thing only it’s like the “I caught a fish THIS BIG” story. Manly just sits there and pouts. As she said before, she had no intention of getting involved. Why would she after how they were treating her.
Meanwhile Lexie was wandering around with Manly looking for a hot dog. She says she would’ve jumped in but she was being held back. Manly says she ain’t fighting for nobody who she doesn’t think has her back.
Fuck dem ho’s.
Oh Lord, Ambeer decides to drunk dial her boyfriend at 5am. Batshit is with her as she tells boyfriend that they got jumped. She has an icepack on her knotted up head and scraped up knees. Batshit grabs the phone and says they did NOT get jumped that they just have haters. Drunk ass Ambeer takes the phone back and actually tells boyfriend what where why and who the fight started over. Even the part avout grinding her crotch into the dude because he bought her shots. Batshit has the same expression I do.
Grasshopper, you have so much to learn.
Batshit tries to tell her to shut up about certain details but Ambeer is too drunk to listen. He starts getting pissed because he’s seeing it like sober people are seeing it and the fact is she was grinding on another girls dude while she has her own dude.
The poster child for drunken stupidity.
The next morning BirdBeak decides it’s time to go to the doc. She’s sicker than she’s ever been.
Meanwhile outside Ambeer, Batshit and Kendra are still talking about last nights events. And how Manly didn’t step up. Ambeer says that if she was on crutches and it was one of her girls in a fight she would’ve hit the bitch with the crutches. No bitch, that’s called assault and since you were grinding on the girl’s boyfriend, you would be on your own. If someone attacked you out of nowhere I would shove the crutch up the bitches ass. There’s a difference.
Oh good Lord. The boyfriend has arrived. I know he has a name. I think it’s rich. That doesn’t fit for me.
Ambeer runs out and throws herself on the dude almost knocking his tiny ass over. She then takes him through the house to meet everyone. First up is Lexie. Then he swings himself around the pole and seriously, he looks like he’s done it before. She then introduces him to Batshit by saying he smells good. Ok.
Of course Batshit thinks they are the oddest couple together she’s ever seen. She doesn’t say that to them of course. Ambeer shows him around the house and then she gets to the part where she tells him she “goes to the bathroom.”
Meet the “Duvet” y’all.
When she shows him the Bidet, she tells him it’s for men to go pee pee and wash their penis’ with. Now maybe I am wrong and a duvet is not a covering that goes on your bed and maybe what she’s showing hin is for washing peckers. BUT I DON’T THINK SO.
Outside we go so that Batshit can give Lil Snoop the third degree. In the middle of this Ambeer asks if she thinks Lil Snoop is pretty. Batshit mumbles and fumbles and finally says “That’s a trick question.” That means she thinks he’s fugly. And she should know. She sees herself in the mirror daily.
More ooey gooey talk between the love birds and she tells us she’s done things in the past to hurt her relationship and she doesn’t want to do that again. That means she fucked around. And then apparently her hand gets very cold.
And she uses his ball sack to warm it up.
Manly meanwhile is on the phone with her sister telling them she can’t stand anyone in the house. Upstairs the others are filling balloons with water. At least I think they are balloons. Could be condoms. Not sure. As Manly is downstairs continuing her tirade against the bitches in the house, the bitches in the house are running around upstairs having fun.
Fun. What a freakin concept!
Batshit and Kendra start throwing water bombs at Lexie, Ambeer and Lil Snoop. Downstairs Manly is telling her sister that these bitches think they are gangster. Yes she said gangster. And she’s about to show them who is the real gangster.
Doorbell. It’s a delivery of flowers. For Manly. Batshit ain’t buying it. She keeps getting flowers and teddy bears and shit and Batshit thinks Manly is having them sent to herself.
Downstairs Lexie is whining about not getting any. Lexie claims she’s picky and Kendra thinks she just has no game.
Oh shit storm clouds are gathering and Manly is writing notes to each of the girls. basically telling each one of them why and how fucked up they are and what they need to do to fix themselves.
To put it in Looney’s words, “She’s an idiot. It’s you’re not your.”
Short story is, no one liked it or appreciated it and now she’s more hated than she was before.
Out on the town Ambeer and Lil Snoop go. Oh Lord they are having a deep conversation. I am not used to that shit on this show. He asks her if she’s grown. Translation:Do you still have slut tendencies? All in all though, they do look kinda sweet together, or maybe I drank too much.
Later while the other twits are getting ready to go out, the phone rings. If anyone hears it they don’t act like it. Besides Manly is finally vacuuming those God awful stairs. It’s BirdBeak and she leaves a message saying she has a high temp and has to stay in the hospital overnight. Apparently no one cares.
At the club it’s the usual. Until I see this. It’s Lexie whining to the bartender.
Maybe you aren’t whining loudly enough.
The bartender is perplexed as to why guys would not speak to such a lovely young lady. She clarifies that for him real quick.
Well the world needs big huge bitches too.
In the meantime, Kendra has hooked up with some Opie looking dude who just keeps yapping about loving dark skinned girls. She protests that she isn’t dark skinned. He means black dipshit. Then he says something that should make any woman with any sense run like hell.
And by simple, they mean retarded.
Opie tells Kendra that she’s like, a respectable black woman he could take home to his mother. Think about that for a minute.
Apparently Kendra finds this dude smart and attractive and she’s horny so it’s a go. Back at the house Lexie asks if they want some alone time and Kendra is all, no come join us. Lexie is all “O.M.G. I should just go to bed.”
Like O.M.G. I guess she decided she wasn’t sleepy.
For the record, people who actually say O.M.G. need to be strangled in their sleep ok?
Back to the cesspool. First it’s just Opie and Kendra kissing it up in the hot tub. Then Manly tells (who is watching it all) Lexie she should give them some space. Kendra objects and has Lexie join she and Opie in the hot tub.
Kendra explains that when she has a few drinks in her she likes to kiss attractive girls. Meanwhile Manly sits on the sidelines and seethes.
I guess alcohol also makes Kendra want to bang chubby chicks and fugly Opie types.
Manly tells us she is disgusted by their behavior and then she over hears Opie say something about her staring at them. Which she was. A lot of blither blather goes back and forth and then Opie has the luckiest night of his life.
Oops, my clothes seem to have fallen off.
Now I ain’t saying they fucked. They fucked. And Manly tells us that if she was to have a threesome it would be with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie not some Spencer Pratt doofball.
Brad and Angie called. They said they have herpes , hepatitis and better people to bang.
The next morning BirdBeak calls from the hospital to say she has a “strand” of the swine flu. Pretty sure she means “strain” but whateves. She tells them that if they haven’t gotten it already they won’t and she’s fine (not that anyone asked) just weak.
Batshit who talked to BirdBeak wastes no time running around telling everyone the great news. Ambeer is shocked as she thought BirdBeak was only sick cause she was eating cooter. Batshit then runs around like a reporter screaming that they have been hit with an epidemic.
Looney decides that BirdBeak got sick because she cheated on her boyfriend. Manly does not find this the least bit amusing.
Kendra tries to actually “talk” to Opie and realizes he’s a tard and sends him on his way.
And then we have the morning after regrets.
My Grammy is gonna think I’m a dirty whore.
No I am pretty sure you confirmed that shit last night. Kendra takes her aside and tells her never to regret anything. You know why? Because she did it because she wanted to. There’s some real sound advice. When I was 17 I wanted to jump from the back of one truck into the bed of another while both were side by side moving 60 miles per hour. I wanted to do it. But I’m pretty sure if I had I would REALLY REALLY have regretted it. Stupid twit.
Suddenly we hear noises of fun and laughter. Only problem is Looney is sick. So Manly stops in and asks her if she’s ok and Looney loses her shit and tells to not even pretend she gives a fuck after what she wrote about her. She knows Manly doesn’t care about her and doesn’t want her fake ass sympathy.
Batshit takes Manly aside and tries to explain that her so called “apology” letters were more like “This is why you are a fuck up” letter. Manly blithers on about how people don’t want to hear the truth. Kendra tells her that just because she believes it’s true doesn’t make it so.
Manly starts whining about about how everyone in the house gets along with everyone but her. Kendra tells her it’s because she shuts everyone out. And then the screaming starts.
Blither blither blah blah bitch whore cunt blah blah blah!
Clown music starts playing as Kendra hops around taunting Manly and then Lil Snoop announces that he and Ambeer are about to go have sexual intercourse. Manly follows Kendra downstairs and gets in her face and starts screaming “You think I give a fuck about you?” Kendra gets right back in her face and rubs her face as if that will get rid of the germs.
In between all the “Fuck you bitch!” going on upstairs this is going on downstairs. Lil Snoop requests that Ambeer be on top.
Back upstairs the screaming continues. Manly picks up a garbage can and tries to stick Kendra’s head in it. Kendra warns her not to touch her. Lexie watches and eats. Manly shoves Kendra and there are pushes and shoves and shouts all around. Batshit jumps in to try and stop it. Manly shoves the shit outta Kendra and at this point Manly’s cast would be up her own ass.
Thought I was kidding didn’t ya?
Then Manly goes on to whine about how she cared about these girls and tried to teach them and blah blah blah. Then she cries about how everyone hates her here but loves her back home and for a moment I really feel bad for her. SHUT UP! I am allowed to have weak moments!
At first it looks like she’s going to stay and she starts begging/crying to Lexie for a cigarette. Then she shouts that the devil is in this house. She totally loses it and says that nothing but bad shit has happened since she came into the house. No one seems to care.
At one point as Lexie is watching Manly pack she apparently giggled. Manly told her it wasn’t funny and Lexie explained that she wasn’t laughing at her. She farted and it smelled bad.
Why the hell do I feel bad for her?
She packs all her shit and throws it down the stairs. As she makes her way to the car the other girls have a plan. An evil, awful, devious plan involving water balloons. As she makes her way to the car she thanks Jesus for letting her make the right decision to leave and then she also thanks Allah. Not only can’t this girl pick a hole, she can’t even pick a fucking religion.
Just as she reaches the car the water bombs hit. For a second she stands there and then she makes a run for them. Of course they all scatter as she screams “Come here BITCH!”.
As she is leaving she says she’s gonna fuck them up but then she tells us that she’s gonna just sit back and watch them all self destruct.
Upstairs all the twits celebrate the exit of Manly. And they end it with a prayer circle. Not even kidding.
If I were a member of the crew, I’d step back. There will be a lightening bolt arriving shortly.
That’s it for this episode. Sorry to take you by surprise and get this one in so soon lol. What can I say? I take care of my 76 year old Mom and sometimes I just have no time. Today I could have gone outside, cleaned the house, taken a nap, but no, I spent the day devoted to my beautiful and faithful readers.
Love and smooches,