Bad Girls Club: The Puppet Master

Hello my lovies! I’ve been a little under the weather and my doc suggested I stay away from anything that could induce vomiting so I had to hold off on seeing Batshit for several days. I am much better now so let’s take a peek inside Bad Girls Club!

Since we all know what happened last week, let’s just get to week at hand. Besides I was very sick all week and don’t have a very accurate memory of exactly what did happen. Oh yeah, Manly left in a hail of water balloons and SwinefluBarbie was sent to the hospital with Swine Flu. Moving right along now.

This week starts off with Kendra slamming into the house yelling and screaming and Ambeer joins her and it’s chaos and then I understand why I don’t understand.

Looney explains that her crazy ass roomies came home and they are covered in dirt and bruises and Batshit hit Lexie, Ambeer got involved, then Batshit and Kendra got arrested and blah blah blah. So after all that we get to rewind and see what lead up to this free for all. I guess it would have made too much sense to just SHOW THE SHIT AS IT HAPPENED!

Ok so we start fresh with the girls waking up for the day. Then we see Lil Snoop talking to Ambeer and Looney. Ambeer makes the remark that she’s so glad Manly is gone and Lil Snoop points out that the only reason they are glad is because they were scared of her. Looney denies this and explains that the reason she wanted her gone is because she burps and uses improper grammar.

Looney tells us that she is afraid of Manly becuase she is not in control of her physicalness. Then looks sheepishly at the camera and admits that is not a word lol.

Guess who’s back y’all? It’s SwineFluBarbie! Kendra starts to hug her then changes her mind. She tells us she’s not completely well but will be back to her crazy self in no time. Yay.

Everyone explains that Manly left. Then Kendra, Ambeer and Batshit rip Manly’s picture off the wall and go throw it in the pool.

Later Batshit decides it’s time to get crackin! She says everyone wants to sleep all day when they should be out shopping. Then she makes this movement.

Kendra tells us that Batshit thinks she runs the house just because she is loud. Then she gets in the car with her to get a new weave that Batshit told her she needed. Batshit makes out like she’s paying for said weave but when this price shows up on the register it’s Kendra’s bag I see being opened.

Back at the house, Ambeer and Lil Snoop are playing. Seriously. He has a roll of tape and they are wrestling. SwineFluBarbie takes this opportunity to tell us how little Lil Snoop is and how unmanly he is. Shut up petrie dish. No one asked you.

Oh please don’t even act like you haven’t wondered. Anyway as Ambeer tells us that Lil Snoop is her lil munchkin and she loves him to death, he hog ties her to a pole. And it’s cute and funny and I like them together even if his pee pee is small.

Well that’s what I call it and then when I have my husband all tied up I turn the tv on and make him watch Bad Girls Club. Tee hee……….

Night has fallen and we have visitors!

As intros are being made Batshit tells us that once again, she has to get a guy for Kendra and she’s really getting tired of it. Here’s a clue. STOP DOING IT.

Outside they go for some snuggling and cuddling and chit chat and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Batshit tells her dude that he won’t give her what she wants. There’s that sparkling spirit of hers again. He asks her what she wants and she says she doesn’t know. I’m about to throw this remote. Finally she tells him she just wants “a sweet boy who will rub my toes.”

Only he said it a little nicer and giggles abound. Meanwhile Kendra and her dude are on the outside bed and he asks her if they have dudes running up in there all the time. No dear, you are the first. And they are all virgins. Dumbass. Kendra tells him she just wants someone she can chill with. From the upstairs window where Batshit and her dude have now gone, Batshit yells out some shit and Kendra tells her dude that she loves Batshit but that she needs attention all the time.

Meanwhile upstairs, Ambeer and Looney are discussing how they don’t like Batshit. Like when she says she created Kendra. Then Kendra tells us that she hasn’t seen any kind of change since Batshit was allowed to stay and she just doesn’t want to see Kendra get played. Good luck with that one.

Later Kendra has decided they all need to go to a Fiesta in Santa Barbara! SwineFluBarbie says she can’t go because she can’t drink with her meds and since Looney is sick too she won’t be going. Kendra’s bright idea to SwineFluBarbie is that she just not take her meds the next day. Dingbat.

Looney whines to Kendra that she is now stuck with SwineFluBarbie and SwineFluBarbie is whining about being stuck with Looney. Hey bitches! That house is HUGE. Just stay away from each other. Sheesh do I have to fix everything?

Aww it’s time for Lil Snoop to go home. Ambeer is sad and talking that stupid baby talk. And literally pouting as she’s driving him to the airport.

They kiss bye bye and it’s back to the house she goes.

The next day as the girls are getting ready for their trip, Kendra and Batshit argue over who’s deodorant Batshit is using. It ends peacefully. NOT a sign of what is to come.

Poor Looney is wheezing on the steps and mumbling about how millions and millions of people die of the flu every year. Kendra walks by and says “You’ll be alright.” LOL.

SwineFluBarbie is coughing out by the pool and finally the other girls hit the road for Santa Barbara! All the way there all they talk about is how much fun it’s going to be. After what seems like a year they finally arrive in Santa Barbara. The first thing they do is run up to these people.

Turns out it’s a vibrating cock ring. And that by the way is the classiest thing they do all night. And so it begins. After they all have downed several shots, Kendra warns Ambeer to take it slow.

After Batshit makes Kendra promise that if they get into a fight tonight she’ll have her back, they do some more drinking. Lots and lots of drinking.

For a while it looks like they are having a blast. Running up and down the streets, throwing confetti at people. Actually laughing and getting along. Not so much back at the house where the sickies are getting on each others nerves. Apparently SwineFluBarbie didn’t know soy milk went bad causing Looney to make this face.

Looney explains to us that basically everything SwineFluBarbie does annoys her. The list and very long and includes how she breathes. Oh and also she’s a big ass slob. SwineFlu meanwhile hates her right back and thinks she’s a big ass nerd.

Back to the fun people. More dancing and drinking. Then Lexie or Ambeer asks to use one of Batshits makeup brushes. Batshit doesn’t like this idea and this annoys Kendra. Outside they go to further argue about makeup brushes. When Kendra insists that hers is in Batshit’s bag, Batshit denies it. However it turns out that said brush was indeed in Batshit’s purse. Kendra wants an apology and Batshit refuses.

As these two keep arguing, Batshit tells us that Kendra likes to run her mouth but she needs to stop running her mouth to the queen bee who created her. Have mentioned yet in this episode that I hate her?

Crisis averted. At least for the moment. That is until Ambeer also puts in her two cents about the whole brush sharing. Nothing happens then either. Suddenly they are in another club and someone pushes Batshit and when Batshit protests she somehow ends up outside on the street with an open container of alcohol.

Although Batshit whines and bitches the cop tells her she is being ticketed for having an open container out side. But then she starts bitching about how it’s fine, if it’s $150 or a million dollars she doesn’t care. She keeps mouthing off and the cop tells her the arguing needs to stop. This is when Kendra decides it would be a great time to jump in and show her ass.

Kendra goes up to the cops and says that no one was driving, no one was doing anything and then she asks them “Don’t have to have intent to commit a crime?” The cop warns her to walk away or he will arrest her. Now me or you would walk away right? Not Kendra. She starts yelling out that she wants to know the code violation is for Santa Barbara County. When the cop won’t tell her she tells him it’s because he doesn’t know.

Batshit tells us that Kendra needs to back up and let her to her job because Kendra is only a “Little Natalie.” Batshit tells the cops she’s done and she’s leaving and he tells her she isn’t leaving until he says so. Lexie and Ambeer try to get Kendra to come to them and leave it alone but she won’t. And the next thing you know……………

Kendra tells us that she likes the law and doesn’t understand why she’s trying to get into trouble with the law for Batshit. I understand. You are drunk off your ass. Comprende?

Somehow, and when I say somehow I mean the producers “donated” some money to the Policeman’s Ball or some shit, Kendra is let go and Batshit is too. Batshit comes running over to Kendra to complain about her ticket. This turns into a screaming match from hell. Then Kendra, who was holding Batshit’s purse, drops it on the ground and yell’s to Batshit, who has walked away that her purse is gonna be gone.

Batshit tells Kendra’s she’s done then walks over to get her purse and then sort of pushes some old lady out of the way saying “Don’t touch my purse.”

Back at the mansion more bitching about housework. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Meanwhile back in Santa Barbara Lexie and Ambeer are still trying to have fun and dance and then in comes Batshit. She tells Kendra not to come near her. Batshit makes her way over to Ambeer to tell her how Kendra played her. Kendra is drinking more. Kendra then gets into Batshit’s face and tells her she almost got arrested for her ass. She’s screaming and slamming her glass on the counter and then all hell breaks loose.

Batshit demands that Kendra come outside and outside they go.

It seems like it will never end. In between the fighting we keep getting treated to Batshit’s egomaniacal rantings. As Lexie put it, she thinks Batshit is upset about her ticket because she thought she ran Santa Barbara as well ass L.A. “And obviously sweety, you don’t.”

Kendra starts walking one way, Batshit another. Kendra saying she’s better than this and wants to go home. At some point Lexie and Ambeer lose sight of Kendra and then find her ass in what looks like an alley sitting on the ground behind some kegs.

Kendra yells about not going to jail for anyone and then she tells us she wanted to be friends with Batshit but she can’t be around someone who has so little self control. Pot meet kettle. You are sitting in hobo piss!!!! Get up and straighten your shit out.

Suddenly Ambeer decides to have a fit and declares she doesn’t want to go home. Lexie concurs and says she still wants to drink and get food!

Somehow Lexie finds Kendra sitting on the curb near some bushes and she tells her she loves her. And then Batshit is back and here we go again with the shut up fuck you parade of words. And then they are in each others faces again. As Kendra shoves Batshit away from her, Batshit grabs her hands and Kendra yells “We are not gonna fight!”

Arms, legs, asses, weaves and elbos are flying everywhere. When Lexie and Ambeer try to intervene Batshit grabs Lexie by the hair.

At this point I can’t tell who has who but suddenly Lexie and Kendra are free and Batshit and Ambeer are going at it. Finally production realizes they have enough footage steps in to try to break this shit up.

Finally some big dude grabs Batshit and then some other dude grabs Ambeer.

For some reason Batshit seems to be under the impression that she just put Ambeer in her place. Hey Batshit she knocked the hell outta your ass several times and I do believe that is your purse and all your shit scattered all over the place. Nutjob.

As the big dude is trying to put Batshit into a van, Batshit proclaims she doesn’t ride in vans. I don’t give a fuck if you ride a donkey just ride the hell away from my sight.

The other girls get in the car and Ambeer yells out the window that Batshit’s time is over. Batshit refuses to get in the van and eventually gets away from the big dude and starts walking.

Kendra calls SwineFluBarbie and tells her what happened and then she immediately reports back to Looney.

When the girls get home it basically turns into how this recap started. Everyone is all dirty and bruised and pissed and no one knows where Batshit is. Later Kendra is sitting on the floor of the shower with the water running and crying.

Meanwhile……………

Batshit is just walking down the street and behind her you hear someone telling her to come back, they have a car for her. She tells them to fuck off. She rants and raves about how nobody has done what she’s done and she tells them to go fuck themselves. And then she walks into traffic and actually tells someone to stop their car, it’s an emergency.

This dingbat warns us that she is gonna smack all the girls in their heads. Not if we get lucky and a plane crashes into whatever car you get into. She walks up to someones car and asks to borrow their phone. They actually let her. Then we see this.

Once she gets in the car she asks the person if they are in San Diego. LOLOLOLOLOL!!!! The lady says no Santa Barbara. Batshit tells her to just go. That she will tell her where to go cause you know, she runs L.A.

That’s all for this episode thank the Lord. As usual I now need to go shower and self mutilate.

Love and Smooches,
Cherie