Bad Girls Club: AMBER ALERT!

Hello Gasmi! We are back after last weeks cheesy clip show. Did you guys watch? Let’s go see what’s happening on Bad Girls Club!

Ok so Batshit was last seen getting in a car with a total stranger in Santa Barbara after a fight with basically everyone. We rejoin the house the next day and Ambeer is telling Looney about how she has a bald spot on her tater where Batshit snatched a wad out of her head. They giggle and say they only have one more person to get rid of. Cut to BirdBeakBarbie.

Ambeer decides they need to pack up all Batshit’s things and put them outside the gate. Looney takes Batshit’s picture out to the dumpster where she talks to it. She says “ha ha. You thought I was the weak link but look who’s still here.” And she tells us it makes her “heart glow a little warm glow.” Mine too.

For those of you who will miss Batshit, Oxygen ran a little homage to her. I picked out my favs just for you.

The rest of the girls giggle like nuts and throw her shit outside the gate. The only person who is going to miss her seems to be BirdBeakBarbie and Ambeer tells us that Looney is slowly going to drive her insane while she sits back and watches it.

Telephone! It’s Kendra’s “potential boo”. She tells him what happened and he mumbles something about crazy bitches. Kendra tells us that he calms her nerves and they speak the same language.

Upstairs BirdBeakBarbie is telling Ambeer that she hopes 2 more girls show up. Ambeer isn’t as eager for that to happen.

Outside in the hot tub Kendra shoots down her Boo and refuses to have sex with him. She tells us she’s taking it slow with him. That means she’s waiting until tomorrow night to bang him.

Meanwhile BBB is on the phone with Mommy whining about her housemates. She says she doesn’t like any of them. She says Looney is a geek with her Bump-Its and stuffed animals and she wants to break them all.

As they are getting ready to go out, Looney tells us there is a bartender at the HideOut named Nico that she is crushing on.

BBB tells us she knows she’s a threat to Looney and she’s gonna do whatever she can to piss her off. And then she gets Nico’s attention and starts talking shit about Looney.

BBB tells Nico that he shouldn’t have anything to do with Looney ever. And then she giggles and flirts with him. Looney sees what she is doing and is less than pleased.

Ambeer tells Looney to wipe her eyes and meanwhile BBB keeps up the flirting, and it’s gross.

Word spreads among the girls about BBB flirting with Nico and I see an ass whooping in this girls immediate future. Lexie tells us that BBB wouldn’t care if any girl in the house “got jumped by a pack of ware wolves.”

BBB walks up when Looney is telling Lexie that if she was having a crush on someone she would basically respect that. BBB claims she was talking about Looney to him the whole time. That’s basically true. As soon as BBB speaks Looney loses it and screams that she is NOT talking about her and “Don’t be so selfish!”

BBB tells us that no guy likes Looney and never will. Really? Then why did you need to talk shit about her to the guy? Ugh.

As BBB walks to the car she says “Nice belly Annie.” Looney replies “Yeah it’s non exsistant bitch.” HATE!

Looney warns us that she never gives up and that BBB may have won the battle but she will win the war.

The next thing we see is this.

Looney tells us that BBB had her Mom send her more hairspray so even though it’s bad for the ozone layer, she’s just a spraying it.

Ambeer comes bouncing into BBB’s room telling she has an hour to get ready, they are going paint balling. BBB is thrilled beyond words.

Looney is thrilled because she gets to shoot BBB without breaking the no hitting rule. Off they go.

At the paint ball place, a dude tells them what they are supposed to do and then they pick teams.

After they are all suited up BBB starts complaining about the heat. I am getting depressed just listening to this slumpy bitch.

Kendra immediately yells for BBB to get away from her lol. BBB is running all over the place and Kendra could have just stood out in the open. They were gunning for and finally got, BBB. Right in the face. Unfortunately she was wearing a mask.

Back at the house, Kendra’s boo is coming over. Kendra gets the room ready and tells us she is going to have a “great night.” Told ya. Kendra asks BBB if she went over board with the candles and rose petals and BBB says it says she wants to get the shit fucked out of her. Kendra says that is exactly what she was going for. Kendra then informs BBB that she will need to go elsewhere for the night. BBB groans as usual and says she doesn’t want to sleep in Manly’s bed. Tough shit.

Uh oh. Kendra is pacing. It’s one o’clock in the AM and her boo has not shown. She screams to the camera “What guy shows up late for sex? PLEASE TELL ME!” That’s what I want to know. But I bet she lets his ass in.

Knock knock! Guess who finally showed.

Kendra tells him she’s already mad. He asks for a cup of sugar and she laughs. He starts kissing her and she lets him in the house. Kendra tells LP, her boo, that she did too much. She thinks it looks corny now that he showed up late. Up the stairs they go and she starts blowing out candles. He stops her and then it’s on. BBB limps in and gets her blankie and teddy bear and limps out.

BBB tells us that Kendra just gives guys what they want. She says she needs to play more hard to get. That guys won’t respect her. You mean like Paul respects you after cheating on him with your girlfriend on national t.v.? Shut up and go away you haggard old cunt. Yes I said it. CUNT! Cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnt!

The next morning we see this.

Kendra tells us she is a hopeless romantic when she’s not being a bitch and she thinks that LP is the kind of guy she should be in a relationship with. Oh no he’s not but thanks for playing.

Looney, Ambeer and Lexie are off to the nail salon. Uh oh we have visitors!

BBB sees the Ambers and runs to get Kendra. BBB tells us that she loves the Blonde Invasion. Again, shut up.

Everyone introduces themselves. The Ambers tell them that they are in town to shoot a pilot for The Amber Show. God help us. They shall be staying for a few days. And they brought freakin’ gummi bears!!!!

Kendra tells us that she doesn’t know a lot about them but if they were there before her she is sure she can learn a lot from them.

Then they put on a little Amber Show with Endra and Ate as Amber calls them. Why? I have no clue. BBB immediately starts talking shit about Lexie. Kendra tries to say that Lexie is their baby but BBB says she’s in her own little world and very ditzy. Midget says that’s what people said about her. BBB says “No, I mean like….” and continues to talk about how dumb she is. Kendra is not pleased.

Midget tells them that when everyone hated her in the house she shut down. She’s normally a very happy, bubbly person. But not when everybody hates you. BBB identifies. Oh please, Midget was actually likeable, BBB is NOT! Run Midget Run!!!

BBB keeps jacking around what she’s trying to say until Kendra has had enough and leaves. Kendra signals the Ambers to tell them BBB is crazy and a liar. When Kendra is actually gone BBB tells them that when you don’t give people a reason to hate you, they will make one up. Not a problem in your case, eh BBB?

Later Kendra calls BBB out for talking shit to these people just because she’s a fan and reminds her that they are guests in the house and not living there. BBB claims she didn’t mention anyone’s name and didn’t say anything bad. Uh Lexie and you said she was ditzy. Kendra is pissed and says to us that BBB hasn’t even been awake enough to know who Lexie is.

Later as the others come home they find the steps to the front door decorated with, say it with me, Gummi Bears! The Ambers run to hide and BBB tells them they have 2 new roommates. Out steps the Ambers! Ambeer is a little catty and tells us she is The Amber show and doesn’t need a little side kick.

Kendra gets a call from LP and he agrees to meet her at Kress around 10-10:30pm.

Meanwhile these two start bonding.

BBB tells her tale of woe. She just wants to party and have fun and blah blah blech! Amber immediately thinks the other girls are just being mean to BBB. BBB tells us that she and Amber have a lot in common. Do tell. Ugh.

BBB tells Amber that they don’t like her and the fact that she gets along with her will make them not like her either. Amber tells us that she knows how BBB feels because the Fat Five used to treat she and Midget the same way. Dingbat you have known this girl for 3 minutes. She is nothing like you and Midget. Well nothing like Midget anyway.

Off to the club they go. Ambeer is trying to explain to Midget whats going on and why they dislike BBB. Midget feels bad for BBB. Midget should have had to recap these last 12 episodes and she wouldn’t feel so bad.

Midget tells us she feels sympathy for the BBB because she’s been in her shoes. No you haven’t. If this was last year, she would have been sided with the Fat Five.

BBB claims she came there to party and now that Manly and Batshit are gone she has no one to party with. This bitch is too lazy to even stand up to dance.

As soon as BBB starts her stupid “dance” Looney stand up and moves.

Meanwhile this is what mad as all hell looks like.

As they are getting ready to leave the club, guess who shows up.

She yells at him and tells him not to touch her and all he can say is…..

The next morning The Ambers awake early because they are shooting a pilot for The Amber Show.

Telephone! Kendra answers and a husky voice says “Who is this?” Turns out it’s Batshit. And she wants to chat. It’s like reliving her talking to Formaldehyde. Everything is her fault and Batshit is mad at her for that. Well you were the one who got kicked out bitch. Live with it.

My fav quote from this phone call…..”and even though I hit you two times in the face I was still your fucking friend.”

Eventually after Kendra listened way longer than I would have, Kendra hangs up on Batshit mid tirade.

Upstairs Ambeer is making fun of BBB to Lexie. She says “Kate you are a walking wanna be Barbie zombie. Ambeer tells us that BBB sleeps most of the time and when she is awake all she wants to do is complain. As Lexie and Ambeer are talking BBB walks in and says all she hears is shit being talked about her. Ambeer tells her it’s because all she does is sleep. She tells her she is a walking dead person. BBB claims to not know where this is coming from so Ambeer clears it up for her. She screams “It’s coming from me because I don’t like you!”

BBB says good, congratulations. Then she mumbles some shit about giving people the benefit of the doubt or some crap and then she complains that no one even knows how to pronounce her last name. Ambeer tells her they know nothing about her because she sleeps all the time. BBB wants to know why she’s so upset and Looney tells her that it’s frustrating to live with someone and know nothing about them. BBB says she doesn’t want to tell people things and then have it thrown back in her face. As Looney is leaving she tells BBB that she feels sorry for her because they have all learned and grown from this experience and BBB has only learned what her bed feels like.

Looney tells us that BBB is not going to make it until the end because she’s a negative Nancy. LOL.

Ambeer then gets a little nutty and tells BBB to get off her part of the room because she is higher up than BBB is. BBB tells her she is stupid and Ambeer proceeds to lift the couch and move it back off the platform all the while BBB is saying “Don’t touch me.”

BBB warns us that the human being can only take so much dysfunction before they snap.

Kendra tells us that BBB is just taking up space in the house. She’s always in either of 3 places.

Later while Ambeer, Lexie, Kendra and Looney are off to support The Ambers and their pilot show, BBB stays at home to whine or sleep or whatever the hell she does. She tells us you could never pay her to go out “with that little group.”

Oh God here we go. This is The Amber Show. Doo doo da doo da doo! LOL. as they start the show, Amber tells us that their guest, Chris is there to show them air sex. Huh? Rewind. Yep she says air sex. My stomach just knotted up because this has to be something gross. After explaining to Midget that yes she said air sex not sax they introduce Chris.

Looney tells us that as she’s watching the show she feels like the brain cells are being sucked from her head. Tell me about it. This is my second season of Bad Girls Club. I have 2 brain cells left.

This idiot, who I assume is pretending, please God let him be pretending, is talking about “air sex” like its a new sport. In fact, he says it’s the equivalent of golf. Dude I’ve been with the same dude for 12 years and even my sex life isn’t as boring as golf.

Looney explains this mess as “a guy who is so ugly he can’t get a date with a girl so he has to have sex with the air.”

Oh crap, he’s actually demonstrating.

Uhhhhhhhhhh……………

Kendra tells us that as she’s watching this disgusting Amish Air Fucker she feels like she needs to have a condom over her head and body. Me and you both. When its finally over, Midget tells him it was amazing. Midget lies. That was so far beyond gross there isn’t even a word for it. I mean, he made fuck faces and everything. I may never sleep again.

Back at the house, the girls are getting ready for a night out. Midget feels sorry for BBB because she has been on the other end. Again comparing herself to BBB. Once she sees this show she’ll stop that.

Off to the club they go. As usual it starts off well with everyone drinking and dancing and having fun. Then I see this. And they are talking about Looney.

Ok so basically so am I. but there’s a difference. Uhhh when I think of it I’ll explain. Oh yeah, I don’t live in this house with these girls. So basically I am just a lurker. Damn. I may need to rethink my career choices. Oh fuck it. This is too much fun.

As I was saying………

BBB tells Amber that she’s lucky she had Midget. She has NOBODY. Boo hoo. Looney takes notice of whats going on. She tells Ambeer that BBB is stalking The Ambers. All the while BBB is telling Amber that she has to watch everything she does or they will be like “bitch!” Yeah, you are such an angel. Skank.

Amber tells us that she can tell the other girls are whispering and giving she and BBB the stink eye. So unlike what they were just doing. She tells us that it’s obvious that they are all jealous of BBB and The Ambers friendship. Ha! FRIENDSHIP? You have known this scab 3 minutes!

Kendra confronts BBB about talking shit in the club with people who will only be there for the next three days. Suddenly we are outside and Ambeer is telling BBB to shut up, she looks stupid. Kendra tells her to walk away, to move behind her. She explains to BBB that Ambeer is about to knock her block off so stop putting herself in the cross hairs. Or in the case of these bitches, the cross weaves.

BBB is talking in this slow retarded way that makes me want to smack her also. Ambeer tells us, after they are in the limo, that she wants to push BBB’s buttons so she’ll go home. In the limo, Ambeer says loudly, “So if I beat her up, do I go home?” Kendra tells her not to lose any sleep over BBB.

Looney is thrilled that everyone is turning against BBB.

Back at the house Amber is tired and wants to go to bed. Midget tells her no worries. Everyone else heads outside to the pool. Except for BBB. When Amber walks through on her way out she over hears this.

Ambeer scurries out of the room while BBB tells us that “Unfortunately it has come to this. It was not even a split second decision. I can not care about these girls anymore and they don’t care about me.” So what does she do? She proceeds to fuck up all their shit.

Several actually. Then she smashed their pictures. BBB says she doesn’t care aboot Ambeer’s “insert whatever here”, she doesn’t care about Kendra’s men issues, or Looney’s eating disorder or Lexie’s ditziness. “I just don’t caaare.”

Outside in the hot tub, Midget asks Ambeer why she was yelling at BBB. Ambeer tries to explain and then we are back in the house and Looney and Kendra hear BBB upstairs beating the bottle of booze on the wall. Down the stairs BBB comes and she walks over to Kendra and tells her she’s sorry for everything. And she has a suitcase.

She then walks over to Looney who has taken refuge on the stairs and says “Come here.” Run Looney RUN! Too late. BBB says “I’m sorry.” Then sucker punches the fuck out of Looney’s jaw and runs like the bitch she is.

Lexie screams what the fuck and Kendra pushes BBB out the door. At this point Lexie is also screaming “Fuck you Kate!” Looney goes upstairs and looks in the mirror.

Looney talks to herself and says “she didn’t even leave a mark. And she’s getting arrested and expelled from school.” She says “Haha bitch, I’ve ruined your life. You hit me but I ruined your life.”

Meanwhile BBB is walking outside saying “Send me home. Annie sue me.” Out Ambeer comes to confront BBB. She asks her if she hit Looney. “For on purpose.” Well it sure as hell wasn’t “for on accident.”

BBB says in this long drawn out way “Because I was supposed to smack Youuuuu but she got in the waaaay.” Ambeer tells her to go ahead and smack her. She refuses. Ambeer asks why? Beacuse she’d smack her back? And BBB whisper/slurs “yeaaaaah.” WTF?

Then BBB tries to pull the same trick again with Ambeer with “Look I am sorry.” and she swings and it’s a miss!

Ambeer was undoubtedly expecting this so she blocks BBB’s punch and all hell breaks loose.

At this point Lexie has joined in and is beating the hell out of BBB as well. Midget comes running out screaming for them to stop. Kendra also. I don’t think it’s gonna stop. I think the bitch should be beaten to a pulp. Sucker punching? Are you kidding me? Ugh. Hate. Blech!

And that is how they leave us for the week. I guess BBB thinks sucker punching people makes her a Bad Girl. No it makes her a chickenshit bitch.

How say you Gasmi?

Love and smooches,
Cherie