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Well my dearies, it’s time to say goodbye to the skanks of summer. Well at least the ones on Bad Girls Club. Let’s jump right in and see if anything good happens before the reunion show!
As we all know BirdBeakBarbie turned into a sucker punching cunt last week. As we rejoin the show most of the other girls have various handfuls of weave and are dragging this skank to and fro. Finally someone from production jumps in and separates them.
While a car carrying BirdBeakBarbie away is leaving, Midget is still trying to get Ambeer to calm her shit down. This girl is PISSED. She starts throwing all of BBB’s crap outside and when she’s done Midget looks more exhausted than Ambeer.
Looney meanwhile is teary eyed and telling Kendra that when the police come, they will arrest BBB. Kendra claims this is not so because BBB has left the building. So? Does that mean I can run next door and beat the shit out of my turd breathed asshole of a neighbor and as long as I make it back to my house before the cops come, all’s well?
Kendra tells Looney that she knows the law and that BBB will not be prosecuted so she needs to let it go. Yeah, I don’t think so. Although I am pretty sure that when you sign on for a show called BAD GIRLS CLUB, there might just be a clause in the contract that keeps you from being able to sue. Otherwise there would be so much over crowding in L.A. County jail, Khloe Kardashian might have only had to spend 30 seconds instead of the horrifying 35 seconds she served for drunk driving.
This little argument goes on and on with Kendra saying people get hit in real life all the time. I’m starting to think Kendra has a screw or two loose. Looney screams at Kendra that that is like saying you shouldn’t blame Hitler for the Holocaust. Kendra’s advice. Never stand within 2 feet of someone who might hit you, stand 4 feet away. She should speak at schools to small children about being bullied. Dingbat.
Meanwhile outside Ambeer and Lexie are going thru BBB’s bags and finding shit that she stole from them. Including a bag of chips that belonged to Ambeer. Lexie gladly picks them up and starts munching.
Ambeer destroys basically all of BBB’s shit and then squirts lotion on the rest. She also takes a top belonging to BBB because she says it looks better on her lol.
The next morning as everyone is getting ready, Looney starts warning them about the soy milk and assorted products that she may have tampered with.
Outside Midget and Amber are talking about BBB. They really liked her and think Looney is, well, looney. Amber says she’s a “Real creeper” and like someone you wouldn’t leave in your house. Midget tells us she really wants to mother these girls and get them to the place where she is now but she knows she can’t so it’s time to bounce.
After The Ambers leave, Looney hops on the phone to report BBB’s assault.
After hanging up with the cops, Looney tells Ambeer that she might want to distract Kendra since a cop is coming over to take her statement. Ambeer tells her she understands why she feels the need to do it but if she somehow gets into trouble she will be “blivid.”
Upstairs Ambeer goes to tell Kendra and instantly Kendra is pissed. Kendra rolls her eyes and says she should have known she would be hit and she doesn’t respect this at all. The only thing I have to say about that is the police would have been called, not by me, I would have been too busy drowning that rat faced sucker punching herpes sore.
After the cops leave, Looney explains that it’s not assault, it’s battery and asks Ambeer doesn’t she want to file. Ambeer says no she’s good. She doesn’t want BBB filing charges on her for hitting her back. Hey dipshit, that’s called self defense. Sheesh!
Oh thank the skank gods above they finally change the subject. The girls are getting ready to go to an Air Sex show. Oh hell NO! Not the Amish Air Fucker again!!! Kendra decides she’ll just stay home. I don’t blame her.
At the club they meet up with The Ambers. It seems they are having an Air Sex contest. Midget wants Looney to get up there. Oh God here we go.
After several guys get “Up” and perform their versions of air sex we have to see Amish boy again. I refuse to upload another picture of that badger faced freak so we will just skip to Looney’s air sex interpretation. She does a lot of finger licking and bouncing and then she does this………
Not to be outdone, Ambeer and Lexie get up and twirl around and stick their tongues out suggestively and blah blah blah I am so glad my family doesn’t read my recaps.
And the winner is Looney! Yay.
Back at the house the girls start talking deep shit. Lexie wants to know what they think they’ve done here that’s like, changed the world……………….hang on, my eyes got stuck, again. After everyone cracks up Looney offers that they have all grown themselves but not really done much for the world. Lexie decides that they should set up a date and have a bikini parade because that’s what Holly from The Girls Next Door did. Looney of course thinks this is a ridiculous idea. Until the other girls decide it would be fun.
The girls get on the phones to drum up sponsors and they decide they will try to break Holly’s record of 200 girls by getting 300 girls in bikini’s to show up. For someone who thought this was such a stupid idea, she sure as hell starts taking over the entire thing. Looney decides they need a house meeting. The house meeting was basically to assign everyone jobs for the event and to tell Lexie she is too stupid to speak to humans. She instructs her to watch her contractions, don’t use double negatives and for the love of SlimFast do not say ain’t. I ain’t liking this bitch anymore.
Seriously Looney, shove a bagel in your face. It’s a bikini parade!!! Most of the girls there probably can’t spell contraction. What the fuck has happened to this twit? She keeps this shit up by saying that Lexie should also not use words if she isn’t sure about the meaning of them. I know the meaning of sanctimonious fucking hag. At this point Lexie has had enough and walks out.
While upstairs she continues to hear Looney talk about her. She tells Ambeer that Looney says “I don’t got none.” and according to her only Mick Jagger says that and she isn’t Mick Jagger. Looney tells us it only seems like she is bullying Lexie but what she is actually doing is trying to open her eyes so that maybe some of the dumbness will go away.
I am so gonna need cookies to get through the rest of this recap.
The girls are now off to Baja Cantina to hand out flyers for their bikini parade. Only one problem. They forgot the fliers. So Ambeer and Lexie make the trip back home while Looney and Kendra head on into the club.
In the limo Lexie starts explaining her feelings about Looney and Ambeer basically says sometimes she likes her and sometimes she doesn’t. And then Ambeer tells us that Looney thinks she’s the queen bee but if anyone is gonna run the house, it shall be her.
Meanwhile back at the Cantina, Kendra and Looney are selling this parade for all its worth. It’s going to be the biggest extravaganza of all time! Once Lexie and Ambeer return, they find Looney sitting at a table surrounding by a bunch of dudes. She tells them that she is hosting the event. Really, because as I recall this whole thing was Lexie’s idea and Looney thought it was ridiculous.
The other girls have noticed that Looney is holding court and Lexie has a sneaking suspicion that Looney is talking about her. Probably because she is. Looney is telling her obviously drunk dudes that Lexie is dumber than a box of rocks and that everyone calls her Miss Piggy. Then she tells them how bad Lexie looks naked. I’m starting to thing BirdBeak hit this bitch harder than I thought because she has become completely unlikeable.
The next morning Looney gets a call from the cops asking her if she wants to press charges. Of course she does. He asks her what her injuries are. She says she has a small scratch on her chin. I guess she forgot to add the part about brain damage. The cop asks her all kinds of questions about BBB, like her weight and her phone number. What the hell kind of cop asks for a suspects phone number? Isn’t that shit his job? She promises to get the number and call him back.
It’s time to go bikini shopping for the World’s Largest Bikini Parade. Except they all have to wait on Looney to call the cops back and tell them BBB’s number and also where OJ hid the knife.
Once at the shop the girls start trying on suits and of course Looney has to make shitty comments about how bad Lexie looks in hers.
Later on they decide to go to Westwood Brewery Co. for some beer and food. Because anytime you are about to host a huge bikini event you want to drink as much beer and eat as many salty ass foods as possible. Dingbats.
As Looney sits there and pouts, Kendra asks her what kind of drink she wants. Looney explains that she doesn’t want a drink and she doesn’t want rap music. Ouch. Lexie leaves to go potty and Ambeer explains to Looney that she has been a total bitch for the last two weeks. Looney agrees and says it’s because she’s being selfish now. I am going to use that one on my husband. Ambeer tells her that it’s starting to rub her the wrong way.
FINALLY! It’s time for the parade of all parades to begin.
Only one problem. They have only about 30 girls right now and they need about 300 to break the record. So the girls split into 2′s and chase down unsuspecting bikini wearers. Lexie and Kendra hit the beach while Looney and Lexie hit more solid ground.
And I am not kidding, Lexie sees some sea gulls and actually says, “Those are like the biggest pigeons I have ever seen!” LOLOLOLOL. Looney explains it to her.
Here are a couple of random pics from the event.
Lexie grabs a bullhorn and starts shouting to everyone that the first one hundred girls to sign up will each get a free swimsuit! Then she tells us that this is their legacy and that if they don’t do something big, no one will remember you except for the people who love you.
Time for the counting. This dude grabs the mic and says he has some good news and bad news.
Turns out the girls did NOT set the world record but they did set the California record! For largest congregation of std’s, I mean bikini wearers! Yay!
Back at home they have 9 messages waiting on their phone. It’s Batshit and BBB pretending to be the LAPD. And then it happens. I have to see this hideous face again who is sending Looney the message that she runs LA therefore she also runs LAPD. And then she cackles.
The messages go on with BBB saying that Ambeer’s Lil Snoop looks like “The Predator”. That one hit home and Ambeer warns that she better not ever see which ever one of the skanks said that shit. Kendra reminds her that she will see her again and she needs to just ignore it. What the hell is up with all this turn the other cheek shit from Kendra?
Since it’s now their last night in the house, Lexie declares they have to go out with a bang. So far it’s been more like a whimper. They pile into the limo and remember times gone by. The fights, the making out, the drunken abandon of all things moral. Oh yeah and the puking.
At the club an announcer guy yells out that if you have a big butt and are proud of it come on up.
After some protesting on Lexie’s part she finally jumps on stage and shakes her money maker. She tells us she will miss everyone even through the good times and bad and she just wants tonight to be fun.
Meanwhile Looney has disappeared. Oh never mind, she’s on stage apparently having a seizure. Then everything goes to black and white and the show starts getting to the goodbye stage.
Back at home the next morning, the girls are all packing. In some very hilarious ways.
Ambeer and Kendra are sad but say they have learned how to stay calm. Ha! Wait until reunion night.
Now the time has come for hugging crying and one or two more drinks. Then come the flashbacks. Portia first saying when she first came into the house she wasn’t concerned with rules. No shit. Then Manly who declares herself the strongest personality in the house. Then Batshit who reminds of that the first rule of BGC is no hitting and she proudly proclaims she has hit them all. BBB is last with her explanation of why she sucker punched Looney. She wanted to get kicked out because bad girls don’t walk away. Ugh.
The four remaining girls cry and toast each other. And there are more flashbacks. They each tell what they’ve learned and sheesh I am ready for them to say goodbye already!
After the break, the girls are all cuddled up on the couch reading the Bad Girls Rules. Suddenly Lexie announces she has to fart. And fart she does. Looney jumps up because she felt it on her foot lol.
Kendra, Lexie and Ambeer are all downstairs waiting for their ride home. Kendra decides that shit ain’t good enough and decides the three of them are gonna drive themselves and not tell Looney.
Looney gets into the limo alone and off she goes. The other girls run back into the house to do a little redecorating. Then they run screaming from the house and jump into a car and off they go.
This episode was a bit hard for me to write because all I can think of is the 2 part reunion show!!! See you guys then.
Love and Smooches,